What can I do?

Catheline - posted on 10/24/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have been struggling and I am in desperate need of prayer. I was once a stay at home mom, but then my husband and I seperated for about 4 years. In that time I got a job and began a career. I also lost alot of the time I once had with my children. I kept telling myself that I had to work, I had to provide for them, which is true but this didn't keep me from feeling gulity. I try so hard to give my boys all of my attention, not missing any school functions, always helping with homework. And the weekends are all theirs. My husband and I have recently reconciled and are slowly working at building our relationship,and restablishing our trust for one another. He blames me for everything, even though he walked out and cleaned out our bank accounts. He calls me a bad mother because I continue to work. This only fuels the gulity I was already feeling. I know that whether or not this marriage works or ends in divorce, I'll continue to work. If I could stay home with my boys I would. I just do not trust our lives in my husbands hands. I just can't stop feeling this gulity feeling. We fight all the time about this issue. What can I do?

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5 Comments

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Jill - posted on 10/24/2009

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oh i hear ya.... God knows best but it does hurt.... when i became a Christian i asked God to let my husband be one too because i didn't want my kids to grow up like i did..my father was not and my mother was.... Thank God he answered that prayer...

Catheline - posted on 10/24/2009

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Thank you ladies for your words of encouragement and prayers. I have not been able to sleep. I've been praying for a solution concerning my children. To answer your questions my husband is not a Christian. Which is the biggest problem in our household. We're in the middle of a fight right now because he knows that this issue is my sore spot. So he continues to push, and argue that I need to be home. I know that God has already worked this out for my good and the good of my family, it's just that these growing pains are not fun.

Jill - posted on 10/24/2009

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is your husband a Christian? pray for him.... please don;t feel guilty... guilt is not from God...sounds like your husband has pride issues... please don;t think i am judging... my husband has them too.... my husband blames me for alot when i know in his heart he knows he is wrong.. (men do that)...let God sort it out... i will pray for your husband ....for God to soften his heart to do the right thing..

Heather - posted on 10/24/2009

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Catheline, I will pray for you. You pray too. Look for God's will for this situation. I love the idea of Christian marriage counseling. One of my favorite scriptures is Galatians 1:10 it says, Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. The Bible outlines for us that we are suppose to first and most serve God, and then our husbands. Pray, align yourself with God's plan for your life. Pray for peace about whatever happens, so that the guilt will stop. Pray for guidance from God. It's so easy to think we know what is best for us, but in the end, God knows better then we ever could. I don't know what God holds for you, but he does! Jeremiah 29:11 says
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Sharon - posted on 10/24/2009

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Catheline, I have never been a stay at home Mom but I can truly understand your feelings of guilt. Sounds like you have two major things to contend with 1) the issue with your husband; and 2) maintaining stability for your children. All I can say is no matter what you decide you will have deal with the "guilt". Have you & your husband tried Christian Marriage Counseling? Your husband needs to understand that you (and your sons) were put in a very vulnerable position and it is understandable that you don't want to be put in that position again. "Blame" is counterproductive. My humble opinion: Don’t stop working. You were a complete person prior to marriage and you should be a complete person while married. Read your bible; women have always worked in one form or the other (midwives, servants, merchants) while married. Proverbs 31:13. Know that you are providing a living lesson for your sons. Mom is strong and can take care of herself and us. This experience will influence how they pick there future wives. Like I said before, this is my humble opinion. You need to wait on an answer from the Lord. Are you a member of your church's Women's Ministry? You need support to deal with these challenges. I wish you well and I will keep you in prayer. Your sister in Christ - Sharon