Jennifer - posted on 06/13/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )
I am in desperate need for advice. I am pregnant with my third child due any minute. My husband and I also have twin three year old daughters. This pregnancy was not planned, and was probably not a good idea due to the disfunctional environment of our marriage. We married in 2007 after a brief courtship. I was so busy in my senior year in college, with school, clinica'ls and work that I didn't have much time to plan a wedding. He wanted to be married right away so he did a lot of the planning. Everyone close to me warned me about him, telling me there was "just something not right about him". After we married, we immediately became pregnant with your twin girls. I was over the moon! All I had wanted was to be a mom! As time went on and I got to know him better, something was not right. He threw a fit when he didn't get his own way. He is mentally,psychologically, emotionally and verbally abusive. After the girls were born, I worked FT for 18 months before we lost our child care. We decided it was more cost-effective for me to quit my job and stay home. I was sad to be missing out on a career that I had worked so hard for but more excited that I was giving it up to spend time with our girls. After I became a SAHM things got worse. He didn't like me spending time with my family and didn't support anything I wanted to do outside of the home. I began to feel isolated and alone. It seemed he only wants our girls to know his family. He only has our girls listen to his music, share his interests, etc. I wanted to return to work bc I thought it would be good for my mental health but he became incredibly angry and unsupportive. His reactions are unpredictable and I am scared. I had filed for divorce last year, but couldn't come to spiritual peace with it. I know divorce isn't God's best but surely He doesn't want me in this environment. Surely He doesn't want me alone. We have tried several marriage counselor's/programs/retreats but he is not willing to change anything about himself. It is harder bc while in counseling he was dagnosed as severe ADHD and possible Bipolar disorder, but refuses to acknowledge or treat it. I am at my wit's end! We became pregnant and I am due any day now. On top of my marriage crisis, I am at a loss at what to due about the name for our baby boy. He insists that child be named after his father, grandfather or uncle. I don't care at all for the names.These are awful names. He shot down my first choices, which I'm ok with but he refuses to work with me. I have purchased several baby name books and gone through all of them but he refuses to look through them with me. I'm continually asking the Lord for His guidance. Do I give in and let him name our son? Or do I keep trying to find a compromise? I just want peace but I am conflicted with this resentment that I have towards him since I have essentially given up every part of my identity for him. Giving in to this just seems like giving him even more control and losing more of myself. But as a servant of Christ, aren't I suppose to be giving of myself? Where do I draw the line? Please, any advice would be appreciated!