Why We Should Wait to Have Sex

Carla - posted on 03/05/2011

I doubt if there's a woman out there who didn't fantasize over stuffing their daughter in a closet ;) Sometimes I just wished I could leave them there ;) jk

Julie - posted on 03/05/2011

lol there are times wen I would love to stuff my daughter in a closet, but when he comes over is not one of those times. My daughter adores him and he thinks she is cute. They get on really well and are actually a lot alike.

Carla - posted on 03/04/2011

Julie, he will be happy with what you CAN give him. Unless you've stuffed your child in the closet when he comes over, he probably has realized you are 'experienced'. If he has listened to you speak, he knows you have been wounded. Trust him to be content with you, as a person, not you as you wish you could be.



God bless, honey, trust God that He brought you a husband that will understand and cherish you for the beautiful person you are.

Julie - posted on 03/02/2011

thanks Carla. I probably worry too much, it just gets me down sometimes that I can't give my husband-to-be the things I feel he deserves.

Carla - posted on 03/01/2011

Julie, sweetie, my comments were for those of us who weren't, how do you say, chaste in our lifestyles. You had no control over what your spouse did. God wipes away the bad memories from our minds and hearts, honey. You are living your life the way God intends, so He will honor you with a sort of renewed virginity, if you know what I mean. You were faithful inside your marriage. Your husband screwed up, so you separated, and you were faithful in your singleness. What you are going to have to get through your head is that your boyfriend/potential husband isn't probably thinking ANY of the things that are tormenting you. These are the things we women think about. You are going to make new memories with him, and in time you will forget about your ex. Remember what Paul said 'old things are past away, behold, all things are become new.'

Father, Julie has had some hard times, and her heart is crying out for reassurance and peace. We pray, in the Name of Jesus, that You speak to her heart--whisper the secret things she needs to hear. Let her know that YOU made her body, and YOU can make her as a chaste virgin for her impending marriage. With You all things are possible. We believe that and trust that You will take care of these things for Julie so she can stand before You AND her fiancee on her wedding day with a clear conscience and the innocence of a first love. I pray You start a fire of excitement in her heart--an anticipation of good things to come, an erasing of the old horrors, and faith that all these things can and will happen for her. I pray You start speaking to her boyfriend--let him know the longings of her heart about her child and her husband, and let him be all things to her. Give her a marriage that was TRULY made in Heaven. Amen

Julie, sweetie, not all of us have had a picture-perfect life. But God KNOWS our hearts. He makes all things beautiful. Just trust Him.

God bless, honey

Julie - posted on 03/01/2011

@Victoria... how did it become like new again when you married your spouse?

Quoting Carla "when you are off to another partner, you tear apart that wholeness--you leave a little part of yourself with them, and they leave a little part of them with you".

i feel like I have left a huge chunk of me with my ex husband that can never be gotten back. Things that will never be a "first" when I marry again.

I feel like after I get married, my new husband will think things "did she learn how to do this from the ex", "what else has she done" etc etc.

How do you overcome that part of you that you have lost?

We've been doing this series on sex at church over the last few weeks and it's been weighing heavily on my mind.

I did everything right when it came to waiting and yet still here I am, picking up broken pieces and worrying - going through things that I never expected to ever have to do. Like going and getting tested to make sure my ex hadn't given me anything from his mistresses was the most demeaning thing in my life. I cried for weeks over it. Even the so called open minded clinic I had to go to, had so many crude questions and even cruder assumptions about my sexual history (and the disbelief at the lack of anything beyond my husband).

I just don't know how to give a second marriage my "all" when I am not whole to give anymore.

Julie - posted on 03/01/2011

Quote from Rabecca: "I know my son was ment to be but how I wish he was truly my husbands even though he loves him like his own and treats him no different I cant change the fact that I gave away that expereience of expecting a frist child the hurt I know my husband feels eventhough he would never say anything like that to me I can tell in his face when I say things like oh yeah I went there with my ex or whatever you know it's just those type of thing that you can never completly get back"

I worry every day that when I marry my wonderful boyfriend, he will feel the same.

Except I did wait for marriage. It breaks my heart that there are so many firsts I can never share with him and that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I didn't have sex outside of marriage, I have just been married before.

Even now, I can see my boyfriend loves my daughter (far more than her father ever has), but there is so much of her life before I met him. I feel like I have this whole other life without him that is like a huge chasm between us at times.

Even though he knows I didn't cause the situation, the situation still remains and I often worry the impact it will have on a marriage between us.

Carla - posted on 03/01/2011

One more thing--God said the two shall be as one. We are joined through sex, as we join our bodies sexually, they spiritually are melded together. Then, when you are off to another partner, you tear apart that wholeness--you leave a little part of yourself with them, and they leave a little part of them with you. After several times of this tearing process, you have no idea who you really are. Been there, done that, so I can tell you this for a truth. God knew this would happen. He designed us this way. Marriage was meant for a lifetime. I know a lot of us have divorced, and a lot of it wasn't our fault.

Waiting for God to tell us who He has for us is the best thing--then wait til you say 'I do' to do ;)

Julie - posted on 03/01/2011

Can I just say something ...be careful not to condemn single mothers and people with STDs ...

Today I met a person who basically acted like I was a slut because I introduced this person to my daughter and my daughter started talking about my boyfriend.

This person automatically assumed I had slept around - rather than the actual facts, which is my daughter was conceived in marriage and I lost my husband when she was 5 (to drugs and cheating, not death, but it's a painful loss all the same).

And sadly I know several good christian women with STDs, given to them by cheating spouses.

And my heart goes out to rape victims left infertile by STDs.

The comment "sure most of these STD’s are treatable but what if you do not find out in time and you become sterile and are not able to have children? AIDS and Herpes: this is something that you will deal with for the rest of your lives, something you wont be able to runaway from. What if you find the one for you and they don’t want you because you have these things? Or what if you want children? "

Have a heart for people who are infertile, who have STDs, who are single parents - they may not have committed a sin in what causes these things. Yes we must refrain from sex before marriage, but people mustn't always assume that someone has sex outside of marriage (willingly anyway) just because they are a single parent or have an STD.

There is nothing more painful to someone who has lost a spouse or been abandoned by a cheating spouse, or who has been a rape victim, to be condemned for being a single parent or for having an STD, or to have it assumed they slept around.

Kristina - posted on 10/05/2009

Quoting Victoria:

Kristina, what a blessing you are. I praise God for you & your testimony.
I had been in many relationships before I came to Christ. But when I met my husband, we waited until our wedding night. It was such a new experience, we we're both nervous, it was kinda of funny really. He had been married previously, and yet it was like the first time for both of us all over again, I will never forget it & I will cherish the memory always. We only knew each other for a year & a half when we got married & we only dated for 7 months. On Wednesday we will celebrate 9 years of marriage. God has been so good to us & I have never regretted waiting until our wedding night.

Awww Praise God that is so amazing, i so needed to Hear that!!!! This was really a blessing to my heart!!!!

Kristina - posted on 10/05/2009

Quoting Menden:

You said it so well..I have been feeling guilty for a long time, and was living with a man that I wasn't married to and I had a child by and we always had problems..it was six years of this and I have recently told him to get out...it has been a month and a half. I have good days and bad days. I am a little wishy washy on if I did the right thing or not, but I know I did because the relationship was not healthy for our son, and I had this amazing sense of happiness after he was gone. He has already found someone else and has already introduced our child to her which is really not cool. I know that God took me out of the unhealthy relationship because I was praying about it because I was always feeling guilty about living with a man and having sex with a man that I was not married too. I have a lot of learning about myself to do...and a lot of praying so that I can have the strenght to not get into something like that again. I must put all of my attention on God and my son. I have promised that I will not introduced my son to a man until I know it is the right time, I wish that his Dad could have done the same thing.

im so sorry you Son has to go through that, but Praise God he took you out of that relationship before thins could have turned worse. it seem like you did the right thing, if right after he left you got a good feeling. My Pastor said that the first thing that come to your mind is usually God and then your next thoughts are the enemy talking you out of what God already placed in you heart. i will keep you in my prayers 

Victoria - posted on 10/05/2009

Kristina, what a blessing you are. I praise God for you & your testimony.
I had been in many relationships before I came to Christ. But when I met my husband, we waited until our wedding night. It was such a new experience, we we're both nervous, it was kinda of funny really. He had been married previously, and yet it was like the first time for both of us all over again, I will never forget it & I will cherish the memory always. We only knew each other for a year & a half when we got married & we only dated for 7 months. On Wednesday we will celebrate 9 years of marriage. God has been so good to us & I have never regretted waiting until our wedding night.

Menden - posted on 09/14/2009

You said it so well..I have been feeling guilty for a long time, and was living with a man that I wasn't married to and I had a child by and we always had problems..it was six years of this and I have recently told him to get out...it has been a month and a half. I have good days and bad days. I am a little wishy washy on if I did the right thing or not, but I know I did because the relationship was not healthy for our son, and I had this amazing sense of happiness after he was gone. He has already found someone else and has already introduced our child to her which is really not cool. I know that God took me out of the unhealthy relationship because I was praying about it because I was always feeling guilty about living with a man and having sex with a man that I was not married too. I have a lot of learning about myself to do...and a lot of praying so that I can have the strenght to not get into something like that again. I must put all of my attention on God and my son. I have promised that I will not introduced my son to a man until I know it is the right time, I wish that his Dad could have done the same thing.

Kristina - posted on 09/01/2009

wow you all have amazing testimonies, thank you so much for sharing,i pray that each of your testimonies will touch many other women's hearts, like they have mine. you all make my battle I'm fighting all worth it.

Angel - posted on 09/01/2009

God designed sex to be a representation of the covenant he would make with us and Jesus. It was designed to be a blood covenant between ourselves and our mates with God as the head of the relationship. LIke you I made many mistakes, and had sex before marriage. I was also a sexual incest overcomer from my youth and spent much of my early years attempting to take control of memories and pain that was not another man's to wipe away. I was nearly 32 before I realized the only MAN who could wipe away that pain and hurt was Jesus through the blood of Calvary. Song of Solomon is a wonderful book of the bible to describe the intimacy God intended for love making to be. When we allow one who is not our spouse to break that veil of virginity it creates a covenant with them they were never designed and ordained to have. The sooner we as women realize that OUR virginity is not just abuot remaining pure for uor mate but about remaining pure for God we will get it. Did you know that the word hymn is a derivitive of the word hymen. Both are concerning the breaking of a veil into an inner sanctum of intimacy and power. When we sing praise to God we break the veil between us and Him, when we give up our virginity we are allowing access to our innermost to another.

Leao - posted on 09/01/2009

Kristina, thank you for sharing your heart, it's not an easy subject and not an easy topic to pour your heart out about, ever since I was a little girl about 8 I prayed and asked God that He wouldn't give me a boyfriend unless that would be my husband, well He answered it and I met my husband and we got to know each other online, he was on the other side of the world so I guess that temptation wasn't so in my face, he finally came over to nz where I had to re adjust to communication face to face and I always felt like I needed to wait for my wedding day...it proved very difficult especially because I thought I had bottled all these years of emotions and finally here he was, he was sensible enough to bring anything that could of headed us in the wrong direction pretty smartly and I really thank God for His extra strenght of self control, the biggest lie the devil gave me though was that we were going to get married anyway so why wait, I'm so glad the verses of scripture that were embedded in my head sunk down to my heart at the right moments like No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it and we were able to stand before each other with purity in our hearts as we said our vows, I'm so glad we did wait because the Lord knows how much I needed His staying power, we have just celebrated our 10th anniversary this year with 3 boys in tow and I can tell you...God was faithful to us and He was worth the wait.

Audrey - posted on 08/31/2009

Hi Kristina!
I wanted to thank you for posting this :) It's very encouraging to hear. I wish I would have waited to have sex, I had sex with a boy when I was 13, I thought I was so in love with this boy. When you're that young, I don't think you can control your emotions as well. When we split up, I just went in a downward spiral. I was extremely depressed, and at times wanted to kill myself. I gave everything to that boy, and at the time, it felt like it didn't matter to him. I blamed him for everything for a long time. But the Lord has showed me that it wasn't all his fault. I'm to blame for what happened also. I was still at a low point in my life when I met my husband. We had 2 children before we were married. But, I feel like I am so blessed to have him in my life. He could've been like so many of my friend's children's fathers, and just walked out. I thank God that he takes such good care of my children and I. Anyway, I totally agree that sex comes with a lot of emotional baggage. That was definitely the lowest point of my life, and I thank God that he pulled me through it. God bless you!

Rabecca - posted on 08/31/2009

Quoting Kailey:

Thank you so much for posting this! I'm currently pregnant with my first child, and I'm not married to his father. Although I don't regret that I'm going to have a son, I do regret bringing him into the world this way. We fell in love before we had sex, but I feel that we still rushed it. I do see that having sex brought a lot of problems into our relationship. I've been considering this for some time now, but this gave me the push to do theright thing. I was scared about what it might do to us, but if he truly loves me, he can wait. I'm going to save myself from now until I'm married. It's probably going to be really hard at first, but I'm willing to try. Thanks again!

  Kailey

  I think you are so right your son is nothing but a true blessing from God and sometimes God reminds us of him and his love through children and sometimes those blessings are a wake up call too

   I also had a son out of wedlock about 9 years ago I never for one min regret my son but having him was really like God showing me the true meaning of love not only his love for me but what it really means to love another person but when it came down to it his father didnt love me not enough to marry me and the fact was we had sex right off and maybe wouldnt  have even tried to be toghther other than the fact we had sex in the first place after 7 years together   he still didnt want to marry me God really spoke to me through that experience he kept telling me even before I found out I was pregnant that there was more for me but my own voice kept blocking his out

   It took me a few years of being alone and getting right with God and learning to give my will over to him and shutting up long enough to hear his voice in my life and he really did show me why my doing the same thing kept getting me the same thing and my life was not going to change until I changed the way I was living it and stop settling for men who didnt love me enough to marry me that if they where the one God wanted for me marraige wouldnt be this subject that I was to afraid to bring up

   When I finally was like okay God have your way and at the time I thought it was his choice to punish me by making me be alone for the rest of my life because I tell you what in that time I was having this big change in my life and giveing it all to God not one man in sight for 3 years which was part of his plan I am sure now but very strange because I have never had that issue before if I wanted aboyfriend I could pick one and start dating one ( thats not bragging I just always have had men around and in my life from a very young age) but back to my story here I met the love of my life in a mcdonlads drive through true story and on our frist date it was like wow we are getting married arent we no questions ,this is the man God wanted in my life and he felt it too which my husband was what you would call a confirmed bachlor hes 7 years older than me and was going throught the same kind of battle with God as I was not that he was thinking he wanted a wife just something different for himself I would say he was a player and self absorbed to a point always looking for the next best woman and the grass is always greener type of guy .

  he not only feel in love with me but also my son who it was like this instant connection that was his son and he took on that role like he was truly born to him my point here is My husband was a true blessing that I didnt know was out there I didnt know you could have such a bond with another person I didnt care before that I had sex with men that didnt love me enough to marry me and I went agianst God because of that I gave away peices of myself to other men that now no matter what I cant give him because they are in my past and I want to share my whole self with him I think all the time about what a great gift I could have given him with my virginty and even though we both feel like we have been blessed beyond our greatest hopes when we found eachother who knows we may have not had to wait so long to have meet if we were on the right path in our lives .because he moved to the town I live in about a month before I started dating my sons father then he moved away  about a month before I did out of this town we both moved back almost a month to the day  to the same town 2 years after that  I think God kept bring us to the same place at the same time hopeing we would stop being so stuipd in our lives so we could meet , but God gives us free will and we both werent at that place yet to let him lead us and until we were we wouldnt meet

     I know my son was ment to be but how I wish he was truly my husbands even though he loves him like his own and treats him no different I cant change the fact that I gave away that expereience of expecting a frist child the hurt I know my husband  feels eventhough he would never say anything like that to me I can tell in his face when I say things like oh yeah I went there with my ex or whatever you know it's just those type of thing that you can never completly get back  if I would have known that I woul dbe able to share my life with my husband no question waiting would have been no big deal

Kristina - posted on 08/31/2009

Quoting Kailey:

Thank you so much for posting this! I'm currently pregnant with my first child, and I'm not married to his father. Although I don't regret that I'm going to have a son, I do regret bringing him into the world this way. We fell in love before we had sex, but I feel that we still rushed it. I do see that having sex brought a lot of problems into our relationship. I've been considering this for some time now, but this gave me the push to do theright thing. I was scared about what it might do to us, but if he truly loves me, he can wait. I'm going to save myself from now until I'm married. It's probably going to be really hard at first, but I'm willing to try. Thanks again!

wow that is awesome, you gave me the good kinda chills lol. it will be hard, but if you ise God as your strength all things are possible 

Kailey - posted on 08/31/2009

Thank you so much for posting this! I'm currently pregnant with my first child, and I'm not married to his father. Although I don't regret that I'm going to have a son, I do regret bringing him into the world this way. We fell in love before we had sex, but I feel that we still rushed it. I do see that having sex brought a lot of problems into our relationship. I've been considering this for some time now, but this gave me the push to do theright thing. I was scared about what it might do to us, but if he truly loves me, he can wait. I'm going to save myself from now until I'm married. It's probably going to be really hard at first, but I'm willing to try. Thanks again!

Kristina - posted on 08/31/2009

Quoting jeri:

My oldest daughter teaches abstinence in the public schools. Sometimes this is met with such opposition. But truly thanklfully to The Lord Jesus Christ,both of my daughters will be married in July 2010 and will be virgins when they say I do. I told them of the mistakes that I made and how those mistakes were not honoring to God in anyway. They have learned from me and they saw the pain that their mom went through and they have made a decision to be different and stand up for their convictions. I really could not be a prouder mom. I am so gratetful that God gave me these two precious people to raise up to love The Lord. Both of my girls are also marrying men who have also decided to wait to have sex for their brides and one of them is 34 years old. Is that not beautiful.

oh my goodness that is beautiful, i plan to raise my son up in the same manner, praise God he will be a man of God and wait for his bride as well and i hope he learns from he and his dad, thank you for your story, i just love hopeful stories 

Jeri - posted on 08/30/2009

My oldest daughter teaches abstinence in the public schools. Sometimes this is met with such opposition. But truly thanklfully to The Lord Jesus Christ,both of my daughters will be married in July 2010 and will be virgins when they say I do. I told them of the mistakes that I made and how those mistakes were not honoring to God in anyway. They have learned from me and they saw the pain that their mom went through and they have made a decision to be different and stand up for their convictions. I really could not be a prouder mom. I am so gratetful that God gave me these two precious people to raise up to love The Lord. Both of my girls are also marrying men who have also decided to wait to have sex for their brides and one of them is 34 years old. Is that not beautiful.

Kristina - posted on 08/30/2009

Quoting Stina:

Premarital sex was my biggest issue as a teen and young adult. Even though I tried to own up to it and not blame it on the abuse from my father, the fact of the matter is I had healing that needed to be done from that abusiv relationship when I reached my teen years. When I got to college, I was able to be abstinent for four years. Then I met my husband and in a moment of weakness, fell to the same old trap again... only this time, I did get pregnant. I turned 23 the month before my son was born.

When my husband and I got married, I understood why sex should have been saved for marriage. All this time before our wedding day, I had known what I was doing was wrong. I knew sex was for that one person you'd spend your life with. But because of my childhood, I didn't know how to show love and affection to guys in a nonsexual way. After we were married, sex took on a whole new level of enjoyment for me. It was like I was no longer holding back.

I have been fortunate in so many ways. Fortunate that I did not end up pregnant in high school. Fortunate that when I married the father of my son, he was a good man. Our marriage has been difficult- but we knew getting into it that it wouldn't be all rainbows and roses, it would take real work and a whole lotta love. Five years later, I can still say- I wish I had saved myself.... Things would be a lot different now that's for certain- starting with the absence of my 5 year old boy. But he is just an example of how God takes our sinfulness and turns us and changes us and works everything for his greater purpose.

I hope when my daughters get older, they will understand just how very precious they are and be confident enough that they don't feel they need to give themselves away in order to make a dumb high school guy feel loved. I hope they will know what jewels they are and will understand God's plan for them- that they will save themselves for thier husband. And I hope that my precious boy will grow to be a young man who respects himself and the young ladies in his life and considers them- somebody's wife... That he saves himself and remains pure also until he meets and marries the woman I know God is already preparing for him.

Amen this is beautiful and truly blessed my heart thank you show much God Bless

Stina - posted on 08/30/2009

Premarital sex was my biggest issue as a teen and young adult. Even though I tried to own up to it and not blame it on the abuse from my father, the fact of the matter is I had healing that needed to be done from that abusiv relationship when I reached my teen years. When I got to college, I was able to be abstinent for four years. Then I met my husband and in a moment of weakness, fell to the same old trap again... only this time, I did get pregnant. I turned 23 the month before my son was born.

When my husband and I got married, I understood why sex should have been saved for marriage. All this time before our wedding day, I had known what I was doing was wrong. I knew sex was for that one person you'd spend your life with. But because of my childhood, I didn't know how to show love and affection to guys in a nonsexual way. After we were married, sex took on a whole new level of enjoyment for me. It was like I was no longer holding back.

I have been fortunate in so many ways. Fortunate that I did not end up pregnant in high school. Fortunate that when I married the father of my son, he was a good man. Our marriage has been difficult- but we knew getting into it that it wouldn't be all rainbows and roses, it would take real work and a whole lotta love. Five years later, I can still say- I wish I had saved myself.... Things would be a lot different now that's for certain- starting with the absence of my 5 year old boy. But he is just an example of how God takes our sinfulness and turns us and changes us and works everything for his greater purpose.

I hope when my daughters get older, they will understand just how very precious they are and be confident enough that they don't feel they need to give themselves away in order to make a dumb high school guy feel loved. I hope they will know what jewels they are and will understand God's plan for them- that they will save themselves for thier husband. And I hope that my precious boy will grow to be a young man who respects himself and the young ladies in his life and considers them- somebody's wife... That he saves himself and remains pure also until he meets and marries the woman I know God is already preparing for him.

Kristina - posted on 08/30/2009

Quoting Betty:

I can relate to this subject personally. I know that you will NEVER, NEVER regret your decision to wait until after marriage. I will have been married 54 years in October and I am still so greatful that my husband respected me enough to honor my wishes. It is something that you will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be glad you did.

that is amazing, please pray for my soo to be marriage as well, thank you and God Belss

Kristina - posted on 08/30/2009

Quoting Laura:

My response to this now is the same when my own children were approaching that stage in their own lives. You may not see it from my point of view right now, but in a few years when you have found and married that special someone,you will think back to the second you read my post, and realize that my words ring true. I said all that to say this:God gave you a very special gift that He only intends for you to give to the person that you are beginning your life's journey after marriage. You will be so blessed if you just keep yourself for that one that God put here just for you!

i know i will thank you so much God Bless

Laura - posted on 08/29/2009

My response to this now is the same when my own children were approaching that stage in their own lives. You may not see it from my point of view right now, but in a few years when you have found and married that special someone,you will think back to the second you read my post, and realize that my words ring true. I said all that to say this:God gave you a very special gift that He only intends for you to give to the person that you are beginning your life's journey after marriage. You will be so blessed if you just keep yourself for that one that God put here just for you!

Betty - posted on 08/29/2009

I can relate to this subject personally. I know that you will NEVER, NEVER regret your decision to wait until after marriage. I will have been married 54 years in October and I am still so greatful that my husband respected me enough to honor my wishes. It is something that you will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be glad you did.

Kristina - posted on 08/29/2009

Quoting Naomi:

Wow ladies! Your children are so blessed to have mommies like you! By the grace of God I did manage to wait until my wedding day to have sex, but it was a hard road. I didn't have sex, but I compromised some of the boundaries I had set for myself and still feel shame over it to this day. Praise God for his forgiveness and his enduring love for us! You are all amazing and I am so blessed to hear your stories of Christ's redemption!
Thank you.

thank you for sharing as well 

Kristina - posted on 08/29/2009

Quoting Crystal:

I have only had sex with one man, my husband, and for that I am thankful. However, we did give into temptation before we were married, even though I KNEW it was the wrong thing to do. I too, am going to feel very embarrassed telling the truth to my daughter someday. It was not something I would ever want her to go through, though, and that's why I need to tell her when she's older. We tried so hard not to (well, I did; he didn't view it as that bad of a thing) and I rationalized it by thinking "Well, I know we're going to be married someday anyway" - which is a very dangerous way of thinking! It separated me from God and I hated that. I would read scriptures, make pledges with my boyfriend/fiance... but then eventually give in. If I could go back, I would give myself more strength.
My parents never talked to me about sex, but I wish they did, no matter how uncomfortable and awkward. Now I know how important it is to have those discussions. I was not ready before marriage for the emotional baggage brought on by our bad decisions.

i completly agree with this, thank yo for sharing 

Kristina - posted on 08/29/2009

Quoting Crystal:

I have only had sex with one man, my husband, and for that I am thankful. However, we did give into temptation before we were married, even though I KNEW it was the wrong thing to do. I too, am going to feel very embarrassed telling the truth to my daughter someday. It was not something I would ever want her to go through, though, and that's why I need to tell her when she's older. We tried so hard not to (well, I did; he didn't view it as that bad of a thing) and I rationalized it by thinking "Well, I know we're going to be married someday anyway" - which is a very dangerous way of thinking! It separated me from God and I hated that. I would read scriptures, make pledges with my boyfriend/fiance... but then eventually give in. If I could go back, I would give myself more strength.
My parents never talked to me about sex, but I wish they did, no matter how uncomfortable and awkward. Now I know how important it is to have those discussions. I was not ready before marriage for the emotional baggage brought on by our bad decisions.

i completly agree with this, thank yo for sharing 

Crystal - posted on 08/29/2009

I have only had sex with one man, my husband, and for that I am thankful. However, we did give into temptation before we were married, even though I KNEW it was the wrong thing to do. I too, am going to feel very embarrassed telling the truth to my daughter someday. It was not something I would ever want her to go through, though, and that's why I need to tell her when she's older. We tried so hard not to (well, I did; he didn't view it as that bad of a thing) and I rationalized it by thinking "Well, I know we're going to be married someday anyway" - which is a very dangerous way of thinking! It separated me from God and I hated that. I would read scriptures, make pledges with my boyfriend/fiance... but then eventually give in. If I could go back, I would give myself more strength.

My parents never talked to me about sex, but I wish they did, no matter how uncomfortable and awkward. Now I know how important it is to have those discussions. I was not ready before marriage for the emotional baggage brought on by our bad decisions.

Kristina - posted on 08/29/2009

Quoting Tam:

Ya know, the world has taken away the romance of that special wedding night intimacy and it's a shame that we have fallen for it.

I've been talking with my teen a lot of about this lately. We even caution her against dating casually too much or "going out" with boys because each time you do (even without sex). She surprised me by giving me the answer before I could tell her--that she would be giving away pieces of her heart that should be saved for that special man who will marry her.

I recently saw a flair (FB program, for anyone who doesn't know) that had a young bride and groom on the beach and it said "our first date" or something to that affect. While that might be extreme to some people, it was so romantic to think about.

Courtship is making a comeback, especially in Christian circles. I think so many of us know and have fallen to the dangers of pre-marital sex and we are raising our sons and daughters to experience that true romance and bliss that too many of us might not have had. What better gift could they give to another person? What a way to honor that person.

I have told my daughter about the physical dangers and emotional dangers of sex. But we also talk more about the real reasons to save herself...the love and honor and joy. If you saw that video on creating a Godly legacy, Voddie addresses this issue (premarital sex) briefly and why "don't do it because you could get sick or pregnant' doesn't work. We need to give our children a Biblical worldview so they can make the best decisions based on God's plan.

that is so true this blessed my heart i wish my parents would have had these discusions with me as well, and when my son comes of age i plan on doing the same, thank you 

Tam - posted on 08/29/2009

Ya know, the world has taken away the romance of that special wedding night intimacy and it's a shame that we have fallen for it.

I've been talking with my teen a lot of about this lately. We even caution her against dating casually too much or "going out" with boys because each time you do (even without sex). She surprised me by giving me the answer before I could tell her--that she would be giving away pieces of her heart that should be saved for that special man who will marry her.

I recently saw a flair (FB program, for anyone who doesn't know) that had a young bride and groom on the beach and it said "our first date" or something to that affect. While that might be extreme to some people, it was so romantic to think about.

Courtship is making a comeback, especially in Christian circles. I think so many of us know and have fallen to the dangers of pre-marital sex and we are raising our sons and daughters to experience that true romance and bliss that too many of us might not have had. What better gift could they give to another person? What a way to honor that person.

I have told my daughter about the physical dangers and emotional dangers of sex. But we also talk more about the real reasons to save herself...the love and honor and joy. If you saw that video on creating a Godly legacy, Voddie addresses this issue (premarital sex) briefly and why "don't do it because you could get sick or pregnant' doesn't work. We need to give our children a Biblical worldview so they can make the best decisions based on God's plan.

Kristina - posted on 08/28/2009

Quoting Lindsay:

I wish I had thought this way before I had sex as a teenager. I think my husband and I would have had a better relationship. Neither one of us saved ourselves for marriage and actually didn't wait when we got together. Now, looking back, of course I'm embarrassed and I can't believe that my daughter is going to ask me a bunch of questions about it just like I did my mother.

Anyway, that makes me think of this story that I think illustrates this very well and I honestly think that this is how I will try to make my daughter understand why she needs to save herself for marriage - when she gets old enough for the discussion anyway.

Imagine yourself at the alter with your future husband, he is looking in your eyes and you are standing there together. However, there are other men in tuxes standing next to him, right behind him, interfering with your moment - those are the other men that you gave your mind, body, and/or heart to in your past. Your future husband knows they are there too because their presence is filling the place (I mean as an emotional barrier, not literally). It seems like you can't get a moment alone and you are having to give him a vow that seems less than one hundred percent because you have given it to others in bits and pieces along the way. When people say they want to save themselves for marriage, they should want to wait on everything, not just sex, because there are plenty of people who you may have loved before but not slept with that still creeps into your thoughts and your heart and blocks part of you from your husband. Some people say it's good experience before you get married, but I think if I had it to do over, I'd had tried to wait on everything so that I could've given my husband one hundred percent.

i totally agree with that is make complette sence, i wish that most young people could thing like this beore its too late

Kristina - posted on 08/28/2009

Quoting Rabecca:

I can not agree more . If you would have asked me this 14 15 years ago I had a totally different ideas of sex and marriage but I have always know what God says about it I guess I just did'nt want that to apply to me and it's not that I really feel that emtionally I was hurting or whatever to myself I really think I have a very open mind to sex and to the difference between sex and love I guess really I just had never been in love I mean I have had deep feelings for men and even had a 7 year realationship which resulted with a child I loved him and was never in love with him he just wasnt the one God had planned for me he didnt love me enough or treat me well.
Now 9 years after that realationship ended I can look back and see what went wrong of course and that we just werent ment to be .
When my son was 3 I met the love of my life and yes we did have sex before marraige and lucikly he loves my son like his very own .But heres where God taught me a lesson I love this man more than I could have imagined and I just wish that he was it for me that I would have saved myself for just him that he and not a guy that never really cared for me was my sons father ( eventhough he is in all ways the really matter) but we as a family have this outside influence of my sons father who doesnt live as we do and it really hurts my husband to know that this man can choice to interupt our lives at his whime not that he ever bothers but my husband loves our son like he was the one who created him and it just hurts him to know or be reminded that he didnt and that at one time my life was not with him and my son has said himself he wishes his daddy was his only dad
If I would have listen to God and followed his word on sex being saved for marriage I truly believe that my son would still be in our lives that some of the hurt from the past would not rise up in my husband when he is reminded of the fact that I had others before him but truley most of all its just the fact that I never knew I could love and be loved by someone so much that if I knew he was out there waiting for me I would have waited forever for him not I regret the road that lead to my son just the fustration that there will always be another man in my marriage with having a child by another man and if I could go back I would have loved to give him my whole self including my virginity

wow that is a beaufiful testimony you should share that story with others i truely believe that will be life changing for them. make them see thing they never saw, or infact prevent them from having the same issues, i cried whern i read this thank you for you story 

Lindsay - posted on 08/28/2009

I wish I had thought this way before I had sex as a teenager. I think my husband and I would have had a better relationship. Neither one of us saved ourselves for marriage and actually didn't wait when we got together. Now, looking back, of course I'm embarrassed and I can't believe that my daughter is going to ask me a bunch of questions about it just like I did my mother.

Anyway, that makes me think of this story that I think illustrates this very well and I honestly think that this is how I will try to make my daughter understand why she needs to save herself for marriage - when she gets old enough for the discussion anyway.

Imagine yourself at the alter with your future husband, he is looking in your eyes and you are standing there together. However, there are other men in tuxes standing next to him, right behind him, interfering with your moment - those are the other men that you gave your mind, body, and/or heart to in your past. Your future husband knows they are there too because their presence is filling the place (I mean as an emotional barrier, not literally). It seems like you can't get a moment alone and you are having to give him a vow that seems less than one hundred percent because you have given it to others in bits and pieces along the way. When people say they want to save themselves for marriage, they should want to wait on everything, not just sex, because there are plenty of people who you may have loved before but not slept with that still creeps into your thoughts and your heart and blocks part of you from your husband. Some people say it's good experience before you get married, but I think if I had it to do over, I'd had tried to wait on everything so that I could've given my husband one hundred percent.

Rabecca - posted on 08/28/2009

I can not agree more . If you would have asked me this 14 15 years ago I had a totally different ideas of sex and marriage but I have always know what God says about it I guess I just did'nt want that to apply to me and it's not that I really feel that emtionally I was hurting or whatever to myself I really think I have a very open mind to sex and to the difference between sex and love I guess really I just had never been in love I mean I have had deep feelings for men and even had a 7 year realationship which resulted with a child I loved him and was never in love with him he just wasnt the one God had planned for me he didnt love me enough or treat me well.

Now 9 years after that realationship ended I can look back and see what went wrong of course and that we just werent ment to be .

When my son was 3 I met the love of my life and yes we did have sex before marraige and lucikly he loves my son like his very own .But heres where God taught me a lesson I love this man more than I could have imagined and I just wish that he was it for me that I would have saved myself for just him that he and not a guy that never really cared for me was my sons father ( eventhough he is in all ways the really matter) but we as a family have this outside influence of my sons father who doesnt live as we do and it really hurts my husband to know that this man can choice to interupt our lives at his whime not that he ever bothers but my husband loves our son like he was the one who created him and it just hurts him to know or be reminded that he didnt and that at one time my life was not with him and my son has said himself he wishes his daddy was his only dad

If I would have listen to God and followed his word on sex being saved for marriage I truly believe that my son would still be in our lives that some of the hurt from the past would not rise up in my husband when he is reminded of the fact that I had others before him but truley most of all its just the fact that I never knew I could love and be loved by someone so much that if I knew he was out there waiting for me I would have waited forever for him not I regret the road that lead to my son just the fustration that there will always be another man in my marriage with having a child by another man and if I could go back I would have loved to give him my whole self including my virginity