When do you hope your children will marry?

Christina - posted on 05/08/2011

I was married the first time when I was still in High School... I just turned 18 and had my son 2 months before my 19th birthday. Yes, I do beleive I married too young. The marriage ended after the birth of my son and I had to grow up very very fast in order to take care of my son on my own as his bio did not mature. My children are pretty well grounded. At this time my oldest is 19 with no interest in marriage, my 16 year old wants to go to college and be grounded in her career before worrying about marriage, and my youngest (13) also says she will not marry until she is in a career. All three know that they dont have to get married and are responsible. I feel marriage is not something to take lightly and that I just hope my childre continue on the path of finding themselves first before taking on the added responsibilities of marriage. Every individual is different so there is no "ideal" age to get married... I have friends in their late 20's who have not been married yet and I think that is not a bad thing because they are able to grow up, get a stable life, discover who they are, and then decide what is best for them.

Angela - posted on 05/06/2011

I married my children's father at 23½ - he was 9 years older and less ready than I was. We split after 8 years. Married my 2nd husband who is only 7 weeks older than me at the age of 50. He is a Christian and a wonderful man. I'm happy in my marriage. My husband's happy too!

I personally believe that regardless of age, a person needs to have the maturity and focus to make their marriage work. There is talk about people being "givers" or "takers". The marriage between 2 givers is a wonderful thing - for 2 takers it's pretty grim. Rarely do people talk about what a marriage is like between a giver and a taker. Especially when there's an age gap and the taker is a few years older than the giver.

I would be wary of a situation where a young (although mature) person marries someone a bit older but less mature. Someone who is, in fact, a taker - who will exploit and abuse their spouse - it happens! It happened to me! Guidance from my friends at Church did NOT help. I "submitted" to him and he exploited me all the more.

I don't feel age has much to do with it, but more the level of maturity and personal wisdom from each of the couple marrying.

I've seen a Christian family more or less push their daughter into marriage at 17 - rather than have her sexually active before marriage with her boyfriend. She's now split up from her husband. She has a baby too. I feel it would have been far better for the 2 of them to have indulged in a bit of teenage sex (with reliable contraception) than to have a failed marriage behind them before they're even 20! Sorry if you disagree everyone but regardless of religious sensibilities, the hormones of a teenager from a Christian family are just as active as any other teenager's.

The marriage rate has gone down in the UK - fewer people actually get married. And there are more failed marriages than those measured by the divorce rates. I currently know TWO women who are "turning a blind eye" to their husbands' adultery. Well, not turning a blind eye so much as being proactive and finding ways to prevent their men going to their other women. This includes ensuring that they work the same hours as their husbands so both of them have the same time off and it's harder for the man to get away to visit his other woman etc...

If the marriage rates have decreased because people are thinking more carefully about making the commitment, then that's a good thing. But there are other factors which have affected this trend.

My son told his partner he didn't want to get married because so many marriages fail etc... I think she would like to marry. I would like him to marry her but I would never tell him this. In fact, given that young people do the opposite to what their parents tell them, I should advise him NEVER to marry!!

Amy - posted on 05/03/2011

I am not worried about my children waiting to get married. I was married at 21 while still in college and was able to finish and my husband and I both have good careers. I would not ask my daughters to wait as I feel that is presuring them to have sex outside of marriage. It is hard enough for kids to wait until marriage and I am a firm believer that sex is to be between husband and wife. I want my daughters to be successful in their marriage and career and I don't think that the age you get married can make either one better or worse.

Debbie - posted on 05/02/2011

Amen! Finally someone thinks like I do. Good Luck hon

Jenny - posted on 05/02/2011

I got married at 20 same age as my partner. To the world this was too young, to me it was too old! lol. I'm a very loyal person and knew this was my life partner from the age of 17. I think my husband had a harder time than i did with marrige, he came from a strict family and once married, wanted to hang out with the boys, where as i was all done with that and ready to settle down. So that has been our main problem. But now at 26 he's matured, and we're getting to align our goals better.

I dont think it has much to do with age, more to do with commitment, and understanding what marrige is and what you're giving up (single life) going in.
Personally i sometimes think that the man should be a couple years older, just so that he's the more mature one in the relationship, but then you get your 30 year old men still playing game consoles and wanting to party. So its all relative to the individual.

For my children i'd probably want them to be 18+ to get married, but apart from that, age is not the real issue.

Heather - posted on 05/02/2011

I got married at 19 and he was 23, neither of us were Chritians until we almost got a divorce a year later, we decided to center our marriage around God completely and now we're happier than before we got married! I am going to raise my kids knowing how to be a godly spouse and wht one looks like, id like for my boys to be out of college so they can have good jobs, we believe that the wife should stay home. but i know that God is going to do what He wants done ;) just gotta have faith!

Debbie - posted on 05/01/2011

I was married when I was 18, had 3 children, and then I was divorced at 25.

Debbie - posted on 05/01/2011

My daughter is getting married in August. My son in Texas is engaged. My oldest is still single. I already have 2 handsome grandsons by my daughter, and 3 to be grandchildren from my youngest and his fiance'.

Shalon - posted on 04/30/2011

I married when I was 24 years old, I hope my kids wait until after college and have a start in their career. I didn't go to college until later in life after children,etc it is super hard

Debbie - posted on 04/29/2011

I jumped in too soon. My daughter is 31, and she is getting married in August. She will be 32 in June.

Teresa - posted on 04/27/2011

I was 23... almost 24. My age was fine, but the marriage was not.

I don't care about what age they get married (though prefer at least 20).... I just hope and pray they marry the RIGHT person for them.

Carla - posted on 04/27/2011

Amen, amen, Jacqui. I have found the Babylonian Talmud (Rabbi's writings) and started reading about women. God ordained that women would be treated as precious jewels, and the husband gave his life to treat her this way. Somewhere along the line women were relegated to chattel, not quite human.

We should be pushing our churches and pastors to develop classes for both young men and women, and teaching them the Godly way of marriage, and dating in general. What we are giving our children now is a disservice, and causes many, many broken hearts and marriages. I pray God start stirring the Church to start living by the Early Church example.

God bless, all

Jacqui - posted on 04/26/2011

My mother married young and didn't have a happy marriage and so cautioned me to wait. I married later at 31 but this didn't insulate me from having chosen my life partner badly. He turned out to be a criminal (had hidden it well) and ultimately left me and 4 children destitute and with the financial burden of his activities. My point is, age has absolutely nothing to do with being happily married or not. Its more to do with chosing your partner wisely and only God knows 'the one' for you. I STRONGLY believe (and after extensive investigation) that a 'chosing your partner' course should be mandatory before you even start dating and then refreshed as you go through the years. Books are great, but some churches even offer free courses for the community (you don't need to be a christian to attend). The problem with our world today is that we're perpetually told (through movies etc) that we must chose with our hearts.... and as we all know our hearts are often led by a myriad of things that are not very reliable or sustainable. We need to learn to be a good partner ourselves and learn to find 'the one' and not just with our hearts.... with our heads.

Rebekah - posted on 04/26/2011

I got married at the age of 20... I don't believe I got married too young -- it was the right timing God had planned for. I don't care what age my child gets married, just as long as he knows it's the right woman for him and it's God's timing. All I can do is prepare my son now for how to be a good husband and how to be a good father and how to treat a lady, etc.... so that when the time comes, he is ready no matter what age he is.

Heather - posted on 04/26/2011

I was married at 17 (my husband was also 17) I was ready, he was not. It's highly important for BOTH parties to be ready... I don't really care how old my children are, as each person is different. I care more about how much they put into it. I will ask them to go through pre-marital counseling, just to ensure that BOTH parties are really ready, not just one, and that they are better prepared for life together.

Carla - posted on 04/26/2011

I was married at 15, and as far as I was concerned, I was ready. All I had ever wanted was to be married, have a vine-covered cottage and children and a dog. My husband was 19, but was NOT ready. We divorced two children later, at 21 for me, I married again as soon as the divorce was final, my new husband was just 20 (didn't know how old he was until we went to get the license!). That was in 1972, and we have been married ever since. Our oldest daughter got married at 21 and again at 25. Our son was married at 32, and our youngest daughter at 22 and again at 26. I feel that, if God is in the marriage, it doesn't matter when they get married. I DO feel that waiting as long as our son did, he is slowing down, and he has young girls who are very active, is not a good thing. I grew up with my children, and was able to still play. I guess just pray and ask the Lord for His will.

God bless, honey

Linda - posted on 04/25/2011

I was 20 and my husband was 21 when we married. We never dated anyone but each other, and it was right for us. I don't much care WHEN my children get married as long as they marry Christians. What is right for one person is not always right for another. (Oh, and he had graduated from college by then....and I graduated the next year after we were married.)

Elfrieda - posted on 04/25/2011

I got married at one month shy of 23 to a 29 year old. He feels like in an ideal world, he would have married younger (but not really, because then he wouldn't have married me!) and I feel like I was a bit young, but if I had been better prepared in money management, sticking up for myself, etc, it would have been easier.
I have a 16 month old son, and I really want him to find his place and be a man by the time he's in his late teens, instead of wandering all lost and confused for about 10 years like is normal now. But if he is a man by 20, then why wouldn't he get married then, too? I've always looked askance at people who get married really young. (with 22 being absolute minimum age) My parents always drilled into my head that you must go to university before even thinking about marriage! I'm not sure I agree, and am interested in everybody's input. Thanks Anne, for yours.

Anne - posted on 04/25/2011

I was 24 in May of 1979 and my husband was 23 in January of 1979, We got married in Dec. Of 1979. WE had dated for several years, almost 6 really. We would not have been ready any sooner. My husband and I have been Praying for our children since we were engaged in May of 1975. God blessed us with 2 daughters they are now 27 and 22. Our Prayer for them was and continues to be that they marry when God brings the Right godly Christian man into their lives.