What can a wife do when her husband stops her from going to church?

Ruth - posted on 08/16/2012

I am going through similar, but my boyfriend has not stopped me from going to church he just is very rude about it and will make little remarks towards me. But see the more i start changing the more he will see the goodness in what God is doing and prayer is always the key to your communication with God as well as letting everything off your chest. I know it is tuff when you are a believer and your husband is not but there any so many many stories of women who have went through the same thing and little by little there husbands and bf went to church eventually. pray and ask God for strength. this will turn out don't worry. know that when you get closer to God the enemy comes and trys to attack but we all know the devil is a liar and great is he that is within you then he that is in the world. when is your situations seems hard God is up to something! keep praising him and watch how things turn around.

Lukithia - posted on 08/13/2012

I will begin by saying I will be praying for you and your fanily. Now, I lived 10 years in a marriage with a man who professed Christ and did all the things your husband has done and more. The church wse attended encouraged me to stay and that he was my furnace of affliction. I stayed and fought for my marriage and after 10 years he divorced me and left me homeless since I had been out off work for 2 years due to a disabling condition. Just because I am divorced I am not a divorce advocate. If there is abuse get out and get safe. If he will do his duty with supporting you financially you may not need to push divorce proceedings right away. Seek the Lord and seek out Bible believers that will support you not judge you. If the biggest issue was he didn't allow you to go to church I would say read your Bible, pray, and join an online congregation like centralchristian.com and connect when he is not around. And follow the Scripture about how a believing spouse should be. God will work that out. My divorce was 2 years ago and God has provided for myself and my kids in every area in life. If you are divorced later take your time and connect with someone who is not just professing Christ but gives you know reservations about how he will treat you. Look back and see the signs you ignored with your husband during dating. Let the spirit lead you from now on.

Susie - posted on 08/12/2012

Nina,

I have to say, that I too, hate divorce. I am also a devout Christian. God says that a man who marries, should treat his wife BETTER than he treats himself. I was married young, had a baby, and things were wonderful for awhile. Then the beatings began. I thought it was my fault -something I had done. Things continued to escalate, and he'd go out and leave me home, without a car -and without a phone. Then it happened..there came a day that he was beating me, cursing me, and he threw a lamp at me when I got out of his grip. The lamp missed our son by less than an inch. It was a heavy glass lamp, and when it hit the ground, the glass shattered. My baby was sleeping on a pallete (on his blanket) on the floor, and glass landed on my baby. That's when it finally hit me. HE DID NOT CARE IF OUR CHILD GOT HURT. HE DID NOT CARE, THAT AS OUR CHILD GREW UP - HE DIDN'T CARE IF HE HIT ME IN FRONT OF THE KIDS.

A mother has to protect her children. I LOVED him. I didn't LIKE him. BUT..LOVE WASN'T ENOUGH - and I had learned that no matter what I did, he didn't change. I TRIED so hard to be good for him - to have dinner ready, the house clean (even though I worked full-time, and he didn't.) I learned that no matter what I did - he would NOT change..and through a good older lady at church who I spoke to -- I learned that I - ME, MY ACTIONS, NOTHING I did would change HIM.. and HE was the problem.

No woman deserves to be hit. No matter what. And -- if you stay, and allow him to hurt you - your kids will/(may have already) SEEN that it's OK to do this. They might end up resenting you for keeping them in this environment. YOU MUST PROTECT YOUR KIDS!!

As much as divorce is dispised... this is 100x' s worse! Believe me - I've walked in your shoes (grant it, only with one child), but no matter what YOU DO - you can NOT stop or change HIS behavior.

You have a BIG decision to make and there are ONLY TWO! The first is to continue to be beaten, cheated on, and humiliated, allowing your kids to grow up without knowing God, AND AT THE SAME TIME - will learn that hitting/beating/cheating is all the RIGHT things to do! Believe me when I say, that if your kids are 3 years old or 11 years old -- they KNOW what's going on. The SECOND CHOICE - is to leave. You might have to go on welfare for awhile, but that's what it's there for! Your church family, I'm sure, will also help you! God does NOT want you to allow your children to grow up in a household like this -- and I can assure you that it will get worse, and what happens if the next time - he hits or kicks a little too hard, and then YOUR KIDS are left with ONLY HIM to grow up with!

Please - if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. YOU deserve much better. Emotional, Physical abuse is one thing -- but when he is keeping you from worshiping your God, that is a form of torture. Go to your church and ask for help. Call the woman's shelter hotline, Call a friend, Call your parents, a brother, sister, aunt, uncle -- and get out of there. YOU must show your kids that you respect yourself enough to change the life of being scared and demeaned. The Bible says that your body is His temple.

Your kids might love him - but they are not being given a good example, and he WILL end up hitting them too -- and that's not the way you want your kids to grow up. Abusers will abuse, and as the kids get older, he will become angry at them. You don't want to let them continue to see and hear all of this...because then YOU become part of the problem too. It's abusive to allow the kids to grow up in this type of household.

May God bless you and I know He will walk with you, carry you when you can't walk, and will be blessed many times over when you finally take those brave steps away from a man who does not respect you, does not love you, and does not care about the example he is setting for your kids. Please leave, so that YOU do not add to that horrible example.

Julie - posted on 08/09/2012

You need to leave him asap. The fact that your husband continues to isolate you more and more is a sign the abuse is getting worse. Get your 3 kids and get out!
This is a sign from GOD himself to save you and your children from any more harm.
Go to family, friends, the church or a shelter. Pack your bags, and never look back. May angels lead the way in front of you and protect you from behind. God Speed

Karen - posted on 07/25/2012

Whatever county you are from, there is always a way to get free. I am glad to hear that things are going well right now, but keep it in your mind that this type of relationship has cycles. Right now everything is fine but later on it may take another drastic turn. Keep your eyes on God. Listen to what He says to you. Hopefully you will not need a way out. I know I had the same hope for my marriage but it got worse and worse. Trust God. If he stops the church attendance again, then worship at home in private. And if things get bad again, trust Him to help you find a way out.

Carla - posted on 07/24/2012

A lot of people do not bother to go back and read ALL the responses. Nina replied on the second page (first page of original post) that prayer is helping her husband, and for us to continue to pray for him. She does not want a divorce, so I am working within the confines of her wishes.

Prayer is working, so I am asking for a continuation of what works.

God bless, all

Jennifer - posted on 07/23/2012

I don't know how many of you realise that a lot of beating and abuse does end up in a killing. It happens all the time in "less enlightened" countries as Carla puts it but hey, I know of a lot that happens in the US too. I have friends there and I hear a lot!!! so hey, would you much rather hear that something happened to our friend Nina? Think about it. you and I are safe,we have nice husbands and nothing to crib about. But is her life in danger? Are her kids safe?

And for heaven's sake, can we please find what country she is in so we can ACTUALLY try to help her? The easiest thing to do in life is say I will pray for you. Cause it doesn't COST us anything. I am willing to take the matter up sitting here and find her help!!!! These days with Internet and phone calls, seconds away, help is never far!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 07/23/2012

Carla, why do u keep getting worked up about other people's responses? Each woman who replies here is replying out of her own experience. God alone knows what out of all this advice and thought giving will Nina be able to use. So cool yr heels. If you're so hecked up about it dear, find out where she lives and go and help her if you can. :)

Jennifer - posted on 07/23/2012

I understand she lives in a country where the government doesn't help. I live in India. I am Indian. I know how little help the police give women here. In the Largest Democracy in the world, we women have v few rights. And the world looks at us as a money grinding machine because the WEST sends us work...and everything is outsourced..woohoo. But do you know that in my damn country, women in North India still go around physically cleaning poop out of rich people's toilets? Do you know that??? I don't know where Nina lives but I know that if she tries, she will, with God's grace and wisdom find help. What that help is, she has to decide.

So Carla Allaire, while your point is noted, I only hope that Nina gets some help :)

More for her kids, who poor ones are already damaged emotionally.

Victoria - posted on 07/23/2012

Nina I will pray for you & your situation.
Trust God over every everything.
But don't stay in a dangerous situation for the sake of you & your kids.
Pastor Victoria

Carla - posted on 07/22/2012

I understand what you are saying, Angela, there are a LOT of questions. However, having friends in several 'less enlightened' countries, I take her at her word that she has to obey her husband's will, whatever it is, and no matter how many times he changes his mind.

Some people are stronger than others, and a lot of that is because of culture and upbringing. I think Nina needs our prayers more than anything else. I hope all that have replied to her thread pray for her.

God bless

Angela - posted on 07/22/2012

Carla, I totally get that she's in a country where women aren't helped. However, no-one's saying what country it is! What's the great mystery? I asked where she was in my earlier post and there has been no response. We can assume she's near a Church because her husband doesn't want her to attend - then he changed his mind. By the way, I wholly endorse what Karen said about not telling anyone at her Church if she leaves her man as someone will likely tell him.

What I cannot understand is how it's apparently totally hopeless. Does he prevent her from going out to post a letter? I would assume not as he's happy to let her use the Internet. Is she a national of the country where she lives with him? Or does she just live there since she married him? Does she keep her own passport? Where are her family? Does she have a family (meaning parents etc ... - I know she has children). Why does he "force" her to join a Church and then stop her from going?

Loads of questions on this one and if there was more information we'd be able to help her more effectively.

Carla - posted on 07/22/2012

I would advise you ladies to read the responses before you reply to a question. Nina is NOT in a part of the world where there is any type of help for women.

Please, please, pray for her, give her encouragement and your love.

And Nina, please let us know how things are going.

God bless, all

Karen - posted on 07/22/2012

Your issue is not what you should do because your husband stops you from attending church. Your issue is figuring out what to do because your husband beats you. Miss, if you choose to stay with a man who regularly beats you, church is the least of your worries. You need a foolproof plan to leave that man before he either kills you or leaves you disfigured for life. But don't tell him that you are planning to leave. Just disappear. Kids and all. No forwarding address, seriously, so he can't find you and kill you. Get in touch with your local domestic violence agency. Get a plan, and get out of that relationship. Ask God to help you and be wise. And don't even tell your church people because somebody will tip your husband off. Good luck and God bless you.

Anne - posted on 07/18/2012

Nina I am also Praying that your Husband does change. We know that only God can take care of this in his life. We are here for you to listen and to Pray. If you want to talk in a more private setting you may message me. I Know I will not have all of the answers but I will listen and Pray with you.

Tanya - posted on 07/17/2012

keep praying nina...keep praying...i saw where u wrote that ur husband was changing....PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!KEEP TRUSTING GOD NINA....HE WILL HELP U! GOD BLESS! PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND AS WELL! THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE IS AWESOME!

Kimberley - posted on 07/17/2012

It sounds to me like you need to get out out. If you do not want to get divorced I guess you don't need to, but please do not let the abuse go on. He might start on the kids someday too. God will understand you need to leave to get away. He does not want anyone to be abused. If your husband will seek out and actually commit to getting help maybe then go back to him. He needs to prove himself first. I've never been through abuse like this myself, but my mom has and my best friend. Just make sure to get help from your family and friends. Plus,you can get counseling from your church you attended. I know you say you love your husband, but you also need to love yourself too. We are not meant to suffer abuse. Please know God does not want that for you. Seek help immediately.

Carla - posted on 07/16/2012

Ladies, please read the prior posts. Nina is not in a place where she can get help, either from the government or probably from family. Most of us are blessed beyond measure that we live in a country where human rights are protected, but some are in a place where women and children are second-class citizens.

Pray for her, please! And thank God we live in a country, while not perfect, is better.

God bless, all

Jennifer - posted on 07/15/2012

Let me just say that I don't think God wants you to struggle in a battle that you are not equipped for. If your husband chooses to live in sin, that is his choice. But you and your children are not called to do that. If you wish to raise your kids in a good environment with Godly values and your husband isn't helping even after you've asked and all that and he is getting physically violent, then please take your things, your children (most important) and go get help. At your church, or a shelter (temporary) or your parents. Your kids will already have enough of emotional damage done!! I am telling you this because my aunt (she was married to my mom's cousin) went through the same thing. He used to drink and act mad with her. Finally she just couldn't take it and she threw him out. She raised those 2 kids alone and they have grown up with damage but are ok. She spent a lot of money on their psychological treatment esp the elder one! So get away. God has chosen a better life for you. Its sad to separate and get divorced but think of your kids. God bless you in whatever you choose to do. Love and prayers, jen

Angela - posted on 07/14/2012

Which country is it where no help exists for women? Or is it that the regime is against women? That is so shocking.

Private message me if you don't want to say on this thread. I'm sure that there would be some help even if it's only advice online. At least he "allows" you to use a computer!

Are you in the Middle East, by any chance? I'm aware there are some countries where the West are very reluctant to intervene in human rights violations because of issues with oil - morally wrong and a disgrace to humankind.

My prayers are with you anyway.

Carla - posted on 07/14/2012

Laura, Nina posted below that she lives in a country where there is no help for women. Pray for her, pray for the women of her country who are going through exactly what she is going through, and pray for the country, that would allow such things. Prayer, in this situation, is all we have, but prayer, and the strong belief that God hears our prayers, is enough.

God bless, hon

Laura - posted on 07/13/2012

Not going to church is the least of your problems if he's beating you up. Call the police.

Marilyn - posted on 07/12/2012

Nina, I truly hope & pray that your husband has made a positive change. If he does go back to being abusive, remember: you might love him, but your duty is to your children, who can't protect themselves. If you love THEM, you'll take them out of harm's way.

I know you've tried, and I commend you for it. I pray that if you should ever need to again, you'll find a way.

Are you not permitted to divorce, or do you just not want to? If it comes to it, and you are permitted to divorce, perhaps you could do that to put legal distance between yourself and your husband, so he no longer had legal power over you. Then perhaps you could go somewhere that he could not find you.

Angela - posted on 07/11/2012

Nina, what country ARE you in?

I'm glad things are better for you at the moment. Remember though that it's classic abuser behaviour when it's cyclical. Every abuser buys himself some time once in a while - it does much to sweeten the victim before the perpetrator reverts to type.

Dove - posted on 07/11/2012

I'm sorry Nina. I should've realized you are not in the US, but since that is the only place I have experience with... that is the answer I gave. I pray that your husband is truly listening to God and that you and your children will be safe with him.

Carla - posted on 07/11/2012

Nina, thank God! We Westerners don't have a clue as to what other women in the world have to endure, and forgive us if we seemed flippant in our answers. God has given you His answer for your life in your country and circumstances, and He WILL protect you, and He WILL bring around the desire of your heart.

I pray that ALL the women who read this post pray for Nina, for her husband, for her children and family. Pray the Holy Spirit keep talking to her husband, and for peace for her household. THEN thank God that we live in countries where we are protected by law.

God bless, all.

Nina - posted on 07/11/2012

Hi Carla,
I was really moved by your words I had to write back.
I belive all your prayers touched him. And NO! He knows noting about my post. For the past two day after my post my husban changed.
He suddenly started requesting I go back to church.
He started even pleading I go back, but I told him I wasn't sure of him this time.
I asked if he would join us, he said he will start with us.
I'm counting on the Holy spirit to move him on sunday morning to keep to his words.
I hope he will turn around like your grandpa and like saul in the bible.
My only hope is on God. I have no plans of divorse, I have prayed for him to be touched by God.
I will wait till the change comes. Often times I have tried to run away, often times I have wept and wept, it didn't change anything. In my country, women don't have those rights, the voices of women are not heard, they are forced to keep quiet and stay in any condition. I am just one of the few women that are speak out. All I have is God. He is the only one that can help me.
Thank you Carla. I will keep you informed of my progress.
Nina.

Christina - posted on 07/10/2012

Nina, sweet sister, GET OUT! No marriage is worth being beaten over! Tell your pastor, someone, anyone, who can help you leave.....in the middle of the night if necessary! You are the righteousness in Christ, honey....a Kingdom Heir!! You are meant to be cherished by your husband, not beaten into submission for your beliefs! Run sister, run!! Please..........

Sandy - posted on 07/10/2012

God did not create you to be in an abusive marriage. God hates divorce, but your husband has nullified it by committing adultery! IF YOU DO NOT GET OUT NOW, YOUR CHILDREN WILL EITHER GROW UP TO BE AN ABUSER OR BE ABUSED! STOP IT NOW!

Don't worry about money or clothing, get yourself to a shelter now!

Dove - posted on 07/10/2012

LEAVE NOW!!! That is no life for you and those kids. Does he beat them too? If you don't want to get a divorce, then don't. But get out of that house and press charges for the abuse. If you really love this man then help him stop being an abuser by giving him no chance to abuse.

Christine - posted on 07/10/2012

Hi Nina, it is not worth being in an abusive relationship. You need to get out of the house with your kids if possible. If you do not want a divorce you need a separation. your kids do not want to see him beating you all the time. Sometimes the kids are better off with just one parent who loves them. It is not a sin to be separated but it is just to show your husband that you are strong and can stand on your own two feet. If you are separated you must not disclose to him where you are and continue going to church to have fellowship with other Christians. Take care and I pray that you will have the courage to do so. God Bless xxx

Carla - posted on 07/08/2012

Nina, sweetheart, the only one that can help you is Jesus. I, too, married a man who told me he was Christian, and even went to church from time to time, but his actions were definitely NOT those of a truly saved Christian man. I divorced him after 6 years. I couldn't bear the thought of subjecting my children to his cruelty for a lifetime. I was not saved at the time, I had back- slidden, but I still understood he was going to destroy us, either physically or mentally/spiritually.

I can tell you what my grandmother did: She got saved after she and my grampa got married. He forbid her to go to church, but she took their children and went. One night, as she was preparing to leave for evening service, he told her if she went, he would come into the church and drag her out by her hair. She packed up the kids and walked to the church. She told the pastor about the possible scene getting ready to come, and he went on with the service. About an hour into the service, they heard the back doors open, and grampa came in, drunk as could be. Grama didn't dare turn around to look! Grampa took a couple strides down the main aisle, and the Power of the Spirit hit him! He fell flat on his face, and when he got up, he was a different man. Several years later, he became a minister, and was one until the day he died.

We can all tell you stories to back up our particular beliefs, honey, but this is something only you and Jesus can decide. I KNOW you love your husband, the children love him, etc., but God is not happy with Hubby's actions. What does your pastor advise? Could you stay with family for a while? Every person has a turning point in their lives, and this may be one for you--do you continue to be abused and subject your children to seeing this violence? or do you tell him you cannot continue in this way, and when he decides he wants a family, he can come talk to you? I can't, I won't tell you which way is right. What I CAN tell you is God has all the answers, and you need to be seeking His face for wisdom. In James it says 'if you lack wisdom, ask for it!' Ask for the wisdom to do the right thing for all of you, your husband as well as the children and you.

Father, we bring you Nina and her children AND her husband. We ask, first for protection for her and the children, that you send her Protectors to keep this man from beating her. We ask, Holy Spirit, for guidance, for wisdom, then for the courage to carry out WHATEVER You tell her to do. We know You hate divorce, and this may not come to divorce, but we also know You did NOT expect us to be beaten by the men we love for loving You. Bring clarity of mind and a strong word that Nina will know, for a certainty, what Your will is. We send Nina our prayers, our love, our solidarity as Christian women, to mingle with her prayers, and call for a swift and speedy resolution to this mess. We are absolutely CERTAIN that You are always with us, and you do not give us more than we can bear, without giving us a way of escape. We ask for that way of escape now. Now bless her with peace that passes understanding, grace so that she is a testimony to others, and can pass on her great faith to her children. In Jesus' Name, amen.

God bless, honey. Please stay in close contact with us.

Angela - posted on 07/08/2012

Honey, you need to be packing your bags. I got rid of a better man than this! My own former husband was controlling, unfaithful, occasionally violent,psychologically abusive and mean-spirited. Your man sounds so much worse, I'm afraid. You're not being unfaithful to God or your Christian principles by leaving this man. Remember that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit - your "temple" is being violated by his beatings and by his sexual impurity with others outside of the marriage he has with you. His own "temple" is also being violated. The relationship this man has with you makes a mockery of the sacred covenant that is Christian marriage.

However, since he seems to be a controlling man, I would urge you to make your arrangements in secret so he can't thwart you in your plans to leave him. This means NOT confiding in anyone who is not absolutely trustworthy or doesn't have your best interests at heart. Also it means not telling your children as they will probably be too young to appreciate the seriousness of the situation.

This is how I left my own husband. I was given the keys to my new house but advised that the rent wasn't payable until one week later. This gave me a week to gradually smuggle things out of the home like clothing etc ... The new house was not too far away.

I don't know which country you live in or what help is available. I'm British and over here we have Women's Aid and several social housing resources. You need to make your plans and do your homework on what help is available. Your public library might be a good starting point for information, also local websites - any local information online. Read your local newspapers!

Once you have left him, the first place he is likely to look for you is the Church where he didn't want you to go. So think carefully about whether this should be the same Church you attend once you have left him. Also think very carefully about whether you're going to tell your whereabouts to anyone from that Church. Controlling people can be very manipulative - he might suggest that a wife's place is with her husband and Christian's should respect this etc .... thus giving him an angle to worm your address out of some parishioner at your Church. I'm afraid you have to be as wise as a serpent over this!

Good luck to you but PLEASE - "do your homework" before you go. Countless wives have left their husbands, only to return to more abuse because they weren't thorough in their research before they left.

Louise - posted on 07/08/2012

Nina you have got to help yourself girl! This man is cheating on you and beats you, this is not love. He does not respect you or your beliefs in any way. How long will it be until he beats yours kids because they have your beliefs. You are allowing him to control you and your kids, giving him this much power has enabled him to carry on doing this. Pack your bags and leave, it is not a sin to leave your husband when he treats you badly. You do not have to divorce him, just leave and get your life back. Life is to short to live in a volatile marriage with no value or worth.

Read what you have written, controlling, cheating, violent man. There are men out there that are good men, that would not dream of hitting a woman or control her this way. This man is lost to you and your faith. get out of there and live a long and happy life with either someone else or just with the knowledge that you are not going to be beaten now and again.