Working mom vs. stay at home mom.....seeking opinions and advice.

[deleted account] ( 31 moms have responded )

I guess I am a little conflicted here. I used to have a career and once I started having children, I believed it was the best thing to stay at home and care for them. Now I miss my career and that part of my life. I love my kids and I know taking care of them is extremely important too. I just miss that other part of my life, where I was doing something for me too. It is tough though, because my Husband is happy with our current situation and I know it is best for the kids and their safety and well being. But I feel like I want something more than just to be a stay at home mom. I would love to hear opinions from Moms on both sides of the spectrum. Why have you chosen to be a working mom or a stay at home mom? What do you think is best for your kids, family, and you? Would it be selfish of me to go back to work even though our family life is going good right now? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. As for seeking God's Will and purpose, unfortunately I have never felt completely led by Him in a specific direction. I have always prayed and then just made the best decision I thought to do at the time. I don't want to be selfish in my decisions, but because I feel God has been quiet amongst many of my major decisions in life, I tend to just try to do what I think is right at the time. I am very passionate about seeking God's Will - I just wish sometimes He would speak to me like I hear other Christians say when they have heard from Him and knew what there calling was or that they needed to do something because they felt God leading them. I guess what I am trying to say is, if I knew His purpose for my life, then I guess I wouldn't feel conflicted right now with wanting to work vs. staying at home with the kids, I gues I would just know what I was doing is right. Well any thoughts, opinions and advice- would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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Julie - posted on 03/15/2010

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Chera,
It is such a blessing to see a mom that is seeking God's will for her life. As I read your post I could tell you really are seeking God will in this issue. I my life I have begun to recognize that I pray for God's will, yet don't really "wait" to hear His answer. I have learned to pray and then "be still" to hear Him. Sometimes that can be a challenge because I tend to be a control freak, hehehe. My suggestion to you would be go to God's Word. Read verses about parenting. Pray before you begin reading and ask God to show you what you need to do. I would also share with your husband that you are struggling in this matter and ask him to pray for and with you. One other way that God may have already given you an answer is that your husband likes you being at home with your kids. You said your hubby is "happy" with your current situation. Does he feel strongly one way or another? Remember one way that God speaks to us is through our hubbys.

In you post you also used the words "just a stay at home mom". I hear a lot of our worldly society in that "just a mom" phrase. We moms have been given the most important job there will ever be on this earth. We are raising the next generation of leaders. Our great country is in desperate need of godly, Christian leaders. As I see what is going on within our own country and around the world, I am even more convinced that my job at home has become even more important than ever. Satan is out to destroy the name of Christ and one way he is doing that is by destroying the family. When I began to stay@home, I also began to miss the business world (I was in Human Resources b4 kids). I loved the daily interaction with the employees and those within our community. I loved that every day was different. I loved being able to interview someone for a job and give them the good news that we saw something special about them and wanted to offer them a job. I loved the challenges of dealing with the "problems" that come up with dealing with employee issues. Going from that to being at home with no adult conversation was very hard, but I knew that God wanted me at home with my kids. I knew that my place was at home since God had provided a job that financially allowed me to be at home (even though we had to make some major sacrifices). I had to begin praying that God would change my desires to begin seeing my kids as my "work force" and that I would no longer long for the business world, but long to provide the godly influence my kids needed to grow up to be people of character in this world that is turning away from God.

You're looking for God's purpose in your life? He has given you the blessing of children, I believe that is "a purpose for life". Being a mom is the most difficult, challenging, frustrating, demanding job. Yet it is also the MOST rewarding job one could ask for.

I will pray for you that you are able to "hear" His voice in this tug-of-war you are feeling. Remember Christ is the author of peace and Satan is the author of confusion and conflict.

your sister-in-Christ-
julie

[deleted account]

I worked until my kids were 9 and 13, then I retired from the USAF. With my husband still active duty, I have the luxury of staying at home. My kids are very well adjusted, one is now 13 getting ready to start high school next year in all honors classes and one is 18 and a freshman in college who made the deans list last semester. Neither are into drugs or sex or alcohol, as far as I can tell. What I'm saying is being in daycare most of their young lives did not negativley affect them, its not quantity of time its quality. Hope this helps.

Darcel - posted on 03/15/2010

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Please don't consider the options an either/or situation. Don't say SAHM vs. Working mom.

It is the "vs." concept that makes this decision such a battle. Think of staying at home as an oppertunity God has given you to be with your children that you will never regret having.You can always go back to work but you choose to stay home at this time.

You are a wonderful, interesting, complex, God fearing Christian and having a job/career has very little to do with it your self worth.

The decision to work or stay home is a personal one, and neither is better regardless of how deeply the talk shows debate.

I would love to financially be able to stay home but my student loan debt requires that I work. This is a sacrifice I knew I would have to make when I took out the loans several years before Deuce was concieved and I prayed about it so I am at peace with the choice I made because I have a wonderful career. Now if God opens a door where my family can be financially stable while I stay home and be a homemaker I will take it knowing that when God allows I will be able to return to my career. It wouldn't be an easy transistion, but with prayer and the support of my natural and spiritual family I know I will be able to enjoy the time granted to me.

Shatoyia - posted on 04/11/2012

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I think it is a misconception to think that just because a desire is in our heart that God must've put it there. That is simply untrue! The bible says in Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?" We constantly desire things that are sinful and contrary to God's will for us as outlined in scripture. The bible constantly teaches that we must lead our hearts (desires, will, emotions). We are to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. The first place we should start is in God's word; we should examine our desires in light of scripture. He has already given us our purpose and calling as mothers. Our first ministry is to our husbands to be helpers suitable for them. How can we best be helpers suitable for our husbands? Our next ministry is to our children. We are to raise them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. How can we best raise them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? Titus 2 also says that we are to be "workers at home". In the Greek , "worker at home" is one word oikourgos which comes from two root words. Oikos which means "a dwelling, a home, or a household" and ergon which means " to work or be employed". So a worker at home is someone who guards the dwelling or is a keeper of the household. In 1 Timothy 5 the phrase "keeper house" is used which in the Greek is oikodespoteo and literally means to "rule or guide the house". Chera, I really applaud the fact that you are desiring to honor God and seek His will for you! I will be praying for you:-)

Shatoyia - posted on 04/11/2012

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I found this helpful in my decision to fulfill my calling from God in Titus 2. This is from a book by Martha Peace titled "The Excellent Wife". In it she says, "If a wife is working or thinking of returning to work, she should examine her motives. What is it she really wants? What is her heart set on? Is it to avoid becoming a "non-person"? Is it more material things? Is it wanting to be out from under the demands of child-care? Is it to relieve her husband from his responsibility to work? None of these motives are for the glory of God. They are self-serving and sinful." Now when I read this chapter of the book I was working full-time outside the home so this isn't coming from someone who has never been in your position. I would really study over Titus 2, 1 Timothy 5, and other scriptures about God's calling/ instructions for us as wives and mothers. God speaks to us through His word and He has said a lot in there concerning our responsibilities as wives, mothers, and single Christian women. I would also highly recommend "The Excellent Wife" book by Martha Peace.

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Hannah - posted on 04/11/2012

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When I have prayed for wisdom from God, and I felt like I never really got an answer (whether I did or not) then I always went to Gods Word for wisdom. Everything you will ever need to know is in His Word. It might not tell you what to do directly and specifically but all the answers are there. Even if all you find is "Be still and know that I am God" or "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God"... then there is His will for you :)

Angela - posted on 04/11/2012

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I was a SATM for a lot of years – but not out of choice. I was pretty miserable but the employment slumps of the 1980’s and 1990’s made it difficult for me to find work. Every once in a while I got temporary work or part-time work though.

Some of you on here have correctly identified that the need for employment isn’t just about money, it’s also about prestige, having adult conversations in adult company, keeping up-to-date with what’s going on in the world of work etc … This applies to both men and women. The longer you are out of work the harder it is to find work.

I remember my own mother finding work after being a SAHM most of my life. I was 15 when she got herself a job and I was a lot happier and settled in myself when this happened.

Also my own children were a lot happier when I was in work. I accept that every family is different and there is no one size fits all approach.

If your reason for wanting work is financial, bear in mind the extra expenses that having a job entails. It is likely you will be spending more on shoes, clothes and make-up in order to look the part and obviously more on transport and childcare.

When you’re a single parent it’s even harder. And if you’re a single parent seeking a long-term partner to be part of your family it’s almost imperative that you have an earned income. Unsupported women with children are not generally seen as a “good catch”. Times have moved on since the days when men generally didn’t want a ready-made family BUT even when they’re happy to accept the children of their partner, they’re less willing to pick up the financial tab associated with those children. Unfortunately, employers are less interested in women who are parents without partners. Not a great outlook – but not insurmountable!

Good luck in coming to a decision that suits you and finding the help you need to make it come about successfully.

Shara - posted on 04/10/2012

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Heather your devotional really just hit home for me. I just got finished tonight complaining about my home and how dirty it is and saying how hard I have to work and then come home to more work. I am a full time elementary teacher. I leave everyday close to 6pm and have to go back some nights to work on paperwork, grades, and filing other things. Once I get home at 6:30 everynight I am so tired I can barely eat dinner myself. Some nights I have to ask my husband to help with baths because I am so tired. I love teaching but with having a 3 and 4 year old and seeing the issues that have come up since going to daycare as infants, it makes me wish I could stay at home with them. I feel better when I am at home. My house is cleaner, I feel less stressed and I actually have dinner made at a reasonable time. I just keep thinking once they are in school hopefully it will get better and the kids will help do more.

Kim - posted on 03/18/2010

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Hi Chera,



I can totally relate to your feelings for missing your "other" life. What I quickly learned is that I could do both - be home with my son, to work from home in order to provide additional income for our family and for MY insecurities. I was a teacher for 15 years and a children's minister for 5 years. My son came along during the latter. I decided then that I had waited so long for a child that I wanted to experience all that was possible in raising him. It wouldn't be easy to be a one income household and I thought I would go nuts staying at home but I had to try. Nearly 4 years later I know I've made the right decision.



I teach my son from home now, am able to go on fieldtrips/vacations whenever we want and schedule my hours around what's happening in my life. I am afforded this opportunity because I work from home with a 38 year old company that’s publicly traded on the NY Stock Exchange and has an A+ rating with the US Chamber of Commerce. I really like that I don’t have to host parties or stock and deliver inventory so I can focus on what’s most important, my family. If you’re interested in making an extra $500 - $1000 a month, or more, so you can be a stay at home mom and still provide financially I can tell you how. View my website for all the details – www.SecureTomorrow.info.



Kim

Alena - posted on 03/18/2010

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When I had my first 2 kids I was a stay at home mom, I was also extremely young, so I don't think that part would be too helpful to you. With my son, whom I had when I was 27 on the other hand, I have had experience with both situations. (at this point my older children are 17 and 14).
I have always firmly believed that in order to be a good mother, I had to raise my kids on my own. I like to think that I am a good mother as we all would. I was there everyday cleaning and cooking and everything else that comes along with the stay at home job. As the kids and I got older, I was becoming dissatisfied and I felt as if something were missing in my life.
On a side note, I hope that people don't think bad of me, I have learned to tell it as it is, because that's the only way things can really be dealt with. However, it gets hard sometimes because others tend to get offended or upset with me. Please know that I do not intend either.
Back to the story. There comes a point in all children's development that they stop seeing mom as mom and start seeing her as an individual, and actual person outside of the context of themselves. I found myself wondering, what would my kids see when that time came. Outside of them I was what... a wife, an excellent soccer coach, and I could cook a mean meat loaf. I had lost who I was as person when I gave my life to my children.
I decided to go back out into the great big world and start over professionally speaking. Only, I no longer had the skills I needed to get any type of truly gainful employment, so I went back to school. This is as demanding and time consuming as working. I noticed a few months into it that my teenagers stopped looking at me like I was a moron that had no idea what it was like to be them. My youngest would see me studying and he would grab his homework or a book and sit beside me and mimic me.
Since then, my eldest has graduated highschool. My second daughter, who was bound and determined to quit school and marry someone rich and famous and live off of him for the rest of her life, had a new found interest in school and is back up to an AB honor roll. They have opened up to me and come to me for advice on subjects that I would still never talk to my mother about.
I thank God everyday that I made the decision I did. It helped them to appreciate me as a mother and as a person. I have an amazing sense of accomplishment because I am able to grow as a person while I am teaching my children to do the same. I am no longer telling them that they have to broaden their horizons when mine were as narrow as can be. We are all growing together and we have all learned a greater appreciation for each other in the process.

Janet - posted on 03/17/2010

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That is up to you and your husband.If I cound work I would. , we lived though some tight times.The extra income would have made a difference.The reason I quit working was because of my first born.She was colic and my job was 6 at night till 2am . I have siezure and keeping awake all day and then trying to work at night was not good for my health. My husband worked days so he couldn't help me . I felt my kid needed me more.But times are hard and I wish I could help out When the kids get ready for college you are going to need alot of money put away even with scholorships. Talk it over with your husband.I am glad that i was there to see their specials in school and to tell them everyday to have a nice day in school and later to be there to ask them how their day was.

[deleted account]

I believe that staying home w/ our children is the greatest calling of all. So much so that I am still home w/ my son even though I've been single since the day he was born. Unfortunately I will be needing to work (not returning to work as I never have...) SOON since my ex refuses to pay support and I want/need to get us off of welfare ASAP.



I too wish that God would drop the answers to life in our laps sometimes. :)



Since your kids are so young I think I would wait it out some more before contemplating the decision to return to work.... at least another year. If it's adult interaction that you are missing... find a play group to attend or start your own. Same w/ a women's Bible study. If it's a break you need... trade some babysitting time w/ another stay-at-home mom. :)

Imelda - posted on 03/17/2010

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Hai, Chera.....
I have 2 children, a girl who 4 years old and a boy who 2 years old.
I am a working mother, but actually, just a partimer. Before I get married, I am a fulltimer.
When my daughter was born, I quit for my job.......but actually still doing my job at home. After my son a year old, I back to my work, as a partimer.
When I decide to back to my work, I feel guilty to my children, but I have to be realistis for my financial condition. To be a fulltime mother is the best than to be a working mother, but sometimes our condition force us to be a working mother.
It's normally when u feel guilty, but if u can manage ur time, I think that's no problem.
I just think that quality time more important than quantity time for our children.
You just have to find someone who you can trust to take care your children and delegate the duty. Off course you have controll.
The important thing is to invite God into all the aspect in our life.
I always pray to God to guide my children and give me faith that God will take care of my children.
After I back from my work, I always spend all my time with my children. We play, sing, jump, study, tell the story, etc......
I hope that my sharing can be usefull for you. God bless you all.......

Heather - posted on 03/17/2010

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So I shared this in another post, but I was thinking of you when I read my devotional this morning. It is from the book Breakfast with God. It basically said that while we tend to look to earthly things to make us happy, they usually don't. The one lady in it said that she thought a bigger house would make her happy, but it didn't. She thought maybe that better paying job would make her happy, but it didn't either. The other lady had told her that her secret to happiness was to depend on God to meet her needs and make her happy, not earthly things. I'm not saying that that is what you are doing, but I know that it really hit home for me, and I wanted to share it with you.

Alina - posted on 03/17/2010

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Hello Chera. I'm a SAHM now, but used to have a good career. I made my decision based on prayer and a lot of talking to my husband, weighing the cost of working and daycare versus staying at home. While we feel it is the best decision for our family, let me tell you, no one but other families in your shoes knows the sacrifices you've had to make. Staying home is the most demanding job you'll ever have, and it is very isolating as well. I, too, found myself wanting to go back to work but my husband loves the way things are right now. So, I looked to the Word to guide me. For me, I missed the adult interaction and having the money to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. After much prayer and Bible reading, I started asking God to reveal my purpose to me. It hasn't turned out the way I thought it would. I'm still at home working hard as ever, but He blessed me to make a friend who is a SAHM, and she loves doing the things I love to do, too. We both sew, read and enjoy cooking. We talk almost every day, get together to go do what we enjoy, and we share our everyday lives. Then my family finally found a great church home where we feel welcome, and I've made another friend, a working mom, who shares my interests. I watch two children so it allows me to make a little money each week so I can get out and do something for myself. God answered my prayers in a way I didn't expect, but needed. He knew what I needed and when I placed my issues in His hands, He answered! I am content now, happy, no longer isolated, I do things I love and I realized God gave me a life as a woman and as a mom, and I can enjoy both. Be encouraged, sister. I believe you hear God's voice. Trust Him to order your steps and one day you'll wake up and see God's taken you to a place of fulfillment and contentment. Just remember He may not do it the way you think He will, but He will get it done. Much love and prayers to you.

Lisa - posted on 03/16/2010

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Hi Chera, I agree with all the post. Our place is to be home with our kids so that w can raise our kids the way God has intended us to do. I too have worked while having to leave my kids and it was the hardest thing to do, but had to do it. I now get to stay home and so love it. I do miss the career part, so i started doing my own home based biz and now i have the best of both worlds. I get to be home and work my business when it suits my family's schedule. I love it and so glad that i found this company.
Here is their website, check it out www.arbonne.com. I love thier products and know the business, cause i feel like im contributiing to the houshold and taken a ltittl stress of the hubby. Also here is a recorded call you can get on and listen, great infor about company and products.
Discover Arbonne Call with Cecilia Stoll, Linda Parker and Deanna Herrin Recorded July 20, 2009 - 45 minutes long

Dial In: (402) 426-6969
Playback Code: 68064044#
Link: www.whistletree.com/play/3050UUY4TRJ3N4SN

[deleted account]

Thanks again for all the thoughts, advice, words of encouragement and most of all the prayers. I appreciate that you took the time to give me feedback. I am pushing myself to get into God's word even more on this issue during my quiet time and continue to seek His will and see if this desire in my heart is a purpose he has for me or just me feeling unfulfilled in different ways. I have always prayed and made decisions in the past the best I could but always felt they were decisions I have made without God leading me. I really hope God will lead me this time. I am encouraged by everyones advice with how to pray over this and with just reading the thought processes that brought you all to where you are and why you are happy with your choices. Thanks again fellow mommies :) I look forward to seeing more thoughts and advice from others too.

Rebecca - posted on 03/16/2010

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Chera,
This is a hard one. And as much as Christian women say they have it figured out, they don't. The truth is that non of us do. Each situation and life is individual. This shouldn't ever become a time for other women to guilt you into doing one thing or another, although this has been a major issue particularly among Christian women. And we like to throw rocks at one another, and that's not loving or Christ like at all. This is only a decision that can be made by you, your husband and the Lord. Because just like our individual relationships with Christ each situation is different. The Lord may have spoken strongly to a mom to "stay home", so she feels the right to make that a "one size fits all" solution. As you seek wisdom and what's right for "your" family I will pray for you.
I too have struggled with this situation. Some of it is the way we are raised. I have always had a strong conviction to be at home with my children. The Lord's reasoning with me was simply this: "I created you in a nurturing way, and I'm gonna use you in my kingdom starting at home w/ your children, this is your first ministry and the most important one I will even give you" . None will ever love or tend to my kids like me. And no form of childcare, even with another family member, will devote themselves to seeking salvation for my kids before the Lord like I will.
Although we are all different, God has given women a different understanding than men. It all goes back to the garden and the fall. Men a women were in a sense perfect, and they had no confusion about the role they had. But we live in a fallen world now, and things are different culturally and economically. My best advise would be to follow peace. God is a gentleman. He will not force you one way or another, but when you are obedient to him you will find peace. It might be hard either way, but you will still find peace.
My husband and I decided that we would eat mac n cheese if we had to in order for me to stay home, but some families don't even have that luxury.
But if you are looking for an opinion, I guess I would say, they are only little once, and for a very short time. Don't miss it if you don't have to. Just remember that guilt and shame are from the enemy, but conviction and peace are from the Lord.
I will be praying for this, as it is a hard thing to decide.

Heather - posted on 03/15/2010

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Christene, what helps me the most is my weekly moms Bible study. It is wonderful. That along with the interaction at church gets me through! The relationships formed there are much better than anything in the work place (at least for me) and usually stress free!

Christene - posted on 03/15/2010

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I have recently (just today quit my job to be a SAHM) made the decision to stay home after 15 years working as a teacher. I found this Psalm 18 vs 1-3 very comforting. I also feel that when you look at your decision ask your self what is driving the decision the need for adult communication and acknowledgment or the need to feel fulfilled by a career that allows you some kind of gratification in a job well done. The hardest thing I will face will be the loneliness of being at home without the ability to connect with other adults especially woman. We need that kind of connection and sometimes find it within the workforce. Good luck

Deb - posted on 03/15/2010

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Did you ever think that maybe He is guiding you into His will. That's why you are feeling the urge and debating between work and stay at home. Staying Home to your children is an awesome gift for those God chooses. It doesn't make you any less a parent. You are just as important and precious as a Mom even if you are in the working field.
Maybe it is God's calling for you to get back to work.

What type of career were you in? I am a working mother. I cherish the vacation and time I have off with my son-actually Grandson in whom I am raising. He is precious to me and I love the time I have with him. Yet, my career is just as important and I feel God leading me in my position. I touch many hearts and feel fulfilled when I go home to my family.
Ask Him to speak louder and you will recognize His voice. It may come in a whisper; it may come in that still, small voice or urge within your heart; it may come through a friend or song or stranger. Listen within-when you pray, sit quietly in His presence and listen as thoughts enter your heart-and trust that it is He speaking to you.

Listen to your heart. Some Mom's are called to be stay at home Moms and some are called to be a voice for Him in "the wilderness"-where He leads you, seeds will be planted. Trust your heart and pray.

I will truly pray for you as you seek His answer.

Tammy - posted on 03/15/2010

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I was a career mom too, and I loved my job. I went back to work when my twins turned 3, but I was fortunate that I did most of my work from home and only had to put them in daycare one or two days a week. I found juggling a career and being a mom to be very difficult, even with the ability to work from home. I felt as though I wasn't able to give 100 percent of myself to my children. I stay home full-time now and do not miss working at all!

Amy - posted on 03/15/2010

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I've done both, and I understand the conflict. I am at home now because I was laid off. I was (still am, if you count unemployment) the larger breadwinner, so my husband stayed home with our boys for several years.



I do believe it's best for (especially the small) children to be home with one parent if it is financially possible... and it usually is. The two income household dynamic is so very rushed. So I'd like to encourage you to stay home, since it seems as if you aren't struggling financially.



But you can go to school, or volunteer, or engage in a local mom's group! There are so many things to do, including homeschooling that might challenge you more than you are currenlty feeling!



Right now I'm a student (again) and I volunteer 3 hours per week in our Church's food room. I think it's a great balance! I also found a mom's group in my area on meetup.com, and it's a great way to get out of the house and introduce my little one to playmates.



When I go back to work, both my boys will be in all-day school, so the timing seems perfect for my family. Plus, I *should* be able to earn a salary we can live comfortably on, so my husband can work part time if he wants to, and we can still enjoy the more relaxed family dynamic.



Best of luck in your decision! I'll pay you'll have a feeling of peace with the "right" decision.

Andrea - posted on 03/15/2010

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I understand greatly ~ I went from teaching middle school and loving it to spending my days taking care of our son (which I am so thankful I could do) in a dark basement apartment. Not exactly ideal. However, I found a really wonderful way to stay at home and earn some extra money, while making our home safer by removing toxins. Check out www.momventureout.com. I'm so glad I found this company!!! God bless!

[deleted account]

Wow ladies, thank you so much, all the info provided was very helpful. Everyone gave me some great advice. It has been so hard for me lately with waiting on God to lead me. I feel like I have been doing this just about all my life and I am still seeking Him. My husband has said "Have you ever thought that God has you right where he wants you." I just feel like if that is true, wouldn't I have His peace in my heart and mind? And wouldn't I be content? Some of you were curious to the age of my children. I have a 3 year old and a 21 month old, just in case you would further like to respond to that. I am really grateful for the thoughts, opinions and advice. I am going to re-read all these messages later tonight before I read the bible in my quiet time. Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my question.

Laura - posted on 03/15/2010

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I have had these same thoughts myself. I became a sahm because it was a goal of ours but becoming pregnant with my second child earlier than planned, my first two are 18 months apart, and not being able to afford that daycare made the decision much easier. I've been a sahm for 81/2 years now and next fall my third and last will be in school fulltime. What to do? I still feel it's important to be there after school, summer, winter but part of me wants to earn some money and have something else going on. But my children are my most important job and I strongly feel that at least for me and my family I need to be around as much as possible to insure that our values and morals are upheld. These days it's so much easier for kids to wander into trouble in a very short period of time so I think a parent has to be very dilligent. I've done alot of praying and I've had some ideas appear so we'll see. I would encourage you to find adult things for you to do, book clubs, breakfast clubs, or start a group focusing on something you are interested in. Remain prayerful and when the time is right your prayers will be answered. After all that's what faith is about. I agree with the above poster who said(paraphrasing) that maybe we are being called to raise the next generation of Christians because I truely think that we will need as many as we can get.

Heather - posted on 03/15/2010

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I can understand. I felt the same way, and chose to go back to work part time for just over a year an a half. At first it was great, I looked forward to going, getting away and talking to big people. But the longer I was there, the more I hated it. I hated leaving my husband with the kids (I only worked when he was home). I hated not being able to spend the time with my husband. I hated the time it took away from doing the things at home that I needed (or wanted) to do. So even though in the end we really still needed the little bit of money that I was pulling in, I chose to quit and stay home full time. It was the best decision I have ever made.

My suggestion is that if you can afford to stay home, then pick up a new hobby, or work more on one that you already have. I am brushing up on my piano playing skills. Or you could find an organization to volunteer for. There are many things that you can do in your house to have something for you. I know a lady that needs someone to transcribe her podcasts for her, or you could sign up for a pen pal. You could sew or scrapbook. This is of course just what I suggest. Only you know the desires that God has placed in your life.

The things to look at are what kind of hours would you have to work, how would it effect your family, would you miss your kids or your husband, is it worth the sacrifices you will have to make. Do you have something lined up? Are the negative influences in the work field worth the stress they will cause, will that stress be brought home to your family and put a damper on the time you do have with them? What things at home will you need help with if you have to go to work? Will it effect your cleaning schedule, or time spent with doing crafts or homework with your kids? Will you still have time to go on dates with your husband? There are tons of things to consider when thinking about going back to work. I don't know what kind of a career you were in, that makes a big difference too. Keep looking to God for guidance. Sometimes he first plants the desire for something, and the peace about the decision comes later. Or the desire isn't from Him, and He just gives you the time to discern that. I will pray for you!

Victoria - posted on 03/15/2010

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God always leads, when we wait to find out what way He is moving. Staying at home with our kids is what He wills for some and going out to work for others.

When I had our first daughter I had to go back to work after matt leave, because financially we couldn't afford for me not too. Then after about a year our financial situation got better and God allowed me to stay home with her, then along came daughter #2 and I started childcare for other, then along came daughter #3 and after a while I stopped baby sitting, then when finance got tight again I started again. well in September 2009 my kids started attending a private Christian school which means that even my SK & JK are in school full time days 8:30am until 3:30pm and NOW God is leading me to look for a part time job, so that I am still home with them before and after school. Being home worked for as we we're able to afford it, it also meant I was able to concentrate on my ministry too (I am a first level Church minister-a Lay minister) and I have able to spend time with the senior pastor doing visitations and much and really learning in a greater measure about the ministry I am called into, Not to mention the extra time to prepare sermons and teachings.

It's different for everyone though, so if you have a desire to back out to work maybe God has put that desire there, but continue to wait on the LORD and see which direction He is truly leading you in. If it's staying at home, the best thing for your family is to do so, if He's leading you to work out of the home, again the best thing you can do for your family is just that.

Sarah - posted on 03/15/2010

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I also wish that God would speak louder or be more obvious in the path He has for me. :) Sometimes it is really hard to know what or where He is wanting me to go. I think one question to ask yourself is 20 years down the road looking back on your life what would be the things you wish you would have changed? If you stay home will you wish you did more things for yourself (not in a selfish way)? I think doing things for us is VERY important. If we are not filling ourselves back up it makes it harder to give back to others. This is sometimes a hard one for us moms. Or looking back on your life will you wish you did more things with your kids/family? I think looking at it that way sometimes helps answer that question. Maybe the answer is a little bit of both. Have you thought about doing something part-time or on the side. Something that allows you to still be with your kids and family like you want but allows you to get that fullfillment you need.

Anne - posted on 03/15/2010

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Hi Chera, Our children are now adults. We have 2 daughters. Because I grew up thinking I would not be healthy enough to have children because of a Heart Condition, when we did have a completely normal daughter with no lasting health issues it broke my heart to leave our daughter with any one else.

What worked for our family was to become the Child Care for other moms. Looking back I can see so many times in the 8 years we had child care in our home, where God was at work not only in our lives but also in the lives of the families in my care.

You did not mention how old your children are. But if they are in school all day could you find Part time employment, or a Volunteer position.

From my own experience i am wondering if it is the "Job or Career" you miss or the adult conversation you miss. Our children are a gift form God, having said that, as stay at home moms I have had several friends that have expressed a desire for adult conversation during the day. I was alway Blessed in the fact that in our state, when you took care of children in your home if you took care more than 6 children at one time, you needed adult help. Because of this I had adult help 6 out of the 8 years I took care or other people's children.

I hope some of this helped you. I will be Praying for you.

Anne - posted on 03/15/2010

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I miss my career but I know that if I went back to work I would be missing out much more. I want to be there and watch every minute of my baby growing up. How old are your children? My little girl is still very young. When she is older though she won't want to be with me every minute of the day and so there might be time for going back to work.

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