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Discipline a son 12 and a half?

Babay - posted on 06/23/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I need creative ideas to discipline my 12 year old son. He is really a great student and a good kid. But he talks back to me, occasionally bullies his younger siblings when he thinks he can get away with it, and he just lied to me to keep from getting in trouble for hitting his little brother. He is homeschooled, almost never gets to watch tv, and has one ipod that he rarely even has time to play. All I have to take away is the ipod. But what do I do when he talks back during the week he has already lost the ipod priveleges. He does not use the phone to talk to friends ever. He is not allowed on the internet. He has no time for computer games, so it would mean nothing to ground from that. He does chores daily, although I can sometimes give him his sister's chores as discipline. We do everything together as a family, so there is no real power in grounding; he doesn't have weekend activities with friends except something where the whole family goes to a church event or sporting event or family gathering. Ground him from what? Take away what priveleges? He doesn't even need to wear cool clothes most days of the week. He is VERY involved in sports, but as Daddy is coach, we do not keep our son from any sporting practice or game as it would let down the whole team. He has to show up for his commitments. He loves sports, and he loves church. If I grounded him from every Wednesday night youth program where the family goes together, he would probably miss out altogether on the youth program because I am sure he doesn't go a week without needing discipline. All of his fun activities revolve around family time together, not tv or electronic gadgets, or Friday nights out with friends. We can't really ground him from family activites can we? Or maybe we can? What about a fine? We made him dig a hole once and then fill it in again. We've had him write out Bible verses about lying from 10pm to 12am while we went to bed. He doesn't like those measures, but he is still talking back and not controlling his behavior during the day when Daddy's at work. My methods aren't working so well. I need creative suggestions!

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Cheryl - posted on 02/23/2012

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When our four sons were younger we had a large pile of rocks at one end of the back yard. If they got mouthy they got to move them to the other end. If they still were not rational, back the rocks went. We also marked out a course for running laps. I would assign the number of laps and they would have to knock on the door each time they went by so I could keep track. If they didn't knock the lap didn't count. Boys need a ton of physical activity. We home schooled also, so I know it takes a lot of creativity. But at least with boys you can wear them out and they usually get rational. Girls....

Babay - posted on 07/04/2011

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Thank you, Linda. That is very helpful. He is a Christian. He does have a relationship with Christ, but there are still behavior issues, and yes, his the root of the problem is sin. Thank you for your suggestions; they are good.

Linda - posted on 07/04/2011

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First of all, if he doesn't have ANY time to play, his life sounds miserable! Is he happy with his life, other than the talking-back incidents? I also homeschool, and it is easy to expect too much of our kids. There should be time in his day, even if it is just an hour, to do something that HE wants to do.

What you need is to get to the root of the problem, and it is probably spiritual. Does he have a relationship with Christ? He is getting older now, and he needs to start making the right choice because it's the right choice, not because he will be disciplined. I'm not saying don't discipline---but even if you get the outward behavior correct, if the heart is still full of sin, you have not accomplished anything. After talking back, I would CALMLY sit down with him, go through some Bible verses, and ask if that is how he thinks God wants him to act. After he agrees with you, THEN implement discipline. Extra chores might be a good idea. Another idea is this: For six months, everytime he talks back or bullies his siblings, have him hammer a nail into an old stump or piece of wood. Don't tell him why. After six months (or a year, or whatever time period you want), have him look at all the nails in the stump. Ask him if he's sorry for talking back so much. You can tell him you forgive him, and tell him to pull out all the nails. However, there will still be holes in the stump. That's because, even though we're forgiven, the consequences of our words and actions remain.

Ellen - posted on 06/24/2011

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digging holes and filling them up or extra chores. or no desert I dont know what to tell u. Mom an Dad should sit down with him a talk that it is not how we behave in this family. creative how about moveing bricks from one side of the driveway to the other. hard work and heavy.

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