Sandy - posted on 07/06/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )
Where do I start? I am a member of the kids with ADHD community here, but I want to know what Christian moms are doing to help their kids with their behavior. My biggest block is behavior modification plans. You would think as a mom who loved her child and wanted to help him I would embrace and try whatever I could. But for some reason, behavior mod. plans make me cringe. I attended a "support group" where all we talked about was BMPs. All boiled down, it is a plan that they get rewards when they are "good enough". If they are not good enough, they don't get the reward. For the group I was in, the big thing is points. The child earns points that they can cash in for rewards. It all sound good. (We all actually use a form of this, most likely with the "I'll take away _________ if you don't ________")
But as a Christian mom, I"m worried that my children will turn this towards God and start to think that they have to be good enough to get something from God. I know God disciplines us. I discipline my children. But does he only bless us if we are good? (See, even I have the question in regards to myself and my situation.) Will they think that because Mom and Dad will only do things with them because they have earned enough points by being good that God will be the same way? I know our ultimate gift is free. Salvation is given without having to do anything, and that is more important than any other blessing God may give us in this life. I also don't want my boys to start to think that they will only do something if they get something.
One parent in the group said "this is a fact of life. They need to learn this" in regards to getting something for doing something. But does a 10 year old have to learn this? I'd rather he learn to do things for others without expectation because that is what Jesus taught us. We share scripture with the boys every time we discipline that relates to what they have done and talk about their behavior.
I know BMP's can work. But I really think the kids need to be motivated by such things. I"ve tried plans before, but my son just isn't motivated by getting things. Summer reading programs don't work, prizes at school don't work. Even buying him a big firetruck for potty training didn't work! Now, I"m toying with the idea of turning all the points into money. But I tried this last summer with chores and it didn't really work, not to mention, we really don't have much money for this.
Anyone have ANY thoughts or suggestions??