We are Woman! or are we Mommies First?

Emma - posted on 02/11/2010

In response to this, although I delight in being a Mother, in order to be a mother, I need to delight in being a woman. Enjoying my feminity and pampering, spending time making myself pretty, bathing, doing my nails, my time and my space mean that I am able to be the best Mother I can be and wife. I remember having a conversation with my hubby years ago, the need to still be desired by him and not just to be related to as mother or wife. Not that those aren't roles I have or welcome but just that I am also a woman and need womanly things. :-) xx

Kayla - posted on 02/10/2010

I don't know if any of you have gone to Weekend to Remember sponsored by Focus on the Family... But God wants us always to remember to put our spouse first even above our children. I think Satan sees having a new baby as the perfect time to meddle in marriages and relationships because we're so distracted by our new baby. But it is very important not to let him get between and to remember that your husband will be there forever, your children eventually grow and leave so the relationship building you do with your husband is just as important now as it was before your children came along.

Yolanda - posted on 02/10/2010

This is something that i am so passionate about, but always get critisized for! You are first and foremost and child of the Almighty God. He comes first. Then comes your relationship to your spouse, as he has become your other half (the two become one flesh). Your children are next but not with the same covenantal relationship as you have with God and your husband. You are required to raise them in the ways of the Lord and foster their own growing Faith so that they can experience the same joys! "For this reason man will leave their father and mother and be united to his wife" Mark 10:7

Natalie - posted on 02/10/2010

I agree with Heather. God is first, then my marriage, then my children. Children do need us. I get my strength, peace, and other fruits of the Spirit from God and they help me be a better woman for my husband and mother to my children. Without God, I can do nothing. But nothing is impossible with God. I must make sure I am raising my children with a godly example and teach them about how that same faith will help them get through life. You will have to sacrifice activities with the girls because when your husband is at work and there's no sitter, guess what, it is your job. Love your kids and take on that responsibility, you are all they have. But make sure you talk with your husband about a need for a night out when he is available to watch the kids. I try to never go to the grocery store with my youngest children because they are loud wiggly terrors there. I can either spend 3 hours with a screaming toddler or I can spend 30 minutes alone, my husband recognizes the difference. If he doesn't send him to the store with them some time. He will get the idea real quick. I shop at night after they are in bed or on Saturdays. Or anytime the family is on the way home in separate cars. It gives me some alone time to clear my head too. Also the best piece of advice I can give new parents is don't forget to schedule date nights. Once a week is great but at least once a month. It gives you and Hubby a chance to chat, laugh, and play, without being interrupted by the kids. The kids will probably object the first time you get a sitter. Try to find someone they know, like a neighbor or church member who helps in the nursery that they may already recognize. Use the same one as much as possible so the children are more comfortable with her. My 3 sons have their favorite sitters and now cheer when we have date night.

Carolee - posted on 02/09/2010

YOU invest great things into yourself first & everyone else will naturally be rewarded :D

Tammy - posted on 02/09/2010

Sorry, this question sounds like you've been listening to too much worldly psychobabble. When you have a child you make a commitment to putting their needs before your own until they are an adult. This means that there will be times when you will feel overworked, underpaid, under-rested, unfulfilled and disgusted. So what? God does not call us to a life of perfect personal happiness and self-actualization. He calls us to be servants to others and pour our lives out even if it's inconvenient, difficult or boring. That being said, I think being a mother is the most overall fulfilling, joyful and satisfying choice of vocation that a woman can make. Much of how you see motherhood depends on two things: What you fill your mind with and what you set your mind on. If you are reading womens' magazines, watching TV and hanging out with worldly-thinking women then you are going to think that motherhood is slavery and oppression. If you hang out with Godly women who are committed to their homes and families, do Godly Bible studies and listen to Christian music, you will find that you see motherhood in a much more positive light. You'll find that you do not have to go outside of your job as mother so much to find fulfillment. Second, if you set your mind on being what GOD wants you to be and realize that HIS will is what is going to ultimately make you the most happy, the most fulfilled and most proud in the future to look back on, it will help with your attitude. Set your mind on being what is needed now realizing that THIS WILL PASS. Whatever is going on, you will be past it before you know it. This applies to good and bad things. My kids are ages 7-17 (4 of them) and I find that I have much more time now to do "what I want" than I used to. I am not any happier or more fulfilled than I was before! Beware of spending so much time wishing for something ELSE that you miss what IS. Being a mother IS what womanhood is all about. If you feel that you giving up one for the other then you're not looking at it correctly.

Miryam - posted on 02/09/2010

Well, of course you met your husband first, and that's the way it has to be always, but when you decided to have children you had to program yourself to put your husband's attention aside for a while to get focus in your new gift, better than that, you can do it together, and I assure you that that's gonna bring you closer as a couple. God bless.

Linda - posted on 02/09/2010

I agree with all of you but we have to be careful because this can easily get out of balance. There are women that have bought into this "take care of me" theory to the detriment of her family. I know this is not what you all meant, but when people ask the question, we have to really emphasize that taking care of ourselves does not mean neglecting our children. My children did come first when they needed me. Yes, I took care of me, but I was always there when my children needed me, and yes, mine are mostly grown and two are moms themselves. My husband and I have a great relationship, and I'm very close to my children. Our relationship with God is first...not "working at church", but our personal prayer, bible reading, time with God, our relationship with Him is first. I spend time with my husband, we are one, we are partners, but especially when they children were young they had need of us alot more, and I was happy to be there whenever they needed me. When my oldest was little and I worked full time and came home to feed her, I didn't eat right away...sometimes I grabbed something quick...I'm still healthy and didn't fade away...I just had to meet her needs first at the time. Making sure I stayed healthy and well was important but not my selfish needs...I didn't NEED to go shopping, meet with girlfriends, etc. when my children were little. They needed me. Now I have alot more time for me....when I'm not playing with my grandbabies....

Cheryl - posted on 02/09/2010

While I know it's hard to take care of self first, it needs to be done. It's like when you fly, the flight assistants go over the emergency proceedures. When the oxygen masks drop down, put YOURS on first, then you can help your children and others. It does no good to give and give and have mom drop dead. I learned the hard way- I was suddenly home all day with two kids under three, not eating well, not getting quiet times to myself, not exercising. I was moody, depressed, angry, etc. Long story short, we had to make to big changes. We realized it was not what God had planned for family life and not what we wanted for our home. Fortunately, my husband was a big encourager and realized he needed to do more, too, if I was going to make these changes. He needed to take charge and give me time alone.

It's hard but your relationship with God needs to be first, then husband, then kids....

Anne - posted on 02/08/2010

I totally agree with Heather and Victoria. Because our daughters are adults and not living at home any more, I can also attest to the importance of keeping God,Husband, Children, and then extended family and other friendships in the right order. I know as a mom it was easy to get caught up in raising the girls and not butting their dad before them. However by putting each other first when we were still parents, made it so much easier to stay connected after the girls left for college.

Victoria - posted on 02/08/2010

I totally agree with Heather, Servant of God comes first. If we don't have our relationship with God on the right path, everything else really won't a matter anyway. Then Wife comes second for, then mother and then whatever else I am called to be.



Yesterday in one of our services at Church this statement was made and I love it.

I was born, that I could be born-again, I was born-again, that I would serve.



The fact that we're wives and mothers is wonderful, but we created in Christ Jesus to do good work which God prepared in advance for us to do, in other words to serve God.



In regards to being a wife, God said that the husband and wife are to become one, if my husband and I are on the right tract then our relationships with our kids will be better to, as we will better support each other, raising our children together. Anything else after that is extra.

Heather - posted on 02/08/2010

Through my Bible studies I have came to the conclusion that first and foremost we are to be servants of God. Women of faith. Then everything else will fall into place.

I am a servant of God first
A wife second
and a mother third
and then a neighbor

That doesn't mean that my kids get less attention, just that I know that God always needs to be #1, and that my husband was there before my kids, and will be around afterwards. My relationship with him also teaches my children what to look for when they are married. My relationship with Christ is to be a model and an example for my children to follow. It effects everything, my relationship with my husband, children, friends, and strangers.

I guess this is a little different then both of the previous posts. But I believe it with all that is in me. I gave up myself to follow God, so if I am not putting Him first then I will be trying to take myself back. Does that make since? But I do agree that we need to take time to feed our faith. We need quiet times with just us and God. I also enjoy my weekly women's Bible study and womens retreats.

Maureen - posted on 02/08/2010

You need to embrace that you are a woman first and formost. You need to be happy with yourself before you can take care of others in your life. As women we take on many roles and often forget about self. We care for others in our roles as daughters, friends, spouse, partners, parent, caregiver. It goes on and on. To be successful, we doo need to find some time out space to take care of us. Otherwise we'll burn out.

So, I don't completly agree with Darla and she is still forgetting # 1. And if you do take care of yourself it will improve and enhance your relationships with your partner / spouse, children, friends, parents and so on and on and on.

Church groups and women's groups often offer weekend retreats for women. Maybe check out what's available in your area. Good luck and take care of you.....

Darla - posted on 02/08/2010

I was just telling my daughter n law the other day who has a 4 month old to never forget that she is a wife first, mommy second. I've seen marriages go downhill when women choose their children over their husband -- and the kids see it. You become a better mother when your children see that you and dad are partners. I hope no one takes this wrong -- because I'm not saying to forget your a mommy - it just makes you a better one. Your husband will love you and respect you as will your children. Remember, some day your children will be gone, and it will just be you and hubby again... by that time it will be too late to rekindle the romance if you haven't kept it going thru the years!!! :)