A DIVORCE OR DOES IT MATTER?

Stella - posted on 03/24/2010 ( 20 moms have responded )

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hi every 1,

I've been married for 20 years as of march17,2010. we separated in 1996.

i truly tried to stay with him because i believed that's what God wanted for us. only he never became the person God wanted him to be. so now after all these years i have reunited with a past sweetheart. i lov him with all my heart and i now know he feels the same.he wants to marry me and i would love that. I'm not sure how i can get a divorce without filling out tons of paper work or what? whats your thoughts?

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Mandee - posted on 04/14/2010

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I think the most important thing is for you to ask God if He releases your from your first marriage. Even if it was divorce under "biblical" reasons.

I have been divorced after a long time of seeking God's face and guidance in the matter. It should not be an easy decision by any means. I am now remarried, acutally to my former high school sweetheart, who has also been previously married. We will both tell you no matter what divorce is difficult, and not to be entered into lightly. Even if for biblical reasons it WILL impact a second marriage in ways you don't realise.

My biggest concern with your post is that you have said that your only reason for filing for divorce now is because you are in love with another man and he wants to get married. Scripture teaches that we should not be leaving our spouses for the sake of marrying another. If this is the motive then it is a sin. I would recommend speaking with your pastor before filing for divorce and seeking out godly counsel before acting.

Sarah - posted on 03/25/2010

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You know I know a few Christians that have gotten divorce and remarried. Yes, God does not like it. He also forgive and forget the sins, you have committed, even divorce.Because he forgives the ones who have abused, had a affair, murdered, etc. Sounds like the only thing that you have not done is, filled the papers saying you are not married to the government. So I would just fill the papers and just make sure that your next married is both of you are Christian and God is the center of the marriage.

Sheila - posted on 03/24/2010

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Again, there are strong thoughts about this. I have been divorced. There is nothing good about it, it's never easy, God encourages us to remain with each other and forgive. But, there is also an acceptable reason for divorce. God states if you spouse had been a fornicator, and you can not get over it, then divorce is allowed. He does expect us to make life long commitments to each other. ON the other side of the coin: When we withhold ourself from our spouse, we open them to sin. Hard to discuss and hard to contemplate. You need to talk w/ a couselor or Christian minister in your area about your situation. That way you can know what is accepted in God's sight.

Tammy - posted on 03/24/2010

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Really! If divorce was your only option, you should have done it way before you started falling in love with someone else. I dont care what your beliefs are that is just a sin what you are doing. Yes, do the paper work and get a divorce.

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Carrie - posted on 07/06/2011

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Sorry charlie...If you want a divorce then you will have to file paperwork. there is no way around it. To address the "he hasn't become the man God wanted him to be"', how can anyone know what God would want us to be? Our time is not God's time. Be sure to pray on your decisions. It is very clear by God's word the circumstances for divorce. I will pray for you and your family!

Angela - posted on 07/06/2011

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I was parted from my abusive husband for nearly 5 years before I divorced him. I had been split up from him nearly 20 years when I married my second husband.

I stayed married to my first husband (but we lived separately and weren't a "couple" in any respect) because I had an insurance policy on him. He had NEVER contributed to the payments but I wanted to keep paying in and wait for it to mature in order to collect on the premiums invested. When the time was right I collected the lump sum and took my 4 kids on holiday. I had to be still married to him in order to collect the matured endowment.

Had I just divorced him straight away, he'd have been able to collect the money I invested - MY money! If I'd cashed the policy in shortly after leaving him and then divorced him, it wouldn't have been worth very much.

So that's why I stayed married to him for a while!

Bamba xx

Carole - posted on 04/07/2010

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You don't have to fill out tons of paperwork. Lawyers are very good at filing divorce proceedings. Put it all in the Lord's hands. Please discuss this with your Pastor as you plan another marriage to be sure that is God's will for you.

Anne - posted on 04/06/2010

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WOW! Sounds like this is a heart strings question. I would just caution us all to be careful, we are all here together trying to follow the Word of our Lord and Savior, and yes, we will make mistakes, and we forgive, as Jesus did, love, and move on. Lets' lift each other up, especially when a sister is finding herself in such a situation. Now that being said, I do believe this requires some prayer on your part. I too am divorced and it didn't come easy, it was a painstaking decision, but he abused my daughter, so I had no choice. But I gave it to God, I prayed and it took me a very long time to be ok with a divorce. You would pray you stop seeing this new fella and look inside yourself, why haven't you gotten a divorce yet? If you felt is was God's will you reconcile, has that changed only because you have found someone new? There are so many sins of the flesh at play here. We don't know enough about your relationship with your estranged husband, what type of relationship you have at present, children involved etc.. Beware of temptation, I know, I remember how tempted I was but my faith in God was stronger. I agree, I would find a Christian counselor who could help you see this objectively. Divorce is horrible, painful, life altering for everyone involved, scars that simply do not go away quickly and you would potentially be taking all this into this new relationship. You have so much to deal with emotionally and spirutally before you can consider such a serious comitment. The length of time you have been seperated will compound the emotional process. I caution you to step back and pray, the grass is not always greener on the other side, it looks like a quick and easy solution, but those are generally the ones we need to wait on the most. Legally speaking, there is a lot of paperwork, and many legalities to deal with and discussions to have which will all simply tear you apart emotionally and spiritually. Please pray and I will be praying for you.

Carla - posted on 04/06/2010

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I hate to throw cold water on this conversation, but Paul says in 1Corinthians 7:11: "But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife."



You left him because he didn't become the person God wanted him to be. Did you ask God if this were the case? We don't know what God has in store for him. You didn't tell us if he wanted to be separated or if this was strictly your decision. If this was your decision, you need to read the rest of 1Corinthians 7:12-16. My husband walked away from the Lord for 20 years; we lived together until one day I was having a Bible Study and he took the day off. I usually tried to have them when he was gone so he wouldn't be uncomfortable in his own home. But, he was home, and sat in on the study. After the study, he asked if we would mind changing the day so he could attend! Just like that! And has walked with the Lord since.



Stella, I know your feelings; I also don't want you to make a hasty decision until you are SURE of the Lord's will for your life, as well as your husband's.



Be prayerful, darling, we are praying for you.

Valerie - posted on 03/26/2010

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Hmmm... I was just reading in the bible about marriage and being single for the rules are different, when people of the world meaning unsaved people, they tend to get married for the wrong reason in the wrong way (not all unsaved people) so with that being said if when you and your husband separated because you felt he wasn't moving in the direction the Lord wanted the both of you to move in, because the most important thing you and your husband should have done was put God first, then after you prayed and prayed and your husband still didn't want change then you should have divorced him regardless of how many papers, that really has nothing to do with it if you ask me, the whole purpose of the divorce is because God is not in it, now you say you found a new love and it's nothing I or anyone can do about it but if this is the man God has designed for you to really be with and you will know because he will be Christ like he will put God first in everything he does even before you, and Boy do I hope he does because I would hate for you to enter into another unsuccessful marriage, so I will say stop and go get that divorce done and marry that wonderful man of GOD... read 1 Corinthians 7, it speaks on marriage and the whole purpose, and never mind what we say because God has the last say in what we all do, pray and ask him what should be done he will help you...

Alexis - posted on 03/26/2010

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I am happy for you that God has opened a new door for you allowing you to be happy. That also allows you to have spiritual growth. I noticed some of the replies here are really harsh considering the fact that we are ALL sinners, but I believe that if you are in Love with this man who wants to marry you, it is well worth doing all the paper work for divorce and moving on to get married and having a relationship that is pleasing to God. Blessings for you and your family. I will pray for you.

Stella - posted on 03/26/2010

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thanks all, yea there are things i will not tell about what he did.dont wanta bad mouth him. yeswhat he did was a sin 4 a divorce. the only reason im thinking of divorce is that the man i do love wants 2 get married.

[deleted account]

As inconvenient as it may be to fill out "tons of paper work" that seems your only option short of dumping your boyfriend and going back to your husband.

Vicki - posted on 03/25/2010

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It does matter. While I can sympathize with your situation, the biblical answer is that God never intended for us to divorce.
Chuck Swindoll just talked about this on the radio station I listen to earlier this week.
Here's the website, with some books/advice on the topic, especially "Let's Consult the Architect" on it: http://www.insight.org/topical/marriage/

Christa - posted on 03/25/2010

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Stella, I feel that some can be so judgmental and unforgiving. We are all sinners and have all fallen short of the glory of God. Thankfully he sent Jesus to take away our sins, that includes divorce. Please don't let others make you feel guilty, Jesus won't.

Carrie - posted on 03/25/2010

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Biblically speaking you are not supose to get a divorce no matter what. Before I became a christian I got a divorce and am now remarried to a wonderful man. I still find myself torn and try to justify the divorce. I would recommend that you speak to your pastor about this as he is the expert on such things.....

Stephanie - posted on 03/25/2010

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@Laurie That is not true you should really think about re-reading your bible .....there are other reasons that God allows divorce. And in answer to the orginal question yes, you should get a divorce I agree that you should have done it way before now but you have been seperated a long time so maybe you can get a disulution....not sure I spelled that right anyway it doesn't cost much and all long as you two agree on the terms its pretty fast.

Laurie - posted on 03/24/2010

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GOD recognized divorce only if one has commited adultery. In otherwords, if one has put the other down for another. This is the only option for divorce. You must find out if in fact your estranged husband has commited adultery. This is the only way!

Christa - posted on 03/24/2010

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I think you should have gotten a divorce in 1996. Being separated for 14 years isn't much different then being divorced. I know it's not what anyone wants but remember God is a forgiving God. Make you peace with you husband and ask God for his forgivness and then move forward. That's what I would do.

Jill - posted on 03/24/2010

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i don't think divorce is an option in God's word.... even if you get a divorce you are still commiting a sin.if you marry another...God might never have been calling your husband at all.... not everyone is a First fruit....

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