5 yr old boy troubles

Cara - posted on 07/24/2010

Can I recommend checking out the website www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com
There are many great ideas on that site.

MaryEllen - posted on 07/24/2010

Perhaps talking to a counselor will help you all?

Carla - posted on 07/20/2010

You did not tell us, Debbie, that you were suffering an illess that prevents you from running from him. I'm sorry, darling, I, too, have days when I am on the couch, which lasts days or weeks.

Your child is suffering, too. He thinks, ultimately, that you are going to abandon him, especially as you are not 'healthy'. At 5, he is actually still a baby. His attention span is that of a gnat, and even when you are telling him what to do, he is looking out the window watching a dog walk by.

Because of both of your handicaps, you are both going to have to resolve your issues in a family group setting. I see a pix of Daddy here, and he needs to be involved as much as you do, if not more. He needs Daddy to tell him how Mother is supposed to be respected and obeyed. He needs to see Daddy respecting and loving Mommy. He needs you both to reassure him, over and over, that you love him and are not going to abandon him.

You are dealing with 'damaged' goods. It is going to take a lot of prayer and patience to get through to him. He needs you to tell him, over and over, the love of Jesus, how Jesus loves us, how Jesus expects us to treat each other, and how Jesus always obeyed His Mom and 'dad'.

This can be overcome, honey. But it's gonna be tough, I won't kid you. But you must have loved him greatly to take on this chore in the first place. I pray God give you peace, knowing He is with you and your husband, and He never leaves us alone. I pray supernatural wisdom for you guys, that you will pray before you deal with him. I pray the patience of Job for you, that when you want to scream and run, you will stop, step back, and try to look at things through the eyes of a little guy who has known pain and hurt, and deal with him accordingly.

God bless you, honey!

Sunshine - posted on 07/19/2010

I think you probably need therapy for him & counciling for you both. He may be also picking up on you sense of sadness/guilt about his past. kids are very intuitive. You may also want to get someone in to help with him on your bad days.

Debbie - posted on 07/19/2010

The problem is I am not able to chase after him, and he knows it. I will tell him to get back here or not go there, since he knows I am unable to walk most days he takes advantage of it. I do put him in time out when he finally returns and he is good for a couple of days then it's back to the same old thing again. He has a lot of emotional problems from him being abused and neglected and abandoned by his mother. I don't know what to do.

Tammy - posted on 07/10/2010

You have to be firm and consistent . Find a punishment he doesnt like and dont let up . Tell him to do a specific thing and praise him when the job is done . When I talked to my kids I made sure they heard me . Sometimes I got there attention by putting my handa on the sides of there little faces . So they could see only me then I taught them to ansewer me . When I was done talking to them . It works I raised 4 children .

Tonya - posted on 07/10/2010

my 7 yr old went thru this and the way i stopped it was just told him that i was his mother and that i loved him but that he was not going to disrespect me or think he didnt have to do what i told him and that until he understood that i wasnt lettin up and i asked him if he understoood and he said yes maam and i had to be adiment about making him do what i said when i told him to do it not when he wanted to or thought he should for about a week and since then we good...he knows that wat i do is becuz i love him and he understands that the way he was doing was not how he is suppose to do gud luck i know how hurtful it gets cuz there your heart

Sunshine - posted on 07/09/2010

First- he's 5. What are you "asking" him to do? You are the parent & the authority, you need to own that and start directing him, not asking him. You need to be consistant and follow through. Good luck, be firm. Also, be sure to reward when he does right. many times we are quick to punish & slow to reward. kids his age love reward, it's a great motivator. One good tool is a sticker chart. let him add a sticker everytime he listen & obeys, he will be more willing to if he knows there is a positive in it for him. keep the chart small at first, 10 or so squares & increas it as he gets better. Tell him when the chart is full you'll let him pick a movie or a small toy or go for icecream

Carla - posted on 07/07/2010

I use this technique with my husband as well, Jyl ;) It's a little difficult to tell a fib when looking the person straight in the eye! When I am talking to, especially my 4-year-old grandson, I make him look me in the eyes. That way I know he hears me, and he knows you know. Good answer!

Jyl - posted on 07/07/2010

Besides consistent punishment I find having my kids look me in the eye when I talk to them helps. It makes it hard for them to walk away. I also ask them to repeat what was asked of them. Sometimes I have had had to hold their hand and or help them turn their head towards me. It doesn't take long and they get the idea. He also isn't too young to talk to about respect and how he would feel if you walked away from him if he was trying to talk to you.
If you want to add a Biblical aspect you can always bring up the commandment of obey your parents and how it relates to loving each other and loving God.

Carla - posted on 07/07/2010

Melissa, don't you just love Supernanny? We use this method for our 3 and 4-year-old grandbabies and it works great! It also relieves the stress in the house, if used consistently. No more telling them10 times to do something, getting yourself worked into a lather. Our grandbabies don't even want a warning--all I have to say is 'do you want a warning?' 'No!' and they mind. Also, we have had a little problem with lying from the 4-year-old. The first time he did it, I put him on the chair for 4 minutes. Next week he lied again, but this time I said 'you lied to me last week and got 4 minutes, so this week it will be 8 minutes.' (I HATE lying!) The next time he attempted to lie, I got him up on my lap and said 'now what happened?' He said 'what's going to happen to me if I tell you the truth?' And I said, 'whatever it is, it won't be as bad as if you lied to me!' It took him a few minutes to get the truth out, but he did it!

Consistency, consistency, consistency!

God bless, honey!

Kay - posted on 07/06/2010

From experience I have found that consistency is the most important thing with discipline. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Don't threaten to punish and then not back it up. Follow the same pattern everytime, and he will quickly learn that you mean business....and love him through it...:)

Cindy - posted on 06/30/2010

What ever system you decide to do, just stick to it and outlast him. He will get the message.

Cindy - posted on 06/30/2010

Don't let him walk away. You must address it right away. He is testing. You can make him. Take him by the hand and don't leave his side until what you are asking gets done. Tell him he can do it the easy way or the hard way. If he continues to not listen, you will add consequences (not good ones.) Do not reward, for him to do what is asked or he will just not do what you ask the next time, knowing he will get rewarded if he holds out.

You just have to outlast him and he will cave and do what he is supposed to. Firm and gentle, with logical consequences for what he is doing (start with taking away his favorite thing, then add things if he keeps resisting.) I just look at mine and say, I'll just keep going. Have had a boat load of toys on top of a bookcase, in sight, kept adding until I hit the right one that got through.

Kellie - posted on 06/28/2010

I wish I knew how to provide the link for you but apparently I don't. :)

The Spanking Issue is in the Christian Mommies Community. If any one is able to provide the link and/or knows which blog I am talking about, would you please post if for Debbie.

Thanks. Sorry.

Kellie - posted on 06/28/2010

I am assuming you are raising your child in the Word so that's where we should go for insight. You may want to check out another post called the Spanking Issue. Lots of great advice and scriptures in there. Book recommendations too.



Discipline is very important in a child's life but consistency is about training ourselves to follow through and stay on top of things. The Bible has the Ten Commandments to help guide us in life, so you should come up with some household rules and the consequences for defying those rules. One of the phrases I use with my daughter is Listen and obey. She knows when I say that phrase that she is being disobedient and a punishment will happen if she does not immediately do as I say.



It is going to take some time for him to get adjusted to the new way of life in the house. Don't give up. Some parents make the mistake of saying it doesn't work but that's because they are either inconsistent or expecting the kids to turn around in one day. Because he is five, it is going to take some time to renew his mind, but he will get it.



Also, you need to pray. Ask God to help you see the areas where you are being inconsistent. Ask for wisdom in rearing your child and bind his rebellious ways. Take authority over your child and cause his behavior to come into agreement with the Word. God is faithful.



I hope this helped.

Jessica - posted on 06/27/2010

Take things as in Toys, games, Tv time outside time anything that he really loves. He needs to learn that you are in charge and when he sassy he will get the fun stuff taken for the bad behavior.

Jill - posted on 06/27/2010

consequences..... there should always be consequences to bad behavior

Melissa - posted on 06/27/2010

Kids need structure routine discipline and consistency

NAUGHTY CHAIR TIMEOUT!!! My son went through that, and i got a little camper chair, told him it was his naughty chair! whenever he would act up i would tell him if he did it again he would have to sit on the naughty chair! if he did it again id place him on there for three minutes - as he was 3years - and ignore his crying and pleading! the key is consistency!!! and be firm!!! you may have to place him on there a few times but never give up! he needs to know you are the BOSS!!! When the three minutes are up, ask him what he did wrong, then explain what he did wrong and why it is wrong then tell him you love him and let him play again! Always say you love him and dont hold grudges, this actuarlly worked for my son and my two nieces!!! Goodluck sister now show him whos boss!!