To work outside the home or not??

Alisha - posted on 04/07/2011

The heartbreaking thing here is that it seems you feel you are not able to provide your children with the amount of attention and time you want. I would say you need to talk to your husband about all options and decisions. Maybe you could cut down to part-time and stay home with the younger kids while your husband is at work or whatever would work. For me, I am a single mom of a 5 year old and I am working part-time and staying home with her and also homeschooling. Don't ask me how this works, because the Lord has figured it out! I would pray about this and know that the most important thing you can give your children is your time and attention! I would probably be working full-time if the Lord didn't change my heart to want to spend as much time as I can with my daughter because I want to raise her, and not pay others to essentially raise her. It broke my heart thinking about her teachers seeing her more than me if I worked full-time so I am making it work where I am with her the most out of anybody. I hope something works out for you, because you sound stressed especially with your youngest baby.

Lorraine Alicia - posted on 04/05/2011

I have een working since i was about 17 yrs old. I am now 34 yres old, married with two children ages 9 & 7. It's hard at times and i want to quit working, but its seems to me to be equally hard to stay at home. I have fell sick and had to stay at home and i tell you as soon as i am able to move about i miss going to work. I love what i do and my husband have no problem with me working.



If i have to choose between my family and my Job i will choose my Family. I think it's a persnoal choice that have be made between you and your husband.

Danielle - posted on 04/03/2011

here are some words from the bible that may help you in your decision.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not men. - Colossians 3:23-24
Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands being wealth. - Proverbs 10:4
But above all, pray. Please God, not man. Man will fail you, God will always love you.

Stephanie - posted on 03/29/2011

Hi Dawn. I understand how your husband may not want all the financial burden, however if you look in the Bible, God appointed the husband as the head of the home. His job is to provide for the family financiallyand be the spiritual leader and your job is to be your husbands helper and take care of the home (that would includes the babies). We are a single income family, I quit my corporate job after our 2nd child was born. We have had to give up on the extra's, I homeschool our kids, but I know that is what God wanted us to do. We put our tust in God everyday and he does supply all of our needs. I hope this helps. I have not had one day of regret since we made this decision, because I know it's the right thing for my family and kids. Good luck with your decision, we will say a prayer for your family. God Bless. Stephanie

Jennifer - posted on 03/28/2011

You said "...most will probably say ...it is different for every person.."
Dawn, your children need you. I've always stayed home with our children, and yes, at times it is tight. Last year we had a lot of extra income, but it's not like that now and we don't have $ for extras. That's ok! My children need a full time mom more than they need to go to the movies or McDonalds.
Are you able to help with the budget, so that if you quit working you could help to save money in certain areas. That way your husband wouldnt feel so burdened?
Blessings to you!
Jennifer

Angela - posted on 03/27/2011

I'm rather surprised at some of these replies .... I live in the UK so my situation is different anyway, but those who talk about (or allude to) the financial burdens of raising a family are assuming that women who are mothers only go to work for the money!!

I was a single parent after the breakdown of my marriage to my children's father. I have 4 children who are now grown-up. I raised them, more or less on benefit which is the same as welfare in the USA. My ex-husband was unemployed much of the time himself and when he was diagnosed with certain health conditions which put him in receipt of a health-related state benefit, he was, by virtue of this EXEMPT from paying support towards his children. Even absentee fathers on ordinary unemployment money are still required to make "token" payments towards their children's support, but once they're on a benefit like incapacity, invalidity, sick pay or disablement, they're totally exempt (regardless of the sick or incapacity money being a much higher sum than unemployment benefit!). When his health was good he never contributed to the upkeep of his family either. He was unemployed all the time we were together.

I was looking for work since my youngest child was about 6 months old. A few times over the years, I found short-term work, often this was part-time. I was extremely disappointed in myself, unfulfilled etc ... My children were also disappointed in me. I eventually secured fulltime work when my youngest child was 15 - by this time my oldest child was 23, and the other 2 were 20 & 16.

My oldest told me about a year after I'd been in fulltime work that he'd never been so proud of me, now that I was working for a living. I've worked ever since. Two years ago I got married again, nearly 20 years after I split up with my first husband. My second husband is a wonderful man, very supportive and proud of me, he also works hard in his own profession.

My 4 children are all grown-up now and all in decent employment themselves. This is quite an achievement for children who were brought up on benefit money. It's common for such families to fall into the benefit trap themselves and never move forwards to having a productive working & earning future as adults.

Parents have a duty to set the example. Parents always come in pairs -even if they're not together as a couple, their children will take example from BOTH parents.

I agree with the post Carla Allaire made. The "cost" of going to work as a parent when children are a dependent age can be quite hefty. My children are now grown up and furthermore my workplace is a 3 minute walk away from my home, so it's easy for me to talk but this certainly isn't the case for everyone else.

I am a Christian since August 1982 when I was saved. My husband is a Christian too. My first husband was very disrespectful of the Christian life and scorned my parenting effforts.

Hope you find a solution to your dilemma Dawn that works for you and your family.

Angela - posted on 03/27/2011

I'm rather surprised at some of these replies .... I live in the UK so my situation is different anyway, but those who talk about (or allude to) the financial burdens of raising a family are assuming that women who are mothers only go to work for the money!!

I was a single parent after the breakdown of my marriage to my children's father. I have 4 children who are now grown-up. I raised them, more or less on benefit which is the same as welfare in the USA. My ex-husband was unemployed much of the time himself and when he was diagnosed with certain health conditions which put him in receipt of a health-related state benefit, he was, by virtue of this EXEMPT from paying support towards his children. Even absentee fathers on ordinary unemployment money are still required to make "token" payments towards their children's support, but once they're on a benefit like incapacity, invalidity, sick pay or disablement, they're totally exempt (regardless of the sick or incapacity money being a much higher sum than unemployment benefit!). When his health was good he never contributed to the upkeep of his family either. He was unemployed all the time we were together.

I was looking for work since my youngest child was about 6 months old. A few times over the years, I found short-term work, often this was part-time. I was extremely disappointed in myself, unfulfilled etc ... My children were also disappointed in me. I eventually secured fulltime work when my youngest child was 15 - by this time my oldest child was 23, and the other 2 were 20 & 16.

My oldest told me about a year after I'd been in fulltime work that he'd never been so proud of me, now that I was working for a living. I've worked ever since. Two years ago I got married again, nearly 20 years after I split up with my first husband. My second husband is a wonderful man, very supportive and proud of me, he also works hard in his own profession.

My 4 children are all grown-up now and all in decent employment themselves. This is quite an achievement for children who were brought up on benefit money. It's common for such families to fall into the benefit trap themselves and never move forwards to having a productive working & earning future as adults.

Parents have a duty to set the example. Parents always come in pairs -even if they're not together as a couple, their children will take example from BOTH parents.

I agree with the post Carla Allaire made. The "cost" of going to work as a parent when children are a dependent age can be quite hefty. My children are now grown up and furthermore my workplace is a 3 minute walk away from my home, so it's easy for me to talk but this certainly isn't the case for everyone else.

I am a Christian since August 1982 when I was saved. My husband is a Christian too. My first husband was very disrespectful of the Christian life and scorned my parenting effforts.

Hope you find a solution to your dilemma Dawn that works for you and your family.

Vanessa - posted on 03/26/2011

I am a stay-at-home mom. My choice is biblically based but it is my conviction not doctrine, therefore, it may be different for every woman and can change depending on the season of life.

My first suggestion is to pray for your husband. His role, biblically speaking, is to provide for his family. It is hard to shoulder the financial burden of the household but he was built for it and he may have to grow further into it just like you, and all moms everywhere, had to grow through being a mom and all the responsibilities thereof. Continue to pray that God would soften his heart and he can see the need for you to be home is greater than the second paycheck.

As I saw others suggest, you could look for ways to supplement income while you stay at home (child daycare etc) but you have to do as the Lord leads you. Continue to earnestly seek Him.

Shannon - posted on 03/25/2011

Work part time

Danielle - posted on 03/25/2011

Linda, that is very admirable of what you stated in the first letter, on sacrifice! you are a wonderful example and inspiration!

Heather - posted on 03/24/2011

Hi Dawn, We have a 2 1/2 year old and a 6 month old. I have been able to stay home since we had our 2 yr old. My husband hates it that I am not working because the burden falls on him, but it is where the Lord me at the moment. It hurts my heart that this is the position that my husband has landed in, but it the journey that he has to go.
The Lord made us mothers for a reason and the meant the bread winners for a reason. Your little one needs you in a way that cannot be expressed. Your husband may not like it but what is there to choose; your son’s health, or your husband being discomforted? I know that your husband will have you stay home because he is a man of God, and they always man up, but just let him know that your guys son need you. I know that I had my mom home my whole life and I loved every moment. Having her there at home saved my life. I pray that you find the answer that you need. In the end you and your husband have little men of God to bring up and this world would love nothing more than to get you so caught up in the frivolous things that you forget your number one priority...your little ones.
If it is any consolation though, my son was thought to have Autism as well, but nope just a different kind of make up in my little one. Your job is to guide the home, and if that means that you have to stay home to do it, then well lady I think you know the answer to this one already. I know that if you have your home in order and your home at peace when your husband gets home, he will have no problem with being the sole breadwinner. Just a thought.

Jamela - posted on 03/24/2011

stay at home.

Tristan - posted on 03/24/2011

u could start up a home daycare in ur home u pick ur hours u spend time at home and u make money thats what i did i only take kids midnight shift and days after 4 pm the house is cleaned and super is in the oven it helped us out alot because my youngest has some delay issues and health problems so staying at home was the choice for me

Sharee - posted on 03/23/2011

As another Christian mom of a child with Asperger's, your child needs a lot of support from you... That is an incredibly hard position for you to be in. I am often encouraged/challenged by the proverbs 31 woman!! I would recommend reading it and praying that God will give you guidance and peace for whatever decision he provides!! Good luck!

Rebekah - posted on 03/23/2011

It is SO hard to be that Proverbs 31 woman - I have so much respect for the description of that woman - a mother, a wife, a teacher, a business woman, a clothes maker, a cook, etc. It's amazing she had time to DO everything within a 24 hour period.

Here is my suggestion to you, for I don't believe it's wrong for a woman to work outside the home. First, pray. Ask God for wisdom and then tell him "your" heart. Tell Him how you feel, what you want to change, and then ask Him if you should keep working full-time, go to part-time, or come home completely. He will answer you. Then talk it over with your husband. If you are to go home, then faith needs to take precedence that money will be there. If you go to part-time status, to help keep the finance pressure off your husband completely, pray God opens doors. If it's to keep working full-time, then it's time to look at the schedules, calendar, and everything else and ask God as a family what needs to be removed, what needs to change, and for wisdom in making family decisions to have family time.

I understand it's hard working full-time and a dad working full-time and yes, it does change the household all around. But realize the family is more important than the dish that needs to be washed, the laundry that needs to be folded, the toys that need to be picked up...

This probably may of not helped much, but I really just encourage you to go to God in prayer and ask Him, not everyone on this board. He is the one that needs to answer this. He wants you to talk to Him. Then pray together as a family for wisdom. Ask the family what they would want. And base your decision around God's answer and the path He sets before you.

Danielle - posted on 03/22/2011

you should be at home with your babies

In Titus 2, Paul instructs the elder women to teach the young women to be “keepers at home”. What does this mean? The Greek word translated “keepers at home” (KJV) or “homemakers” (NKJV) is oikouros. This compound word is from oikos- house, household, family; and ouros- a guard, guardian, a watcher, a warden. Let this thought sink in for a moment: the word “oikouros” translated “keepers at home” carries the meaning of “watching the house, of a watchdog”



this is not a suggestion but a command from Paul, moved by the holy spirit.



1 tim. 5:9

14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.



THE MAN IS TO PROVIDE, AS STATED IN 1 Timothy 5:8: (HE : THE HUSBAND)



But if any provide not for HIS own, and specially for those of HIS own house, HE hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.



there is nothing in the new testament supporting the idea of a women providing financially.

yes, i agree with working inside the home, while you are with your children. But there is so many women saying, ive got to help with this bill, and that one, while sending the children to school and working just to have "things" downsizing may be a sacrifice, but a much needed benefit in the long run.

The women are to be teaching the children at home, and managing the household. this is and has been the fundamental way of structure for the husband and wife.







love danielle

Karen - posted on 03/21/2011

Hi Dawn,
I find myself in a similar situation as yours right now and it has been my burden for several months to stay at home and spend time taking care of our family. My husband totally supports the fact that we will be tight on a lot of things. But to meet half way, I have started to look for jobs that are not as demanding as my current one, jobs that are home-based and jobs that are near the school of my kids so I could spend time with them while taking them to school. I have not found a new job yet but I'm sure that God will lead me towards where he intends me to be because he knows that what I desire is to spend more time with my family, something that a mother really is biblically designed to do. It pays to communicate further and pray together about the inner struggle that you are facing right now, this way both you and your husband can think of ways to help the situation. Maintaining your financial stability is important however how your children grow up to be like is something that you can never compensate with anything else. I suggest that you and your husband work as a team on this and pray together. God's design is for us to be excellent in our relationships especially within the family and everything else can be worked around with. I hope this helps. God bless you :)

Frances M - posted on 03/21/2011

I used to work when it was necessary (if money got too tight). I worked for 9 months each time about 4 times when our children were growing up. Money was always tight with one salary. We did not trust other people to teach our children what we wanted them to learn. When they were in high school, I decided I could go back to work. Wrong choice. Teenagers are like 2 year olds who want a credit card and your car keys. I told them that if I had to stay home there would be no more allowences. Money would be too tight. They both said they really liked me being home more than they liked having an allowance. I stayed home. After they graduated, I went back to work and at the age of 40 started a career.
If your baby has this disease, he will need a full time Mom. I am so praying he will not have this. I pray it's a ear infection instead. Our son liked to shake his head a lot. We thought he just liked to see the world go by fast. When he did not walk on time, I took him to the Dr and it turned out he had an inner ear infection. The Dr gave him a shot of antibiotics and he walked the next day. A couple of days later he stopped shaking his head. He never fussed, he just shook his head almost all the time.

Carla - posted on 03/17/2011

Amen, Linda! When I had to leave my job, our income was cut in half. When my husband retired two years ago, our income was cut in half again. The Lord really started speaking to us to get debt taken care of. I sold my Cherokee (right hand drive) to my replacement, and was car-less for several years. Didn't hurt me a bit. I shopped after my husband came home from work. I have a 7 y/o car that my mother and I share, my husband has a van for his repair business, but he put the insurance money from totaling his truck down, so our payments are $114 a mo. We HAVE NO credit cards. If we can't pay cash, we can't afford it. I buy our clothes at Volunteers of America, shop at Save A Lot for pasta, canned goods, etc. We plan our trips to the store for one day, if my health allows, to save on gas. We moved from the burbs into town, down-sizing by 2/3, to save on gas, property taxes, etc. We have a garden and can and freeze.

God gives ideas for economizing. Some of them don't set well at first, but if you continue to pray, He will show you the wisdom of living beneath your income.

God bless, all

Linda - posted on 03/17/2011

One more thing I thought of today. It is a lot easier to be a stay at home mom when you are not in debt. If you have any car loans/credit card debt/etc. I would suggest that you take your WHOLE paycheck and pay them off before you leave your job, if possible. This will accomplish two things. First it will get you used to living on a reduced income and make the necessary changes to your lifestyle. Second, you will be able to live on less when you are not paying interest charges on things.

Heather - posted on 03/17/2011

I am actually unable to work because it would cost our family more for me to have a job. The cost of day care, gas, and all that would be more than I could possibly make at any job that I would qualify for. In the past I have done some babysitting to make some extra income, and now I do some freelance writing for a ministry that I have been volunteering with for several years. That helps some, but we don't need it. God has always provided for our needs. My husbands job has always covered the necessities. He was laid off last month and has only just found a new job. It's not even close to what he was making, but still we have faith that God will provide.

Ultimately this is a decision that your husband and you need to make together. I really encourage you to make a list (as Carla suggested) of the expenses you have because you work, and see how much 'extra' you are actually brining in after them. Pray about it and then talk with your husband again. Maybe there is something (such as babysitting) that you can do from home to make up what you would be losing.

Anne - posted on 03/17/2011

Hi Dawn, Our daughters are 22 and 27 so this was many years ago. I had Child Day Care in our home from the time our oldest was just under 6 months until we moved to another summer the fall before our oldest 9th birthday. I have to admit it was not perfect. The first time a child picked on our daughter was I had to resist the urge to scold the child in a less than fair manor. The house had extra children, staff. and clutter. However I never regretted any of this. I did not make as much as I would have if I had worked some where else. Keeping good records for the the IRS was not easy for me BUT it was well worth the time I had to spend with our daughters. I will keep you in my Prayers.

Linda - posted on 03/17/2011

I should probably add that I was making a very good income before we had kids working as a software engineer. If I had kept working, we would probably have had a vacation home, lots of toys, and more money for college. But things do not make us happy. I rejoice in the God of my salvation!

Linda - posted on 03/17/2011

Dawn, I have always stayed home with my children. I realize that I am blessed to have a husband who has been able to support us. However, on one income, we don't do many of the "extras" that most other families do. We rarely eat out--my husband and I go to a restaurant about twice a year: once for my birthday and once for our anniversary. We may take the whole family out a couple times a year. I have a lot of friends who get fantastic bargains on toys for Christmas at flea markets and tag sales. Also, clothes may be purchased inexpensively at consignment shops and Salvation Army. No..my kids do NOT have a Nintendo DS. No, we have not gone on any cruises. However, I would never trade any of that for staying home with my kids. It has been a blessing. If you feel the need for extra income, I would explore the possiblilty of working from home or family day care for other kids. However, the more time you spend at home, the more time you have to figure out ways to save! :) Don't buy prepared meals...cook a whole chicken, then boil the bones and make soup...another whole meal! It tastes better, it's healthier, and it costs less. There are so many ways to save if you have the time and energy.

Theresa - posted on 03/16/2011

You could always take in another family's kids for daycare to make a little extra money. I did that when my first 2 were young.

Danielle - posted on 03/16/2011

God graced my family with a 4th child in Nov. 2010. My husband lost his job Oct. 5th 2010. We had a new van, a baby girl on the way, and no income. One day, I went to church early and entered our prayer room. I sat there, and I was so moved by the spirit that I actually began to cry!!! God's answer to me was, "You and your husband have skills, use them." So... I'm sitting in my office, on my $1400 computer that I use to write reports, research products, make contracts, release forms, and anything else someone might need to be in computer repair. Sure we aren't paying the bills with the business right now. But it's a second income. It's a work in progress. I may not have a lot of money. But I give whatever I have on me at that time to God. Our Lord is amazing, and He never lets us make decisions alone. Open your heart and follow God's will.

Carla - posted on 03/16/2011

You're welcome, sweetheart. Let me know how it goes.

Dawn - posted on 03/16/2011

Carla, Thank you so much for the time you took to respond. I great appreciate your response and you are right if you look at all the extra expenses with working I bet the list will be shocking. I will make this list tonight!
During the summer months with all 3 in full time daycare I break even with my pay; during the school year I only profit a roughly $1000 a month but that is only taking out the daycare bills not the food, gas or the days I take off due to sick or hurt kids.

Our extras would be eating out; vacations; toys or clothes for no reason. We would have to forgo vacations, eat out maybe only once a month and do gifts only on bdays and Christmas.

Once again thank you for your response and I am interested to see how my list looks.

Carla - posted on 03/16/2011

There is one simple way to figure this out: sit down and make a list of all your expenses with you working. Daycare, a reliable vehicle, gas, maintenance, raised insurance premiums (unless you work within 5 miles of your home), work clothes, lunches, more prepared (boxed, etc) meals that take less time than traditional meals, and, I'm sure, more McDonald's/Burger King for really hectic days. This should be a wake-up call. Daycare takes a huge amount of a woman's paycheck. I have found my grandbabies also pick up colds, flu and bugs in general, which end up with mom taking a day off to get them to the Dr. All these things needs to be taken into consideration.

You say you would have to cut back on 'extra stuff'. What exactly does that entail? You don't need to answer here, just think about it. You would be home with your little one, the 5 y/o is in kindergarten? Does he go full day or half day? You would be there to get him off the bus. Your 10 y/o will have someone home to supervise him. Dinner would be on time, and you would have the evenings to concentrate on your kids and Hubby. I know I make this sound one-sided, and I'm trying not to. I worked all my kids' lives, and the one thing I wish is that I didn't have to, but no workee, no eatee for us. I did what I had to. I would urge any mother who is struggling with this dilemma to stay home with her children. You cannot possibly weigh the value of a mother in the home, knowing where her kids are, not worrying if they're setting the house on fire, or running the streets. No material 'thing' is worth Mother being 'there'.

Make your list of actual expenses, and maybe you can come up with more than what I did and subtract it from your paycheck. You may be shocked. Pray, then sit down with Hubby and show him on paper. Men like to see facts.

God bless, honey, I'll be prayin' for ya.