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Wonderful grandmother to our daughter, but a very unsupportive Mother in Law

Ashley - posted on 04/28/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My husband and I are very close and if we lived in a bubble life would be perfect. However, recently the stress of outside influences have affected our relationship. We started arguing over the most ridiculous things and recognized this negative pattern and are now in marraige counseling through our church. However, my husband and I do not know how to deal with his mother. When she found out we were working things out she stopped talking to him. She is a very negative and condescending woman who would rather say "I told you so" than "I love you and want you to be happy"...She is a wonderful grandmother but for some reason, is very caddy and hurtful to us and especially our efforts to make our marraige work. Basically, we don't know what to do from a Christian standpoint regarding her. Do we go out of our way to include her in our lives and suffer the stress she adds or do we limit our contact with her to just when it deals with her granddaughter and limit our personal contact with her. Is it okay to just "walk away - turn the other cheek" or should we try harder. She is in her 60's and will most likely not change this behavior. She is the source of a lot of stress to both my husband and I and we don't know what the correct thing to do is...

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7 Comments

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Becky - posted on 04/28/2010

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I agree, the first thing you need to do is pray about the situation and pray for your mother-in-law. Ultimately, while the Bible tells us to honor our parents, it also tells us not to let anything come in between man and wife. If she is deliberately trying to do this, then I don't think that limiting your exposure to her would be wrong. It is a very hard situation!

Anne - posted on 04/28/2010

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Hi Ashley, Is this a new behavior in your MIL, or a long term behavior? If it is a new behavior could she be ill in some way. Please Understand I Am Not Giving Your Mother-In-Law a FREE PASS to be nasty. I was just suggesting a different cause for the strife. If it is a long term behavior I would have to believe that she is at least a very unhappy person. You and your husband seem to be in between a rock and a hard place. She needs your love and yet you and your husband need to work on your relationship. When we mary we leave and cleave. Unfortunately for your MIL your first priority is each other. Your daughter needs both of her parents to love each other.
Before I start to ramble further, I also wanted to remind you to Pray for your MIL. I will be Praying with you.

Michelle - posted on 04/28/2010

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I agree with the post above. A man leaves his mother and father and becomes one with his wife. Set your boundaries.

Also, there are some books I think you should read together if you haven't already. I believe that they can help your marriage. Love and Respect, The Five Languages of Love, and The Love Dare. Read Love and Respect first because that will give you and your hubby some concrete things you can work on. It really worked great for me.

Ms. Annette - posted on 04/28/2010

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Ashley you and your husband need to remember what the bible says What God has JOIN TOGETHER LET NO ONE TEAR APART and that in includes your mother in law. Ashley do me a favor YOU and your HUSBAND TOGETHER read the WHOLE BOOK OF "SONG OF SOLOMON. The two of you need to get the world OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE and remember HOW MUCH YOU STILL LOVE EACH OTHER . Ashley the book of SOLOMON WILL DO JUST THAT. You and your husband need to get together and put down some LAWS FOR YOUR MOTHER -LAW AND IF SHE BRAKES THEM SHE WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO SEE HER GRANDDAUGHTER OR HER SON UNTIL SHE DECIDES TO ABIDE BY THE LAWS SET IN YOUR HOME AND MARRIAGE; AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST RESPECT YOU. ASHLEY AGAIN, WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER LET NO MAN PUT ASSUNDER (TEAR APART) I WISH YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND WELL



p.s. Ashley There is no way your mother in law can Love her granddaughter 1corinthians 13th chapter and Hate you, IMPOSSIBLE! YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND JUST NEED TO GET ON THE SAME PAGE AND LOCK ARMS MEANING "PUT UP A WALL THAT SHE CAN'T TEAR DOWN"



YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST

Victoria - posted on 04/28/2010

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Pray for her for sure, whether saved or not, but if she isn't than also pray for her salvation. Lessening your interaction might actually be a good idea, especially until you & your hubby have work through things, when you are trying to regain strength in your relationship, you really don't need extra exposure to something or someone that is going to try and undermine and tear down the work God is doing through the counseling and within each of you. I wouldn't suggest you completely cut off contact (unless you sense that God is leading you that way) but to make it less frequent, might be very wise. And if she asks, then you and you husband could explain the situation.
Keep praying, God will lead you.

Michelle - posted on 04/28/2010

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I would pray for her. God says to love those who harm us, so continue to include her in things and treat her with kindness and keep praying for God to intervene. Good luck to you and your husband. What doesn't destroy us only makes us stronger. When we leave our parents and get married God wants us to put our wife or husband first in our life, cherish them. So do not let her ways destroy what God has brought together. God Bless.

Heather - posted on 04/28/2010

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Pray for her! Pray that God would help her to see the area's she could improve on. If she isn't saved, pray for her salvation!!!! If she is a believer, maybe she would be open to you letting her know that you are trying to please God.

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