anyone out there with an adult pregnant unmarried daughter?

Carla - posted on 10/15/2012

@DAD--I have to ask you--how many times has this happened to you? Would you actually talk this way to your daughter? Is she living a Godly life? No. But do we throw them in the streets and pretend like it didn't happen?



As Christians, and we ARE Christians on this site, we have to be different. We SHOULD be different. Is this an ideal situation? Certainly not! But this girl is crying out for something she is lacking, and that is Jesus. We need to encourage and give strength and prayer to Meg. I believe Meg is dealing with this the best she can, in a Godly manner. I have not seen our oldest daughter for 12 years. Do you know what I would give to see her walk in the door?



Sometimes we give a knee-jerk reaction without really thinking it out, or praying about it, either. I hope this is the case with your response. The world our children are growing up in is so much different than ours was. They need all the prayer they can get. I hope you are praying for your children.

DAD - posted on 10/15/2012

MOM and DAD have all thr right to be angry, and yet not guilty. Maybe a quick glase of the scriptures may open some eyes:

http://truediscipleship.org/Gtopics/gene...



Let's also ask ourself, why bring a baby to this earth if you are not really ready for the responsability (emotionally and with a steady job to support it).

In truth this generations takes this "Gift" of having a baby, with no care ...

Mom I understand your pain,

Her friends, people in her circle should not celebrate this misguided circumstance, they should all tell HER how selfish, and inconcidered is SHE.

And search for GOD and his forgiveness ,...and close HER legs.

We have to many people on welfare already, this government can't keep bailing out all irresponsable PARENTS.

Teresa - posted on 05/10/2012

I guess I'm not understanding. Are you upset because she's pregnant? Or becaus she hasn't had a wedding? I've known unmarried couples that are even more dedicated than alot of married couples. Get over it and be there for your daughter and grandchildren.

Katie - posted on 04/26/2012

I always think it's a shame when parents get "mad" at their children for getting pregnant when they seem to think it's not good timing. Especially when that precious baby gets her and they change their tune and are all about the baby. Once someone is already pregnant there is nothing you can do about it. Try and stay positive for YOUR CHILD because at the end of this you will have a precious new grandbaby. I know it is only natural for a parent to worry if their child gets pregnant is circumstances that seem less than ideal, but I don't feel like people should get mad and not speak with them. I feel you shoud also be thankful, so many people now days want to get abortions if the timing isn't right and that is really sad. So be thankful that she isn't doing that.

Megan - posted on 04/25/2012

I was a pregnant unmarried adult daughter. While my parents made it clear that they never condoned my behavior prior to getting pregnant, they were incredibly supportive, loving and compassionate once their first grandbaby was conceived. The fact is, the baby is here and there is nothing else to do but love him/her. You can tell your daughter that you are upset with her actions and irresponsibility but your love for her should compel you to do all that you can to help her bring a healthy baby into the world. You cannot change your daughter and you cannot worry about what will happen in the future because it hasn't happened yet. With God, all things are possible. This child may help to turn your daughter around. Only God knows.

Jeorge - posted on 04/21/2012

As an adult unwed pregnant daughter myself I just have to say "What is wrong with you?"
You raise your children as best you can and then you let them out into the world and pray that what you taught them is in their hearts. She is no way doing this to YOU. She has made some bad decisions as we all have. She is living with hers.
You are making a bad decision right now.
God says to hate SIN and unless you named your daughter Sin I don't see where you get off judging her. Sin is Sin whether it be sex or pride. God doesn't see a difference between her Sin and Yours

Angela - posted on 09/13/2011

Hi Meg, I pleased to hear you're coping better with the situation even if you've still not "accepted" it. I pray that your daughter has a healthy baby and many blessings will follow for all of you.

Sorry if I was a bit judgemental with my earlier post. Like Julie who said "There are far worse sins in the world than 'living in sin' and having a child out of wedlock" I feel the same way. However I do appreciate how YOU feel and I know that apparently "serious" relationships without marriage as a foundation - relationships that produce children - are viewed negatively in Christian circles. I'm aware that the Biblical stance against this is simply because God cares about us. He doesn't want to see us struggle with children as lone parents, trying to have a family life without the security of legal marriage etc ... It's not because He wants to curtail our fun or freedom!

Good luck to you and your family. Hoping to hear about your new grandchid soon!!

Carla - posted on 09/02/2011

Sweetheart, those of us who have grown children weep right along with you. Watching our children stand at the edge of the cliff teetering on the edge, we try everything we can think of to stop them. People say when your kids get older, parenting gets easier, but that just simply isn't true. They have more hurtful hurts, and we can't kiss them away. All we CAN do is stand on God's promise that if we raised them in the ways of the Lord, when they are old, they will not depart. I have an almost 45 y/o who has removed herself from the family--after 11 years, my heart still aches.



Being a parent is thankless at times, but we DO have a strong Daddy to run to, and I know you are running to Him for strength and wisdom, I hear it in your post. God bless.

Meg - posted on 09/01/2011

All of you are absolutely right. But I guess the real crux of the issue is all the emotional stuff I am going through. Facing the same crisis 3 times is hard. I don't intend to disown my daughter but i just need some space right now. I don't need a lecture about cutting out my
grandson or what its' like to have a miscarriage. I love my grandson and he is still the apple of my eye. I would never cut him out of my life. And I have been through a miscarriage and do know what it's like.
I am sure in time that my daughter and I will have a relationship like we have always had in the past. It;s just going to take some time.
When my 4 kids were growing up, we moved around alot due to my husband's job. Because of that we were and are a very close knit family. And although I always worked full time, I devoted alot of time and energy to my kids.
It is heartbreaking to see someone you love turn their back on the Lord. We loved my daughter just like we always had when she was living with the 16 year old and ended up pregnant. Nothing was different about our relationship. Even though I was disappointed about the choices she was making, I continued to do things with her; going out to lunch, going shopping , etc . . . I never said anything to her but prayed like crazy that God would move in her life. I have often wondered since if it made any difference.Each time it has gotten harder.
It's not a judgement thing as much as a hurt thing. It's hard to be with someone when inside your heart is just aching because of the choices they continue to make. Although my daughter hasn't done anything to me personally, it's still hurtful. We did our best to show the love of Jesus and be spirit filled as our children were growing up. Satan is doing his best to tear up families and ours is no exception. I would ask for your prayers for her . I want her baby to be healthy. And more than anything I am pray, pray, praying for her salvation ! I would also ask that you go easy on your responses. I am still very emotional .People go through different stages when they are facing a difficult situation. When I made the first post, I was angry at the world. I am not in the 'acceptance" stage yet but I am better than I was. Thanks for all your posts. We serve an awesome God and He will get us through this!

Anne - posted on 08/27/2011

My mom's brother asked the same question to my mom many many many years ago. My sister had just died of a very long battle with cancer. My mom looked at her little brother and said "You know Mike You just have to love you kids even when they go and die on you. This snapped my uncle out of his how people would think of him and her forgave his daughter and ended up being a Wonderful Grandfather.

Please understand that I am NOT in your shoes., But my husband and I do have a 27 year old daughter living with a guy that we have not met in person. I have talked to him on the phone (they live in MA we live in MI) The first time she moved in with someone I almost severed ties with our daughter. Thankfully our youngest daughter kept the lines of communication open. I learned a LONG TIME AGO that I can not be my daughter's holy spirit. THE REAL HOLY SPIRIT does a much better job at this. My advice is to love your daughter and her children. As moms our example in times of strife can make or break our relationships with our children. I am NOT Saying give her a free pass to continue to live in Sin. Only that you Love her in spite of her life style. Our daughter knows we do not agree with her life style but she knows we LOVE HER. Remember we all make mistakes and God is a God of second chances. Again I am sorry if my beginning words sounded harsh. I was only retelling what my mom told her brother.

Shanea - posted on 08/24/2011

I know how hard it is as a mom to see your grown children make bad choices. My daughter is 23yrs old and has a 6mo old son my grandson I love him so much he is a blessing. My daughter is not married to the father. There relationship was very disturbing to me he was very contorlling smuthering really, abusive, lazy and much more. I having been in an abusive relationship before could see how toxic this was but my daughter could not. I just began to pray and ask the Lord to remove him or change him wel after about 3yrs he is finally gone moved back to Arkansas. But I said all of that to say this God loves his children unconditionally and he shows us much grace and mercy as a matter of fact the greatest command is to love without that all of our good deeds and gifts are nothing. Yes your daughter has made some not great choices but you turning your back will not help her the Bible says with loving kindness have I drwn thee. You have grandchildren that need you to be apart of their lives. This dosen't mean you have to like what your daughter is doing but you do have to show the love of God it's not always easy because our self dosen't want to do that but as christians we don't belong to our self and we must live as christ if we want to please God and not hinder our blessings and thank God we have help Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to help, comfort,strenghthen, teach,and guide us and much more so you are never alone. Last but not least as believers we have promises form God in his word concerning our children and family and we can go to God in prayer for them speaking and delaring those promises. We cannot change people but God can. God loves you so much Meg and he sees your hurt and pain and he is concerned and will work on your behalf turn your daughter over to him and love her she has hurts and pains of her own that cause her to make the choices that she does. Love her, love her, love her, and pray and watch God move in your family.

Samantha - posted on 08/10/2011

Sorry Meg, but I'm with Angela on this too. Before my husband and I were married I got pregnant and it ended with a miscarriage. That is absolutely the worst feeling!! After it happened I remember my MIL telling me, "You do not need to get pregnant again and do that to my son. He doesn't need that." Well while we were only engaged we did get pregnant again, with our beautiful daughter. We were married by the time she was born though. So my MIL didn't judge then. But I can tell you that because she did judge me when I miscarried, we have no relationship now. Take joy in your Grandchildren! All children are a blessing from God, no matter the 'worldly' situation. But I will pray for you and your daughter's relationship.

Julie - posted on 07/25/2011

I'm sorry Meg, but I'm with Angela on this one.

Your daughter has sinned against God not you. Yes she has embarassed and disappointed you, but no one is perfect - we have all disappointed people in our lives - probably we have disappointed most people in our lives at least once.

ALL children are a gift from God. No matter how they were conceived. There are so many, many grandparents who don't get to see their grandchildren - No matter what my daughter does, when she is grown up, I could never be anything but happy if she gave birth and would never cut out a grandchild out of my life no matter what either of their parents did.

Is your daughter a christian? even christians have recurrent sin struggles sometimes. And if she isn't a christian - we have no right to even judge non-christians by christian standards. We can encourage non christians to follow our values, but we can only hold accountable those who are christians.

There are far worse sins in the world than "living in sin" and having a child out of wedlock.

You don't have to agree with the way someone lives to have them in your life. Otherwise we'd have no non christian friends at all. Look at Jesus' example - who did he go to? the sinners!

Look at the example of the lady at the well who had had five husbands and was living in sin with yet another man. Did Jesus shun her? no. did he ignore her sin? no. What he did was both accept and love her as a person while gently pointing out her sin in a loving way.

You can accept your daughter, you can even be joyous in the fact that you have a beautiful new life in the form of a grandchild, at the same time as not condoning her behaviour.

What about sitting down with her, making it absolutely clear you do not accept her living in sin, but telling her how much you love her and your grandchildren? You don't have to help with anything that supports her sinful relationship, but you can support her in other ways.

The old slogan WWJD is really a good one - ask yourself, what would Jesus do? he didn't have kids, but what if one of his brothers/sisters shacked up with someone and had a kid?

I don't think he'd be ashamed, or cut them out of his life. I think he would tell them at appropriate moments in a loving and gentle way they were sinning, but that he would still love them and be there for them in ways unrelated to the sinful aspects of their life.

God loves your daughter and grandchildren, and I'm sure you do - your daughter and grandchildren need you to show them God's love and to pray for them.

Kim - posted on 07/24/2011

I am in complete agreement with Angela and I could not have said it any better.

Jennifer - posted on 07/18/2011

Read the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It's on Amazon for $15. It will truly help you. Advice is 20% knowledge and 80% behavior. I'm praying for you sister!

Shauna - posted on 07/18/2011

Hmm.
Stop losing sleep and truely give her to God.
Trust me, I know, the losing sleep doesn't help anything.
She's almost 30 years old.
There really isn't anything you can do (except pray).
You sound as if your talking about a teenage.
Even though she might be acting like one, she's grown.
That's the hard part.
You probubly don't feel she's acting her age.
God will preserve her and the good things you taught her will come back to her one day. It's hard being a parent.

Carla - posted on 07/15/2011

I have to ask how you interact with your grandchild. This innocent had nothing to do with the offending situation, and needs a Grama.

Being a Christian mom is very difficult when your children aren't. But that doesn't let us off the hook of showing the love of Jesus to them. She has made mistakes, but goodness, who hasn't? I was pregnant at 15. My mom and dad helped all they could, and were very active in their grandchild's life. I got married, had another child at 18, then divorced. Again, they helped when they could.

I know you are distressed over this, Meg, any mother would be. But, honey, you are missing one of life's greatest treasures, your grandchildren. I don't want you to regret later your choices now. Our oldest child is a rebeller--we haven't seen our two grandchildren since 2000. Our hearts are broken.

If you are attending a church, I would highly recommend talking with the pastor and his wife. If you haven't found a church, go through the phone book and find a church and just call them. Sometimes just talking things out helps clear your mind and heart. Cutting our children off because we don't like their lifestyle isn't what's going to bring them to the Lord, showing them love is.

I am not trying to be cruel, sweetheart, I am trying to get you to understand that sometimes things happen that are out of our control, and yes, maybe it's not the ideal situation, but very little in our lives is ideal. We work with what we've got, and thank God for His grace.

God bless, honey, if you need to talk, you can message me.

Angela - posted on 07/15/2011

"We forgave her and moved on thinking she had learned her lesson"

Right. You talk about "forgiving" her - what did she do to YOU personally that required forgiveness?

* Getting pregnant out of wedlock?
* Getting married quite young to a guy that was even younger?
* Ending up divorced?
* Getting pregnant AGAIN without being "respectably married"?

Other people have congratulated her on her pregnancy. This is a new grandchild for YOU, but you're apparently more concerned that this pregnancy's occurred whilst she's unmarried. What happened to "Children are a gift from God"? Does that philosophy only apply to children born in wedlock? Do children born to unmarried parents have a lesser worth or a lower value?

And overall, what stands out is that she has had 2 miscarriages. Have you ever had a miscarriage? Do you know how painful the loss of a baby is - at ANY stage of the pregnancy? Right now, she's probably thankful that she's "well past that point" - the way you phrased it implied that perhaps losing this current baby might have been a blessing???

Each pregnancy has resulted in her either giving birth or spontaneous miscarrying. Lots of expectant mothers abort - including a significant percentage of respectable married women. Would you rather she aborted?

The situation is less than ideal, yes. But God has blessed your daughter with a tiny life, a whole new human being. Friends etc .... are congratulating her. You're judging her.

Sorry Meg. there's a lot more to raising children than what the neighbours might think.

So she's pregnant, so what?

Is she law-abiding and avoiding crime?
Is she or the baby's father working for a living?
Is she a good friend and neighbour to people in her own circle?
Is she liked and respected?
Is she looking after her own health whilst pregnant
Is she a good mother to the child(ren) she already has?

For every one of the above questions you answered "yes" to, that's evidence that she has absorbed the values she was brought up with.

Do you have photos of her existing children displayed in your home? Or is their illegitimacy too embarrassing to you for you to do this?

Sorry if my post comes over as mean or nasty, but your apparent judgement of your daughter, a pregnant lady who has previously had a couple of miscarriages worries me.