When puberty kicks in

[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

My daughter has reached puberty at the tender age of 11!! She is at a all girls school & is suffering hugely with anxiety as she had developed earlier than most girls in her grade. Most of this is because they do not have private dressing rooms for them & are told "you are all girls". She is so embarrased about having to wear a bra & her acne, that she becomes physically ill. She has pleaded with me not to talk about it. I need help & advice.

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Marilyn - posted on 11/02/2009

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This is very normal,tell her not to be ashamed,like Mrs Bettye said those girls will have these same issues just make sure your there for your daughter,i have 4daughters,who have now daughters of their own and that's all they do give them advice.God Bless you..

Lisa - posted on 10/20/2009

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I started puberty at seven due to hormonal imbalances. I remember being absolutely mortified when I got my first period. Although my parents had made me aware of them I just didn't seem to be able to get my head around the issue. I had my first period at nine. But one thing I do remember is that I absolutely HATED sanitary towels and point blank refused to use them - this went on for a year. Then, my mum got me tampons and that enabled me to deal with it much better as it felt more 'out of site' to me and I was unaware of it being there.

Just a thought if your daughter has the same problem as I know now, after discussions with many friends, that they too had that experience.

Theresa - posted on 10/20/2009

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'She has pleaded with me not to talk about it'. Maybe you are over doing things with your daughter. Back off a little, but let her know that you are there for her. I have found with my four teenagers that often when the 'event' has happened they don't want to talk. They need time to process what they are thinking and feeling. Make reasonable offers for your daughter for instance going to dr for meds. Maybe she would feel more comfortable with an undershirt or sports bra that looks like a tank top/swim top. Most importantly let her know your door is open, that she is loved, normal and that you are there for her. The more you push her the farther away she will be from you.

[deleted account]

Thanks, moms!! It is good to hear that "I am not on my own" here. Yes I do chat to her openly. She is on treatment for her acne & goes weekly for cleansing etc & has her daily facial routine. Good challenge about taking her to God's word it is sometimes easier to be more sympathetic than talking God's truth, tks for verses. Special day / mom's time excellent. I also now believe that I should chat to the school about the changing rooms.

Rabecca - posted on 10/19/2009

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Oh gosh does that take me back I was nine when I started devolping and got my monthly "friend" and let me tell you it was horrible and I was too scared and imature to know how to deal with being the only one and to top that off my teacher wanted me to keep my pads in her desk so guess what I had to walkin front of the class get my little bag and go to the restroom I could have died!!

not to top it off I was very large chested by 7th grade I was in a d cup when alot of other girls had just started getting boobs which also came with alot of attention from boys I liked but didnt know really how to handle skinny girl big boobs it was like I went from a little girl to adult overnight it honestly made me grow up way too fast I went from playing with barbies to boy crazy because I was just over ran with attention from boys and high school boys and it was exciting and I was caught up in that attention .

on the other hand I think if right from the beggining I would have been able to better understand some of the things that were happening and felt more at ease with myself and those changes as far as maybe my mom talking to my teacher about being embaressed and not wanting to dress and things infront of other girls as much as I would have died at the time I think it would have helped maybe talk to her teacher and tell her of the discomfort and that you would opption of dressing privatly they can work something out but as far as school goes it hard because even when they do things like that the other girls know and then it can cause other problems I think the best thing is to talk with her about feeling comfortable about her self and reassure her all the girls willl be in he rspot one day soon too and the ones that arent will want to be if they happen to devlop later it kind of goes both ways and as much as it seems so bad right now it does get better I would say that among my friends I am the most comfortable with myself my body and have really learned to love it

Heather - posted on 10/19/2009

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Take her to God's word. God made us all perfect, just the way he wanted us. Is there some positive lesson that she could learn from this? Can you encourage her instead of agreeing with her that this is a horrible thing? (not that you are, it just breaks my heart when people do that.) They are all girls, we never had private dressing rooms in school, one girls and one boys. Some girls do develope faster. That's just the way it is. Maybe she can help educate the other girls, and become a blessing to them in the future by encouraging them? Here are some scriptures that I wanted to share:

Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

John 7:24
Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment.

Priscilla - posted on 10/19/2009

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Karin, My son hit puberty at the tender age of 8. I believe this was due to his love of chicken. Ethan would eat chicken 8 days a week and we've always been told that chicken is more healthy than red meat. However, a lot of the chickens are given growth hormones and I believe this is the reason for Ethan hitting puberty early. We have tried not to make a big deal of his "development" but when he has a question, we just answer it honestly and tell him that his body is changing from boy to man and that these changes will take place over a number of years, that he won't be a "boy" one day and a "man" the next. Reassure your daughter and explain to her that the changes in her body are perfectly normal. Also, talk to her about menstruation and prepare her for the fact that she will probably get her period soon. You can get some sanitary napkins and show her how to use them. Maybe get a pack for her to keep in her locker at school or instruct her to go to the school nurse should her period start while she's in school. Get her some cute bras with polka dots or tiger stripes or purple lace or whatever she likes. This will make wearing a bra more fun and "cool". Girls this age don't want to wear a white Playtex 18 hour bra like Grandma wears. Regarding the acne, I recommend that you get her an acne treatment system like Proactive. The acne is not going to get better on it's own. In fact, it might even get worse. Teenagers and adolescents are very self-conscious of their appearance and it's very embarrassing to have acne on your face and body. A bad case of acne can wreak havoc on your daughter's self-esteem, not to mention the scars it can leave on her face, so please order ProActive and get her started on it right away.

Nikki - posted on 10/19/2009

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This is very normal. I have two girls. One 18 and the other 13. They both experienced puberty at the age of 11, I think it was the summer of their 5th grade year. I brought my daughters these books called my body. It educated them on this process, their body goes thru and I answered all their questions. I don't that their is anything you can do about her feelings around this, because I think as teenagers they all wants privacy around this time of the month. Be a ear for her and let her know all this is normal and her feelings are real, and there is nothing wrong with the way she feels. As for the acne, I agree with April, take her to a dermotologist. I did this for both my girls, and let her know her face will break out around that time of the month. Continue to be her safe place and she will get through this time just fine. (Smile) Be encourged MOM, it gets better.

April - posted on 10/18/2009

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I do not have teenage girls but I do have a teenage boy and he has acne problems. We went to his doctor and her prescribe so cream that he puts on twice a day and it has been wonderful. They can also give pills for this to just talk with her doctor.

Bettye - posted on 10/18/2009

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There is nothing for your daughter to be ashamed about. This is a natural thing that all young girls will experience. She should be proud of her body. Now if she wasn't developng, she would be the same way. These girls teasing her would react the same way. Apparently, their mother haven't talked to them the way that you have talked to your child. Give her a little more time and most of all be patient with her and she should soon overcome this anxiety. May you can make a special day where it's just the two of you, Perhaps go shopping for new underware, or go where there is a specialist who measures your bust for the perfect for the right size bra, st some of larger department stores, like Macy, Dillards, who may ease her mind. I do hope this has given you a little relief. God Bless.

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