Wanting another baby and such.

Tina - posted on 09/13/2012

I agree

Carla - posted on 09/13/2012

It's all a matter of maturing in the Lord, honey. We all make mistakes, hopefully, we learn from them.

Tina - posted on 09/13/2012

Carla,

I agree with you. I used to look at other peoples sins and tell them they are doing wrong when I myself was doing the same thing. It is a selfish and ungodly thing to do for sure!

Carla - posted on 09/13/2012

@Tina, if you go through and read some of my posts, you will find that I CERTAINLY do NOT have the right to finger point! I didn't get it together until I was 50! Talk about a slow learner!!!



What I HAVE learned is that bashing and finger-pointing doesn't do anything to encourage or uplift anyone. God is Love. IF we are children of God, we love, we show love and act love. So, go out today and share the love!



God bless, honey!

Tina - posted on 09/13/2012

Erica,

Thank you for your reply. That is a great perspective. I have told my husband that but he still does not think its the right time to do our half. I am just going to trust in God and if God wills it he will give my husband the desire to have another child. I think I was talking about it too much with him and started to stress him out and I do not want to do that. We have decided on the amount of children we want God willing of course. We decided 3 is a good number for us as well, we are both from a family of having only one sibling and we decided that 3 is a nice number lol.

I will keep all of you ladies posted on what we decided and what is going on. Right now for sure our finances do not permit another child let alone all three of us sometimes. I am regaining faith and trust that God will provide and have not felt that in a long time.

We are working on praying together before we go to sleep so far one out of two nights successful lol.

Thank you for your reply :)!

Tina - posted on 09/13/2012

Cara,

I am feeling like my life is lost without Jesus. I am putting forth my best at reconnecting my relationship with God. For the first time it is not of guilt, fear or regret. I do listen to nothing but christian music and have for a very long time, I used to mix it up but now nothing but it. I listen to Lecrae, Trip lee, Pro, Cannon I am really into christian hip-hop lol

Thank you for the encouragement and I am thankful I can be transparent with all of you without judgement and finger pointing :)

Erica - posted on 09/13/2012

Hi Tina,



I have not read the other responses, but my first step would be to sit down as a couple at read Song of Solomon together. I'm not sure why, but I see this book of the Bible as a very R-rated and erotic book, lol! If reading it together doesn't get you hot for each other, then I don't know what will, lol. Ok, all joking aside, my hubby and I are sorta in the same boat. Only, we've finally realized that whether he pulls out or not, only God can get the "baby machine" working. We do not use any form of birth control either. We have tried the NFP (Natural Family Planning) method. Which pretty much all it is is when trying to abstain from pregnancy, you also abstain from sex (only for 2-3 days while you're ovulating or at your most fertile point). The rest of the month we are free to have fun and have sex any way we want ;-).



If you don't know all the fertile signs your body has yet, I highly recommend going to www(dot)fertilityfriend(dot)com and signing up for their free fertility class. I learned so much about how my body works. I was even able to stop testing my BBT (basil body temp) and just watch my other fertility signs in order to achieve pregnancy. Our son is now 21 months old and I'm getting the "baby itch" again too. So after we sat down, prayed together and looked over our finances as well, we've started trying for #2. What I had to get across to my hubby is that if we got pregnant NOW, in 9 months time, our son will be almost 3yrs old and I think that is a really good age split between kids. In my family there is a 4.5yr age split between each of us first 3 kids and only a 3yr split between #3 and #4 kids (those two get along the best now). Since I come from a family of four kids (I'm the oldest) I naturally want to have a big family as well. Hubby is from a family of only two kids (he's oldest as well), so far we've compromised at a possible 3 kids for us ;-). I think it's really important to talk about the size of the family you want before expanding very much, this way you can agree on when you will possibly start and stop having kids. I am going to be 30yrs old in a few weeks. So I told my hubby if he really wants to reach his dream of retiring by age 55yrs old or so, then we need to make sure we have all our kids by age 35 (or close) so that they will be all off to college by the time he wants to retire. I too am a stay at home mom, my hubby is an Engineer (so it's all numbers to him). Also, he wasn't too sure about a large family, but I reminded him that:



Philippians 4:19

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.



Psalm 127:4-5

4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.



I'm sure there are more scriptures, but these ones worked for us. The way I explained it to my hubby was that if we were going to have the finances to support more children, that, God only works in "supply and demand". So once we actually HAD more children, only then would God give us the financial supply we needed. I have a feeling that He is prepping us for baby #2 now because the job my hubby has only been at for 2yrs has just given him a raise (promotion) and the ability to work from home two days a week (his office is an hour away). Which will work out really well since we Home School and our next baby will be a home birth with a CNM (certified nurse midwife). God is good, all the time. Once He decides you both are ready for another baby, you will conceive again. Your only job is to meet Him half way by actively trying ;-). I hope this helped and please feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat more. Blessings on you both and will be praying you can come to an understanding on the baby issue. ♥



P.S. Just recently my hubby and I picked back up on a Bible Study that we'd been doing together (started lagging for a while). We have been praying together every night since the day we first started officially dating. Now that our son is born, we started including him in our nightly prayers. So we always pray as a family at bed time (this helps hubby and I to remember to pray). Usually the baby falls asleep during prayers. We then put him in his bed and do our Bible Study then go to sleep (or whatever afterward).

Carla - posted on 09/12/2012

There are levels in God, honey. There is the 'I go to church Sundays'-kind. Life is good, and God is thought about on Sundays. Then there's the 'I'm in trouble, help me, Lord!'--these people cry out to God when they're in trouble, then when things are good again, they go back to the 'I go to church Sundays' people. There's the 'I want to be a better Christian but I don't agree with--Paul's teachings, or the do unto others-thing. These don't get too far. Then there's those that have found that they are lost without Jesus in their lives. I think you are pushing your way into this last category. It's gonna be hard, honey. It is re-training your mind to be exactly opposite all that you have learned from the day you were born. But the results are soooooo worth it! I just wish I hadn't been so terribly stupid for so long. But, here I am, at least I'm not dead yet! So get back into the Word, get it down into your spirit so you can 'feel' it. Download some of the awesome music out there. I personally love Jesus Culture, Third Day, Casting Crowns, Mercy Me, Tenth Avenue North, Chris Tomlin, Toby Mac. Depending on what genre you like, it's out there. If you like more hard rock, just type in contemporary alternative Christian music, or rap? It's out there. Keep it on while you're doing your chores, driving in the car--it is feeding your spirit even if you aren't 'actively' listening.



I am envious of you. You are starting your journey early. Stay on the path. You absolutely won't be sorry.



God bless, honey

Tina - posted on 09/11/2012

Carla,

Thank you for the encouraging words. I do believe women are pure emotion lol I do need to trust in my husbands view because yes God appointed him to care for us, he is the head of the household, sometimes I forget that and want to take the lead.

I never see him read his bible and no we do not pray together at night anymore. We have not in a long time..I myself barely started reaching out to God fully again by spending time in His Word and praying regularly. I pray about this subject but probably not near as much as I should.

In my opinion I think we are trusting God sorta, now after reading I think it is obvious since we do not spend time with Him and pray together. I will talk to my husband about praying together, I cannot make him this I know but I think it is time to talk about it.

This is definitely a hard subject let me tell you!

Thank you for your prayers and if you could please keep us in your prayers I would really appreciate it :)

Thank you Carla,

Tina Marie

Tina - posted on 09/11/2012

Angela,

I am not really jumping for joy about the pull out method lol We have been doing this method for 9 years and have not been blessed with an unplanned miracle. I have my toddler because we "tried" and I got pregnant right o way. lol Besides that seems a little I am not sure how to say it but like if you know and he is oblivious to the possibility then why go for it without telling him the risks (who would be oblivious LOL any time you have sex you "risk" a pregnancy). Know what I mean?



I do see that about school but then it comes back to are we trusting in God really? So confusing!



Thank you for the advice :)

Carla - posted on 09/11/2012

Tina Marie, I am kind of a blunt speaker too, so I understand and appreciate it.



Having faith in God over EVERY part of our lives is difficult. You grow in your faith every day. But here's something to consider, and I think you will get what I'm talking about:



Your husband is the head of the family, God-wise. You two are one body, but the husband is the one that is responsible to God for you and the child/children's physical, emotional and spiritual well being. Hubby doesn't feel the time is right for another baby. He's looking at the pressures of a new job, you still being in school, and a toddler thrown in for good measure. He looks at it from an un-emotional,logical point of view, because that's how men's minds work. Women look at it as 'I want a baby, and I want one now!' We are looking at it from the purely emotional aspect. Our arms ache to hold another baby and that's all we know. So how do we solve a situation where we are at utterly opposite poles? We pray. We bow to our husband's concerns, and they are valid, and we pray for clarity. God knows how your heart feels, and He knows you want to do what you feel He has called you to do. You and Hubby need to pray about it together. Paul said faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Is he reading his Bible? Is he listening for the Spirit's leading? This is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak, when we have to put our faith into action. DO we trust God completely, or just sorta? IF God wants us to have a football team and a squad of cheerleaders (what my husband wanted ;)), are we willing? Do we believe He will provide for other children if we have them? Like I said, this is hard!



Father, Tina Marie and her husband are struggling to find that place of faith where we can utterly depend on You for our very lives. I pray, Holy Spirit, that You give them a clear vision, so they can continue their faith/trust journey with You. I pray you give them that wild, crazy faith that gets us through this life victoriously. I pray You give them peace and joy in their home, and however many children they end up having, that You will be in the middle of them, advising, teaching and comforting. Let them feel the freedom You give, and let them revel in You. In Jesus' Name, amen.



God bless, sweetheart. Like I said, my husband wanted a football team and a squad of cheerleaders. I had two children, five and three when we got married. I was pregnant, so we were 22 and 20 (he was 20) when #3 came along. He went in the delivery room with me and was with me through a very difficult breach birth. After she was born, he went and signed the tubal ligation papers I had my doctor fill out beforehand, on the off chance he would change his mind. We both would have LOVED a lotta kids, but God knew that we were destined to take in (I forget how many) other kids over the years. We would not have had room to take in these poor ones who needed a place to live and some love, if we would have had a bunch of our own. God always sees the beginning from the end.

Angela - posted on 09/11/2012

All I can say is that the "pull out" method is an extremely unreliable form of birth control! You may well get your next baby very soon! I've known very sensible educated women (who wanted babies when their husbands didn't) that have agreed to this method precisely because they knew how unreliable it is - they've secretly jumped for joy when their husbands have suggested it because they've known they were going to get their wish a lot sooner, LOL!!



On the practical side, if you're waiting to finish school, your husband recently started a new job and you have a toddler, it's probably not the ideal time to have a new baby - but when IS the ideal time?



Can't really offer any advice, but hope my insight may have been helpful to you!