What is the best way to help my kids get along?

Lareina - posted on 11/04/2010

I have 3 children.. 14 y/o girl,11 y/o boy, & 3 y/o girl. The younger one learns from the older ones and what she was acting out is not good. So for my little one I have her apologize and say something nice to her siblings. My older ones use to fight literally fight from hair pulling to just brawls of punching kicking. Awful! So I started having them write a paragraph in the morning stating what they like about the other then after dinner another paragraph about the good and bad things the other did to or for them that day. This has really worked for us. It's been a good 4 months since their last fight. We of course still have some arguments but that's as far as it goes now.

Theresa - posted on 11/03/2010

I started a new thing in my house. I explained it to my kids before hand so they knew what to expect. When they fight I don't care who started it. They both have to come up and sit quietly at the table for 15 minutes. During that time they need to come up with 3 complilemts to give eachother. If they talk during the thinking time the 15 minutes starts over. When the 15 minutes is up I come in and listen to the compliments they give eachother. It's helped cut down on the fighting and they've discovered things that they like about eachother.

Karianne - posted on 11/03/2010

when my older boys 16,7and 3 just wont get along nicely i make them sit and hold hands.It is normal for them to get on each others nerves but they also have to learn to get along.Hope this helps

Mandy - posted on 11/11/2009

Love and Logic has a sibling rivalry CD that I have listened to. Some things that I learned from it that I have used for my children, is if they can't play nicely, then they just need to be separated. Also, if they have time to pick on each other then they have too much time on their hands. Chores are a good way to fill that time. My kids get to do my chores when they fight with each other. Scrubbing floors, washing windows are examples. Hope you can have a peaceful household very soon.

Kirsten - posted on 11/11/2009

I think it depends a little bit on what you mean by aggravate each other. I know that my brothers and sisters got on my nerves a lot but that's not the same thing as fighting. It's tough living in the same space with someone else and having to share everything so conflict is going to happen. I'm a big fan of the "talk it out" zone. I've used it with my kids when I was teaching. Put two chairs facing each other into a corner and anytime there is an argument the two people arguing have to go and sit in the "talk it out" zone until they have come to a solution. They will need your help at first to work through the steps of problem solving. Teach them to let each person share what is upsetting them and then let them brainstorm ideas for fixing the problem and/or require them to apologize for their bad behavior. It takes some time for kids to get the problem solving method worked out but it is a good skill that will be useful for life.

Heather - posted on 11/11/2009

You could start the day by having each of them pray for one of the others, or if they aren't believers they could say something nice to them. If they can't start the day off by saying something nice, then they can stay in their room until they can. Just let them know that you are tired of it and the expectations have changed. If they start picking on each other, separate them. Let them know when their behavior pleases you, and when it doesn't. It is important for them to see both sides.

Betty - posted on 11/11/2009

sounds like youre kids dont look at each other as individuals. at dinner time go around the table and ask each one to express the best and worst thing that happened to them today. each child will see that their sibling is person with feelings and that other people in the world hurt and help them too. good luck