What time do you think a 18yo living at home should be home and off phone.
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Mildred - posted on 11/21/2009
NLT 12AM unless they are @ work as long as we train our children up the way the bible instructs us to then we have to trust that they are doing the right thing and ask GOD to cover them ,eventually they will realize that we are not the enemy and that we set rules out of love and to protect them.I too have a 18yo daughter she is in college and involved in dance and cheerleading she is also active in youth ministries in our church .it took a while for me but i trust her and i know that she serves a GOD that will be watching her when i am not.If your child breaks curfew then set the alarm house and dare them to sneak in,if they are smart and fear the rath of GOD then your rath may be just as fearful to them.
Shalana - posted on 11/21/2009
You are the adult regardless if you gave birth to her or not. You set the rules and she will abide by them or you tell her she has to go. If you let her slide by the rules she will think this is what it is like in the real world and she will try all of the adults. Pray and ask God to give you strength because she will try you but as long as you don't give in she will eventually stop. If she breaks curfew then have steep consequences so she will know that you aren't playing.
Olivia - posted on 11/20/2009
I think if the 18 yo is living under your roof and you are paying the bills then the 18 yo should most definitely do as you say respectfully. If the 18 yo dont like it tell them to get their own place. I was out of my parents house a week after I graduated High School. Children nowadays needs to learn what responsibility is and start minding their parents. So if you stay that the phone is off limit at 9pm then they should abide by that period!!!!!
Aneesha - posted on 11/20/2009
Well, my son turns seventeen tomorrow, but if i know where he is and who he is with he can stay out til one, but as long as he is in the house, he can stay on the phone forever, just do it in your room b/c i get tired of looking at it! lol but generally one is special privilege ONLY!
Elizabeth - posted on 11/19/2009
I know I'm very young to be answering this, but it TOTALLY depends on the person. It depends on what you feel is reasonable, what is safest for the teenager, how much you can trust the teenager, who the teenager's friends and habits are, and what the teen's activities for the next day include.
At the beginning of high school, I had to be off the phone by a certain time, but I actually never had a curfew. I was really responsible and respectful of my parents, so they never gave me a curfew. I always told them where I was going, who was going to be there, and when I would be home. I was never out too late (I'm really not sure why.) and would call when plans changed or if I was going to be home later. My parents said that they would give me more rules once I showed that I needed them.
If I were you, I would sit down with her and find out what she wants. She needs to know that you care about what she wants. If she does not currently have your trust, let her know that once she starts being responsible and respecting you, then she can have certain privileges such as a later curfew or being allowed to talk on the phone later. Make sure you explain what you mean by being responsible & respecting you. She may have a different idea than you of what that means. Another thing, no matter how hard she tries to push you, stick to what you say. Otherwise, she will continue to push and then push even harder. Keep in mind that she is 18 and needs to learn how to make good decisions on her own. I have seen a good deal of kids go crazy once they are out of the house, because their parents had so many rules that they never completely learned how to make good decisions on their own. Yes, she will make mistakes, but that's a part of life. When the time is right, slowly give her more and more freedom so that she is prepared to make good decisions once she is on her own. Most of all, make sure she knows how important she is to you. Good luck, and I hope that everything works out!
MarJo - posted on 11/19/2009
That's a tough one sometimes.Will have a 18yr old too,but still in school.He does what he wants,we just ask him to be quite when he strolls in and no incoming calls after 10:00pm. But we do require him to let us please know were he is at all times.In case of n emergency.I think that giving them freedom n trust is hard. If you want him to be there try to compromise if you can (as you would with a room mate)If he's not in school I would tell him to work n help pitch in with food,utilities,n rent ,whatever we would think is fare together n stick to it.It's working for us.Hope this helps
Rebekah - posted on 11/18/2009
When I was 18, my parents gave me a curfew of midnight while I was in school. After I graduated, I didn't have a curfew anymore and could do what I wanted. I just had to let them know when I would be home and call before they went to bed if I'd be later.
Gloria - posted on 11/18/2009
When the parent says its time!! If a child is living in the home and not paying bills etc. then they must follow the rules of the house or get their own place to live. Thats how it is in my house and my older two children are room mates now Praise God!!! :)
Darcel - posted on 11/17/2009
I'm kinda shocked that a foster kid would behave this way. I am a former foster child and I know that foster kids are living in the house by the grace and mercy of the homeowner. One word to that young person's social worker and they can be quickly moved to the next home looking for a quick buck.
I seriously doubt that you are that cruel, but plenty of foster homes have children treated horribly in order to save the money given to them by the state. And teenagers are just moved into group homes which is just another money making business oppertunity for most counselors and group home providers. (yes I'm bitter, I'm still praying about it)
I was not the best behaved kid or anything, but I didn't test boundaries that would get me removed from my loving home. (My foster mom was great; strict and God fearing, but great) If she said be home by 10pm, my butt was home by 9:55pm. If she said no telephone calls after 8pm (and she did) I did not get calls after 8pm. I knew how good I had it and although I complained, left dishes in the sink, and put on too much make-up, I didn't mess with curfew.
Maybe your foster daughter needs to be reminded how good she has it in your house and if she can't abide by your rules she is free to leave, and it will not be very hard for her social worker to find her another place to stay.
Destini - posted on 11/17/2009
Ok really now no offense to ppl of other color but in a real black housewhole aint no picking a choosing with times to get off phones or when to be home...if my daughter was 18 by my calculations she needs to be off at school...my mom taught me u are grown when u have and manage ur own stuff with ur income not parents, like a home, car, food, school/work u get the picture u cant tell ur parents what u will and wont do in they're house. Now i would never tell my daughter that but when my mom said it she said it in a way that i felt that was being truly independent (some might runaway) but i dnt know if i will be able to dress it up for my daughter to hear but getting back to the point for in my case a 17/18 yr old should be off the phone by 10 taking into consideration homework, clothes need to taken out, eat and chores.Keep in mind i was 18 just 3 yrs ago i know what goes on after dark i never did it but i know the freaks come out at night meaning mostly sex is talked about late at night, teenagers should be home during the school week its just not enough time to do true work around the house and school work...but on the weekend (fri-sat) home by 10 on the dot off the phone at usually time but i neva had anytime not to be on the phone or in the house i didnt really like to go out except to prom so its not like i was spoiled but in my town doing that will make u preg by 12 yeah its that serious lol!!!
Judymae - posted on 11/17/2009
do they work. if dey do 10.pm is a good time so they can rest up for work or school. also nomore phone time after eleven. now if they dont work 9.30 pm should be a really good come home time. and phone shut off by 9.30 pm. once u live at home abide by parents rules. or see the door use it.
Heather - posted on 11/17/2009
In all honesty after I graduated high school I couldn't stand having a set time to be home. My mom actually made it earlier then when I was in high school. I was already a Christian, and didn't understand why my mom didn't trust me. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have rules, but maybe try talking it out with your daughter. Find out why she wants to stay out late, what she is doing. Do you trust her? If so do you need to be in control or can you trust her to start making right decisions. This could be a great opportunity for her to start making adult choices while she still has you there to help her when she needs it. Let her know if certain things bother other family members and why you have to have certain rules.
Helen - posted on 11/17/2009
Maybe you should talk with the 18yo. Once I hit 18 my dad pretty much said I was a grown up and could do what I wanted. He trusted me to be safe, but I always had to have my cell with me and call him and tell him where I was. Maybe you could work something out like that. I know it sounds sort of scary. But since my dad trusted me and let me know that I didn't want to let him down.
Victoria - posted on 11/17/2009
When my step daughter was 18 and living with us she worked a midnight shift so she was out all night & sleeping during the day. On Friday nights she attended a Young Adults service at the Church & if she went out after we knew who she was with, she always carried a cell phone which she paid for & we knew we could trust her. On Saturday nights when she went out she'd always be home by midnight as we had Church on Sunday morning. Once she walked away from the Lord she only lived with us a couple of months & then moved out, she was 20 by then.
Sit and talk together and set up boundries that you can both live with....then there is a testing period to see if she sticks to her end of the bargain. Set up acceptable curfews for being out & talking on the phone & if there is a problem tell her you expect a call with the where, what & why she'll be late. And be ready to make exceptions for special occasions. If she see you're treating her as an adult with respect, she'll probably be more willing to follow the rules.
I've taught young adults in our Church & it's such a difficult stage for them, they are trying to excert their independence, we need to help them stand alone, while letting them know that they are not all by themselves.
Monica - posted on 11/17/2009
I agree with everyone else. Remember that YOU are in charge, not your 18 yr. old. I don't know your situation but I think the reason she "tries" you is maybe she has done so in the past and for whatever reason you gave in. If you give in just one time when she's tried you, that's enough reason for her to continue pushing you or taking advantage of you until you give in. That's the easy thing to do - give in. (this way you avoid any attitudes or arguements). The hard thing to do is stand your ground - but it's the right thing to do. If she cannot comply with your rules or uses the excuse that she's an "adult", then tell her live as an "adult" - get her own job, her own car, her own house, her own phone, her own bills and then she can set her own rules.
Bonnie - posted on 11/17/2009
I think the 18 yo needs to abide by the house rules you set. You have your reasons, and if they cannot respect them, then maybe they need to start looking for their own place with their own rules. Tough love....
Molli - posted on 11/17/2009
When I lived at home at 18, my curfew was midnight on the weekends and through the week it was 10 pm. I had to be home and in bed at that time. My friends knew not to call after 9-have a younger sister and two younger brothers too- so that they wouldn't disturb anyone. My friends respected my parents enough to follow those rules so I could go with them!
Donna - posted on 11/17/2009
Regardless of whether this is your birth child or foster child, remember you set the limits! She will push and test your willingness to give in, but she probably needs strict boundaries. Hold firm on what your rules are and make sure she's aware of the consequences if the rules are broken.
Jamie - posted on 11/17/2009
I agree with Kari. And irregardless if birth child or not, still your child, your house, your rules. Take the cell phone (if that's the problem) or take the landline phone to bed with you. Hard to be on a phone that doesn't work.
Joanie T. - posted on 11/16/2009
Thanks Kari, your right, it should be the time I want but this child pushes me to the limit. She's not my birth child but a foster child who tries me all the time. She just turned 18 on Nov 1. I have a midnight rule to be home by and off the phone by but sometimes she tries to take advantage of me. Thanks for your help.
Kari - posted on 11/16/2009
well, if they are living under your roof, it should be anytime you want them home and off the phone. when i was 18 and still living at home, my dad had me home at midnight on weekends and 10 on school nights, the phone wasn't really an issue, but i think when they go to bed. hope this helps! :)