Hannah - posted on 01/29/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )




Hi everyone :) I'm a stay at home mommy to a 1 year old, wonderful little girl. I love staying at home with her - that is such a blessing to be able to spend lots of time with her. However, it's exhausting running around after her, cleaning up after her, taking care of her every second of every day. My husband (who is a wonderful man and a GREAT dad) doesn't really understand that taking care of Hudson isn't always easy... that it's not always fun. It's like a job, only harder because I never get to do anything for myself- during the winter I can't even go outside with Hudson, and we live too far from a town too small to actually do anything in, so it's kind of like house arrest! I feel trapped. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being with Hudson every day, but I wish hubby would realize that it's not like I'm spending every day with my best friend - I think he seriously relates it to spending time with a good girl friend or something. If I say anything about being lonely or stressed it's always "why are you lonely? You spent all day with Hudson?" It's definitely not like hanging out with a friend all day. Having an extremely active 1 year old is like living with a small tornado. I feel like all I do all day is clean up after her, and then clean up the house, and then cook, then clean up the kitchen, I hardly have time for laundry - then if I say anything about being tired it's the same question "How can you be tired? All you did today was hang out with Hudson." Then comes the next problem. After all that I do during the day, it's like when hubby comes home, I don't want to be lovey dovey and romantic - I just want him to take Hudson for a few minutes and let me have a few minutes to myself and I feel awful for feeling like this! What kind of wife am I? I just feel like I can't handle it all! I can feel myself pushing him away and he can feel it. I don't mean to, it just seems like I don't want to be hugged and kissed, and I have NO idea why! Since we moved here I haven't really found any friends that I can really get close to, so hubby is pretty much all I have friend-wise, so it doesn't make any sense for me to be pushing him away when I'm more lonely than ever... I just needed to get all this out. Thanks for listening :)

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User - posted on 02/01/2010




Hello Hannah

My heart goes out to you and your family. I must say that the other ladies that replied toyour conversation were right on the money with their suggestions. I'd like to mention that maybe you and your husband can discuss the possibility of him using some of his benefits (sick time/personal days/vacation days, etc.) in half day increments from time to time. That way, you could get the down time that you're in need of and he could actually spend sume much needed time with Hudson. Another thing that I found helpful was learning to be okay with my house being "less than perfect". It was a big challenge for me bcuz I wanted the laundry done, the carpet vacuumed, the mirrors spotless & the nightstands paperless even while chasing after my 13 month old. I had to learn how not to sweat the little things and to allow my husband to help "US" out. I hope you find any or all of these suggestions helpful. Be encouraged and stay on your knees in prayer..God will answer. Be blessed.

In His Light & Love,


Heather - posted on 01/30/2010




I have been there! My suggestion is to find a Bible study. Preferably one that you can take Hudson with you. This way you can make some other friends with other Christian moms, and talk to big people at least once a week! This helped me more then words can say.

Then I also want to suggest loving your husband on purpose. Even if you don't want a kiss, acknowledge that he does, and greet him with a kiss when he gets home from work. Let him know that you do love him. It will encourage you both in the long run, and strengthen your marriage (even if it is already strong). I stay home with 4 kids all day. My twin girls are two. There are days when my husband come home and all I want to do is go lock myself in my room for an hour, but then it would be bed time, and I would have missed out on seeing my husband play with our kids (which is always fun to watch) and missed out on spending time with my husband. It's important to spend time as a family. There is a 30 day challenge that I went through when my twins were one that helped me see things better in my life. I was tired and worn out, but it helped me a lot. It was called the true-woman challenge. If you are interested you can check it out at http://www.truewoman.com/

Pray about your situation, and ask God to guide you in the way that he wants you to go.

Tracy - posted on 01/29/2010




i agree, u need to have just a little time for you. Maybe you could do something one night a week while hubby minds buby. Or what about a playgroup, i loved being able to have a cuppa with a group of women that understood where i was at. Maybe they could come to you're house sometimes if you don't feel like you can get out. You sound very tired and lonely and i can see why as it is hard especially once the baby is on the move and they want constant stimulation. Totally understand pushing ur hubby away even though ur madly in love with him. He needs to stop and see it from you're side. One thing i know for sure it does get easier as they get older. Make sure you do explain to him why you are pushing him away because your feeling run down. I guarentee if u had some time for you, after awhile you will feel like giving more time to hubby, if he knew that maybe he could help come up with something for you. Everyone needs time with other adults! hang in there, i'm praying for you :)

Lena - posted on 01/29/2010




Hello, I just wanted to say that I feel your pain. Taking care of a child, is exhausting! But I am blessed to have a husband who understands. As soon as he steps through the door, he takes her off my hands and watches her while I cook dinner. My husband constantly pushes me to get out and find some friends, (we live alone in the city with no family and little friends). Every person needs someone to talk to, and even though you enjoy spending time with your daughter, she doesn't understand you, she is not someone you can talk about your inner most thoughts and feelings. So don't feel bad that you push your husband away, after working so hard all day, being intimate is the last thing on your mind. I hope you can find a way to really tell your husband that you NEED time for yourself for your own sanity. You need to take a break, at least an hour or two from all the baby duty. Doing something constantly none-stop, can really get to you. You need friends and other mothers you can talk to and do girly things, like to get out and get your nails done and for once feel good about yourself.

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