Unwedded Mother

Chantel - posted on 12/24/2009 ( 28 moms have responded )

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I'm new in my walk and I love GOD whole heartedley but I'm just a baby in my walk. I had my daughter before I was married I was engaged but not married. Her father cheated on me and we are just trying to work thngs out... He says he still wants to marry me but I'm not sure because what he did really hurt. My problem is how do I explain to my daughter when she gets older if I dont marry her father about me having sex before I was married. How can I raise my child to be a good Christian if I wasn't always one?

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Katie - posted on 12/24/2009

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Honey, no person is perfect...only God. Teach your children morals and values, don't be pressured into thinking you are not a good Christian mother. You will do great! God bless you and your daughter...Merry Christmas :)

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DD - posted on 02/28/2010

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Once God forgives us he also FORGETS our sin ----- we are the ones who have trouble dealing with the consequences of the sins that we've committed. Many of these posts state that none of us live sinless lives -- that is totally true -- but sexual sin that results in a pregnancy is very hard for us to forget since that little one is a walking, talking, giggling reminder that we live with everyday. I think that is why it is so hard to "forget" that kind of sin. You must realize that you are a "new creature" once you ask Jesus into your heart ---- He doesn't remember what you were like before you became a Christian -- he just loves you as his perfect child. So don't get hung up on trying to "fix" your old life -- that old life doesn't exist anymore -- you have a new clean life to live and all the Biblical promises apply to you just like they do all us other sinners who don't have such a visiable reminder of the life they used to live! your baby is a wonderful person with all kinds of potential -- raise her in a Christian home (marrying a Christian Daddy for her -- waiting for God to bring the right one into your life or if your ex isn't a Christian and he's the right one wait for God to save him!!) -- or In a Christian Single-Mom home if not!! -------------- Like the other posts say -- be truthful when the time comes and she starts asking questions. Make sure she realizes that you didn't always live like Christ wanted you to live and the relationship that brought her into your life was a part of that old life -- but be careful to let her know that God can bring GOOD things out of even the worst of our actions and that you value her as one of those GOOD things. be thankful for the gift of a child to love no matter how shaky the circumstances surrounding her beginning -- dont' get caught up in feeling guilty for your actions -- once God forgave you, you became a perfectly clean and innocent being -- and it doesn't matter what kind of "past" you had -- God's not worried about it!! Don't let your guilt (reluctance to forgive yourself) make your daughter feel unwanted! Start over with a clean slate and try your best to keep it that way --- You are a "virgin" in Christ and have just as much of a responsiblity to "save" yourself for marriage as literal Christian virgins! -- You are completely starting over -- the "new being" thing I mentioned before. Honor God and your body that God is now living inside of ------------- Even after becoming a Christian we still face temptations and unfortunately will occasionally still sin --- but always be willing to come back to the foot of the cross, bow and ask forgiveness and try even harder to be obedient to Him.....and the "new being" will be as white as snow -- unblemished and perfect once again -- it is a DAILY challenge! and in God's eyes there are no DEGREES of sin -- no one sin is "dirtier" than another -- sin is sin in God's eyes!! I hope my rambling helps!!

Rebecca - posted on 02/27/2010

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None of us where born perfect or will ever be perfect. "We all fall short of the glory of God." Rom 3:23 My daughter is 11 now. She knows that daddy and mommy moved in together before we were married. She knows that I was 6 mos pregnant with her when we got married. I am able to use the hardships that her father and I have encountered as reasons for listening to God. Living what the bible teaches. She knows that what we did was wrong. I think as long as you are honest with your daughter about how it was wrong biblically. Then show her what God wants for us. She will understand. Children need to know that parents aren't perfect, and that we have go to God with our sin. Show her how merciful he is to forgive us. Show her how He loves her. She will be fine!

I am still dealing with the affects of my husband cheating. It is terribly painful. If your daughter's father is truely repentant you will know. If he has asked for forgiveness and is doing everything he can to make you feel better... make it right, and he has turned from that sinful way (lifestyle), then I think in time you will be able to forgive. God can heal this wound. I'm praying for you.

Maggie - posted on 02/26/2010

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you will have more credibility with her when you talk to her about waiting until marriage to have sex, because you made a mistake. so often kids tune out their parents when they talk to them about these things because they don't believe their parents really understand what its like to be faced and even pressured by these kinds of temptations. none of us are perfect, we make mistakes, but we can use them as examples to try to keep others from making those same mistakes. *hugs*

Sharon - posted on 02/26/2010

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Hello Chantel, God forgives siners who turn their lives around. I have two daugthers out of weddlock, but they are grown now we with the help of God are living well. Teach your daughter morals and values, and when she become a young lady she will come back and thank you for all you have taught her. Please lead with the help of our Father, and no that you are a child of god.:)

Kathy - posted on 02/26/2010

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I think you are being a good christian just by your example of concern for your daughter. We all have things in our life we regret, but your daughter is not one of regret. You were in love and as things happen, sometimes, a pregnancy happens.Your child is a child of God, no matter what, and do not feel guilty.We all struggle through life, just teach her the bible and be a witness to her of God's grace and you will be just fine. If you do not marry her father because of the cheating, its alright. You have the right to not trust him and that doesn't mean he can't be her father. Your honesty in your post shows truly how far you have come in your faith..have no worries. let go and let God.

Darcel - posted on 02/23/2010

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"...How can I raise my child to be a good Christian if I wasn't always one?"

If being a "good Christian" ALL the time was a requirement to raise Christian children then 100% of children raised in Christian households would be lost. During your lifetime walk with Christ you will stumble and fall but this is a repenting way and God forgives a sincere repentant heart and a soul that is always willing to change and live for him. Your daughter will witness your walk with the Lord. As long as you are making ah honest, good faith, effort to live a saved life God will help you teach her the right way.

My friends and I have a simple code to describe our lives. We have our lives lived in the B.C. time (Before Christ) and our saved lives now. Explain to your daughter that your life B.C. is not recommended for reasons ABC.

As for your child's father, I am not touching that topic with a 10 foot pole. However placing a pillow under your knees and praying to God will provide you with the answers you require.

Clydine - posted on 01/28/2010

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Explain to her that there was a mommy that was living a life that God didn't want her to live and then there was a mommy that after she found the Lord began living that life that God wanted. She isn't proud of her choices before God and she still may stumble but the great thing about God is that he is understanding and patient. That is what makes him an awesome God...he'll love us no matter what the situation is. As for marriage, it should be based on a foundation of trust and love. You'll always love him for being a part of the miracle of your daughter; but God does say to honor your wife and husband. You may forgive him for his transgretions; but it is extremely hard to forget. I wouldn't tell her anything unless she brings it up. What I plan to tell my daughter is that I believe that it was better to have two very happy parents living apart but still loves her very much than to have two parents living together and fighting. The great thing about being a Christian is that your new life began when you accepted the Lord. You don't need to focus on the past. Raising a child to be a good Christian is important! But remember, if we all waited to be Christians before we had children then we wouldn't be having this conversation. Remember...like you said about being a baby in your walk, we all crawl first before we take steps!

Leann - posted on 01/27/2010

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Don't get down on yourself. Remember - that JESUS was called a "friend of sinners". And, we were NOT always a good Christian. We have all turned away from God, at some point in our lives. God said that better off is a sinner who admits his fault and is beating his chest and asking God to forgive him, - than the one who thinks he has no sin. Any way, do not let having a baby by him, make you feel forced into marrying him. Please don't do that, so many people have done that- and they ended up in a divorce, because they felt forced into marrying, and were not happy. Besides, cheating on you, is not the best step to start on. First, he needs to have a strong walk with the Lord, then you really need TRUST. May I suggest to wait a while, and let him earn that trust with you? Just take it from me, cause I have been there - being a baby Christian - it is easy to fall back into the sin (fornication) - but you will need to keep yourself busy, AND whenever you feel at a weak moment, pray pray pray! A friend of mine, bought me a purity ring, that says "TRUE LOVE WAITS". And, I would suggest that if you feel rushed in to marrying him, or no peace over the thought of it, pray and seek God on what you should do. Seek God on WHO you should marry. And, your daughter will learn the faith in Christ, just admit to her your mistakes and how you have learned from them (by setting the example of purity until marriage, and then when married, faithfulness to your spouse). Humbling your self and admitting things will teach her more than any thing else from your past.

Tammy - posted on 01/12/2010

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Chantel...God bless you! We are all sinners...none of us is perfect, ever! I am also a single mother. I lived a very "colorful" life before I was saved 3 years ago. My boys have different fathers and I wasn't married to either of them. I found that answers to their questions were actually much easier than I thought they would be. Just try to keep them simple and honest. As far as whether to marry the father or not...you need to really pray about it and give it to God...then LISTEN. He will tell you what you should do. I will be praying for you.

Tina - posted on 01/11/2010

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I am a born again single mother, I was honest with my son, that when I was in the world God blessed me with him, God knew me before I was born again...I just didn't know him. My son is 15 years old and has been to Kenya on missionary trips, he preaches in his chapel and is a leader among his friends.

It is by our testimony that others are saved! Never be ashamed of where you came from, the Lord loved before you were saved and loves you even more today!

Pray, see what God says, perhaps her father is not the man He intends for you; does he share your faith? Is he headed in the same direction that you are? Or is your only connection your daughter? If he doesn't share your faith it will be harder for you down the road....

Lord bless you, remember "we all fall short of His glory daily" but it's His grace and mercy that keeps us!

Nyca - posted on 01/10/2010

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all of us were born in sin, some of us made mistakes that seemed greater than others or less forgivable than others but God doesn't see it that way. What was done by your fiance to you is hurtful and whether or not you stick it out is up to you and either way God will help you.

Vicky - posted on 01/09/2010

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Since you are new in your walk you might not be aware that all of the disciples that Christ choose to walk closely with him while he was on earth were less than perfect (by both man's & God's standards)...he still loved them unconditionally. If you judge your walk with God on being perfect (either for yourself or for others) you are going to be disappointed a lot. Your walk with God is an ongoing commitment to making choices that bring you into a closer relationship. Sin is a choice that creates separation from your relationship with God, repentance is changing your mind about that choice & choosing again. That's the Grace of God...allowing us to choose again.

I am a single parent of 23 years...my son is God's greatest blessing in my life. Even though both his father & I were Christian, it was not a healthy relationship. We were not focused on what God wanted for us, but rather on what we wanted for ourselves. God can heal anything...but we have to be willing to accept that healing & come into repentance for the choices that got us into the situation in the first place. Your choice to marry the father of your child needs to be based on your commitment & his commitment to each other...not to your child. Do not place the burden of your marriage succeeding on whether or not you both love your child enough to make it work. Your love for your daughter is immportant...but it can't be the glue for sustaining a marriage. You need to both be committed to creating a marriage built on God's love for your and for each other (do not rely on your love alone). If you can both commit to that then by all means do marry and let God lead you!

In my situation only one of us was willing to make the changes necessary for a marriage to work & my son's father choose to not be a part of his life. I let the guilt of that mess me up emotionally for a long time. It was only when I saw what that was doing to my son that I was strong enough to move forward. And then it was only by trusting in God that I started making better choices for us. As my son grew up there were a lot of tough conversations about why he didn't have a Dad...but he always knew he was loved by me & by God. Today he is a wonderful young Christian man and he teaches me on a regular basis how to walk the talk of the Lord. God Bless You...

Whitney - posted on 01/06/2010

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I have a 2yr old son and my now fiance and I call his "dad" a spermdoner. He didn't do a thing for my son in the six months we were together after my son was born. He also didn't do anything b4 my son was born. My fiance and I have discussed this same issue b/c that happened to me, too. He will grow up knowing my fiance is his step daddy and when he gets old enough (like in his teens) we will both sit down with him and explain why he can't see his spermdoner while living with us. When he turns 18 and is a full adult, he can make his own decision if he wants to know his spermdoner or not. My son goes to church with me every sunday and every day i pray on this issue. God Bless You.

Celicia - posted on 01/06/2010

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Quoting Heather:



Quoting Celicia:

Okay, a bit of harsh, but loving reality. We live in a society that is about "me" I don't think that anyone can dispute that. My hubby of four wonderful years had an emotional affair two years ago when we hit a really rough patch. I wanted to walk out. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to get payback. I wanted to hate him. Everything you could imagine. I also wanted to do the same to the female involved. I convinced myself that I was worth more than that and even though he was trying to make up for it, I deserved better and could start new with someone else. The only problem was that I loved him with all of my heart and divorce is completely against my beliefs. Well, i got this wonderful book called "Lies Women Believe and the Truth that will set them free" by Nancy Leigh Moss. It smacked me upside the head with how "me" oriented I was and how selfish I was being. It's true, my hubby faltered and destroyed every ounce of trust I had for him, but love is not a "feeling" as everyone likes to believe. Love is a commitment to put forth your 80% a day and expect only 20% back. It is the choice to stand by someone no matter what, so long as they truly repent. Unfortunately, as believers, we don't have the "out" option. This book is very clear on how we make ourselves priority instead of making God, our families, and others first. It put a lot into perspective for me and made me realize that I chose this man and no matter what he did, God can heal it. And if I don't allow God to be enough, I will never be happy. Even if your fiance was perfect, never cheated on you, worshiped the ground you walked on, did all the chores, made lots of money, was the most handsome man in the world, and did everything for you, you would find fault in him. Something about him would annoy you, like how he squeezes his toothpaste from the middle instead of bottom, lol. But you have to realize, you have bonded with him as if you are married and now you have a daughter. You need to follow in the word and get married. Live your life as a Godly woman and teach your daughter correctly and God will fix the heart of her father. But as long as you make it all about you and the hurt that he caused, you can never heal. Let God have that burden, He is strong enough for it and He will see you through it. And when the time comes, you will be completely released from this bondage and even if your daughter questions how she was born before your were married, God will provide you the words to speak. Basically, you are already married, and as I believer God won't allow you to relinquish that bond. I believe an affair is the HARDEST thing to go through, and I've lost two babies, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will get there. I will pray for your healing and pray for his heart and that he will repent and show you. Also, go out and get the book "hedges" it's about the hedges you should put around your marriage to protect it from temptation and some of it may seem extreme, but you should know by now that sometimes stuff happens b/c we get careless.





I just wanted to mention that I love the author mentioned here. I have never read this book, but I really want to. However her name is actually Nancy Leigh DeMoss.





Lol, that's funny, I just glanced at the book when I wrote it and didn't even notice I was writing it incorrectly. Thank you for catching that so others could look up the book if they want. Oh, and it really is an INCREDIBLE book that hits all points in life. I was very pleased with it, and I feel there are too many Christian writers that cand-coat everything and she definitely is not one of them

Kristina - posted on 01/06/2010

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My daughters have started asking questions as young children do, and when the question of "why aren't you and Daddy married like so-and-so's Mommy and Daddy?" I always give them the same answer....Mommy didn't always know and trust God. Mommy used to be very lost. But with your help Mommy found her way back home to God, but Daddy is still lost and has not found his way home. Maybe someday he will or maybe he wont or maybe God lead us to another man for Mommy to marry, all we can do is pray that God will show us our path.... Granted some of it goes over their heads, the oldest is 4, but they're slowly understanding it more and they actually choose every night to pray for their father. It's not about perfection it's about being able to admit you were wrong... Infact you have the benefit of being able to explain to your daughter why you chose this path, that you weren't raised this way, but you realized it was the path that was right for you.

Sativa - posted on 01/02/2010

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Your daughter will grow up knowing that you love her and will always do what is best for her. That is what really matters. When she gets old enough to understand that she was born out of wedlock then she will also be old enough to understand that 1) you are human and therefore are not not perfect. 2) God loves you no matter what. Do not marry a man that you are not sure that you will be happy with forever. Yes divorce is out there, but when you get married, do it for love and life, not just out of a sense of responsibility. An unhappy marriage will affect your daughter's perceptions of what a marriage should be.

[deleted account]

Remember God always excepts sins. I had my daughter out of wedlock but just remember we are young and as along as you ask forgiveness no need to say that you werent a christian you just backslided. Tell your baby the right way to grow up as a christian woman and she will not part from it

[deleted account]

Also, is your fiance a Christian? Raising your child in a Christian environment will be more difficult if the man you are married to is not a Christian.

[deleted account]

God gave us the Holy Spirit to help guide us. If you are praying and walking with God daily, and you have reservations about marrying this man, don't do it. It is the Holy Spirit guiding you to do what is best. You made a mistake of having sex outside of marriage, but honey, you were not a Christian at that point (assuming from your post). And even as a Christian, you will still make mistakes.I have wonderful Christian friends that also had sex outside of marriage. Don't beat yourself up about it. God has forgiven you. Just rest in God and be sensitive the the guidings of the Holy Spirit. When your daughter is old enough to start asking questions, the Holy Spirit will guide you there too.

Iysha - posted on 12/30/2009

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ooooh.....to me if you are real and 100% with your daughter she will understand!! I had my daughter out of wedlock as well, when she turned 8, i married(not to her father) either. as she got older, without her even asking, i started explaining... Not to use this a crutch, or an excuse, but no one is perfect, we all strive to be like Christ... Just love God, follow his spirit, and let him lead you.... it will all work out... TRUST!!.. one love

Heather - posted on 12/30/2009

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Gods Word also says to not be unequally yoked. Is this man a Christian? Would it be harder to explain to her that you didn't always know God and did some things that he said weren't right, but that you have been forgiven, and have chosen to to what's right for the rest of your life. Or try and counter all of the sins and disagreements that would come from a marriage of two unequally yoked people. Would this man agree to go to church every week? You would have to explain that to your daughter. Would he agree not to watch ungodly shows on t.v. and not to cuss? You would have to explain that to her if he didn't. Count the cost, Chantel. I don't know this man, I don't know if he is a Christian. Maybe just let him know that you can't marry him right now, but spend some time praying for him. If he comes around, then you could go ahead, but if not, then maybe just be friends? This really is between you and God, feel free to ignore everything that I have said if I am way off base. Pray. I will pray too.

Heather - posted on 12/30/2009

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Quoting Celicia:

Okay, a bit of harsh, but loving reality. We live in a society that is about "me" I don't think that anyone can dispute that. My hubby of four wonderful years had an emotional affair two years ago when we hit a really rough patch. I wanted to walk out. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to get payback. I wanted to hate him. Everything you could imagine. I also wanted to do the same to the female involved. I convinced myself that I was worth more than that and even though he was trying to make up for it, I deserved better and could start new with someone else. The only problem was that I loved him with all of my heart and divorce is completely against my beliefs. Well, i got this wonderful book called "Lies Women Believe and the Truth that will set them free" by Nancy Leigh Moss. It smacked me upside the head with how "me" oriented I was and how selfish I was being. It's true, my hubby faltered and destroyed every ounce of trust I had for him, but love is not a "feeling" as everyone likes to believe. Love is a commitment to put forth your 80% a day and expect only 20% back. It is the choice to stand by someone no matter what, so long as they truly repent. Unfortunately, as believers, we don't have the "out" option. This book is very clear on how we make ourselves priority instead of making God, our families, and others first. It put a lot into perspective for me and made me realize that I chose this man and no matter what he did, God can heal it. And if I don't allow God to be enough, I will never be happy. Even if your fiance was perfect, never cheated on you, worshiped the ground you walked on, did all the chores, made lots of money, was the most handsome man in the world, and did everything for you, you would find fault in him. Something about him would annoy you, like how he squeezes his toothpaste from the middle instead of bottom, lol. But you have to realize, you have bonded with him as if you are married and now you have a daughter. You need to follow in the word and get married. Live your life as a Godly woman and teach your daughter correctly and God will fix the heart of her father. But as long as you make it all about you and the hurt that he caused, you can never heal. Let God have that burden, He is strong enough for it and He will see you through it. And when the time comes, you will be completely released from this bondage and even if your daughter questions how she was born before your were married, God will provide you the words to speak. Basically, you are already married, and as I believer God won't allow you to relinquish that bond. I believe an affair is the HARDEST thing to go through, and I've lost two babies, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will get there. I will pray for your healing and pray for his heart and that he will repent and show you. Also, go out and get the book "hedges" it's about the hedges you should put around your marriage to protect it from temptation and some of it may seem extreme, but you should know by now that sometimes stuff happens b/c we get careless.


I just wanted to mention that I love the author mentioned here. I have never read this book, but I really want to. However her name is actually Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

[deleted account]

I think the issue of what to tell your daughter is a lot easier than the issue of whether or not you should marry this man. EVERYONE sins. No one (except Jesus) is exempt from that. I do agree w/ the point that 'in the eye's of God' you are already married, but in that case... he is also 'married' to the woman that he cheated on you with....



God CAN change a person's heart, but only if that person will let Him. Trust me, I've been praying every night since my ex left 2 years ago that he will become the man that God wants him to be... whatever that may look like. Sure doesn't appear like that is happening anytime soon. :(



Only you can make the decision on whether or not to marry him. Pray about it. Seek Christian premarital counseling. Give it time.

Sheryl - posted on 12/29/2009

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i was not always one myself! cheating is not ok in the gods eyes to i would just take your time! till her you are not perfect and your till not! but your trying! just till her that you made a mistake and she was not the mistake but the act was! just try to tech to wait the best you can. i'm sure the lord well give you the words when you need them. you still can be a good christian and make mistake's! no one is perfect.. that for sure! i think peole see me as a good christain but i still make mistake's! i just make sure to learn from them and to ask forgiveness! hope that helps some!

Celicia - posted on 12/29/2009

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Okay, a bit of harsh, but loving reality. We live in a society that is about "me" I don't think that anyone can dispute that. My hubby of four wonderful years had an emotional affair two years ago when we hit a really rough patch. I wanted to walk out. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to get payback. I wanted to hate him. Everything you could imagine. I also wanted to do the same to the female involved. I convinced myself that I was worth more than that and even though he was trying to make up for it, I deserved better and could start new with someone else. The only problem was that I loved him with all of my heart and divorce is completely against my beliefs. Well, i got this wonderful book called "Lies Women Believe and the Truth that will set them free" by Nancy Leigh Moss. It smacked me upside the head with how "me" oriented I was and how selfish I was being. It's true, my hubby faltered and destroyed every ounce of trust I had for him, but love is not a "feeling" as everyone likes to believe. Love is a commitment to put forth your 80% a day and expect only 20% back. It is the choice to stand by someone no matter what, so long as they truly repent. Unfortunately, as believers, we don't have the "out" option. This book is very clear on how we make ourselves priority instead of making God, our families, and others first. It put a lot into perspective for me and made me realize that I chose this man and no matter what he did, God can heal it. And if I don't allow God to be enough, I will never be happy. Even if your fiance was perfect, never cheated on you, worshiped the ground you walked on, did all the chores, made lots of money, was the most handsome man in the world, and did everything for you, you would find fault in him. Something about him would annoy you, like how he squeezes his toothpaste from the middle instead of bottom, lol. But you have to realize, you have bonded with him as if you are married and now you have a daughter. You need to follow in the word and get married. Live your life as a Godly woman and teach your daughter correctly and God will fix the heart of her father. But as long as you make it all about you and the hurt that he caused, you can never heal. Let God have that burden, He is strong enough for it and He will see you through it. And when the time comes, you will be completely released from this bondage and even if your daughter questions how she was born before your were married, God will provide you the words to speak. Basically, you are already married, and as I believer God won't allow you to relinquish that bond. I believe an affair is the HARDEST thing to go through, and I've lost two babies, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will get there. I will pray for your healing and pray for his heart and that he will repent and show you. Also, go out and get the book "hedges" it's about the hedges you should put around your marriage to protect it from temptation and some of it may seem extreme, but you should know by now that sometimes stuff happens b/c we get careless.

Amy - posted on 12/24/2009

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The only man who walked this earth is the Lord himself. Do not beat yourself over it. If you say you have no sin you defeat yourself.

Rabecca - posted on 12/24/2009

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None of us are perfect Christians all of us fall short of his glory but thats really the true blessing in his word we will fall and stumble but he will always be there never wavering in his love and forgivness and those that will hold you to that you may never be tested in your faith or times of doubt or judge others I dont think fully uinderstand him yet because he is a God of love and he knows sometimes he will strip us down just so he can rebuild us stronger and sometimes we have to learn leasons and be shown his grace when we faulter to become stronger and closer to him and its if seek him and give ourselves over to him in those times that he is looking for he wants us to turn from sin and not to give in to that but only Jesus was perfect and our father knows that he wants us to be Christ -like but we can never be Christ without sin because we are human and just tell her thats whats so amazing about our savior he knows our hearts and those things we are ashamed about but he loves us anyway and forgave us our sins so long ago when he sent us his only son to die for us andyes sometimes life would be easier if we could live without sin but in the end we are forgaven and striving to not sin and really relying on God when we feel it creeping in is what we need to strive for .

The one thing you may also talk to her about is that hurt you felt when he cheated bear with me for a min here sometimes I dont think any of us really understand fully the impact of sex before marriage and sometimes we marry someone we know God sent for us which is the fact in my case that I really cheated him because my heart was broken in a thousand peices and I know part of that will never really heal because of a very similar situation like yours but God blessed me beyond belief with my husband ( not my sons father) I know God had intended this man for me more than I know anything in life and I didnt trust God enough to wait for him to know he had a plan for my life and in that I suffered a hurt in my life when my sons father left me 8 months pregnant but if I would have trusted God and listened to him I knew better and I knew if this man really loved me he would have wanted to marry me more than just to live with me and bail after 6 years but my own will got in the way and in turn I think I missed out on some of the blessing that God had intended on giving me its not that God wont bless us its just that we dont get the abundance he wishes to give when we are living against him and not following his plan for our lives I think sometimes when we can see the hurt these things cause in others it can make us stronger to not take that same path tell her you love her and you def got a blessing from God when he gave her to you but that with that also came along a pain that you would never want her to feel honeslty can be hard in things liek this especailly beacuse you dont want your kids to feel that they were a mistake because God never makes a mistake but that ther are lessons we learn and once inawhile those lessons can give you the armor to protect others from that same kind of pain and show them how God moved in your life so you coul dtell others what he has shown you

Sorry so long !!

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