Toddler anger

ShellyAnnette - posted on 03/30/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My son is 2.8 and has such a terrible attitude. He crosses his arms, tells people to go away, screams, hits, and defies. I realize this is typical for tods. My question is, what should I be doing to help give him peace, settle his anger, and ultimately teach him to be kind? Are there any good books/advice out there? God bless!

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Alisha - posted on 04/07/2011

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Teach him by your actions. 2 is difficult because many are struggling with independence, but you should correct the behavior right away and be consistent. Let him know you are not going to put up with attitude. Teach him how God wants us to love other people and you could probably find an age appropriate book that will explain sin (his anger) and how Christ wants us to obey our mom and dad and respect others.

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Danielle - posted on 04/01/2011

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we dicipline by warning, warning again, then spanking if done in defience.

i have a almost 2 1/2 year old.

to be honest, i havent had any major issues with temer tantrums. if he is doing something he shouldent i say no, he usually stops. If he doesnt stop when i say no, i warn him" your gonna get a spanking" and if he continues, then he gets a spanking.

proverbs says:Proverbs 23:13 (King James Version)



13Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.



and:Proverbs 13:24(KJV): "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."



I monitor who he plays with at parks/ mall ect...

we dont drop him off with a daycare/secular school which he might learn bad habits (bad company corrupts good moral), and we certainly dont let him watch secular t.v.



he is very obedient, and this is working for me.

Carla - posted on 04/01/2011

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And that is exactly what the naughty chair is for, Melissa. Part for the child, but also for us. It gives both a chance to count to 10. If you see him doing something, tell him no--if he continues give him 'the warning', if he still does, put him in the chair. This, to me, takes away the losing-my-patience-thing because you carry out the warning, the punishment, the talk, the apology then business as usual immediately. No more 'wait til your dad gets home'! No counting to 3 (which doesn't work because there are generally NO consequences--the child moves somewhere between two, two and a half and three. My son-in-law does this: 'one, two, two and a half (and my daughter and I are saying 2 and 3/4), and just before three comes out of his mouth, Grant moves. NOT when he's with Grammy!

What's going on, Melissa, you've been sick for 5 weeks? We'll pray, honey. Also happy Daddy is in rehab, praying for him, as well. I KNOW God is with you guys, and Satan is after you guys, BECAUSE God is with you. Hold on tight, sweetheart, we love you!

God bless, all

Melissa - posted on 03/31/2011

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My baby is 17 months and I love the naughty chair. He is in it ALOT lately. He doesnt get up until I let him up either. He hits the dogs and I alot. I have been losing my patience with him alot. His father is in rehab and I have been sick for about 5 weeks. I feel bad for getting so angry but the chair has helped the situation because it gives me a minute to cool down.
♥ Living4Him ♥

Carla - posted on 03/31/2011

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Shelly--isn't it amazing that you can learn all this stuff in a book, but until you actually go through it, you haven't learned anything! Each kid is different, each one will try your patience in a different way, but each one is so dear to you, also in different ways :) As Rebekah said, pray--pray for patience, for strength, for wisdom, for endurance. My daughter called me one day, my granddaughter was 2 at the time, and she said 'Mom, can you come get Faith?' I told her we were getting ready to leave for brunch with friends. She said 'Mom, I NEED you to take Faith!' I got it. I went and got her. Kids know how to push your buttons and stomp every nerve ending you have. I hope you have someone who can come to your rescue when this happens to you. Mothers can come to the ragged edge but feel ashamed to admit it. Don't be ashamed. Ask for a little rest.



Consistency is the key. Make sure your little one knows what he can do and what he can't do. I'm sure your little one is precocious and knows exactly what's up. Once they figure out what your boundaries are, things will go a lot better.



God bless, honey

Carla - posted on 03/31/2011

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Amy, my grandson is 5. He has his head in the stars most of the time. When I need him to do something, I make him look me in the eyes and tell him, then have him repeat it back to me. Getting him to quit looking at the TV, watch my face, then repeat it back usually plants the request, and he complies. Boys are really worse at this than girls, so be prepared. He just left here--he wanted sugar on his crackers and butter, I said no, his dad said no. Next thing I knew, I heard the sugar bowl being opened, and he was putting sugar on his crackers! Guess who went in the naughty corner. He said he forgot. Baloney! Naughty corner. You just have to out-stubborn them.

God bless!

Amy - posted on 03/31/2011

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When my son was two and three he would have tantrums and hit me and everything. I would yell untill I was blue in the face. I went for therapy. My consler told me when he has a tantrum to say ok when you are finished I will be in the kitchen or where ever I was at and he would have his fits and when I did not give him the attention it stoped at first he woud get upset because he was not getting the attention he wanted or I was not giving in. He says I HATE YOU. My therypist said to look at him and just say oh so you hate me ok and I always add but I love you and that always gets to him. He would hit me and I was told to take his hand and stop him look at him and say no you do not hit Mom. After a while he know he was not going to get away with his behavior any more. When you give him the attention and yell at him or her they just continue to do it andit does not matter at that point want you do. When you walk away and tell them when you are finished with the tantrums or yelling them I am in the living room or what ever they then realise you are not going to except their behavior and I still do it today. Still have some probles with not listening and then he gets a game taken away or not going to a friends house or something. Hope this helps even just a little. God bless you

Rebekah - posted on 03/30/2011

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Seems to be the typical toddler, my son is having the same issues. We do time outs, he sits on a step for 2 minutes, once done, we explain to him why he was in time out, he apologizes, hugs and kisses and move on.

Another thing I have done is I created a reward chart. Any time he does something we want him to do... like pet the dog, hug mommy and daddy, be gentle with toys, etc. We let him put a sticker on the fire truck's ladder. When he gets to the top of the ladder, we give him a special treat - he loves fruit snacks or marshmallows.

When my son screams, I tell him it's not OK inside, he can scream outside, and I will take him outside to scream. If he's throwing a tantrum, I move him to his room to continue the tantrum and I ignore him - usually he stops within a minute because no attention is given and he'll find toys in his room to play with. If he continues to scream after coming out of his room, I'll make him have a quiet time - this always works.

What I've found that works best is giving attention when he does what we want him to do, praising him, and just encouraging those things.

But I truly believe the BEST thing you can do is PRAY!!! Gentleness, patience, peace... these are all fruits of the Spirit. As Christian parents we should have these fruits within us, so what examples are you giving to plant these seeds in your child? Not just that, pray those seeds into your child and in YOUR family's home. Ask God for ways to model to your child these qualities - the more they see it, the more they will repeat it.

ShellyAnnette - posted on 03/30/2011

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That was a very sweet message, Carla... Thank you. I feel foolish that I'm so overwhelmed by him... I have a BA in Early Childhood... So I KNOW what the textbooks say... But this boy breaks the mold, so to speak. I always joke that I missed the chapter on toddlers. 80/

I do enjoy SuperNamny... Jo is so loving. We have a naughty corner, I just need to work on my reactions to his bad behavior, I think. I hate to admit it, but I'm wound tighter than a Christmas ham sometimes... Er... Um... Most of the time. 80)

Thanks for the tip, too, Heather... I will definitely be checking it out. Have you ever heard of the book, "Raising Kids Gods Way"? I hear that's a good one, too... Now if only I could find the time to read. 80)

Carla - posted on 03/30/2011

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My pat answer to childhood maladies is Supernanny. His temper tantrums are his way of gaining authority in the household. Supernanny instituted the naughty chair, and your little one is old enough for it. If you haven't see her, I would highly recommend watching. We put the chair facing the washer so there's no distractions. We tell our grandbabies to do something (or not); if they keep on we tell them 'this is your warning'; if they still don't comply, we take them and place them on the chair. We tell them why they are sitting there, set the timer for 2.8 minutes in your case (1 min per year of age). They are to sit quietly on the chair. If they don't sit quietly, take them back and sit them down. This may take quite a few trips until he understands that you are the one in control, not him. After the timer goes off, go to him and say you were put on the chair because you threw your toys, or hit Mama, or whatever. 'Now, tell Mama you're sorry'. (An honest apology), then hugs and kisses and go on.

As for the teaching him to be kind, this is an ongoing process. We started when they would be patting your face and got carried away (6 mos or so). They would hit, we would take their hand and gently rub our face and say 'nice, nice, no hitting, nice, nice'. Same way with the dog or the cat or sibling. This usually has to be done at least a year, sometimes they just get excited, and forget. Keep at it. Consistency is the key to good discipline. You don't want to send your child the message that it's okay to do something one day, but not the next. So if it's wrong to throw your food today, it's wrong tomorrow.

God bless, honey.

Heather - posted on 03/30/2011

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I really recommend the book Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman (most people say it's a great companion book to Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Trip, but I haven't read that one)

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