After a horrible divorce, my ex has turned my 18 & 21 girls against me. I've tried everything . . .

Luanne - posted on 10/18/2009 ( 71 moms have responded )

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I NED ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO GET MY DAUGHTERS BACK!! I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING!! THANKS!!!

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Karyn - posted on 05/05/2013

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My ex-husband to whom I was married to for thirty years, ended our marriage as he had been having an affair for the last six years. However He blames me for everything our youngest 17 lives with him as there are no boundaries. My other 3 children all females aged 23,28,29 have all turned against me and my oldest now doesn't allow me to see my grandchildren. He took all the furniture has continuously refused to provide original documents to my lawyer has my children read all letters sent from my lawyer. And then my children ring and abuse me as he earns 5 times the amount I do he left me without a home or any money, although at 51 yrs. I live with my parents during all this my dad passed away with cancer .So some days are awful I was advised to take him to court the abuse from my children was horrible I felt so scared that they felt so much anger towards me, they have met and expect his girlfriend he had a vasectomy reversal and they are having a son something I failed to do, she is 18 yrs. younger than him and a size 6 she also has a lot of money I don't . I know its fifty percentage my fault however for my own protection I had blocked my children from calling me they can still text I have sent emails, texts, letters, parcels but still they continue to be cruel. I spent thirty years suffering abuse particularly controlling issues and now still suffering this has been ongoing for over 2 years. I do believe in God truthfully cant take anymore, I am considering moving and pretending I don't have children none of them believe in God I feel as though it is evil attacking me. help please!

Angela - posted on 05/07/2013

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Karyn, I'm sorry for your pain.

All I can suggest is that you get on with your own life, quietly and with dignity. When parents split and children are given the choice where they want to live, they will generally go wherever there is more in it for THEM - and I mean MATERIALLY as well as where there are the privileges of reduced boundaries. Loyalty doesn't come into it! Don't beat yourself up over this.

Yes, pray for them by all means. Put it in God's hands and let Him work on the situation - in HIS time.

Meanwhile, here are 2 things which will give you some comfort:

a) As your children have children of their own, only then will they understand the pain and sacrifice of parenthood. As Shakespeare once said "It is sharper than a serpent's tooth to have a thankless child ..." I'm aware that your oldest girl DOES have children of her own - kids she won't allow you to see - but in time she will understand the pain of parenthood when kids don't necessarily grow the way a mother would want them to.

b) Your husband's new son to a woman 18 years his junior will be a massive wake-up call to him! Trust me, his wife won't remain a size 6 for very long! A baby in the house will be the centre of everything. I can see your daughters being put upon to assist in the care of their half-brother. This might even result in the 17 year old returning to you. Most of all though, your husband is going to have his "nice" life turned upside down.

Whilst all the above is happening, hold your head high and get on with your life. If you haven't already got a job, find one. Focus on improving the quality of your life, preserving your dignity and enhancing your self-esteem. Be available for your children if they should need you but don't push yourself on them. Don't badmouth them or criticize them to others. Just quietly get on with your own life.

They will "need" you before you need them.

Jen - posted on 05/25/2014

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I know your pain all too well, Karyn. To lessen the heavy cross you carry, please remember that when an issue as severe as adultery, the blame is not 50/50. Regardless of your marital troubles, infidelity is a choice. That choice was not made by you but your
ex-husband. Therefore, 50/50 is not applicable; he is 100% at fault for making a choice
that created collateral damage without regard to the sadness and heartache he has brought upon his family. You had no participation in his quest for another; he brought that burden into your family of his own free will. Sadly, a coward will deny his wrongdoing to save himself from accepting responsibility and the blame is sure to follow...as you are the perpetrator. Your children and their perception, with time, will evolve with maturation. It is time to take care of you as you enter this new passage in your life and no worries for your childrens' love for you. Tell Him what you fear, then listen. Tell Him of your sadness, then listen. Speak to Him of your children and He will guide you. God has great plans for you and therefore await His glory. There will be a greater good that will come from this. Have faith as He has your name written on the palm of His mighty hand.

Carla - posted on 02/19/2014

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I hear your pain, Susan Barry, and am praying the Holy Spirit comfort your heart. Having your children turned against you as pawns in a divorce is painful, but it is mostly childish and selfish. One thing IS certain, your ex can't fool your son forever. Sometime down the road his 'real' self will sneak out, and your child will see him for what he is. Until then get yourself healthy. Develop a relationship with Jesus, and I mean a REAL relationship. Your ex can call himself a Christian all he wants, but it's not what you call yourself, it's how you conduct yourself that provides the evidence of being Jesus' or not. Just standing in the garage doesn't make me a car--just saying I am a Christian doesn't mean I am. Your fruits show what kind of person you are.

Hang on, hon, prayin' for ya. God bless

Christy - posted on 11/03/2009

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Ask God for a scripture and stand on it no matter what you see and hear. I had a similar situation but the kids where younger. God has given me a wonderful relationship with them now. Just trust that God is God and he will restore all that the enemy tries to take. You will be amazed and it will seem like a bad dream that finally ends. God promises restoration. Trust and let him be God.

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Horsheoe - posted on 07/16/2017

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Thanks for the comments.it has been helpful. I feel I am jealous and nag. That's why they don't visit much and I can't say I blame them. I want to get on with my life and be supportive and helpful. I am praying it will work. I feel they blame me for the divorce but I was faithful.I was angry afterwards because he made everything as difficult as he could for me. Told lies to my kids,that he didn't have affairs even though I have evidence that I keep to myself. I am going to concentrate on me and my job and be there if they need me.thanks

Choomchoomboom - posted on 06/21/2017

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To get ur girls back buy them iphones and endless starbucks uggs and chick fil a
louis vuitton

Horsheoe - posted on 06/07/2017

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Thanks. I appreciate the comments.my children were 10-16when I divorced. I encouraged them to have a relationship with their Dad.he tells them negative things about me.they visit him all the time. I guess I need counseling.I'm old and lonely.

Mothersarethebest - posted on 04/28/2017

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You dont really provide many details, so in the nicest way possible I am telling you you are not going to get very good answers with no info.

Try talking to them. If they wont talk, pass on messages. They are your daughters, and they need to talk to you. Show them that you still love them. Ask them to do something. If that doesnt work, simply tell them that you love them, and that you hope that they can support you, and make you feel better. Call them a few times a week, with simple things like " I love you!" Or " Please at least say hello to your mother." Just try and show them that you still care.

Ev - posted on 01/11/2017

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Nikki--I posted your post here so I could easily answer this. I want to understand--were the kids adults during the divorce or after the divorce because you talk of them as adults not children under 18.

{ My ex was verbally abusive and a womanizer. he spent more time with my neighbors wife.}
I am sorry you had to deal with this.
{ A few years after the divorce he bought my adult kids lots of stuff and turned them against me}
This is what I am trying to understand....a few years later he bought the adult kids things and turned them against you--they were adults....apparently they are materialistic or they would not have been so taken with dad's efforts. It is their choice to decide who they want to be around....he did not turn them against you....it was their choice. They are adults. They can clearly decide who they want in their lives or not.

{.I had to pay him $20000 to get a new mortgage so my kids could stay in the family home until I was no longer able to pay for it. He took all the retirement. He had a good lawyer.}
I do not understand wy you had to pay him to get a new mortgage ito keep the family home and if the kids were adults why did it matter if you kept the home or not?

{My adult kids visit him and party with him.I did all the disciplining and see them twice a month if that for a couple of hours . they are angry and resentful towards me.}
They again are adults and can spend time with dad if they want....you have no control over that. You can not control adults. What do you mean you did all discipline and only saw them twice a month for a couple hours...were they kids during divorce under 18?

{ He was the one who left. I pay college fees for one but she has to visit her Dad all the time. he pays more than me. I found her the college and an apartment. I dont know where i went wrong. I did my best.i nagged them to clean their rooms and they would take off and go to their Dads. They all moved out six months ago. I have to get a new life at 60 and save for retirement. I'm sad}
My ex left me....does not mean that dad can not have a relationship with the kids be they adults or not. Just because you paid the college fees for one kid and so forth does not mean she can not have a relationship with dad. What do you mean you found the college? Did she not chose it herself?
What do you mean you do not know where you went wrong? And if you had to nag them to do their rooms and they took off to dad's again as adults---maybe you should have had a contract on them living at home as adults and if they did not follow it had them leave?
And if they moved out it is because it is time for them to do their own thing.

I really think that maybe you focused on you during all this and tried to control things for all of them. That may be why they left home and do not have much to do with you. Your anger with their dad is fine but it should have not been focused onto them. Also you can not force them to not have a relationship with dad and it sounds like you tried to push that because you did everything for them and felt he did not deserve their love regardless of him buying them things or not. You can not control things for other people especiallly adults. If your kids were not adults when the divorce happened--you were not clear on that.

Horsheoe - posted on 01/11/2017

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Thanks. My ex was verbally abusive and a womanizer. he spent more time with my neighbors wife. A few years after the divorce he bought my adult kids lots of stuff and turned them against me.I had to pay him $20000 to get a new mortgage so my kids could stay in the family home until I was no longer able to pay for it. He took all the retirement. He had a good lawyer.
My adult kids visit him and party with him.I did all the disciplining and see them twice a month if that for a couple of hours . they are angry and resentful towards me. He was the one who left. I pay college fees for one but she has to visit her Dad all the time. he pays more than me. I found her the college and an apartment. I dont know where i went wrong. I did my best.i nagged them to clean their rooms and they would take off and go to their Dads. They all moved out six months ago. I have to get a new life at 60 and save for retirement. I'm sad

Lynn - posted on 11/12/2015

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This was a wonderful reply and as I have a similar situation, it really ministered to me. Thank you.

Diane Von - posted on 11/12/2014

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my husband had an affair and abandoned me for his girlfriend. we were married for 26 years.. at the time my girls were 17 and 20 years old..his girlfriend dated other men, was an alcoholic and threatened my life.. she served time in prison for these threats as well as several DUI's.. through it all my girls sided with their father..as he played the victim... he spoils them financially and they rule his house.. they can do anything they want including getting drunk, using drugs and dropping out of college..my youngest is beginning to come around but she is still so confused..at times even siding with her fathers ex. girlfriend.. he conned and culted them both.. i can't do anything legally and have taken a passive approach.. i also pray to GOD all the time to help all of us through this horrible ordeal..i hope they see the truth as they mature.. only time will tell.

Carla - posted on 04/10/2014

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Hey, Lucy--haven't seen Luanne on here in YEARS, so I guess she got what she needed.

In divorce, unfortunately, the children are used as pawns for power. If adults knew how terribly cruel this was to the kids, I think they would stop--unless they are TOTALLY without scruples or love for their children. The sad part is that NOTHING you say is going to help, it will only keep you feeling angry and hurt. Most men, and I hate to say this, but it's true, but the only reason they try to turn the children against their mothers is to get out of paying child support. I have personally experienced this and have seen it through others, time and time again. In this modern age, everyone has a cellphone, and they almost ALL can record and store texts and messages. I suggest you start keeping track. If this is new to you, I am assuming you are just going through the filing part--and I can tell you for a certainty that courts LOVE written or oral evidence. But, this can also work the opposite, so make SURE you don't let your fingers or mouth fly off before you have thought through the ramifications of your act. YOU don't want to come off looking like the wicked witch of the East. If he has visitation, is he keeping to the days? If he doesn't show up, write it on the calendar, then take that to court.

Kids are like new puppies to a man--he THINKS it will be a piece of cake to take care of them, but most men don't have a CLUE. He will tire of getting up in the middle of the night, not being able to go on dates without scrounging for a sitter, etc. Be patient, and above all, pray. Divorce is nasty. You will need every ounce of Christianity you can muster to get through it.

God bless, hon

Lucy - posted on 04/09/2014

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Hi Luanne, this is a new struggle for me. My kids are slowing turning further and further from me. I noticed you posted this in 2009. How is your situation now?

Carla - posted on 03/29/2014

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Debbie, I am so very sorry. Grown up kids can tear our hearts out in ways we could never imagine. Our oldest, 47, cut us out of their lives in 2000, calling the police to our door to tell us if we contacted her again, she'd file charges. We haven't seen our two grandbabies since. I ended up in a mental ward for a little R&R. Oh, and I have been sober since 1984.

The only thing you CAN do is pray. Pray for Abba to soften their hearts. Pray for salvation to come to them. If you would like to talk privately, please don't hesitate to click on my pix and message me.

God bless, honey, being a parent is rough.

Debbie - posted on 03/28/2014

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Hello, I identify with many of you on here.

I am in alot of pain as my adult daughter 25 yrs old is excluding me from her life now and has for some time, I just didn't want to accept it.
She has always been a daddy's girl, since the divorce 14 yrs ago my stance has been to encourage her and her two brothers 27 and 29 to love her dad and me equally and never feel they have to choose.
Every holiday he gets first choice with them they have a loyalty to him that I use to have and it stems from me being a full time mom at home for years and him being a very successful business owner that I helped build as well. I had this man on a pedestal for yrs and so did my kids.
I divorced my ex because he refused to get help for alcoholism, sex addiction work addiction, and domestic violence (on one occasion) but the main abuse was emotional.
I to am an alcoholic, I have been clean and sober for some time now
and he still drinks with my kids who have all been diagnosed with alcoholism.
My first grandchild is due to be born soon, and it seems my ex is still pitting my adult kids against me to the point that my daughter is now out of my life.
I hurt so bad, I have offered to pay for her and I to go to counseling or just pay for her to go to counseling alone as I know she is confused and hurting deep down inside, but she is not responding to me.
I feel I trained my kids long ago to respect him more than me I had no identity at all.
Since the only thing that worked against his emotional abuse before was the legal system and having him put in jail I am considering contacting my attorney again because there is a lifetime no contact order in place and third party contact is violation of the order but I really don't want to go through that because it is emotional hell on me he will tell my kids and they will further distance themselves against me because they pity him and he is there drinking buddy.

I know this is so long and toxic but it is where I am at and I had to get it out.

Thanks for listening,

Debbie

Stephanie - posted on 02/18/2014

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My heart feels the pain you all have as I began my journey of parental alienation years ago I am still trying to get through the divorce and it is painful. My husband claims he is a Christian man… Turning my kids against me and calling me horrible names led to a breakdown that he video tapped and shows everyone and says I am crazy. I just couldn't take the abuse from him and my 21 years old son. I pray often and have a great support system of friends and family that know what my horrible husband did to me. Karma and judgement day is what I feel he will have to answer for his cruelty.

Carla - posted on 07/21/2013

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And ps, Djanna--I went to the home page here (just click on Christian moms above the topic line above) and your name was there, so you ARE a member here.

Carla - posted on 07/21/2013

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Djanna--if you scroll up to the top of this page, you will see 'communities' under the black banner of 'Circle of Moms'. It should take you to all the communities Circle of Moms has. If you don't see what you want, maybe you can start one.

'Close this thread for comments' means it has been a while since a comment has been posted, or the administrator has closed it because of maybe a heated debate, or people getting hostile. IF a thread has been closed, and you want to continue with it, you can start a conversation with the same topic.

I hope this helps. My heart goes out to you, sweetheart, and if you want, you can post your thread here. There is also a Christian Mommies community, of which I am a co-moderator. So you will reach twice as many women.

Also, if you think you joined a community, click again on the communities button, and it should show you all communities, then the ones you have joined underneath.

God bless, hon

Djanna - posted on 07/21/2013

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How do I join a group I just found this site. I thought I joined a group when I signed up but I don't see that I have. I need a group for moms with drug addicted children. I posted my story but it most gave shown up on welcome moms. I don't see it there either. Also, what does "close this thread for comments" mean? Close it to get comments or close it to prevent comments?

Thank you
Djanna

Teresa - posted on 07/07/2013

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Not much info to go on, but I'l try anyway. Pray. I know everybody says that. But they are at an age where they can think for themsleves. How have they been turned against you? If it is lies based on life realitites they cant understand right now then hopefully they wil one day. I know that's not inspiring, but coming from a nasty divorce, involving the kidnapping of my little sister, and lies from my father, it has taken yers for me to understand things, i'm talking 30 years. It was not really until I was married with my own children did I really understand those disappointments from my fahter AND my mother, whom I have always been close to. So all I can say is pray, and always be open to them knowing that you will get hurt. Evetually they will come around and understand things.

Carla - posted on 06/04/2013

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I know, Angela, the spelling was funny ;) I don't know if she gets a commission from posting the advertisement, but it would appear so, from the number of times it has posted in totally unrelated threads.

God bless

Carla - posted on 06/02/2013

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I tried to report the comment from Mrs Santana Valdez, but it won't go through. So, ladies, please disregard this comment. And Mrs Valdez, as Christians, we do not believe in spells. So thank you for your concern, but no thanks.

Carla - posted on 05/30/2013

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K, I hear you. It is truly unfortunate that both husband and wife will use their children as pawns against the other. All you can do for them is do the best you can, love them despite their flaws, and pray God show them the lies. They won't be young forever, and the time will come when they are going to see for themselves the manipulation going on.

God bless

K - posted on 05/29/2013

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My ex-wife has done a great job of turning my kid against me. She has my kid lying to me and to others about me. So much so that I cannot trust my kid in my own home and around my loved ones. True scum.

Men don't have kids. It is not worth the risk because meeting one bad woman will mess your life up for good. And the catch is if you can't let go of your kid then you'll be tied up in court for 18 years thinking all the money you spent made a difference in the outcome.

Carla - posted on 05/05/2013

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My heart goes out to you, Karyn. Children can be a blessing, but they can be a source of so much pain that we can't physically or emotionally stand it. We have a daughter, now 46, who we haven't seen, nor her two children since 2000. They live 17 miles away. Our son and his wife pulled the same thing several years later, but it was only for 2 1/2 years, but it was enough time that his girls have not bonded with me. With the first episode I snapped, and spent a few days in a quiet room in the hospital. I felt I could not bear it, and cried out to Jesus. He comforted me, and took most of the pain away, so I can bear it.

Life sucks. But we HAVE Hope. You can't do anything about your children's actions. All you can do is get yourself healthy spiritually and emotionally and wait them out. I hold to the Scripture 'train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart'. My daughter is 46, but obviously she isn't old enough yet, but I hold tight and know with assurance that she WILL come back.

Abba, Father, Karyn is hurting. Life has been cruel to her, but You have given her strength to carry on. I pray You wrap Comfort and Peace around her and show her how to live life according to Your ways, and allow You to work. We don't understand how people can be so cruel. But don't allow her to be changed by their behavior, instead change her into a vessel of peace and serenity. Calm her mind and heart and bring rest. In Jesus' Name, amen.

God bless, honey. Life is hard, but God is good.

Sylvia - posted on 11/05/2009

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I will tell you I had each of my sons leave me at different times and move in with their Dad. I had to let them go and learn the hard way then they came back and apologized to me for allowing their Fathers' Mother (my mil) to turn them against me. My oldest was scared his Grandmother would hire someone to kill me. She did not, but neither of my sons will have anything to do with her and she is their only living Grandparent. They also have very little to do with their Dad since he will never stand up to his Mom against saying mean and horrible things about me or about our threesome family. I just know that the Lord says to trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. He will be closer than a brother. My best girl friend is going through it right now with her 17 year old daughter as her Dad lets her do anything and go and come when she wants no rules and it is hurting the girl, but Mom cannot due anything for the girl. Praying for you and trust God to take care of your daughters and remember sometimes it takes having children before they will understand! I wished it were easier than that but unfortunately the good Lord will help you in the midst of it all! Go to a church divorce support group and make sure and stay close to God and your family and friends.

Teresa - posted on 11/02/2009

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luanne- my suggestion is just this: let go and let god! you have tried everything else! sometimes, i feel as youths turn into young adults and adults, they have to form their own relationships and opinions. and as painful as it is this is one of those things in life that we, as mom's, have to suck it up and deal. pray for the lord to open the eyes,m inds and hearts of the beautiful kids that HE entrusted to you. divorce is awful even when it's amicable between the two people. obviously your x has some dependancy issues to even consider trying to turn the two girls against you. who knows what half-truths he has concocted-- but guess what. god is gonna deal with that one too!! pray for protection and support from our most holy. he already knows your heart..your needs..your wants.. let him provide, and one day very soon you'll somehow be confirmed that your daughters are seeing the wolf in sheeps clothing for who he is..on their own.. love teresa

Linda - posted on 11/01/2009

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Been there! Only mine were 2 and 4. It took YEARS before the kids realized that I wasn't the person he led them to believe. Really, there's nothing you can do, you can pray, you can attempt to talk to your ex (I use to pray that we could just be civil), they will find out on their own. It may take years like it did for me, it may take a week who knows. My son at one time told me he wanted nothing to do with me. Although he's now 21 our relationship is still rocky but he no longer feels the way he use to. My daughter who is now 19 is one of my very best friends, we laugh, we go places, we cry and we would be lost without the other. Remember how many people turn their back on the Lord on a daily basis!

Dawn - posted on 10/27/2009

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I'm so sorry to hear that and I'm so sorry that I cannot find the passage that tells us not to freight over our children and the things that they do for they will come back to there own country. All you can do is pray and be patient. God is good!

User - posted on 10/26/2009

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Every child is different. Can you pray and just let the girls know you love them and that you will always be there for them? I am in a similar situation. My 24 year old daughter is coming around finally. My other 20 & 18 yr old children are still having some trouble. Eventually, maturity will hopefully set in. I think the key in my case is to always reach out to them and stay open to them. It's excrutiatingly painful to walk through, though...I will be praying for you.

Laura - posted on 10/25/2009

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I hate to say it but coming from someone who has been through it before with my own parents, did you ever think that maybe it was something you did or said or didn't do or didn't say? Even though my parents have been divorced for 9 years my mom still believes she did nothing wrong. Yes, my dad did some things wrong as well, and he acknowledges it.Yes, I know I sound mean, but my mom said the same thing you just did in your post to the whole church. She never once asked me and my brother why we are the way are towards her sometimes. We told her if she wants to know all she has to do is ask. My mom blamed everything on my dad. Sorry it I'm sounding a little mad, but I kind of am. I don't know the whole story, but to hear someone say the same thing my mom still says it makes me a little irritated. I was 16 when my parents got divorced. If you would like to know the other reasons I'm saying these things then ask me, and I'll tell you. But I will say do what my mom didn't do, talk to your kids and find out what's going on. You may be surprised at what you find out.

Angela - posted on 10/24/2009

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Luanne, you need to show them that you are there and you will always be there. Don't make them have to choose between you and your ex. I know feelings of hurt are strong when you feel that your children do not choose you or feel that they aren't on your side. Redirect your focus and ask the Lord for guidance and wisdom to work through this trial. We all know that a lesson will be learned from this you just need to listen for his words. God Bless!

Lisa - posted on 10/24/2009

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It's also frustrating when the court system doesn't see or acknowledge Parental Alienation for what it is.

Lisa - posted on 10/24/2009

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My husband and I are in the same situation with his daughters, ages 11 and 12. It's been a year and he is not allowed to contact them at all due to a court order. It makes it very tough to let them know how much they mean to us when we can't contact them. Fortunately my husband's mother still sees them and she tells them all the time how much their daddy loves and misses them. We just keep waiting on the Lord to bring the girls around in His timing. I truly believe that their mom will have to face the consequences of her actions someday, although it probably won't happen until the girls are old enough to understand what their mom has done. It's just so heartbreaking in the mean time as we miss out on so many milestones of theirs and they are missing out on getting to know their 1 and 3 year old brothers. Hang in there, and keep leaning on Jesus...that's what we do on a daily basis.

[deleted account]

You have not "lost" your daughters -- they remain yours, but are demonstrating values you wouldn't choose for them.Consciously become a godly, warm, welcoming soft place for them to fall -- wait expectantly on the hill for the moment they return, as did the Prodigal Son's father.

As a mom in the same heartrending situation with my adult children, be careful of thinking in terms of "getting your daughters back". That phrase smacks of continued competition with your former spouse. If you engage, it will lead to months -- if not years -- of unwinnable personal misery.

Differing parental values, which probably confused the children, are probably the reason your marriage ended in divorce. They are exercising opportunity to try "both sides" without conflict. Now is the time to stay the course for your heart-felt values, holding the girls in prayer.

When you seen them, accept their presence joyfully, yet without condoning those things of which you disapprove.Proverbs 22:6 "Raise up a child in the way that they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it." is the promise that I claim for my children. Whenever despair, I remember that they are no OLD yet. Then, I continue to trust God with OUR precious children, mine, my ex's and HIS.

Ranae - posted on 10/23/2009

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Unfortunatley at the point of doing everything and it didn't work you might want to lay low and not push the issue. Your children are old enough to figure out what truth lies in their hearts about you. Do not fall into the the role of trying to turn your children against your ex-husband. Even though it is very easy to point out what areas he was wrong in it won't make you feel better as a person in the end. Your daughters have seen and know what type of person he is also. Talking bad about him to your girls will just confuse them more and will upset them that you are talking about their dad in that manner. Hold tight to the fact that you know you raised them well and you are a part of them. You have a hard road ahead of you, I pray that God comforts you through your troubles and that he lightens your girls hearts and guides them back into your arms. Take Care.

Heather - posted on 10/23/2009

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Keep faith, first and foremost! From personal experience, my father and I didn't always have a very good relationship. It was one of those love/hate relationships and I had alot of resentment towards him, because I felt he was never there. (My parents are divorced, too)

The older I got, the more that I wanted a relationship with him. I relized that it was myself holding me back. Not anyone else, reguardless of what I had heard about him in the past or thinking that he didn't care or didn't want to be there.

I had children of my own and craved that relationship with my own dad. When I reached out, it turned out, he really was there for me, then and all along.

I had to learn that for myself. Not rely on what I had heard from other reletives.

Be Patient, Keep Faith, and Just be there when they decide they want to come to you.

Valencia - posted on 10/22/2009

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Prayer and believe that God has the last word. If you have done everything you know how to do. Stand!! and the Lord do it. Turn it over, and be patient and believe God will Return your girls to you.

Jana - posted on 10/22/2009

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ugh. im in your same situation. i dont know how complicated yours is, but mine is awful. anyway, its important to keep in touch physically, emotionally, and spiritually with your kids. dont give up. they are kids, and eventually will see what truth is. hang in there.

Judi - posted on 10/21/2009

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Me again!!! lol PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!! God is doing what needs to be done, even if we do not understand at the moment. Since my children and I are in a good relationship, guess who they DONT talk to...that is sad too, but they are bitter about lost years with me. The truth will prevail.....Keep on Keeping on!!!!

Judi - posted on 10/21/2009

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I went thru a NASTY divorce..2 children... one chose to live with me ,one with my x. He fed there heads with stuff for years...it took another 6 yrs. for this to be fixed...TIME dear, WILL bring out the truth...give them room and still let them know you love them. In time, and it will pass quickly, they WILL come around... Good luck!! :)

Donna - posted on 10/21/2009

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Luanne- I am praying the Lord will give you supernatural wisdom,and Favor with your daughters-they will come back to you.,I have the Lords assurance-be patient.

Tracey - posted on 10/21/2009

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Also, they need to know that they don't have to choose between you and their dad. I am speaking of a child of divorce. Well, a 32-year-old child of divorce. I still play that roll especially since I have three of their grandchildren. Divorce is tough on everyone involved. Every holiday my family gets reminded of this situation. Luanne, you be the better person! Let your daughters know you are always there! Let them know that they can see their dad and you and you both will be there for them. Maybe it would help if you could be more civil to their dad.

Sherri - posted on 10/21/2009

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My husband was in the same position, his ex-wife turned his sons against him, it has taken a lot of prayer and several years, but now they realize that she was the one at fault and are talking to their dad and I . Neither one wants to talk to their mom though and they say they do not care because she brought it on herself. Hang in there and pray, they will eventually realize what their dad is doing and come around. Just make sure you are ther ewhen that time comes and never give up hope

Misty - posted on 10/21/2009

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It is going to take time..i have a friend in a similar situation and it has taken time but there eyes are starting to open. She has had to do alot of praying and relying on the Lord for help. If your ex wants to be the one who bad mouths and puts himself at a lower level then let him just as long as you hold your tongue..children are very smart and are aware of more than parents give them credit for.

Jill - posted on 10/21/2009

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pray for patience to endure this season in your life.... pray for God to soften your husbands heart ..remember your husband will have to stand before God one day and answer for his behavior .... God bless you

Tsema - posted on 10/21/2009

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it's sad that your children feel that way towards you. remember children are va heritage from the Lord. i.e they are a gift from God to you, and the devil is trying to steal them from you so they aren't covered by you. pray for them and give thanks, always give thanks to God for their kives and their future, pray to God to open their eyes and heart to see how much u love them. always give a thanksgiving offering on their behalf, allow the holy ghost lead youu, send them smses and emails and just show them so much love that they wont be able to understand your relentless love. imagine if Jesus had decided to wait us out or left us alone, where would we be. it is in blessing and loving them, while givig thanks to God for them. remember the Kingdoom of God suffers violence only the violent take it by fprce. be violent in the place of prayer. God will reveal to you the direction to take.. it is well. God is with you. all the best. rejoice in the Lord and again i say rejoice, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. God bless

Maranda - posted on 10/20/2009

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Pray & trust in the Lord to help you with everything that is going on in your life. He is always there for you no matter what you may be going through. I will pray for you and your girls. May God bless you!

Luanne - posted on 10/20/2009

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Thank you for the advice! Many people have told me it may take years -- it just hurts so bad at times and I feel helpless!

Alison - posted on 10/19/2009

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I cannot imagine how hard it must be to pour your heart into your children and then have them shut you out. Your girls are still young, and many, many children learn to appreciate their parents when they are a little older. Do not loose hope!

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