Unplanned Baby #3.... Need Advice!!!

Christi - posted on 06/07/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

3

0

0

Hello,

I have two kids, ages 6 & 4 with my husband if almost 9 years. Due to many years of financial struggle, we are living with my mother. Our plan was to have out debt paid off by next summer so we could afford our own home. Well, now I dont know what to do.......

I have been on the "pill" since October, taking it faithfully every morning at the same time. Last month my "time of the month" was a little short (one day instead of 4, and not that heavy) and then I was supposed to start 2 days ago and I didnt. I went to the local clinic and got a PT....came back positive!!!! I think I am still numb over the results.......

Here are my questions:
When/How should I tell my husband? Should I try to figure out our financial situation before I tell him since he is the type of person that needs to see a plan?
When should we tell my mother? any advice is greatly appreciated!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Carla - posted on 06/08/2012

4,283

83

592

Christi, sweetheart, I understand where you're comin' from. I was on the Pill for 5 years, my uterus was turned upside down, so the doctor told me I didn't even NEED to take the Pill, and guess what? Along came baby #3. In fact, when I started having pain, they went in to do an exploratory because pregnancy didn't even occur to them. I wasn't divorced legally from my first husband, and I was panic-stricken because I was afraid he would try to charge me with being an unfit mother (this was back in '72, then divorce laws were different). Oh, and we had zilch money. But you know what? That child has been the absolute delight to us! All my fears didn't come to pass, we made it financially, and I recognized her for what she is--a gift from God.

I don't know how you're going to try to make up a financial plan, when you obviously are already in a bind.

So, my advice is the same I tell most everybody--pray. There is a reason for this child, and you need to see that. Babies don't need as much as what we humans think they need. They don't need a big crib right now, they don't need a changing table--I always used the floor, and on and on. What you DO need is an infant car seat, and if you contact the hospital you will use, they can put you in contact with agencies that either give or lower the cost of the seat. You can buy wicker baskets shaped in an oval so the baby fits in it for the first several months. You can put a call out to all your friends/relatives for any hand-me-downs they have from their children. You can go to Good Will or Volunteers of America and buy good used clothing for a fraction of the cost of retail stores. You can buy cloth diapers, or even have a diaper service, cheaper than disposables. You can buy a 'Bullet', which makes baby food out of people food, which saves a TON over Gerber.

Pray before you talk to Hubby, and ask for the Lord's blessing, as you tell him about the new addition to your family. AND, as Angela said, remember, it took TWO to make this child.

I am going to tell you congratulations, honey. And I pray that this child is the miracle and blessing our little 'oops' was for us. God bless.

Carla - posted on 06/10/2012

4,283

83

592

Wonderful, sweetheart! God always backs us up!

You are doing everything you can. It sounds like this baby might just be like my Randi--a TRUE blessing to everyone he/she will meet. We had had a conversation a while back in this community about birth control, whether we for it or against it, and the resounding consensus was that if God wanted a baby born, it is born. We just have to bow to His wisdom and look in faith for what He has in store for us.

God bless, honey, keep us posted.

Nicole - posted on 06/07/2012

229

18

29

You need to tell your hubby ASAP! If your in charge of the finances then make a plan fast. Dont keep him in the dark. And telling your mom can wait until you and your hubby have come to grips with the whole thing. and depending on what type of person she is, i would wait until your 12 weeks, just to make sure.
Good luck! it will all work out the way its supposed to!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

8 Comments

View replies by

Pat - posted on 06/12/2012

282

0

17

Glad hubby took it well! Congratulations. Things will work out. Keep praying,keep communication open..enjoy your pregnancy best you can...that's a little blessing God put in there!

Ellen - posted on 06/10/2012

61

0

0

Congratulations!! That is wonderful news, and you are soo, so right, God does have a plan for you. Depend on him, he is still in control, even when our world seems to be spinning out of control, HE is NOT.
Things will work out.
God bless you and your family.

Angela - posted on 06/10/2012

2,430

9

321

I'm so glad your husband took it well.

Every happiness to you all as a family.

Christi - posted on 06/09/2012

3

0

0

UPDATE::

Well, I told my husband... and to my surprise and relief, he was actually ecstatic!
We will be waiting for a little while, at least till after my Dr appt (which isn't for another 4-6 weeks) to tell anyone else.

To reply to you that have given me advice.... Thank you.

And just to let you know: I was diagnosed with PCOS last September and started taking the pill not only for a BACK UP contraceptive but to try and regulate my periods. I was told that even when I decided to go off the pill, I would need further treatment to conceive again. (maybe I needed a 2nd opinion, huh?) My periods didn't become fully regular, but were lighter.

I was never sick, never vomited, etc and I always took my pill EVERY morning at 8:15. I did so much research on the pill and wanted to be sure it worked, so I made sure I followed the directions/rules exactly.

It is a good thing that we didn't get rid of things from my kids.......and I am a very frugal shopper. There are a few consignment stores near me that have REALLY inexpensive clothes.
The only things I'll need for a while will be diapers and wipes.

I know God has a bigger plan for us than we could ever imagine and this baby, as are my other two, will be a wonderful blessing.

Angela - posted on 06/08/2012

2,430

9

321

Pretty much what Nicole Newpher has already said. Your husband needs to know as fast as you can tell him! If you think he won't be pleased or he'll be angry that you're pregnant, then yes, get your plan drawn up in advance. You plan should not only be financial, it should encompass other aspects of family life where planning's required.

If he's angry anyway, remind him it takes 2 to tango.

Tell him, if possible, at a time when your mother isn't home. She doesn't need to know until you're past the 12 weeks mark. Your existing children don't need to know before 12 weeks either. Since you're living in her home, your mother mightn't be too pleased herself - especially if living there was a temporary plan to help you financially as a family. You need a more detailed plan at the ready before you inform your mother as well. Your husband can help you draw that one up.

If you have diarrhoea, vomiting etc ... when on the Pill, that day's Pill is ineffective and you should back up by also using barrier contraception - for the rest of that month's packet of Pills. Did they not tell you this at your Family Planning Clinic? Do you not read the information leaflet to be found in every box of pills? If you take anti-biotics for any health reason, or catch a virus, this can also affect the reliability of the Pill.

Most contraceptive failure is down to human error. A Family Planning Nurse told me that!

Every happiness to you both with your new baby. Avoid more unplanned pregnancies by opting for male or female sterilization!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms