Working vs. staying at home after having kids

Autumn - posted on 12/12/2008

You may want to try reading Proverbs 31. It may help.
God calls each of us to something different for different reasons. No one choice is right or wrong for everyone. You just need to pray for God's direction in this. Your husband too. Talk to him about your choices and see how he feels about it. You'll know the right choice if God is telling both of you the same thing.

Mandy - posted on 12/11/2008

I can't think of any more scripture thats not already posted but I can tell you it's been very rewarding for me to stay home with my kids. Everything they learn and all thier firsts I have gotten to witness. But I do believe it's different for everyone and that you should do what you think you will be happiest with.

Lisa - posted on 12/10/2008

Thanks for all of you help and advice!! I will continue to pray about it and I know God will guide me. It is so nice to have all these women to count on for Godly advice and encouragement!

Colleen - posted on 12/10/2008

Read what God has to say on Proverbs 31. Pray over it. Pray for God's will in your life. Listen to what God has for you. If you pray with the right motives, God will bless you with the right answer for you and HIS will for your life. But you must be close to HIm and listen. I am a stay at home mom. I worked for the first 7 months of Liam's life. I was blessed enough to bring him to work with me. However I always knew that God wanted me to be a stay at home wife and mother, that knowledge was cemented for me as I had a hard time concentrating because I was so concerned I would miss a milestone while I was on the phone or if someone had taken him out of the room so I could get some work done. God allowed for this trial to make His will for my life more clear and all the sweeter. He allowed for our finances to be well taken care of and my husband and I communicated with each other and with our heavenly father to make the decision together. So I urge you to pray alone and with your husband. Pray and allow God's perfect will to be done in your lives.

Wendi - posted on 12/10/2008

what a beautiful heart you have to want what God says- you're "suddenly having feelings" becuz' this IS so His heart for your little one! you might find titus 2:3-5 very helpful as for "truth" about what to do. juli shared a lot of valid scriptures, and titus gets even more specific.

i also love the one in psalms about david remembering being comforted at his mother's breast... [i was SO never going to breastfeed, till my husband said to me, "what do you think God fills them with milk for??" i hated that he was right- it felt way too vulnerable and my mother had never done it... so why should i? but God doesn't create mistakes- look at all of nature- cows and every other mammal nurse their young- yet i'd been ready to dive for the impersonal plastic bottle becuz' it was so uninvasive of 'me'.] His will and mine have clashed many times, but thankfully He keeps winning with His truth... that HAS set me free.

there were so many things i had to learn over 20 years and [almost] 11 children later about 'dying to self' so that i might truly live. tho' i've still had to use bottles for my kids cuz' they did not gain wgt. on just my milk, i have never regretted God's will to keep nursing my children aLong with "having" to use the bottle too. it's made me more tender toward their need for love and touch affection, and i've seen a difference in how they've each "turned out" according to my diff. treatments of them, [good AND error wise]. i wish i could go back and nurse each one till THEY were ready to wean vs. when my selfishness wished them to... wish i could go back and give them the security of sleeping with us for the first half plus year of their lives cuz' i see sUch a security difference [and communication difference] in the younger ones who got us and the older ones who did not.

if anybody can glean from all the things i've done wrong in 20 years of parenting and so skip the extra faults themselves, i will be glad to share every error in detail... (esp. when one even became a runaway- but God has redeemed even this, and the warfare involved [eph. ch. 6] that brought her back home will give others hope that their prodigal does not HAVE to stay that way till "satan's done his duty"... God brought her baCK, 16 days later... not 16 weeks, months, or years- tho' even my husband told me to be prepared that she would NOT be back home for "at least" a year. i reFUSed to accept this pronouncement.)



anyway, sorry to get so off track. just wanted to share we've made plenty of mistakes, but God is even bigger, and He wiLL come thru when we humbly repent of our parental mistakes and cry to him for mercy and grace- now this same one who "ran" off to drink and live like the world is desiring to begin Bible college this jan.! and is soaking in sermon/messages that SHE is personally asking for to listen to!! while she drives her car around nannying in a diff. state!!! God is SO redemptive of ALL - he knew we'd need it, so that is why we have Christmas to so celebrate even YEAR round!!! ÜÜÜ

but since you're so open to truth noW for your child and your mothering, i can imagine that you will have far less heartache and far fewer regrets. this is beautiful, and you are inspiring. :o)

Lorena - posted on 12/09/2008

One thing I have learned as my children have grown older, is how much what they learn when they are young affects the rest of their growing up years. I'm talking about before they are eight or so. SO MANY of their attitudes, habits, values, likes and dislikes are instilled before they are eight or nine. And what the first child becomes is so important because the rest of the children tend to follow his or her example.

I have been able to stay home with my children, and have been so blessed because of it. Not that it was easy - I was very jealous of my husband going off to work some days! But I think you will find that you can develop other talents and interests being at home that you could not in your busy work day, although mothering is certainly a full-time job. But there is time to squeeze in a few things here or there that you may not have before.

It has also helped me to remember that the time I have at home with my children, perhaps ten years of my life, is so small compared to the rest of my life. I can do everything I want, but not all at once. And that's OK!

Lastly, with working you have the chance to make a mark in the world, have an influence, and make the world a better place, but I think it is safe to say that ANY work outside the home, no matter how glamorous, honest, self-sacrificing or whatever, will in the end be more shallow than what you do in the home. Meaning that your influence and your mark on the world will be much deeper and more long-lasting if it is in the home with your children.

Of course, this is just my opinion, and everybody has different circumstances and different missions they need to accomplish while on the Earth. One thing I do know is that with your prayerful approach and desire to search the scriptures, you will be guided by the Spirit! I hope for the best for you and your family!

Melinda - posted on 12/09/2008

I have a two and half year old and I am a stay at home mom. I am not going to try and force my decision upon you however I think it is something you have to pray over. Stay at home moms have a lot on their plate as well as working moms. However we have one benifit, we get to enjoy many milestones that working moms miss out on. Not that these moms aren't good moms but we can't tell our child when to say it's first word or when to make it's first steps. Weigh out the cost of staying at home vs. working and if you are only going back for the money and feel like you have no other choice don't worry about it, God will help you through it, If work is a part of who you are that you are not willing to give up and you feel your job is important take that into consideration. Weigh it out and ask for God's help. I have not wanted for anything since I decided to stay home and I have no regrets. If you feel you will regret whatever decision you make then maybe you need to rethink that decision. I hope that helps you

Juli - posted on 12/09/2008

Hi Lisa,

You can visit the 'stay at home moms circle' and the 'working mums circle' and learn a lot from reading all those threads. You'll definintely get a chance to see and hear both sides!

I like this circle because I can find counsel from a Biblical perspective, and obviously you do too.

I can't think of a Bible verse that addresses the 'stay home or work' dilemma.

As parents we are called to train up our children in the Lord.

Proverbs 22:6

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.



That could mean staying home or it could mean making sure your child goes to Sunday School.

I think, also, you could look at the Bible as a standard for motherhood: what do you see mothers doing in the Bible? Moses' mother nursed him (Exodus 2) and there are numerous examples of nursing (Psalm 22).



Moms teach:

Proverbs 1:8

Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.



Moms correct:

Proverbs 29:15

The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.



Moms comfort:

Isaiah 66:13

As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem."



Some other mother references...

Psalm 113:9

He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD.



Isaiah 49:15

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?



But God also thought moms could do other things:

Poverbs 31:10 - 31



10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.



11 Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.



12 She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.



13 She selects wool and flax

and works with eager hands.



14 She is like the merchant ships,

bringing her food from afar.



15 She gets up while it is still dark;

she provides food for her family

and portions for her servant girls.



16 She considers a field and buys it;

out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.



17 She sets about her work vigorously;

her arms are strong for her tasks.



18 She sees that her trading is profitable,

and her lamp does not go out at night.



19 In her hand she holds the distaff

and grasps the spindle with her fingers.



20 She opens her arms to the poor

and extends her hands to the needy.



21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

for all of them are clothed in scarlet.



22 She makes coverings for her bed;

she is clothed in fine linen and purple.



23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,

where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.



24 She makes linen garments and sells them,

and supplies the merchants with sashes.



25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.



26 She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.



27 She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.



28 Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:



29 "Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all."



30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.



31 Give her the reward she has earned,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.



So clearly God knows that moms have many skills, and that He wants us to use them for His glory.

(An email from Him would come in handy! Just tell me what You want me to do!)





I think the best thing you could do is to think and pray about what you want for your child: what kind of qualities do you want your baby to develop, what do you think is the most important things you want your child to learn.

There are plenty of Christian moms who work, and many who don't have a choice, they must work. You are blessed to have a choice!



If you can imagine this: Your baby is about to graduate from high school... as you replay the most important memories of 18 years, what times stand out as precious and unforgettable? What decisions would you regret making and what decisions would you be proud of?



My first baby is in college now, and I can't believe how fast the 18 years went.

I did stay home when after she was born until she went to school. I wanted to teach her our values, to love the Lord, and I wanted to be the one to see all the milestones first hand. Soon enough they go to school and are exposed to all kinds of other people's values.



That's what worked for our family. As i look back I have no regrets. Nothing I would do differently, given the chance, and still, wishing I could do it all over again just to enjoy the ride.

The kids were almost teenagers before we bought our first sofa that wasn't second hand, and we never went on expensive vacations and truthfully, we just loved being together and we went to lots of state parks and historical places on the cheap.



God has blessed you with professional talents and with mothering skills. Some moms manage to do it all at once, but for me success has come through knowing I can't have 'it all' at one time. I love my career, my work, and I love my kids, but it's really hard to try to do it all at the same time.



God bless your decision! And enjoy your baby while it's still a baby!