What do I DO!?!?

Tasha - posted on 03/11/2009 ( 45 moms have responded )

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I have a 16 month old baby boy and I really do NOT want anymore kids. I currently am on the pill, but I'm tired of taking that too. My husband thinks I'll change my mind on wanting more kids, but I honestly don't have the desire for anymore. I tried to talk him into a vesectomy, but that was shot down....=( What do I DO!?!?

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Shelly - posted on 03/25/2009

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Don't panic and don't do anything too permanent that you would regret. I would stay on birth control pills or use the rhythm method. You still are young and have time to make a decision. And if you decide to just have one baby, that is totally fine and totally up to you!!! Don't let people pressure you into having more because your child "might be lonely without siblings." I know quite a few people who were the only child and they are just fine!!! Its your decision too and I would just look into different "less permemant" options first and see how they work for you. There is also a diaphram, condoms, no sex during fertile times, the "pull out method', and the rhythm method. There are always alternatives.

Tanya - posted on 03/25/2009

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please check the side effects of iud.Talk to your  gynecologist about your options.The shots are safer,if you dont want surgery

Anne - posted on 03/25/2009

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Tasha, Hi  I know I commented once before but I was reading through the other posts. I read what you had responded to by another mom. Honey you are NOT A BAD MOTHER just because you did not enjoy one stage of being a mom. Every women responds differently to be pregnant , and lets face it we are all human and not every stage of "Mommyness" (If that is even a word, my spell check came up so it probably  is not.) is pure fun. When you are older and your child is in college or moved away you will look back and have fond memories of every stage. Maybe not a lot of fond memories on every stage but some from every. Our oldest gave us a few gray hairs about 3 or 4 years back that I would not want to go back to for love nor money. This said I would not trade even one minute of thoes troubles because God taught me some very valuable lessons I would not have learned andy other way. Keep loving your sweet baby boy, Pray about what you and your husband should to be in God"s will and you will be fine.

Katie - posted on 03/24/2009

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cherale i know how it is when my son ws 4 months i got pregant iwth my second they are a year apart

Katie - posted on 03/24/2009

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tasha i have the iud the marina its the best thing to get if u dont want no more kids and later down the road if u decied to have more u can get it out or the 8 have the 10 yer iud i agree with alyssa

Sara - posted on 03/24/2009

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We are in the opposite situation - my husband is absolutely, positively done, and I might want another. However, I feel it's very important that I respect that he is DONE and accept that. Now that I've said that, here's our "kid count" - he has 2 from a previous marriage, and we have 2 together. They are 15, 13, 2 1/2 and 6 months. He will be getting a vasectomy, as he is DONE, and we are concerned about other hormonal methods of birth control.

Bryony - posted on 03/24/2009

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16 months old is too young for you to really know you will not want another. I recently had a friend tell me that her husband is going in to have his vasectomy reversed because they really want another now! They were "sure" too or wouldn't have gone for a vasectomy. I remember her telling me at the time she was "SO sure" she was done...lol I would wait, especially since you only have the one so far.

Kayleigh - posted on 03/23/2009

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I would personally wait a little longer before you do something permenant. Have you thought about an IUD? My sister has had Mirana for a year and she loves it! She is in the same boat right now. She doesn't think she wants another right now but she doesn't know how she will feel in a couple years. I was going to get it but DH and I are going to try for anothe next spring so theres no point in me getting one. You might change your mind in a couple years. You never know.

Angela - posted on 03/23/2009

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My daughter is the same age as your son. I too do not want anymore. My hubby wont do the vesectomy because the doc said its only 70% effective. And we have know a few vesectomy babies. I am on the depo shot. I was on this before we tried to get prego. I do not have any side effects, other than no period. I hope this help. God bless you and your family.

Cheryl- Chris - posted on 03/23/2009

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Oh, Tasha, I feel your pain!!! Our son was 6 months old when I got pregnant with the 2nd!!!!!

I am currently on the pill~ my husband and I feel like we are playing God, but we also ask ourselves, "where do you draw the line?" We are mainly on the pill because of $$$$ issues....My husband is currently in school full time and working full time. My advise would be to wait~ but again, to quote all the other Moms and Wives: this is a descion that you and your husband MUST pray about, and come to a mutual descion. Also, if your husband, as your heaship, does not want to take permanment measures to prevent children (for either you or himself) respect that.

Heather - posted on 03/19/2009

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This choice should be between you, your husband, and God. If God wants you to have more children nothing will stop it. That being said, I do not recommend depo to anyone. My sister had it and recommended it to me. So I tried it. I was on my period for four months. They said that it was a 1% possibility or something like that. I don't think it matters how little the possibilities are you need to make sure you can live with them. If you get cancer from an IUD would you be okay with that? Ask God to show you the right choice here, he will. I do have my tubes tied at 25 years old. However, I have four children, all C-sections and the doctor said that any more then 3 C-sections can be dangerous so they tied my tubes while they were delivering my twin girls. Less then a month later they decided that tubals are not really Biblical and any St. Luthran or affiliated hospitals will no longer preform them. Most insurances wont cover them unless they are already in doing a C-section or have a medical reason.



Hope that helps

Brooke - posted on 03/19/2009

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I have 2 children right now but when my oldest was your son's age I DID NOT want anymore children. I just loved spending all my time with her. I am so thankful that God had other plans for my husband and I. Our son is now almost 2. Right now we are content with the two we have but do want more in a couple years. I agree with what another post said on looking into the fine print of birth control. Alot of them keep you from ovulating but alot of them also keep a fertilized egg from implanting. Which is abortive......life begins at conception not at implantation ! I have been on the pill in the past( not currently and never will be again) but the hormones screw me up ! I have learned to listen, feel, follow my body and when I ovulate. (I know this isn't for everyone) We haven't gotten p/g yet from it and it's been almost 2 years. There are alot of non-permanent options out there.......most importantly, PRAY about this with your husband !

Tyona - posted on 03/19/2009

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Tasha, either this is a question on birth control options or it is a question about permanent family planning. With a 16 month old at home many a mommies (& daddies) are CERTAIN they do not want any more. Some wish they could return the ones they have. :0). I was certain after each of my 3 that I did not want anymore. I just had my 4th last year...I feel CERTAIN I am done now. But, who knows how I'll feel in 3 or so years. Since that little cutie is your 1st, I would say hold off on making any permanent family planning decisions. Give yourself more time to be HIS Mommy...and double or triple up on your birth control methods since you sound very certain that you do not want to add to your family right now. Good Luck!

Mashira - posted on 03/19/2009

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Quoting Melissa:



I want you to know that we know a lady who had a tubal litigation, and ended up getting pregnant 2 more times, and she waited the appropriated time and everything! No method is foolproof....except for complete hysterectomy and abstinence.






Oh heck no!! First of all dont you have to have serious issues to get the hysterectomy? Im married so I cant be abstinent, Im gonna go for the tubal litigation. I just hope it works for me:)

Melissa - posted on 03/19/2009

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I want you to know that we know a lady who had a tubal litigation, and ended up getting pregnant 2 more times, and she waited the appropriated time and everything! No method is foolproof....except for complete hysterectomy and abstinence.

Mashira - posted on 03/19/2009

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I think the IUD would be best for you! I have a 5 year old and I felt the same way for a long time about not wanting more chldren, so I had the IUD for 4 years. Well last year different people in my family were having new babies and I was like"why cant I have a baby" then it hit me DUH!!! I have the IUD!!! Now I will be having my new baby in a few days!! Now after this I plann on getting my tubes tied!!!:)

Melissa - posted on 03/18/2009

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I know someone who knows 3 persons who have had cancer from having an Ortho Evra IUD divice implanted. Please don't use it. It isn't worth the risk. Recent studies have proved it can cause cancer, and several reports of it have been in the last year or two.

Ruth - posted on 03/18/2009

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I had my second child when my first was 17mths old. They are now 6 and 4 (almost 7 and 5) and the best of friends. Children need siblings - they have someone to play with, to talk to and they help each other. I now have 4 children (6,4,2,1) and we MIGHT consider having another one, but it's in Gods hands. Seriously pray about it.....consider and IUD or here in New Zealand they have a Merina (same type of thing). At least wait until your little one is 2 before deciding on something permenant.



All the best

Melissa - posted on 03/18/2009

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I just switched to Depo. I was on Seasonique because I liked not having a period every month. I only got mine once every three months. Last week when I was at the doctor's office I talked to her about switching because the Seasonique was so expensive. My copay was $150 for a three month supply. She recommended Depo. One shot every three months. Now I don't have to worry about taking a pill every day.



On a side note: my sister who was never supposed to have babies because of endometriousis (sp?) had an IUD put in after the birth of her second child. She is now the mother of twins. Boy 4, girl, 2, twin (B&G) 1. After the birth of the twins she too convinced her doctor to have a hysterectomy. She now regrets it.



I would recommend you talking to your doctor and looking at ALL of your options and talking to you husband about your options. And then coming to an agreement that BOTH of you can live with.

Jessica - posted on 03/18/2009

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Don't do anything permanent yet! You only have one child and he is at a very busy stage in his life. I had two children two and a half years apart and was overwhelmed by their needs, so hubby had a vasectomy. We thought we were completely done with babies, but about a year ago a situation fell into our laps (long story) with a baby who needed a family. We adopted him as a newborn and now are so loving having him that we would even consider adopting again. I'm close to 40 now, and I can tell you that you grow and change in ways that surprise you as you age. I'm also an only child and felt a void my whole life (still do). Anyway, that's just my 2 cents!

Melissa - posted on 03/18/2009

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Well I really don't think that you know for sure whethero r not you want more, you might not now, but your hormones are still regulating. I didn't start wanting another until fairly recently.

Rachel - posted on 03/15/2009

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Talk to your doctor about Mirena, that is what I use, and it is good for up to 5 years. That will give your hubby enough time to get used to the "V" idea.

User - posted on 03/15/2009

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Definitely needs to be something you can discuss together and come to a mutual understanding. I wouldn't promote the IUD, there are a lot of side effects as well (I have personal experience) Are you aware of your cycle? I would suggest learning about your body and knowing when you ovulate. I didn't think it was possible but I have figured out when I ovulate, you could try this method as well.

Brandi - posted on 03/15/2009

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I do not know how young you are and you "just might change your mind". Have you thought about getting your tubes tied? My oldest to my middle child is 9 yrs apart. I didn't take the pill for 9 yrs and some how by the grace of God it was working for me. Then the Dr. put me on the pill because I was complaing about my menstral cycles and thats when I got pregnant with my 2nd child and my 3rd by the way the 2 lil ones are 10months apart. The dr. asked what was I going to do I told her take out ovaries because I didnt want any more children by this man. Thats when she talked to me about tube tying. I do not regret it to this day. Now I am with a wonderfull man and I do sometimes wish I didn't get my tubes tied but I know it was the right thing to do because I don't have pacientce to do it again.

Anne - posted on 03/14/2009

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Hi, I can only speak from my own experience put I can relate to what you are saying. We have 4 and half years between or two daughters.  Although my husband did in the end get "snipped"  I had always thought I would get my tubs tied, however God had other plans for us. Because of a heart condition I was born with we thought we would only have one child. After our first daughter was born we did wait to do anything perennate  I did not think I would be a good mother to 2 children I questioned if I was a good enough mother to one child. When we became pregnant with our second I was concerned the whole 9 months.  But God in His unfailing love and wisdom put in my head the thought that this second child was not as accident but a Bonus! So we called her our Bonus Baby that even before we know she was a girl. She is now almost 21 and a beautiful Christian young women that has truly Blessed our lives with more love than I could tell you about. Our oldest daughter is 25 and they are the best of friends.  If you can wait and Pray about for at leas 6 months you may change you mind. I will be Praying that you and your husband find the right answer for your family. Ultimately this is between the two of you and you will need to make the choice that is best for your family.

[deleted account]

Ok.

#1- decisions about how many kids to have are deeply personal and involve both mom & dad.(and also the child you already have) Nodbody can make this decision for you.



BUT, since you brought it up here, you know we are all sharing our opinions.



I am an only child. My parents did want more, and my mom had 4 miscarriages, but it was clearly God's will for me to be an only child. (I look forward to meeting my siblings in heaven!)



It was my choice to have at least two children because I know how lonely being an only child can be. Now I wish we had had more.



I did miss out on many important life lessons that other kids learned simply as a part of life. (How to share a bathroom and get along well with others) I DID learn these lessons, but at a later age and with much more stress and difficulty than if they had been learned at home. I have wonderful parents who love me dearly, but as they age, and we have had some scary health situations with them, there is none but me (and my husband) to make decisions and deal with the challenges to come. And when the day comes and my parents move to Heaven, there won't be anyone but me to reminisce about childhood memories of them.

But this was God's will- not my parents' choice.

I honestly cannot imagine choosing to have one child and no more.

But it is your choice- and your husband's. Not mine.

Just please be open to God's will for your life- He might have other plans for you...

God bless!

Gillian - posted on 03/13/2009

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It is up to each couple to decide how many children they have or if they have any at all.i dont think i is selfish to only want one child. but just dont go makin any irreversible decisions at the moment. there are lots of contraceptives out there talk to your doc or your pharmacist , the coil is only one of many..but it is extremley convienient and also has the affect of lessening the flow during your period. discuss the options with your hubby .mine wont have the snip either...he says he would gladly die for me but wont allow anyone to fiddle about " down there" Men....go figure.

Amber - posted on 03/12/2009

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I just want to say that it is not selfish to have only one child. Selfishness is having too many and no time for them. An only child has as much likelyhood of growing up to be a well-rounded, independent adult as a child from a large family. A couple who has only one child can give undivided love and attention to that child. I have no disrespect for large families therefore I don't believe that anyone should have disrespect for a family who chooses to devote their lives to only one child.

Stephany - posted on 03/12/2009

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Tasha, I'm a 40 yr. old mom w/ 3 kids. Personally, I've never taken pills in my life or even explore the idea of an IUD & any other contraceptives. I've never been comfortable with any of those products due to the side affects I've heard about. I prayed to the Lord about my concern & I knew I will never cut my tubes. Until one day, some church sisters shared with me about a product called Ortho Options Conceptrol its a gel & it contains no hormonal side effects & its inexpensive. You can purchase this at any supermarket, pharmacy or walmart stores. They told me to try it & I did. I've been using it since 2003 & I haven't gotten pregnant & I have no side effects. I have a peace of mind to know that I'm not  injecting, taking pills, using IUDs or patches that may cause more damage to my body down the road. God answered my prayer & gave me a peace of mind.  

Sonia - posted on 03/12/2009

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So true April so many women are misinformed. I have tried sharing this knowledge with teen girls who want to be put on bc also. Alot of teens just go by what they are told and dont look at the fine print for themselves. I know this isnt just a teen issue but its a concern of mine. :) Its important to share our knowledge though because its not something your doctor will openly tell you unless you know the right questions to ask! Thanks April, good stuff :)

April - posted on 03/12/2009

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this is a HUGE decision, and needs to be made by both of you. there are other birth control options that you dont have to worry about every day . Just a note to all mommies, be sure to read all about how your birth control actually works, many of them block fertilization, but have a fail safe that blocks implantation in case the egg is fertilized--I found this out after getting my depo provera shot, and was surprised and sad to find this out, as it is considered abortive. I;m sorry if this upsets anyone on birth control, but we should always read the fine print and make sure that it does not go against God's plan. ( I was on birth control depo off and on for the last 9 years, so this was like a punch in the stomach to find out I had been on something that I dont agree with)

Tasha - posted on 03/12/2009

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Yeah, i would never go behind his back and do something that serious!! I really never wanted kids at all. I am the oldest of 4, and even though there are only 5 years between me and my brother and 9 years between me and my sisters....I have no close relationships with them, at all. I just dont find the need in having a HUGE family! I would love to adopt a child, but my husband is totally against that. I just didnt enjoy being pregnant or going through the delivery. And I totally am sooooooo glad my child is out of the baby stage of just sittin around all day...i dreaded that stage! (do i sound like a horrible mom or what!!)

Katie - posted on 03/12/2009

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Pray about it, together!  This has to be a dual decision.  If your husband says wait, then you need to respect that, talk with the doctor and your husband, even though it is your body, it is his too, as his is yours.  1 Cor 7 :4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.  In th sam way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.  I am just trying to say not to go behind his back on this one, maybe that is so obvious that no one else thought it needed to be said, but I just wanted to make sure you thought about it.

Amy - posted on 03/12/2009

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I have twins, who are now almost 13 years old (I'm also about to cry as I write this).  When they were little, I was very overhwelmed, and was adamant that I didn't want anymore.  My husband had a vasectomy when they were 2, and by the time they started school, I really regretted it (he could try a reversal, but it wouldn't necessarily work anyways).  I just want to say, when your child reaches school age, if you haven't changed your mind, then think about something permanent, but please don't make the same mistake I did.  You could very likely regret it.

Melinda - posted on 03/12/2009

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My daughter is 3 years old and I can see where you are coming from. I have NO desire to have another one. Everyone is different and every family is different. I do not think that your child will miss out on anything and as long as you have truely thought this through you should not regret it. It is so hard this day and age to raise one let alone 2 or 3. I don't have an IUD but there are many forms of birth control. Find one that best suits you. Make an appointment with your doctor to discuss your options. But don't forget nothing works 100% of the time not even vasectomies.

Sonia - posted on 03/12/2009

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I just want to mention that even if you choose the IUD know what you will do if the IUD fails and you still get pregnant. I had the IUD and ended up pregnant again which happened to be my 3rd child at 21 years old. I then convinced my Dr to tie my tubes because my husband refused to get a vasectomy. Now with that said...I am now 31 ten years later and I can honestly tell you I regretted my decision after 2 years. And at the time it took alot of convincing the Dr to go through the operation because I was so young and he said to me you are feeling desperation right now and you are scared right now because you are young but you will get older and mature and want more children. I at the time was very frustrated and told the doctor that he didnt know me well enough to be able to say that and he had to do it or I would divorce my husband or never have sex with him again!! LOL I didnt mean it but I was young and desperate. So the Dr did it to "save my marriage" I guess my point is think about it and pray about it before you decide what to do. No form of bc is failsafe. So be prepared. :)

Shelly - posted on 03/11/2009

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PS It took me 5 years before I had my second child so don't get to in to much of a hurry!!!

Shelly - posted on 03/11/2009

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Tasha,



  #1 you have a one year old!  You are not going to want to have one



#2 Sorry but your husbands right it will hit you about the time your little one starts getting out of the baby stage



#3  It is so unfair to only have one.  Your child misses out on so much not having siblings



we have a foster daughter that we got when she was 14 and an only child and she said she would never do that to a child because she missed out on so much.  She said that she never relized it until she started having children of her own and she said watches the relationship  with her kids...If your tired of the pill check into the depo shot,  Because they will not tie your tubes b/c you only have one child and your under the age of 32.  Just don't do any thing you are going to regret later...

Dawn - posted on 03/11/2009

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i would talk to your dr about the IUD as the other mom said. i my self am DONE at 2 but lucky for me my hubby felt that after 2 c sections i had done enough and he got snipped. i'm scared now about it though...thanks alyssa!! LOL. he still hasn't gone back for his follow up. i thing he goes in a few weeks. luckily my dr has put me on the pill to regulate my cycle so i do have a back up!!!!! haha! i think your only option if your hubby won't budge is to talk to your dr about what you can do. you just might change your mind. i thought after one i would be done too but then when my daughter was 2 we decided to have one more. so you might not want to go the permanent route just yet. hope it works out for you.

Amanda - posted on 03/11/2009

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you can always have your tubes clamped, it's effective and yet if you do change your mind it's reversable

Alyssa - posted on 03/11/2009

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I totally understand!!! Yeah, two!!! First one (obviously!) didn't work!! He was a trooper thankfully though. I have three kiddos. We were 'planning' on only having two, but that didn't quite work out!! Not having to think about the responsibility aspect of things is always a nice benefit!!

Tasha - posted on 03/11/2009

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ha-ha....nice! 2 huh, i cant even get one! how many kids do you have? I just want to not be the responsible one anymore...when it comes to preventing it....i just want to do my business and not have to worry about babies! haha.

Alyssa - posted on 03/11/2009

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Quoting Tasha:






Quoting Alyssa:

Have you thought about an IUD? They last for 5 years, don't need daily care (like taking a pill) and you can take it out 'just in case'. That would give your husband and you some peace of mind. :) Hope this helps!






 






Have you had this done, or know anyone who has?









 






I don't have one, but I do know at least three people who do.  They were in the same situation as you, husbands weren't sure, so they went this route.  My sister and two of my close friends have the IUD.  All three have had great results and love them.  But I do not have one personally.  My husband had a vasectomy (two actually!).   LOL.

Tasha - posted on 03/11/2009

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Quoting Alyssa:

Have you thought about an IUD? They last for 5 years, don't need daily care (like taking a pill) and you can take it out 'just in case'. That would give your husband and you some peace of mind. :) Hope this helps!



 



Have you had this done, or know anyone who has?





 

Alyssa - posted on 03/11/2009

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Have you thought about an IUD? They last for 5 years, don't need daily care (like taking a pill) and you can take it out 'just in case'. That would give your husband and you some peace of mind. :) Hope this helps!

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