Thinking of never going to a church building again!

Rachel - posted on 12/11/2012 ( 59 moms have responded )

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I feel that there are nothing but cliques and hypocrites at church who don't really care about living out the gospel. I feel the entire set up of the American church is completely wrong and modern day Christianity is a shell of what it should be. I've tried several churches some denominational others not and it all seems to be the same. My husband agrees and has given up on ever finding a group of believers to fellowship with, but I am lonely and I hate doing this life on my own without the help of other true believers. Not that my husband isn't helpful, because he is, it just that he's not home often because of work and I can't shake this feeling that we should be fellowshipping with others. I just can't bring myself to go to church again. I honestly feel like barfing when I walk in the door...

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Chealita - posted on 12/11/2012

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first can i ask you what are you looking for JESUS or a place that you thinks JESUS is? How do you know that the people you have encountered do not care about living out the gospel? You can’t know their hearts so you can’t really know what their true desires are for CHRIST…you are assuming per your way of seeing things. You should seek the LORD and wait for HIS direction. Not looking at the way people do but seeing them thru GOD’s eyes will help you find the church that you can really be a part of. If the WORD of GOD is being preached and the Minister is taking his sermons from the WORD..then GOD will direct your heart to the place where HE needs you to be. Then also, you should be in prayer with the LORD and sincerely ask HIM for direction to be a servant of HIS and not just a spectator.



I have been where you are, before i married my husbad and father of my kids we were already parents and living together. When i decided to turn my life back over to the Lord, I started my search for the right church for my family. I was talked about, shunned, told i could not attend one church i vistied because i was living in sin. Yet i continued to look even though my heart wasnt in it any more. I kept praying to the Lord to lead me where he would like me to go. It got to the point i was more focused on the people in the church and what they were either saying or thinking about me that most of the time i left the church not even knowing what the sermon was about. I kept praying Lord help these people be better. Please make so-and-so like me. That didnt work. I met a lady and told her my problem with the church and she told me to change my prayers. She said to say things like; Lord, help me recieve your word today, Lord help me to stay focused on you and not others. Lord, let me enter this church with you as my escort. I was offended. It wasnt me that had a problem it was the people at the church. She said i was allowing my personal feelings to stop what the Lord would have me do. By focusing on what others were doing and saying I was not focusing on the lord. She said I was so busy judging the people who were judging me that if the Lord had sent me to a church where i was need i wouldnt know it. That advise helped me



I pray that i have helped you in some way. God Bless

Teresa - posted on 03/15/2013

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Churches are comprised of people. People are fallible and imperfect. That us our churches are fallible and imperfect. Your urge to fellowship is from the Holy Spirit. We were made to be social and Jesus's last commandment of us was, "to love one another as I have loved you." A lot of people look for a church that will appeal to THEM, when we be looking for a church that needs us. As Christians our "great commission" is to lead others to Christ. I have recently been offended by some in my church and not in a personal context. I have been dueling with myself about going back to my home church or ANY at all. BUT, my feelings are NOT what is important. My obedience to God is. ANd He has been telling me to get over myself and get involved in my church again. There are some things about it I don't feel is fair but that will be found in ANY group of people. We are told to reach out to the world and not hide our light. The devil will use ANY means to keep us from our Lord, and I'm not saying you can only find God at church but it is important, as mere humans, to fellowship with other Christians. Just as we find fault in others does God find fault in us and through his grace we are forgiven and saved. SO must we forgive and do our part instead of waiting for the "perfect church" because it is NOT out there but there is a church that needs YOU!

Alicia - posted on 03/05/2013

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Hello Rachael,

I am just joining this site for the first time and I came across your post. I too have been in the same situation. I would like to encourage you to continue your search. I remember before finding my church telling my husband that I would just know when it was right because it would feel like home. The most important thing I have learned to ask God for is that his will be done, that I might be of service as his hands and feet.

At this moment my church is working on a series on the Sermon On The Mount and this morning this is what I read. Perhaps it will help it starts Matthew 7 "Judging Others" I would recomend reading the whole chapter. Scripture out of context can be confusing. I will quote from Chapter 7 Verse 16-17 Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheeps clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.

It sounds to me like your instincs are telling you that you have not found your home yet. It's wise to listen to your heart and insticts keeping in mind that it is not our place to judge but to seek God in all things. Sometimes an experience that seems hopeless and frustrating is Gods way of leading us to his greater purpose and plan for us. Our church home finally presented us with an option that was undeniable for us. An incredible Children and Youth MInistry program that I could sing praises for all day. Their program is based on the Orange curiculum and it has been heaven sent for our family. They also offered a program called The Alpha Course which my husband and I took together. Our faith is stronger than ever before. Shortly after the course my husband and I were baptized together. We are now actively involved in our church, not content to simply come to service but to serve. My husband is a youth ministrty leader and I lead Worship through music. I feel honored that Gods finds me worthy and am humbled by his grace and blessings. He dreamed so much bigger than we ever could.

Keep and open heart to what God has in store for you. That feeling you can't shake is the conviction that God has put in your heart! I felt that way once and I am so glad I did not ignore it! God has redeemed me, saved me, loves me.

Jeremiah 29-11-13

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

I will keep you in prayer that God leads you to your spiritual home that he has destined for you. Be well and God Bless you and your family. Thank you for sharing your struggle with us and trusting in our faith to llift you up when it would have been easier to doubt.

Alicia Howard

April - posted on 01/22/2013

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Hello Rachel! I do understand what you mean. In fact, you have very valid issues with church. A church building is a spiritual hospital. You will find any number of people with their own issues and problems. If you and your husband are looking for a perfect church you will never find it because there is no such thing. The only thing to do is to find people who are like minded in their faith and that strengthen you but that you also can challenge and strengthen them. (Iron sharpens Iron) their rough spots will snag you in your rough spots and it may hurt a bit but in the end, the rough edges are worn off from repeatedly passing over each other. Also, there are groups that meet in homes and such. Maybe call a church and ask them to direct you to a home group that meets from their church. We, as women especially, need that conversation and sharing time. Don't make it your goal to find the perfect church, make it your goal to find one close Christian Sister to talk to. When you find a church, and I believe you will because you have been searching, ask what you can bring into the church instead of just what you can get out of it. Maybe what you bring can be grace to forgive people of their shortcomings so that they can grow through them.

Rachel - posted on 12/14/2012

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Thank you everyone for all of the kind words and helpful feedback. It encourages me in a way to know that I'm not the only one who is encountering this problem. Mae, that's terrible and it's things like that that I'm talking about, but also more subtle things. Like when a stranger walks into church and someone may even greet them, but never goes beyond that. It seems like only the people who have been members for years actually are friends. We are called to carry one another's burdens. How can you do that if you barely know someone and everyone is so fake that you're scared to even talk about what burdens you're bearing? As brothers and sisters in Christ we should be so close we should actually feel like brothers and sisters, not fellow parishioners. The church of the New Testament met in each others home almost everyday.some even sold their properties to help other believers who needed shelter or food. Now I'm not trying to debate here, but I do believe in spiritual gifts and I believe that they should be exercised when the church meets together, this rarely happens. The disciples and other believers took turns prophesying and giving words of knowledge or some revelation when they met together. They didn't go to a " church building" to hear one person talk at them for an hour and then go home. They ate a meal together for communion....I could go on and on but for times sake won't. I thinkGod may be leading me to start a home church. We need to get back to what the word of God is saying we should do and I swear its not modern day Christianity.....

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Wendy - posted on 06/13/2013

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I understand this frustration and would like to further say that the word CHURCH means - the called out one (called out of darkness into the light) an as such its not a building ...
I have come to this realization about six or so years ago and have never since been back to a building.
I have a great relationship with my Lord and Saviour and Jesus Christ and is very comfortable with this...
Bear in mind that I attended "what we call church" for about fifteen or so years but was always "applaud" at the actions of people around me, upon much praying , fasting and waiting on the Lord, He clearly showed me what CHURCH is and will continue to be, (the called out ones).. I decided to trust him completely and just follow as HE leads.
Fellowship is and should not always be in a building on Sundays or Saturdays with others but my understanding on Fellowship is IN SPIRIT AND TRUTH and only the Blessed Holy Spirit could lead in this area.
I have concluded that it starts as a personal relationship with Jesus, then as you grow in HIM, He leads and guides your steps ,...

Linnea - posted on 05/21/2013

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I understand your frustration; I felt the same way for a long time until I had a revelation; "be the change you want to see in the world." - or in this case, the church. That's a quote from Gandhi. There needs to be some genuine people to bring change where it is needed, and you can be that! And I'm sure there's a good church in your area, even if it's not perfect, you can find a few honest people there to be friends with and have fellowship with. Just keep looking - don't give up - and pray that God directs you to the right place! He will answer you because He wants that for you more than you yourself do. You might have met some superficial people but there are genuine Christians out there and God can lead you to them!

Angela - posted on 03/20/2013

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In my experience, living the Christian life is so much easier when you fellowship with other Christians. When you live a busy life, it's often hard to fit in a couple of hours a week for Church attendance. But if you make the time for the LORD, then He'll help you find the time for everything else. That's my opinion for when it's hard to fit Church attendance and fellowship into your schedule.

However, your problem is that you're finding cliques and hypocrisy at Church and it doesn't make for comfortable worship or fellowship. Furthermore, your husband is now tired of trying to find the right Church.

Remember that a Church isn't a building though! It's not a chapel, a temple or a cathedral! A Church is a body of believers! When you come on to an online Christian chat forum like Christian Mommies - that is a kind of Church too! So whilst you're fellowshipping with us, you are, in a sense, attending a Church! It's probably no substitute for a Spirit-filled, physical get-together with other Christians that you can meet, worship with and fellowship with in person, but it's something that can keep you going in encouragement and edification!

We can pray for you that you find a suitable Church for yourself and your family.

Hope this helps!

Sarah - posted on 03/18/2013

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we all need when it comes to praying so we need chosen leaders to help us.l think you should pray asking god for a good church with good christians

Tina Lee - posted on 03/18/2013

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We're all human & need a Savior. It's so important for us to remember this. I'm not responsible for what anyone else does, only for what I do. I go to church, be what Jesus calls me to be, & leave the rest to Him. We never know what someone else has faced to make them the way they are. This is something else Jesus has taught me. I'll say a prayer for you & hubby(:♡

Carla - posted on 03/06/2013

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Very nice, Alicia, and welcome to our community. I hope you stay with us for a very long time. You will find a great bunch of ladies here, all trying their best to serve God in Spirit and in Truth. We struggle, we fall down, but we keep getting back up. I hope you'll feel comfortable here.

God bless

Victoria - posted on 02/27/2013

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Hello my sisters,
I have a few thoughts on the subject.

Firstly, when you have a group of people there is always going to be differences, different levels of being able to believe & receive. These can cause difficulties. Those who have strong foundation in Gods word, not the word of Paul, or Peter or David or Moses, but the word of God, tend to be looked at as radicals & although they do their utmost to live according to Gods words as humans of course they as we all do have slips in judgement, emotions and such.

These slips are not continued choices to walk in a sinful life yet this often get those people labelled as hypocrites & such especially by those "Christians" who want to live minimally for God & mostly for self saying that Gods word isn't for today, or that it's just stories, or its not really Gods word because Paul or Peter or David or Moses wrote it down.

Then you get older people who have remained babies in Christianity trying to tell young people who have become a strong force in faith that they know better because they have been around longer (these are the real hypocrites).
The word says let the weak say I am strong, yet the weak want the strong to come down to their level.
God says don't forsake the fellowship of the believer, he also said that he has given some to be teachers, preachers, apostles etc, this isn't for everyone if we think we can be our own teacher we are foolish as all haven't been given the calling & anointing for that position.

Sometimes God will allow us to be in a Church group that is uncomfortable for us because he is trying to train us & teach us & even use us as an example among those who are about us.

Forums like COM are great in addition, but should never take place of true fellowship & whereas TV ministers are also great, they should never take place of have a real Pastor or Teacher who know you & your circumstances.

I pray that all would find a body to run this race with as running it alone is too hard & often results in falling away or being misguided.

My dear Sisters you are all in my prayers, that the evil one would not deceive you, but you would allow God to guide your steps to be joined with a faith filled word lead family of God.

Blessings,
Pastor Victoria MacPherson.

Carla - posted on 02/27/2013

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Me, too, Lorraine, and that is why I enjoy this forum so much. I get to talk and fellowship with women from all over the world, and I know I would NEVER have met ANY of them without it.

God bless, honey, visit us often.

Lorraine - posted on 02/26/2013

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Churches in London are the same. I haven't been for over a month, missing fellowship though.

Carla - posted on 02/25/2013

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And you are correct, Jawanda, however, Paul gave us specific instructions on how this 'hospital' was to be run. A hospital is only as good as it's staff. You can have a beautiful, luxurious building, but if they are not looking out for the patient's best interest, it accomplishes nothing. Most of the problems I have seen in my 60+ years of church going is unqualified leadership. I do not mean this in the academic sense, but in the moral fiber, holy sense. Open, blatant sin is NOT to be tolerated! Everyone 'oops' every now and then. We're human. But when the pastor is having multiple affairs, the board member was shamed openly for child molestation, the treasurer (s) stole money, the worship leader divorced several husbands to end up with a Muslim young enough to be her son, who embezzled from one of the church members who gave him a job after he got out of prison (for the umpteenth time), and this list goes on and on. And THIS is just in ONE church! This church was doomed!

Until people start going to church and wanting God for Who He is instead of what you can get out of the congregation or God, the churches will be like this. God gave us very specific guidelines for a healthy church. If you leave out even just one of these principles, the church will quickly fall. The people of the congregation are only as healthy as the leadership. THIS is what we need to look at when considering a church.

God bless!

JAWANDA - posted on 02/24/2013

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The church is a hospital for the sick. Every one there is there because we are broken whether we know it or not. If you go there looking for anyone one other than the doctor (God). You will find yourself trying to be the doctor. Trying to diagnose everyone. Yes some have the sickness.of.lieing, some may have the sickness of adultery, some may have the sickness.of gluttony, but the point is we are all sick, sitting at the hospital waiting on our healing (deliverance). So don't stop going.to.the hospital, push yourself more to.go.there. Hope this helps you! Love always...

Miranda - posted on 02/23/2013

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Hi I'm new here but I have felt the same way before. I was brought up the church and over time could see how God was "shown" through many different people.(some good, some not) You should always be careful how to carry yourself because you never know what you are teaching others about God. Anyway, when I got older I decided that everyone in the churches were just hypocrites who could say one thing and do another. I started church hopping, going from one to another, never satisfied. I realized that I was the one who needed "fixing." I was letting my judgment of others kept me from recieving God. I was so focused on the others, I couldn't focus on God. Over time some of these people left and the church also went under new leadership. For the ones that stayed, their hearts had changed. Remember we are not all perfect. Some of us allow God into our lives quicker than others. We are all a work in progress and God isn't through with any of us yet.

Carla - posted on 02/23/2013

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I understand your feelings, Pat. I find much fellowship here. I have made TONS of friends, some of whom are closer to me than my family. God works in strange ways. We have searched, prayed, fasted for a place to belong, but it doesn't come.

So, come visit us here often. You just may find what I did--friendship.

God bless, hon

Pat - posted on 02/22/2013

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Like most others who have already posted, I know what you're saying and how you're feeling. I went to a bunch of churches looking for a home too. The last church I went to cared more about fellowship I thought. Never once in years of Sundays was the Lord's Prayer said during the service. I was so shocked and saddened. Perhaps I went to an old time church, with old time worship growing up and I expected too much. It was like the service was rushed so we can go drink coffee, eat donuts and chit chat about everything except the Lord. There were a lot of cliques and people who only chatted with their friends. New people were not accepted into the fold. I stayed because my daughter was happy there with the youth group and wanted to be confirmed with her friends there. Since I've moved to another state, I haven't been to a formal church in over 16 years. I'm not proud about it. I too miss the feeling of being with family, worshiping our Savior. I miss it so much it hurts. But the denomination I grew up in doesn't have a church anywhere around where I live. I have a couple of "sisters in Christ" friends that I share with, we encourage each other and pray for each other. It's nice to have these woman in my life. I wish you luck in your church and agree that the Lord will provide.

April - posted on 02/22/2013

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Hey. Look into acts29 network of churches. I've now gone to 2 and have had wonderful experiences with the people and have come to a deeper understanding of Jesus. Community will come. Find a church where you agree with the theology. Don't be quick to judge- everyone is fighting a battle and trying to find their place. Don't look for perfection in Christians- look for your perfection in Christ. Also go looking
To help others instead of looking for others to help you. Good luck :) if you would like to share where you live maybe I can help you look :)

Ancela - posted on 02/21/2013

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Rachel to your post..please DO NOT GIVE UP ON CHURCH. Pray ask God to help you find the RIGHT church to fellowship and worship. Some people are always going to be a problem (even christians) so we must deal with it and not allow them to affect our worship. YOU live the gospel, live the word and show them how to live it right, but do not leave church. Praying for you.

Susan - posted on 02/17/2013

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I've always found that smaller churches are less like that. And by small I mean 25 - 35 people.

Why don't you start a Bible study in your home? That's how the church spread the first 200 years.

Loretta - posted on 02/15/2013

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I have been where you're at!! It is always hard to find a church I feel is really following Jesus with their whole hearts. They are out there, though. We are intended to live in community, so we cannot thrive spiritually when we are not in community with other Christians. I am reading a book right now called "Inside Out" by Larry Crabb where he addresses the pretenses of modern "Christianity" and it has been a very challenging but refreshing read. Keep striving for authentic Christianity in your life and pray that God will bring you in contact with others who are doing the same.

Susan - posted on 02/06/2013

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When you meet for Bible study, THAT is church.

Call a friend or two, and get a small women's prayer group together. Get together once a week, write out prayer requests and talk about praise reports. Then pray together.

My prayer group worships in prayer every week. It is at times more worshipful than Sunday morning church. We meet for anywhere from 1 to 4 hours. We go home when the Spirit says to go home.

This group has been my lifeline, This is what the Apostolic church was - people meeting together, learning about God. They met in people's living rooms. When they had a group too big for home study, they sent out missionaries.

God doesn't care if you sit every Sunday and listen to a sermon. He wants you to get close to Him, to worship Him. Church is great - I love going to my church. But I get closer to God when I'm praying alone, or with one or two close friends.

Shannon - posted on 02/04/2013

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Do you know other people that feel the same way? Start your own church! A church isn't a building, it's a group of people who get together to worship God. What you say about many modern churches is true (but not all of them). The first churches in the Bible we're simple meetings in people's homes. Look online for information about home churches and you will find a lot of resources. You will also find that you are not alone and that this is a growing movement in our country. I will pray that God will guide you and your family and that you will bring a change to your community.

Tracy - posted on 02/04/2013

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It is hard to find a GOOD church based on God's Love and His Word. But they are out there. You have already shown your desire to fill the emptiness of needing other believers to encourage and be encouraged by. Keep praying that God will lead you to a church that is preaching and living His Word.

Sarah M - posted on 01/28/2013

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Racheal please dont give up. I have gone threw a similar situation and i just put my trust in jesus. You havent found the right church yet. Mars hill church i would re omend and the people seem pretty nice. I found a chur h im good with so far . It took me two years n lots of rude christians yes u n your hubby need other belivers. God bless

QUIONNA - posted on 01/28/2013

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OK MAYBE UR RITE .. BUT U R NOT GOING FOR THEM.. YOU' READ UR BIBLE.. GO 4 THE WORD... STAY ON THE PATH FOR GOD... I HOP WHT U R LOOKING 4..

Carla - posted on 01/17/2013

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I think maybe, Evelyn, churches start out good (at least I hope so), but as numbers grow, they immediately start planning a bigger building, which costs money. So the focus switches from people to people who can help us accomplish our goal--which is numbers ;) Somehow, the success of a church is measured by the number of people who attend, NOT the number of people who are being fed and are growing. In fact, the pastor in the church we left (AG) started preaching salvation message only. His premise is, and he's said this from the pulpit, 'you can read your Bible and grow at home, my job is to get them saved'. When I told him this was the job of an evangelist, not a pastor, he got offended. We left, and our children and their families left. I am ALL FOR getting people saved, of course, but if the ones you get saved don't have guidance in how to live their lives, it is like taking a baby and putting it on the streets, saying, learn to grow yourself.

The sermons change in a church, even if other topics are addressed, because they have to KEEP the numbers up. No one wants to think they're gonna go to hell, so the messages are toned down to be palatable. So, sin creeps into the Body, and we start to die. To my way of thinking, and I have actually seen this happen before, the Holy Spirit tells the pastor when there is someone in the audience that needs a salvation message, and the pastor will stop, and follow the Spirit. Souls get saved.

The church we went to for the better part of 30 years started out wonderfully. However, my brother and I were both divorced and remarried. We were told not to even bother, cuz God would NEVER allow us to enter Heaven. We left for a while, but then went back. There were unmarried couples living together, who became fast friends with the pastor and his wife, pastor had 2 (that we know of) affairs, one with his son's fiancee. A woman that had divorced husband after husband, once to marry a man in prison, was the praise and worship leader, Sunday School Teacher and board member. She brought this ex-convict into our numbers, who promptly related he was a Muslim, and had him address her teenage Sunday School class, and also pushing for him to be in charge of finances. He was working for one of the men of the church--he stole company checks and building materials, and ended up in prison--again. She divorced him, but when he was ready to get out, wanted our pastor to marry them again. He (the pastor) promised us he would not, because of all the trouble this man caused, yet held a private ceremony in the church. We had two men embezzle funds from the treasury (both close friends of the pastor)--and when we finally stood up and confronted the pastor, my mother was kicked off the board and there was going to be a 'meeting' to see if we would be allowed to still attend the church. I said don't bother.

The world has crept into the Church. So much Truth has been twisted into a kindler, gentler doctrine, that it has turned into what Paul said in Colossians 'touch not, taste not, handle not'--as long as we don't drink, don't smoke, don't wear makeup, don't paint our fingernails, don't dance, don't swear, we are 'Christian'. It is like Isaiah said 'prophecy unto me smooth things'--and the Church has complied.

I sympathize with your parents, I'm sure this was a hard pill to swallow, but tell them they are not alone. 'God is a Spirit, and those that worship Him MUST worship in Spirit and Truth'. Those that have thrown Truth out to cater to the masses, are in danger. Pray for them.

God bless, babe

Evelyn - posted on 01/16/2013

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My church was good about the service part and it seemed as though they did care for others. Over a couple years ago, my mom had vision problems to the point she was almost blind. She was best friends with a few others and soon they started to stay away from her. No one called her at home, visited her at home, nor tried to find out if she or my father needed anything except one couple. No one offered to even send a meal here or there. They began to wonder why my parents quit coming. But they never asked them. So when we saw them not care enough to check in on their own members it became apparent that maybe we should not go back either. I just can not fathom a church that does that to its own members, especially a Sunday School teacher and elder.

(The above I have copy from a post I made on another question but this has more to do with this question than the other.)

I would like some feed back on this. But there are not churches in my area that I want to go to because they seem to judge on so many things. What happened to caring about the person and not their money, clothing, job, status, car, etc?

Julie - posted on 01/15/2013

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Do what you feel is best for you at the time you are in your life. I grew up in the church and I believe it has its time and place, hopefully for everyone.
But the truth is Christ is with in you, we are the temple of God. Jesus never "went to church" or I should say "rarely." and when he was in the there, he was calling most of them hypocrites. Go for fellowship and teaching if you so desire, but God is EVERYWHERE. Or start your own church :) At least a women's prayer group would work for your "fellowship fix"

Jan - posted on 01/15/2013

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don't give up on church! We went thru about 10 of them in 11 years and we finally found our "home". It's a good fit for us, a spirit filled church and the quality of the fellowship is good too.

Carla - posted on 01/15/2013

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Angela, I hear ya. We went to a church for 30 years before God finally allowed us to leave. We prayed, fasted talked, but the entire leadership was so corrupt, it was like spitting in the wind. So we left, and found a church we instantly fell in love with. We couldn't WAIT to get there, and we immediately threw ourselves into service there. But, after about six months, we started feeling something was slightly off due north. My husband and I cleaned the church (and it was a LARGE) building. The full-time workers would leave dirty dishes, pizza boxes laying all over, expecting us to clean up. So we had a meeting of all the workers, and my husband mentioned grown people should clean up after themselves. They wouldn't leave a mess like that in their home, why would you do it in the House of God? He was immediately jumped on for having a selfish spirit, that he was cleaning to be seen of men, and not God. When we tried to talk to the pastor and asst pastor in private, I was told I couldn't see the demons in my husband, because I was too close to the situation! We left.

I have checked out literally every church in the Tri-County area, and gone even as far as 4 hours away, looking for Truth, for a church like Paul planted, where people actually wanted to work for the Lord, to grow in His Word, the Truth, so they COULD go out and spread the Gospel. We sit at home. The Pure Gospel we were given by Jesus, Paul, Peter and John (with Luke thrown in with Acts), is not popular--so other 'doctrines' have cropped up--'Touch not; taste not, handle not' (Colossians 2:21), and this has become Truth. The Love of Jesus, developing a close relationship with Him, then picking up our cross and following Him is out the door. These heart changes are difficult to accomplish and are painful, so instead, God has been relegated to 'don't drink, don't smoke, don't dance, don't go to movies, don't paint your nails, don't wear makeup, etc. etc.' It is no wonder people are not being saved.

My husband and I turned on a well-known evangelist a couple years ago, I don't know why, cuz we generally don't watch them, and an older, very well known evangelist was on. This was just before Christmas, 2011. The older evangelist prophesied that the Lord would come before New Year's Day! The host of the show was enthralled and said 'Listen, people, to what this man has to say'. Well, obviously, we are still here, a year+ later. Another time I was listening to another very well-known evangelist who said that before the Lord comes, we will be warned, so we are not driving cars or planes, so we don't injure innocent people! I don't know about you, but MY Bible says 'no man knows the hour when Jesus comes again!' But we are making up stuff to soothe people's fears.

I cannot, in good conscience, fellowship with people who believe far-fetched ideas and doctrines, just for the sake of fellowship. I would rather sit in my house and read my Bible with my husband and discuss the Word than to try to rearrange my thoughts and convictions to fit into a church.

I pray the Lord lead you in the direction you are to go, sweetheart, God bless.

Angela - posted on 01/14/2013

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It is great to hear someone speak exactly what is on our heart here. Our family has been away from the church BUILDING for 3 years now. My husband has been an associate pastor at a few churches (God moved us for a few different reasons). I have been the children church leader in every church we have been in. So, we have seen the behind the scenes of the church up close. It actually breaks our heart but has caused our children to lose faith in anyone claiming to be a christian. It is sad but I think it has a lot to do with the time we are in. There are a lot of seeker sensitive churches out there today. Only speaking things that they feel the people want to hear instead of the truth. The reason we have sat on starting a home community is because we are not sure there are others out there that are really looking for the truth. It always feels like we are all alone. When we do find others they live so far away. I have thought about maybe starting an online community but how well do we do at helping one another if we only come together online. Do we really do it justice or is it a place where others can hide and not get the growth of a community that God wanted out of the "church" He mentions in His word. ... Anyway, thank you for showing me that there is others that are hearing the same thing.

Prentiss - posted on 01/11/2013

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Hey Rachel! I understand what you are saying and it is hard to find a good church. Consult God first and ask him to lead you. Wherever you go there are going to be some type of issues because there is never a perfect church. The church is supposed to be a place for the sick to go (what I mean by sick is for people who need help and growth in all areas). Just go for the Word and the Lord will show you the people to deal with that can give you what you are looking for. Don't let the people that don't want to do right steall your blessing. Be blessed.

Prentiss - posted on 01/11/2013

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Hey Rachel! I understand what you are saying and it is hard to find a good church. Consult God first and ask him to lead you. Wherever you go there are going to be some type of issues because there is never a perfect church. The church is supposed to be a place for the sick to go (what I mean by sick is for people who need help and growth in all areas). Just go for the Word and the Lord will show you the people to deal with that can give you what you are looking for. Don't let the people that don't want to do right steall your blessing. Be blessed.

Godfirst - posted on 01/01/2013

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oh don't give up on church yet. there is one out there specifically for your family. I had similar feelings for so long. they were all corrupted. yeah you can have a bible study with a few ppl at home for fellowshipping. or you can do it alone. god hears you either way. but to find that special place where you can have that fellowship with other Christians and getting filled with the Holy spirit is wonderful and it brings so much peace into your life. happy hunting. tip. get online and research churches in your area first. call. check out if their belief system is what you support. if not kee.p looking

Monica - posted on 12/29/2012

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wow i have been struggling with the same thing myself,but i do agree with you about believers not really living out the gospel,theres a book i have ordered called 'not a fan.'by kyle Idyleman,which asks you to see if your a fan or a follower of Jesus,anywho just know you are not alone,It also can be difficult to go especially myself when i have 3 children who dont want to go cause they say its boring,and i am honest with my kids and i kinda think the same thing,i dont care for going myself because i feel like a hypocrite,but i go cause i feel guilty cause the church has been kind to me and also there are a few believers that i really like there,but i dont know if they are on the same page as me in my thinking of what it truly means to live out the gospel,meaning to 'deny ourselves and take up our cross and follow Him' to really live out His commands in love.Maybe go to a bible based church and seek out believers who think the same by asking them a question of what they think a true follower of Christ is,last sunday i had a talk with someone about how i was struggling with my faith at church,i most likely will start asking that same question to others as well in my church.All i can say as well is just really pray about it,the Lord will direct you and really lean on His word for your answers tootake your time too!!i hope it all works out for you!!

Michelle - posted on 12/29/2012

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I think most of us can relate to your situation in some way. Both devote Christians and life time skeptics have had these thoughts. I recently left my church of about 7 years to join one that had just started. It was very hard for me, but I can now see that it was the right choice for my whole family. No church is perfect. We are all sinners in need of salvation. But you don't want to be in a church that teaches false docterine and is corrupt. The main thing you need to do is pray about it. He will guide you. Listen to your instincts, if it feels wrong it probably is. But don't give up on church all together. You don't need to attend church for salvation, but the Christian fellowship is priceless. I will pray for you to find your church family.

Amanda - posted on 12/28/2012

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I can relate and it took me awhile to find the church I go to now. There are some who still go just for show but there are those who go to fellowship and get the word. You will find that church don't give it. I love my pastor and his wife they are down to earth and do not turn someone away because they might not fit the model of what a christian should look like. In fact my pastor wife made the statement that the very people that we should not think should be walking through that door are the very people who need to be.

Alej - posted on 12/24/2012

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Hola, I hear you and I think a lot of us have been there before... and when I was , I prayed for more friends and He in His perfect timing and way has blessed me with more than I asked... and I'm grateful .
Unfortunately, there may be cliques or people just fellowshipin not really meaning to be cliquey. I do not like feeling left out and so don't want anyone else to feel that way either, but sometimes, we can get so focused on one thing that somebody else might think we're ignoring them or misinterpret body language...overthink things then the enemy tries to run with it and cause division. I think we just need to remember we all need fellowship, to encourage one another, remind eachother of how Great He is and the Things He has done , is doing , and going to do. I will be praying for you, that as you continue to seek Him , He blesses you and your hubby with the fellowship you need, directs you and your family where He wills for you all to be and that He gets all the glory. Hope and pray you have a Blessed Christmas and Happy New Year! :)

Amber - posted on 12/19/2012

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I was raised in a Baptist Church and my dad being a preacher my entire life. I am 30 yo and still attend the same church. I am lucky to say these people are my family. Like everywhere you are not going to get along. I am there to worship God on Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wed night not to worry about what other people are doing. I think it's sad when some churches give others a bad name. I met my husband of almost 9 years online a month later I was pregnant. I was so mortified to tell my dad but you know what he didn't judge me . He said I was raised to know what is right in life but I was an adult and no matter what I was his daughter. I was ashamed to go to church but they all supported me and we got married a week after I had my daughter. I lived in sin but we all do God is the only one to forgive us for our sins. I think you should keep looking at different churches until you find the right one don't give up. I attend a small country church and I love it. Keep praying and God will lead you to the right one. I will be praying for you and your family.

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Does either of yours or your hubbies family live close by.Where do they go or do they feel as you do?Maybe you could all worship together.Just a thought.

Cathy - posted on 12/15/2012

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I know exactly what you mean. It takes a few searches before you can find the right one. I, myself, havent found one yet, but a few of my aunts and uncles go to Victory Outreach and I've always felt comfortable and not like a stranger there, and I really love the way they worship and praise Jesus with pride! If your not digging these churches, just get a small group of people together, you guys can fellowship wherever you'd like, have bible study meetings at houses, or my husbands old group used to meet at Denny's for breakfast and study the bible there

Mae - posted on 12/14/2012

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I plan to start looking again soon, but I need a break for now. When we lived up north our church was wonderful and everyone did their best to live the gospel, I miss that.

Linda - posted on 12/14/2012

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Oh dear, Mae. How horrible! NONE of those things would happen at my church. I guess I should stop thinking life would be easier in the Bible belt. There's so few of us up here, we can't afford to alienate each other! I guess I would have to encourage you to keep looking--there must be some real Christians down there somewhere! Maybe Missionary Alliance or Full Gospel or some other nondenominational church?

Carla - posted on 12/14/2012

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@Linda--I am full Gospel, but went outside the non-denominational arena, trying other denominations, in hopes of finding a home. I found none. My husband and I have Bible studies at home. I am also very close with a missionary, who, btw, is finding the same thing, both in the States and abroad. We pray together, and share what the Lord is telling us. Interestingly, I find more encouragement and a stretching of my knowledge and faith on this forum. Digging into the Bible to find answers for others also helps me.

Mae - posted on 12/14/2012

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We've tried a lot of different churches. We've gone to non denominational, Baptist, Methodist, Nazarene, Protestant, Lutheran, ect. Maybe it's the area we live in or something. At one church they told me that I shouldn't be there without my husband, another told me to cover my tattoos (summer in Texas and they want me to wear long sleeves but the men could show offensive tattoos), another told me that if I could not keep my child quiet I shouldn't be there ( she was 1 1/2 and teething. I took her out into the entry way so I wouldn't disturb anyone), Another one the pastor was doing his sermon and said that interracial marriages were a sin against God, and most recently a sunday school worker in the children's ministry took it upon herself to spank my daughter for having an accident during her potty training. I know not everyone is like that but I'm just not finding a good group of people.

Linda - posted on 12/14/2012

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What kind of churches are you guys going to where you're finding such bigotry and judgementalism?

Mae - posted on 12/14/2012

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I am there too, I've tried many churches and found them all to be judgmental, hypocritical, or bigoted. I live in the "Bible belt" so you would think I would have better luck finding a good church home. To be able to fellowship and get the support I need I have came up with a somewhat unorthodox solution: First I have my husband's family that is very helpful and does their best to live by the gospel, but I also have others that help me. This is where it gets unorthodox: I have family and friends that while not Christian themselves know a great deal about the gospel and encourage me when I need it. They also do their equivalent to praying for me. I know that most people probably disagree with me but it is what works for me and when we do discuss our different beliefs it helps me to learn more about my own beliefs.

Lisa - posted on 12/13/2012

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I can relate in many ways. In seeking godly counsel from a mentor, she said that unfortunately church is another gathering place for adults once they've left high school and that sadly many don't embrace the call of the gospel-it's a mirror of our society. We are all in process with the Lord so others at church as just as imperfect as we are. It is disappointing as a Christian though when real challenges come in your life or family and others in the church want to avoid, ignore and turn away from you rather than embracing you as a fellow believer in Christ. I have walked the pain of that journey for several years having a son with special needs among other issues. I believe that if you seek out others who are like minded and hearted, God will put those people in your life and don't put God in a box-who says God can't put those people in your life outside of church? I have connections with very godly women who attend different churches and really lack true fellowship with the ladies in my own church.

Tina - posted on 12/13/2012

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I HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS SAME THING & THE QUESTION THAT CAME TO ME IS, WAS I GOING TO ALLOW PPL TO DETER ME FROM GOD, WAS I GOING TO ALLOW THE FLAWS OF MAN TO STOP ME FROM SERVING MY GOD. SOME TIMES YOU HAVE TO MAKE UP IN YOUR MIND AS THE WORD INSTRUCTS IN PSALM 23 THAT I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD FOREVER. REGARDLESS OF OTHERS. WE EXPECT PPL TO BE SOMETHING THAT THEY CAN NOT BE FOR US SOME TIME BC THEY HAVE AS MANY FLAWS AS WE DO. I WOULD ENCOURAGE YOU TO PRAY &TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT TO YOUR UNDERSTANDING BUT IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM & HE SHALL DIRECT YOUR PATH. BUT NEVER GIVE UP ON GOD, GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION!!! BE ENCOURAGED & KNOW GOD IS A REWARDER OF THOSE WHO DELIGENTLY SEEK HIM... I AM PRAYN FOR YOU THAT YOU WILL FIND THE PEACE OF GOD IN THE HOUSE OF GOD...

Linda - posted on 12/13/2012

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Rachel, I don't know where you live or what kind of churches you have visited, but there are still many churches out there where people try to live to please the Lord. The Bible instruct us in Hebrews 10: 24,25: "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."



The Day is approaching, and we need to encourage each other. What you will find in each and every church is a bunch of sinners. Therefore, it will be impossible if you are looking for a church with perfect people who have it all put together. However, I have worshipped in many churches where some people are really trying to serve the Lord with all their heart. Is everybody going to be like this? No. In every church you will also find unsaved people (who think they are saved), backsliding Christians, and those who just don't know any better. However, if the leadership and the pastor are preaching the Word, if there is genuine worship going on, if there are some people who are totally blown away by fact that the King of the Universe left his throne of glory, came down to earth, and died for their sins, then you can be encouraged by those folks!



As others have said, pray. God will lead you to a church home. If I can find believers in the godless northeast (New York state), you should be able to find some where you are.

Nique3 - posted on 12/12/2012

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It is very discouraging when it seems like the only type of believers you encounter don't seem to be real. But I do believe that if you pray about it and ask God for discernment concerning fellow Christians that He can reveal "who is really a true follower and who is not" and then He can instruct you on how to interact with these people.



I must say that sometimes I think we base our faith too much on other people. It's great to have a church and fellowship, but is that the real reason we go to church? The real reason should be building our relationship with God which can be done in and out of the church. It's about you and Him,and no one else.

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