What too do about Grandparents

Ruth - posted on 06/17/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Ok well I have two small boys 5 and 3 and well they preatty much have no Grandparents, My Parents havent seen my boys in almost 3 years becuse my mother is not mentaly well and its not safe she is near my boy's at all and my father wount see the kids becuse I wount let her around them. My Dh mom hasnt been around sence my 5 year old was a few weeks old, she wanted him too be a girl then started telling everyone that her son wasnt his father and he so is!!! And Dh's dad lives in the U.S. and well he dosent do anything for the kids...Drives me nuts.......Jarred acuttly asked me if my parents were dead....That came as a shock!! I just dont know what too say too the kids anymore Im lost for words.....Big Sigh!!

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Cindy - posted on 06/18/2010

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I am not in your shoes as my kids have great grandparents and now they have greatgrandkids so I am extremely blessed. What I can suggest is having them visit elderly people either at church, a resthome, extended living facility where they can have "grandparents." We were a military family so my kids didn't live near any grandparents so they found some at church who loved them.

Victoria - posted on 06/17/2010

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I agree your kids are too young to know any different and growing up with no grandparents around they will consider it normal for them.



My parent are very close to us, but my hubby's father died when he was 15 and his mum lives in another province and has only seen the girls on a few occasion. There are an older couple in our church who are very fond of our kids and having no children & therefore no grandchildren of their own the treat my kids like grand kids.



I think that our kids know they are loved and it really doesn't matter exactly where the love it coming from, parents, grandparents, family friends, aunts, uncles, older siblings, it's all the same to them.



If it really bothers you that your kids don't have grandparents in their lives, pray that God will bring some surrogate grandparents to your family.

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Kellie - posted on 06/17/2010

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We have a similar situation in our family. My mother in law is unstable and actually on medication for manic depression and a slew of other "mental" issues. The fact that she is medicated should be a good thing however she abuses the medication and is pretty much "high" all the time. She has NEVER been allowed to drive my daughter under any circumstance because she is always "overmedicated" and was in six accidents in two years. and she has not been asked to babysit in over a year because she does not respect our wishes, she has inappropriate conversations with my daughter, and because of her condition she shakes a lot and my daughter started reinacting this behavior.
Recently my MIL got picked up by the police and they were going to arrest her but my husband went and bailed her out and she was beligerant, ungrateful and horribly insulting to my husband. This was the final straw for all of us. But we had to go pick her car up (a 40 minute drive there and back) and drop it off to her the next day. My daughter came with us but I would not allow my daughter to see her. Of course my daughter was very upset with me and voiced her opinion. She is only four and I had to be very careful of what I said to her so I simply said "I know you wanted to see Nana and I am very sorry that you can't. Mommy and daddy are just trying to do what we think is best for you and I hope someday you will be able to forgive me." She was not very clear about why she couldn't but the fact that I threw myself on the proverbial sword and asked for her forgiveness seemed to change her outlook from one of "you're a mean mom" to "Ok mom, I forgive you."
We have to do what is best for our children so please don't feel guilty for that. I applaud you for taking a stand and guarding our children until they are able to understand. They are so very young so they don't need many details. Keep it as simple, yet truthful as possible. Try something like what I said and see if that doesn't satisfy the question for now. The five year old might ask a few questions so again be honest but vague at the same time. I hope this helps! God bless you all!

Jill - posted on 06/17/2010

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truly i think the only one this situation will affect is you.... your kids are too young to realize the situation your mom is in and the selfishness of your mom in law.... my kids do not see my mom that much and she is an hr away.... she won;t drive to see them... my husbands mom has not been to see my kids in 2 yrs .. she lives 3 hrs away and will not drive to see our kids and we do not speak to my husbands sisters who could give her a ride... my father in law has never seen my youngest who is 2 he lives 1 1/2 hrs away because of his stubborn pride... we didn;t "invite" him to the birth .... although he came for the other 2 births w/o an invite... you cannot change your parents or your inlaws... you can only learn from them and try your best not to repeat there actions..... remember they are the ones that will have to answer to God for their behavior....surround yourself with people who want to be with you and your children ... your church family... your neighbors...etc.... and forgive these people of their shortcomings...so God won;t hold it against you....God bless you...more people are in your situation then you are aware of....

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