Would you go on vacation without your kids?
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Jennifer - posted on 12/21/2010
Hey Julianne ease up a bit. Realize that Lauras son is a little over a year old. I didn't leave my daughter for ANY amount of time until she was 5. And then it was because working became necessary. As our children grow and become more independent we feel better leaving them. Maybe Laura will never leave her child for any amount of time and that is admirable as well. My daughter is 9 and happy to stay with my mom while I do what needs to be done. My daughter is concerned about my well being "Mommy you should have friends like I do" "Mommy you should go on dates" we're a team and she in intuitive of my emotional status just like I am hers. Even if we don't agree we need to remember to be respectful to each other. Laura I think it's great you spend so much time with your son. The first 5 years of my daughter's life are some of the most precious of my life. And Julianne I think it's amazing that you get to have time with your husband without the kids too. And I don't feel bad for my choices because, well, I am my daughter's only parent and I know that she will be with my mom and she has a phone and can call me anytime she wants.
Rebekah - posted on 12/20/2010
Honestly, I would have a hard time going on a vacation without my son... I can handle a weekend get-away that is close by or even sending my son to stay with the grandparents for a night, but a long vacation? I would want to wait until my son is older and can tell me what happens when he's with someone else.
Julianne - posted on 12/20/2010
totally! i am actually going to leave all three, ages 6,5, and 21 months for 11 days with their dad and aunties while i go 5000 miles away. i am super excited to get time to be a grown up and see friends. i love my kids and know that sometimes i am a MUCH better parent when i get a much needed break
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Nikkole - posted on 12/21/2010
Julianne Dennison i could not agree with you more!!!!
On another note just because you are a christian mommy dosen't mean you cant go on vacation every once in a while without your children! You have to have a great and strong relationship with your spouse if you want your family to work YES children come first in Almost everything in my life but me and my husband shouldn't come last all the time! I agree being a mommy is a full time job with no breaks or sick days so to have a nice vacations every once in a while with just you and your spouse is fine with me and it gives time for your children to spend time with there family and have one on one time with them!
Julianne - posted on 12/21/2010
what does being a christian mommy have to do with it? the fact that i am a believer means i am to never leave my children? or that i cant do it with gladness knowing that they are being well cared for and loved by others? Should my children not be allowed the opportunity to be loved by others, to learn to be self relient, to play with their aunts and uncles and grandparents while their parents work on their marriage and relationship. Should i let my relationship with my husband suffer and become stagnant because i am a Christian? i have left my children a handful of times, 3 times for a military event with my husband that children were not permiitted to attend, they spent this last summer in idaho with their grandparents while i recovered from surgery, and again while i had a second honeymoom with my husband as a gift to him. I love my children with all my heart, they are with me all the time and are thriving. They also love staying with their grandparents and aunts and uncles whenever they have the chance. they are happy, loved, and growing in God everyday. being a mom is hard. it is a full time job with NO time off and to made to feel guilty that as a christian i shouldnt enjoy an opportunity to be alone as an adult with my spouse feels wrong. look to your own life and motives and enjoy your children.
Jennifer - posted on 12/21/2010
My daughter is 9 and last March I drove 16 hours to take my fiancee out to dinner for his birthday. I drove there, surprised him at work, met him, his mom, and my brother at McGraths for supper, stayed a few hours and drove 16 hours home. I'm not sure if that counts as a vacation, but if it does then I guess I did. My friend and I have a mommy vacation planned to go to Hawaii for a week. Kids will stay with grandparents. Why? Because I work all the time, I don't have friends here, and because I can. Will my daughter still love me? Absolutely. Especially since right before we go we're taking all of our kids to all the major theme parks in southern CA. I think it's okay. Plus if I were still married I'd like to say that we'd go on marriage retreats through the church together anyway. I think things like that are important.
Tah - posted on 12/20/2010
in a heatbeat..lol..i think it is important to take family vacations and just as important to have time away with the husband and even with yourself, i would not take vacations and never give my children one, we take family vacations a couple times a year, but it is equally important to reconnect with each other and ourselves
Kimberly - posted on 09/07/2010
I am not sure if I would. If you need a vacation who says your kids may need one as well. A night maybe two away is good for you both but if its a planned out of state type vacation then I believe they should be able to go. Plan something for the whole family! Its usually more fun this way!
Deborah - posted on 09/07/2010
Definately yes! My husband & I went on a cruise for our 20th anniversary. It was wonderful, for us. We got to reconnect in a way you don't get to with every day family-life. It's nice just to get away by yourselves. But I do agree that the kids need to be old enough to be away from you. We forget sometimes that we are their world. My daughter was 11 at the time, mom said she cried every day, which I felt bad about when I got home. So I guess the only thing I would change is not being away but for a few days, not 5. Definately leave the kids with someone they know & are close to. My mom came to stay with them, but was not close to them. Hope this helps.
Yes, we did. My in-laws live in California, so we went to visit them. After a few days, we left our daughter with them and traveled around the state on our own. We did Yosemite, Napa, San Fransisco and it was fab!
I heard this quote on the radio yesterday, "Nurturing your marriage is always good for the kids."
Jennifer - posted on 08/25/2010
I think its essential to have alone time with your husband. A reconnection, a moment to step away from the everyday routine of putting the kids first. Whether it be a once a month date night to a vacation. We've done both. We go alone on vacation for our anniversary every year. Hopefully this year we can go, since Im pregnant and due in Dec, it might not happen =( But I definitely think its important.
Gillian - posted on 08/23/2010
I think its fine to go on holiday without you kids and \I even think its fine to go on holiday without hubby or kids..last year I was priviliged to be sent by my husband and children to the Hly LAnd for ten days as a 40th birthday present...i missed my family but you know what it made ahuge difference to my mantal health to be me for a while..no mum or wife...so this year i went off again for 4 days to visit an old school friend....came back relaxed and ready..and it made my huband and children apreciate how much I do for them :)
Candi - posted on 08/18/2010
Its funny how my husband and I are always talking about going on vacation and getting time for just the two of us. He was searching for cruises the other day and getting prices, but not for the 2 of us but for the whole family!! I said "you would want to take the kids on a cruise with us?" He said "of course. There are tons of things for them and they would enjoy it!" I have such a wonderful husband!!
Ramona - posted on 08/16/2010
I don't think any one is suggesting letting kid roam about at night fending for themselves. My kdis have gone away with out us, and we have gone without them. They stayed with my mom or dad and other cousins and the best of time!
Crystal - posted on 08/16/2010
While our kid's were little we took them with us. Now that their grown I would've loved to take one with my husband. But he was killed in a car accident two days before Christmas in 2008. But yeah. We probably would've taken off somewhere if we could.
Absolutely! In fact, my hubby and I just got back from a 5 day trip to Washington DC. It was our first getaway in seven years (since we started having children) It was wonderful to finally be able to spend some quality time with each other and reconnect. Our three kids are constantly demanding our attention and by the time they go to bed at night we are both so tired. So it definately reconnected us and brought us closer together, plus when we got home I was less stressed and able to focus more on my kids then I was before we left. I do believe that family vacations are very important, and we take one with our kids every year, even if it's just camping for a weekend or something. But it's also important for the adults to have some alone time. Because of mom and dad are not connected and close to each other that is going to extend throughout the family. Mom and Dad need to be the foundation and grow together and you can really only do that if you spend quality time together, at least once in awhile :-) I definatley won't wait seven years to have a get away with my hubby again!
Katy - posted on 08/13/2010
MOST DEFINATELY...my husband and I have made a point to speratically take lil trips without the kids.(we have 4)..yes u need to raise ur kids but you also have to focus on ur marriage because your spouse is there for the rest of ur life the kids grow up and out. There is nothing wrong with vacations without kids it helps keep sanity and a nice get away is always good on everyone:)
Penny - posted on 08/12/2010
Yes! Why is it people feel it's ok to wave goodbye to the kids when they go to a friends or go away to camp but if parents do it something must be wrong with the parent?
I see nothing wrong with a parent taking some me/them time. Most parents would find they would be a better parent if they got away every once in a while without the kids. Also, husbands and wives need that alone time.
Tonya - posted on 08/12/2010
How soon could we leave? Both my children are difficult and have IEP's in school. My hubby and I are desperate for an escape. We have next to no help (no siblings- and elderly parents), so it's a mute point it will not happen, even though it would be a dream come true! We went away in April for 2 days, my friend kept my little one, she was so overwhelmed with him that before we could even get home she took him to my moms! So- we knew that weekend was all that would ever happen!
So for all of you hard working mom's who have family/friends to help keep your kids- be very thankful you are BLESSED! Enjoy your kid free vacation with your spouse!
Heather - posted on 08/11/2010
I think it's imperative!! I have 7 children, ages 2,4,6,7,9,10, and 12, and my hubby and I try to go off for a weekend every year. We desperately need that time alone together to relax and reconnect. We also try to go on a date a month, minimum. Your relationship with your spouse needs to come first if you are to be on the same page with all the other areas in your life together!!
Jeanine - posted on 08/11/2010
Absolutely!! WE have been married for 25 years and have gone on 3 day weekends every year for the last 10 years. We did it before we had kids and if I had it to do over again I would go every year for our anniversary, if we could afford it. ( pay cash I mean.)
We also take the kids on a vacation every year so we can spend time doing more as a family that we love to do.
We have family a some friends that love to have our boys for the weekend or a few days. I works out pretty well. This year we left our oldest son home and sent the younger one to a friends house and we took 4 days for a second honeymoon. It was great!! The boys enjoyed having time away from us too.
Jackie - posted on 08/11/2010
Definitely! And we didn't wait until I was done nursing either!! When my son was about 4 months old he got to go stay with Grandma and Grandpa. . . and had a wonderful time bonding with them!!! Grandma loved being able to cuddle and pamper him!!! I had been pumping already (like when he started sleeping in and skipping his 6 am feeding). So, my son Tanner had plenty of breast milk for his stay. Here's the funny part. We went on a business trip for my husband. I would kind of hang around and then do some different stuff with him when they weren't having meetings. I would pump every night and then let it build up during the day. Sooooo, my chest helped to hide the baby tummy that I still had. Looked great for the fancy dinners! ;) Anyway, we had a good time and our kids have always had an awesome time with Grandma and Grandpa. . . starting before they were even 1. Kids can handle more than you think sometimes. :) Your family, your kids, your decision.
Jamala - posted on 08/10/2010
No. I have two daughters 23mos and 5mos. My youngest is still nursing. The thought of being away from my babies is not something I desire. My husband and I are happy to have date night from time to time. Perhaps when my girls are older we'll feel differently.
Lisa - posted on 08/10/2010
ABSOLUTELY! My husband and I went on a cruise for our 10-year wedding anniversary. The kids stayed with their grandparents. We made sure everyone had everything they needed for a comfortable stay - plus, forms to allow my parents to take the kids to a doctor or ER for care if they needed to, and to use our insurance cards.
I have to say, even though I missed my boys dearly (with a crying spell on day 4 of 5), it has to be the best vacation EVER. We got to do things that we can't do with the kids around - like snorkeling through an underground saltwater stream at a national park in Mexico and swimming with dolphins! We could decide what WE wanted to do and WHEN we wanted to do it. I went to an art auction while my husband enjoyed other activities on the boat. It was very fun.
Plus, you've got to nourish and work on your marriage and relationship with your spouse in order to provide a healthy God-centered home for the kids, right? I know it's hard, but the Bible calls us to put God at the top, then our spouse, then the kids.
I love my boys dearly and would do anything for them - including dates and trips with just their dad to help maintain and strengthen our relationship. We are more patient and better with the kids when we are at peace with each other.
Brenda - posted on 08/10/2010
When my husband and I were younger we did go on a couple of vacations w/out out children, and I did miss them a lot but we also had a good time. Although we went without them we also took vacations with them. They were both equally as fun!
My children remember the vacations and always talk about how much fun we all had. When I was young, my parents didn't take vacations. My dad always said he was going to take us on a vacation to the mountains, but that never came about. I can't say that I missed any vacations when I was young because I never went on one to know what it was like to miss any.
On the other hand, as we have gotten older, we like to take vacations with our children. They are all married and they all have children and one grandchild is old enough to have children also. So we went to the mountains last month and rented a cabin big enough to sleep 20 people. Counting all that went including the grandchildren and great grandchildren there were 10 adults or parents and 8 children and 3 great grandchildren. We had a great time! I would not have wanted to leave anyone of them behind. Lots of times some of them cannot afford to go, but we try to help them out a little. I just can't seem to leave anyone behind. I want all of them to have great memories of the times we had together! We all spent time at Dollywood, Dollywood Splash Country and went to the Dixie Stampede. We arrived on Friday and left on Sunday. All of the gang went home except for my husband and I and we lingered behind to have a couple of days by ourselves. All in all, it was all great! Loved every minute of it!
Brenda - posted on 08/10/2010
My husband and I left our almost 3-year-old and 11-month-old with Grandma and Grandpa for a week while we took a much-needed break to reconnect as husband and wife. I think it's important!! When your marriage is strong, the kids feel safe. We made a paper chain with notes from mommy and daddy for each day we were gone for our 3-year-old. We called a few times as well. We gave the baby a plush photo album so she could see our faces. The Grandparents made sure to schedule enough fun stuff so they didn't miss us too much. They did great!
I think it's necessary for your kids to be on some sort of routine and that they are sleeping through the night before you ask someone to watch them for any length of time.
We also took the whole family on a camping trip. We value time together as a family, but we also value time together as a couple. I think too many people neglect to nurture their marriage after kids come into the picture. It's not frivolous, it's maintenance.
Stephanie - posted on 08/10/2010
we actually are this week end a canoe camping trip! Our kids are 2 and a half and 1 year. Kenny(the older) has been away from me for about a week when i was in the hospital after Kaddy was born. but im not sure how its going to go for them as we/or at lest me is away for my husband has been away with work befor for about 2 weeks.im not sure im going to take it im not really stuck on the kids emotionally(not saying i dont care =P) I also in the early part of my pregnacny and i still get sick from time to time. hm
Missy - posted on 08/10/2010
Actually, we are leaving Saturday on a cruise to celebrate our 20th anniversary without the kids. We usually try to go out of town just the two of us twice each year for a long weekend. We really need that time to reconnect and enjoy each other.
Sitka - posted on 08/10/2010
I have four kids- the older two (7 and 5) I have left quite a bit, but only on short trips. My 3rd (2) has only been away once or twice and my youngest (7 mo.) never. Next March is my 10th and my husband wants to go to Hawaii and I don't want to. I love to get away with my husband, but that's just too far. Plus I'm freaked about flying over water. (?) My ideal choice would be to take sister and BIL (who live in another state) go to Mexico and rent a hugesome mansion together and take turns having those romantic flings, but have the kids close by. Unfortunately, that is also out of the question. What's a mom supposed to do???
Glenda - posted on 08/09/2010
Absolutely!! It is necessary that you continue to cultivate your couple relationship after children are born. If you don't you won't have a couple relationship after the children have left. My husband and I took our first weekend trip minus children when our son was 6 weeks old. Since then we have made it a habit to take 2-3 weekends and long weekends a year without the children. We have been married 34 years now and our children have been gone quite awhile. We still have a good couple relationship because we made an effort to nurture it through the years. I have often counseled young mothers to do as we did (often to no avail). If you are with your children 24/7 and then an emergency comes along where you can't be, it will be much easier on the children who have known their parents to go away for a short time and are used to being apart. It's all part of the growth process but many leave it out and suffer consequences later.
Jae - posted on 08/09/2010
Yes, we already have and after the small moment of feeling sad about being apart passed, we had a blast and were so grateful to spend some time feeling fancy free for a few days! Max was nursing, so I just left a supply of pumped milk w/ Grandma and Uncle D and baby was happy and in good health when we were away and when we got back! Give yourself a well deserved break, and give a family member a chance to cash in on all those 'whenever you need a babysitter' promises! Btw, your mother doesn't get to decide when your kids are too young like other posts say, it is all about YOUR decision as a parent, sometimes grandmas don't know best, they just like to control situations, esp. if they're saying leaving a 2 yr old is too soon. Any doctor will tell you otherwise. Be the maker of your own decisions, take all advice (even this one, just speaking from personal experience) as just that, advice.
Gail - posted on 08/09/2010
After 25 years of marriage, and now retrospectively looking back, the answer is, if I had a safe environment for my children to be in and the get away was to be with hubby... YES!
My husband and I enjoyed our children so much, we were so content to enjoy every moment we could with them... Now I am moving into the empty nest season, and it is a little harder then it would have been if my hubby and I, had invested a little more quality time for just he and I. I am not saying you have to have long get away's, but make time for each other along the way, it is an investment!
Our life was really crazy, still had both daughters at home (moving into young adults) had been also caring for now a aged parent and handicapped brother...plus our home was small... Our 20th anniversary we went on a weekend get away and were amazingly blessed... we had been feeling stretched relationally, and it was like a moment of rediscovery. I was determined to have an upbeat attitude and it rubbed off on hubby too.... later came another occasion ... I saw how much we and especially he needed to have time that was just us, he really didn't know who I was and was surprised by some of the time we enjoyed...
I would be sure to balance the times with vacations with the kids too, as you all need time as a family.
One other side note... in the later season I was referring too the heavy care taking I was doing with aged parent and disabled brother in the mix, a couple of occasions arose for me to get away with a friend... this was helpful under my circumstances...
There is always much to consider in these details,
but we can be stretched and investing in our mate and ourselves "rest" or time to extend learning experiences (like conference training I attended for caring for elderly one time and Traumatic brain injury in another occasion) these are investment times that can make us stronger for the future... on the other hand if we abuse "getting away" like a runaway... we are out of balance.
The Lord calls us to seasons of rest and seasons to build.. Your answers surely will best be discovered before the Lord in regard to your personal circumstances.... Blessings to you "Trusting Him for our answers!"
Ramona - posted on 08/08/2010
We have gone for long weekends without our kids, since they were quite little. But, our kids have gone away on vacations without us quite often. Dd has 3 trips to Europe, each over a month. Ds and 1 trip there. THey have driven across the US for over a month too. My parents are retired and love to take out kids for several weeks every summer. My kids have also gone away to camp since they turned 6.
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