Toddlers and church

Brenda - posted on 09/29/2010

I'm all for it! There's no such thing as a "Junior God" for kids. At a house church I used to attend, the kids graduated out of children's church at age 5 or 6. Then they were expected to sit in church. And sometimes, even the 3-year-olds did. It sounds like you are doing a great job making sure they are not a distraction to others in the service. You never know what God might be speaking to them! They just might start talking about the sermon on the ride home!

Paulette - posted on 09/28/2010

When I was little, me and my sisters were always in church with my mom. I bring my kids to church and my oldest(5yrs) loves sunday school and I have to push my daughter(3yrs) into her class but she always ends up enjoying herself. My youngest boy is a toss up, he's 1yr old. I don't see any problem with your kids in church with you. They seem to like it. Great job trying to keep taking them to church! Praying for you.

Terri-lee - posted on 09/17/2010

there is nothing wrong with having kids in the service, infact, i think its better.... if they can handle it, why send them somewhere that is going to have an "Easier" less challenging message? dont get me wrong, childrens church is a wonderful, needed, appreciated thing... but for your kids to be hearing a meaty message is not a bad thing at all! If they are keeping quiet, there shouldnt be a problem! encourage them hugely during praise and worship, dance with them, clap your hands, show them God is fun too! thats a great thing!
nothing wrong with a snack that isnt messy. people should be understanding!! your not doing anything wrong.

also, the whole separation thing probably stems from the fact they dont live with you. they dont know how long its going to be before they see you again. so them being sent off to childrens church, but not back to daddy, could mean being stuck with strangers for two weeks! or a week! thats how they could be thinking (depending on there age) try to explain to them, before hand, what childrens church is. Before you even go. you may find in time, they are curious enough on there own to ASK to go where all the other kids are going :-)

also, make God part of your days together, they like praise and worship music? play it in the car ALL the time! pray over dinner, pray for them at night before you tuck them in... show them God is a big part of your life :-) if daddy doesnt like it, too bad. You just be kind, walk in love, but dont stop encouraging your kids for God!

as far as the jeans go, if he sends them to you with horrid clothes all the time, buy them some clothes that stay at your place. get a little wardrobe built up, have them in that stuff when they are with you, then put them back in what he packed for them before they go home, problem solved.

you can change your husband, but you can help your kids and make it easier for them by persevering, showing them God's love, and staying in kindness towards there father no matter how difficult he can get.

and remember, prayer changes things :-)

Rhonda - posted on 09/16/2010

I think it is ok to have them in service with you, but I also think that they should learn how to go to church and be in their age appropriate room without us. Our youngest is 21 months old, some days he stays with us (I can't get him to sit still so he goes from me in the back row to my husband in the sound booth) and some days he goes to nursery. He cries somedays but is over it quickly. and on some days he wants to go to nursery.

Also I really feel that if I gave in to my oldest (5yrs old now) all the time when she was a toddler and didnt just leave her in her nursery class that she wouldn't get to experience the things she is experienceing in her class now, and wouldnt be spiritually fed in an age appropriate manner. I dont think they understand what our pastors our preaching because they preach to adults!



But I have to say, it is a process that does take time, and they will learn that mommy will be back, it is even harder when their other parent is throwing road blocks in front of you every step of the way! But is your choice as a parent. And what ever you choose, you need to make the choice after taking it to the Lord, and have a plan in mind, and be ready to be consistant!! I pray for the best for you and your children.

Julie - posted on 09/14/2010

two suggestions that have already been mentioned... nothing wrong with keeping them in church with you. they are still hearing the word of God. or go sit in sunday school with them. it's what I'd do if my child couldn't handle me being away from them. thankfully, even though my daughter freaks if she can't find me (or my parents who now take her as their church's sunday school is better for her) straight after the service, but she loves going and hanging out with the other kids. but if she couldn't handle it, definitely going in and sitting her is a good idea. At most churches I've been to, the sunday school teachers are fine with it - some even like the idea of an extra adult around to help.

Michelle - posted on 12/30/2009

My son has been in church ever since he was born. He never had a choice. It's just part of the routine. Initially he had a hard time getting used to sunday school. The more he went, the more comfortable he became. Me sitting with him made it worse. I left and stood outside the door and he stopped crying after 10 mins. Now he loves sunday school and is upset when he cannot go. I believe church is a neccesary part of life not a choice. It might help if you plan something fun to do as a reward for doing a great job. They do need to go to sunday school to experience God at their level. All the best! Be blessed!

Regina - posted on 12/30/2009

Why don't you sit with your children in Sunday school and when they feel relax around the sunday school teacher you can leave, do this for a few sundays and see how it works. ex-husband or wives can be a problem. Keep a nice pair of pnats or dress on a backpack for when the kids gets drop off and change them on the way to church. make it like a game for the kids. And remember to never say anything about how daddy brings them to you.

I remember coming out of my college class with all my friends and my then husband had the kids standing in front of the car looking like ragga muffins, I smaile and said oh what dress up game are you guys playing and hugged them and introduce them to my friends. After all they are my kids and no matter what they had on I was happy to be in their on present,.

Good luck. Honey can go a long way

Good Day! - posted on 12/30/2009

I think it is wonderful that you make sure your children are in church. It doesn't matter what they wear. At our church the attire ranges from suits to cowboy boots. We all have a common bond, our love of Christ. When my daughter is in church, I worry about her bothering other people. I think that is just my insecurity as nobody has ever even hinted that my daughter is bothering them. Don't worry about what you are "suppossed" to do in church. I'm just glad (as I'm sure your church family is also) that you are in church and have your children with you.

Nicole - posted on 12/30/2009

I was raised in an old fashioned country church where jeans were common and children in church were too. We had no childrens church during the worship service when I was young and it worked out fine. We did at one time have a rather disruptive toddler, however in his defense he was a foster child and he had never been to church and after what he had been through I think it would be enough to make anyone anxious and noisy. The pastor took it good naturedly and just said " i can talk louder than he can"
I personally LOVE a church where the children can sit with the parents. It shows the children that the parents do take this seriously and don't just drop them off at the door.

Theresa - posted on 11/08/2009

Is your ex telling them terrible things about what could happen at church? If not, and it's just normal fears, then I'd just give into them in this case. They can learn a lot about Jesus in the pew with you. Our church doesn't even have a nursery. Sunday school starts at 3, but I don't think a child would be forced to go. I have been a member of a church where a parent was frowned upon for having a young child not in 'children's church'. Honestly, at that point we decided it was not the right church for us.

TaraLynn - posted on 11/08/2009

i would have to reccomend finding a church that appreciates your role as a mother. my children are 19 month twins and a 6 month old and have never been in a church nursery. i don't think it's a terrible idea, i just like them with me. with 3 children that young, we are blessed with a church family ofpeople who love to take turns holding them to keep theoccupied. our pastor even took my daughter to the pulpit for the majority of a sermon one week. and as for the clothes...God put us here in the nude.he commanded us to be modest not stylish! :) mommy props to you for sticking to your guns and not letting silly clothes or pressure from your ex stop you from attending.many blessings!

Rebekah - posted on 11/08/2009

As a person that oversees our children's ministry it's very common that toddlers especially between the ages of 12-18 months, where separation anxiety is at the highest to cry and scream when dropped off. I guess I have a few other questions for you... (1) do they cry and scream the entire time? (2) do you sit in the room with them for a little bit until they feel comfortable? (3) does the church have a call system to call you when needed? (4) does the church have a set time limit of how long they let a child cry before getting you?

You don't have to abandon your child in the nursery/sunday school. Take them in and sit in there for a few minutes, they'll get comfortable usually within 15 minutes and start to take off on their own. Doing this for a few Sundays will help your toddlers transition to Sunday School.

If you prefer they sit with you, I actually encourage this at our church, then by all means let them participate in the big service. You can even give them crayons and a piece of paper during the sermon, it's amazing to hear them talk about what they drew - you'll be shocked what they actually pick up from the pastor. :)

Do what you feel is best for you.

As far as the clothes go, don't worry about it. Churches are more lax on what people wear to church now than ever before. You can't do anything about it and this is just one of those times you'll need to pick your battle. Good luck with whatever you do here. :)

Rachel - posted on 11/08/2009

Many children scream and cry when parents leave them in any sort of childcare. This is especially true when there is family disruption, like a move, divorce or new child. With a family disruption, a child often feels insecure when around new people and situations. However, a lot of times, the child calms down after the parent leaves and the child can start playing with the other children and/or is comforted by one of the teachers/attendants.



So, have you tried leaving them in there anyway the whole time? My son cries for about 5 minutes and then is fine the rest of the time (he is almost 2.5). I usually try to get him involved with some toys I know he likes (cars, for instance) before leaving so he is distracted. If that doesn't work, I have an attendant or teacher hold him as I leave so that I'm sure he is being comforted. They always tell me he calms down within a couple minutes of me leaving. I used to check on him by peeking in the window on the door and he was always fine (as long as he didn't see me!).



If the above doesn't work, I don't personally have a problem with children in the service as long as they aren't distracting the pastor or other members. I also don't have a problem with non-messy snacks in the sanctuary. Since I'm pregnant, I actually bring a water bottle with me during service. But, my church is pretty laid back. Wearing jeans is no big deal there either.



The important thing is that you are showing your children that going to church and learning about God is important. These are excellent habits to build when they are young, especially since your ex is going to fight you on this and try to turn your kids away from church when they are older (unless God changes his heart first, right?! :). So, do what you have to do to build that love and respect for God in their hearts while you can. God will honor your intentions.

Enid - posted on 11/08/2009

Hi, my name is Enid and I am new to the group. I have 4 adult children that are all grown and gone. After 16 1/2 years I had 3 little girls in less than 3 years. My older children were raised in the church and did both. They went to Sunday school and sat in the sanctuary during church. At the church that I am in now there really isn't Sunday school because we have so few members. Sometimes the pastors wife or daughte will take the kids to the back and let them color or something, teach them about the bible. At my church my pastor is very laxed because we have so few members. The kids are allowed to walk around and go from seat to seat during the service and if I try to stop my child he will tell me they are little leave them alone. I do believe that they have to learn church etiquete, by that I mean sitting down and being quiet. My two toddlers are 2 and 3 and they do pretty good if my friend Nancy ( the pastor's daughter), doesn't get ahold of them. She has a daughter that is almost 2 so when the kids get together it can get quite noisey.

Heather - posted on 11/06/2009

I think it depends on the children and the church. I personally think that it would be ideal for them to be in service with you, that would be great! Some churches look down on this though. (Personally, I don't go to those churches) There are kids that are extremely disruptive, and that is not beneficial to anyone. I would say if they are happy in the service with you, then that is awesome! If not, maybe you could try going to Sunday school with them for a few weeks, maybe even bounce back and forth between the two. But as I said if they are happy and the pastor doesn't mind, by all means let them sit with you!

Victoria - posted on 11/06/2009

All my children have been to Church with us since they were a day or two old. We've always kept colouring books & crayons to keep them occupied, snacks & a drink & they would stay with us through worship time & join in praising the Lord. All the children in our church do this & then after the worship service they go to the nursery or to the class rooms while we are taught in the sanctuary of the Church.



When new people come in if they have kids it's there choice to keep them with them or send them with the other kids, sometimes a new visitor will go with their child to get them settled into the class room or nursery & then come back & join the adult body of the church.



Their is nothing wrong with keeping them with you, God can still minister to them there, although it would be good for them to be with the other kids their own age learning about God at their age level, however don't push them, pray about it, pray with them & slowly encourage them, it might take a while before they are comfortable to go to the Sunday school alone. but maybe you can accompany them for the first little while.



You're all in my prayers.