How do you get rid of your teens "sense of entitlement"

Jerrie - posted on 03/05/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I am new to the site, so not quite sure how it all works-little story I will share. Also, a disclaimer-I am married to a wonderful man and he came with two beautiful girls. So I am the stepmom. The girls live between two houses. Sadly, their mother is very far from serving the Lord (as of now, but we are praying). Their mother gives the girls everything-it's like Christmas all year round.

So, our older daughter has money, but she left it at her mom's house. She wanted to go to the discount movies with her friends, we asked "did you bring your money" The answer was no. My husband said he would lend her the money, but she had to pay him back. And our beautiful daughter said"It's only two dollars". It was very upsetting. I said, "I'm not sure how you meant that, but it sounded to me like you think we should just give you money whenever you ask for it. I didn't really say too much else because I didn't know what to say.
Recently, we have paid 1,000 dollars for her to go on a school trip, we paid for her to go to the movies at full price just the weekend before. It's not that we make her pay for everything, we don't. Some things we give her and buy for her because we love her, but sometimes she needs to use her own money.
I feel like she is ungrateful. She doesn't even seem to care or value the amount of money we paid for her trip. It makes me feel sad. I want to teach her value.

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Marie - posted on 07/24/2009

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You don't mention their ages, but they may be old enough to be introduced to the concept of a bank account. If possible, consider whether you and their father can afford to pay them an allowance when they are with you, but don't give them the cash in hand. Instead, put it into a student account with a debit card. Teach them how to handle their finances and ... THIS IS IMPORTANT ... keep the debit card with you when they go back to their mother's care! Teach them the proper care of their Talents while they are with you now. God knows if they will choose to bring more $$ with them when they see how this works to their benefit. Stay strong!!

Susan - posted on 05/12/2009

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we have some of the same ideas from our teen. They all seem to think that we can just do as we please. It is so hard to try and explain just how hard it is to make enough money to go around and then try to be a good steward with what we have put together. We are very blessed, but it really gets me going when our young people want to just throw money away or don't take care of items we do have so they will last longer.

Kyle N Lori - posted on 05/06/2009

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I am a mom with 4 kids, ages 16, 13, 11 & 8. My husband & I have been married a little over a year & he has taken on being an instant "dad". He is doing an excellent job at being their dad & my ex sees the 2 younger kids on his weekends. The older 2 choose not to go because they know where they are loved & taken care of. We enjoy doing things for all of them but we have told them that their only "rights" are life, food & shelter...everything else is a privilege & they know that those can be taken away. All things considering, they are accepting that fact very well. It has not stopped all the "wants" but it lets us "bless" them on a more frequent basis. They have also started to work side jobs (yards, etc) to earn money for the wants. It has taught them that everything has a price & is worth working for. We help with the bigger things like camp, etc but they know that they are responsible for some of their cost so that it is not taken for granted. Things worked for are things that will be taken care of. Hope that this helps. :-)

Lindsey - posted on 03/06/2009

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I am also new to the site. I am a step mom of my husbands 15yr old daughter.However her mother is no where in the picture and she lives with us, so not only am I the step mom, but I am the only mom. She truely is a blessing to me. But I understand what you mean with the entitlement issue. Just recently we had an arguement over privacy, and in her words "how she was entitled to it" I was semi-shocked but not really. I remember having the same arguement with my mom about how all I wanted was privacy! Bottom line in my house is that there is not much privacy where social issues are concerned. Dont get me wrong I believe she is entitled to her own space, but at the same time her space is still my space when I choose (which is only when I feel like I need to interject) I feel like society tells our children that things should be freely given. I notice that with her generation of kids that they think they are owed it and viewing it as their right and not a privledge. I believe that as long as we stick to our guns about them working hard for the things they want and the value of a dollar they will turn out just fine. I have to remember that the lord would never give me something that I couldnt make it through. With his guidance and grace, we can all get through it. Hang in there, I'm in the same boat! :)

Shelly - posted on 03/06/2009

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Jerrie,



  Boy thats a tough one because they are not in your home full time...But you just do the best you can still try to instill the morals of you and her father and just keep loving them.  It's hard enough to be a mom of a teen and then you through in the step mom factor and the part time factor it makes it even harder all we can do is the best we can.  We as mom's take on so much when it comes to our children and then we get over whelmed.  How are things going with her other than this issue???  Some times we need to pick our battles....with the school system and peers teaching our children that the world owes them every thing thats a tough battle to fight at home all you can do is your best!!!!  I will kee you and your family in my prayers and ask the Lord to show you how to deal with this issue  Lots of love in Christ 



 



P.S.   God bless you for taking on this role of step MOM...some women don't fall into the role very well but it sounds like you have come about it naturally.. 

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