What do you tell a friend who is in need of support, her son was killed.

Christy - posted on 12/29/2009

I lost my eight year old daughter in 07. The best advice I have for you is just to be there for her. Don't stop calling and coming over because you don't know what to say. Go over and be with her. I wouldn't call and ask for somone's help and you don't always want to talk. But, you also do not want to be alone. Sometimes you are afraid to be alone. So all you can do is be there. And pray for her daily. Your friend is in my family's prayers.

Jill - posted on 12/29/2009

WhenI lost my twins 5 years ago someone old me "you'llnever get over it until you accept i" and ya know what? that is exactly what has to happen. It willtake time and a lot of tears before she willcome o his,but if her son was with god here on earth She has to KNOW he is with God NOW. I'll be praying for her.

Cherie - posted on 12/28/2009

I Lost my 16 month old baby girl in April of this year in a car accident. All I can say is tell her to stay on the path of Jesus and stay prayed up. When she is hurting look to family and friends and to her church family. Everyday from here on out is gonna be a battle. Just take things slow and trust in GOD. When I am sad and I'm alone I close my eyes and imagine Jesus holing my sweet baby. He is teaching her so many wonderful things I never could. I know 1 day we will be together again and when we meet again we will be together forever. GOD bless you and your friend she will be in my prayers.

Monique - posted on 12/24/2009

Prayer is the key that unlocks any door so she needs to be surrounded by prayer!

Gloria - posted on 12/22/2009

God Bless All of you that took the time to help me out with some great responds. Mary is standing strong by the strength of Our Lord. She talks to me on the hard days and lets me know when she is having a really good day. Much love to all of you.

Sarah - posted on 12/06/2009

find out if there are any support groups in your area and offer to take her to one when she feels like she is ready. pray pray and pray some more. also just be there for her. do things with her and let her do the talking if she wants. alot of people will not go around because "they don't know what to say". good luck and God bless you and your family.

Thresia - posted on 12/03/2009

just keep praying n listening n talking when she needs it

Thresia - posted on 12/03/2009

god i pray for our sister give her the stinght she needs hold her in your arms
Amen

Donna - posted on 12/03/2009

I would just simply tell her that you are praying for her and are there to help her if/when she needs it. Sometimes just being willing to listen and still talk about the person who has passed on is a big help.

Rachel - posted on 12/03/2009

I would encourage her to go to Griefshare or other such Christian grief group A lot of churches host these kinds of groups and they are immensely helpful in processing our grief.

There are some really good books on grief that you could buy her. If you felt led, you might read one or two to get some perspective on what she is dealing with and get more ideas on how to help her from the advice in the books. Two books that I found really helpful for my grief were: God Will Make a Way by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend and Recovering from Losses in Life, by H. Norman Wright, a grief and trauma counselor. Both books have excellent advice and stories of other grieving people (including parents with lost children). The authors have experienced their own losses and have an in-depth understanding of what grievers are going through.

Finally, it really helps to process our grief when we are given opportunities to talk about our loved one who is now gone. Give your friend opportunities to remember her son aloud. Ask her about her favorite memories of him, things he used to do, favorite expressions. Encourage her to write these down in a memory book.

I've heard that working on a scrap book every year on the birthday of the loved one is another great way to process the grief and remember the loved one.

Don't wait for her to call you. She will find that a lot of her friends can't bear her grief and will start to distance themselves from her. She will need people to take the initiative to call her, reassure her that they love and care about her, and ask what she needs. She may not even know what she needs, so invite her out for coffee and let her talk or do something else that gets her out of the house and helps encourage her to feel connected to the rest of the world.

Losing someone close to you is so hard. Feeling like you can't talk about it with others past the first couple months is harder. Living with grief and the bittersweet memories of your loved one is a daily thing. We can't escape it. Everyone else will go on with their lives, but ours is permanently changed. It's painful, sad and lonely. If you can ease that pain in any way, she will always remember it. She doesn't need much advice from her friends, just love, support, a shoulder to cry on, and an ear to listen.

Crystal - posted on 11/30/2009

Honestly I'm very thankful that I have not been burdened with this type of grief, however both my mom and sister have. I lost my sister ten years ago and we lost my nephew (13) this summer. After two battles with cancer we lost him in an ATV accident. From the inside view both my mom and sister say the best for them was to talk to other moms that have lost children regardless of the childs age. From the "outside" it's hard just to let them crumble when they need to and be there to pick up the pieces. If you are crafty helping her with a memory frame or we did dressers for my sister and Tyson. I made four videos for them to watch when they were lonely. A great song I have found that has helped with tyson's loss is "you wouldn't cry for me" by mendesa here is the youtube site for his video... if that doesn't work try just typing in tyson sayer in the search on you tube and going to the "you wouldn't cry for me today". Knowing that others are there that truly understand will be great... Also know that about three mo to two years are the hardest depending on the length of personal greiving. Sorry so long a post obviously not a stranger to this sort of thing... we also lost a great friend three years ago killed by a drunk driver while changing his tire on the road. Nick was only 24. Sometimes we just have to hold onto the fact that we will be together again "in the blink of an eye".

Faith - posted on 11/30/2009

pray for her it helps alot

Angie - posted on 11/29/2009

Check with your local hospice center. They may have greif counseling you can reccomend. My step dad died and my mom and two younger brother's went and it really helped. It's free too.

Jackie - posted on 11/29/2009

Dearest Gloria, I praise God for you, as a friend you are doing everything you can do, in offering your support and prayers, and even though sometimes you don't have nothing to say, be there to listen. Many people assume in letting the person be left alone in her grieve, and in staying away or don't bring up her loss, but for experience that's the worst thing, I found that the more I talk and somebody asked, I was able to let out what I needed to let out, and in the process little by little find comfort and healing. I lost a baby long time ago, and that was the most terrible moment I could ever experienced. But at the same time, I found my way to let everything out that was in my heart, in telling God how I felt, although at a moment I felt who am I, to question God and even being angry with him. But in that process I found and experience the loving Father that he is, that it was ok in letting him know how I felt, and I was freed, I felt a peace that no one can give you, only Him, and in the process experiencing Him very real; that had helped me cope and look to a future of comfort and hope. As the Word of God says, that He comforts us... so that we can comfort others. You'll be in my prayers and specially your friend.

Patti - posted on 11/29/2009

Sometimes a hug and no words are more appreciated ... just be there for her in any capacity you can. Pray for her peace of mind and for God to wrap His arms around her at this time. Lots of hugs. God bless both of you!

Gloria - posted on 11/29/2009

Thank you All so very much for responding to my question and for praying for us. I do know that with Jesus Christ all is done and Mary will get through this. I love her dearly and will continue to be here for her and continue to pray for her and with her. God Bless you all in Jesus Name. amen.

Anne - posted on 11/28/2009

I do not have any different advice to offer. I just wanted to let you know that I will be Praying for you and your friend and her family.

Amy - posted on 11/28/2009

I agree with Heather. I know people who have lost there child and I always say I am here if you need to talk, yell, screem and what ever the case may be. There is really nothing you can do or say. I have a friend who is going through a seperation with her marriage and getting a devorce. She is having a rough time. The other day she needed to cry and could not find time and all I said was you need to let it out. She has children with health problems/behavior problems and does not do it infront of them. I told her she needs to let it out and she did while I was on the phone and then hung up on me because she could not talk because of how hard she was crying. She called me back and appoligiesd and I said no problem. You needed to do that and I was just there for her. I will pray for your friend but just be there with her pray with her and for her. That is all you can do and I will pray for you and the Lord to give you wisdom on how to handle this. God bless you and your friend. May the Lord Jesus wrap his loving arms around your friend and you and give you both peace.

Heather - posted on 11/28/2009

Don't worry about telling her anything. Just be there for her. Even if it means just sitting quietly by her side so that she isn't alone. You don't have to say something to be supportive. Just let her know that you care.

Victoria - posted on 11/28/2009

I don't know that there is much you can tell her accept that you are there for her.
Be strong for her, be there to listen & put an arm around her & pray with her.

Vicki - posted on 11/28/2009

I would let her know how sorry you are for her loss, her pain, her suffering. Also, that even though you do not fully understand the depth of her sorrow, you know that God will help her get through this, and you will be praying for her to find strength in her faith in Him.

Maria - posted on 11/28/2009

Well the first is already going for her Christ tell her to put all of her faith in him and she will come through. It is not an easy process it is probably the going to be one of the hardest things she will have to face. Tell her if she wants to scream, cry to get it all out. Tell her to pray to God. She is in my prayers.

Valerie - posted on 11/27/2009

Sounds like you've done all you can for her. The recommendation to speak to someone is good and basically all you can do is offer to be there for her when she wants to seek you out. Otherwise there really is nothing you can say to make it easier.