cheating husband?

Jennifer - posted on 04/12/2010 ( 48 moms have responded )

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If your husband looked at porn all the time would you consider it cheating, and what would you do after dealing with it for 6 years and him promising to get help but never commiting to it

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Hope - posted on 06/20/2012

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This is probably the hardest advice to hear: but you have to LEAVE. If he just wants to waste away in fantasy porn land then leave him behind! You can have an addiction to porn, and from what little you have said it seems he's got a problem. Sooner or later he'll look back and see what a grave mistake he made choosing porn over a real life. Sometimes you just have to let the guy hit bottom- and when he does, you will want to be as far away as possible. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you've gotta be tough and stand up for yourself and what you want- and that is a hubby who doesn't waste away in dream land. Good luck!

Mandee - posted on 04/14/2010

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Matthew 5:28 says "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." So you tell me... Is it cheating?

With my first husband, I have been there, and continued to have faith that God would work in the heart of my husband. (He was in seminary, and we planned on going into ministry together God would change his heart). However, after going to the doctor and being treated for a disease that I late discovered was from a prostitute my husband was with (which I am convinced was a result of the long years of porn viewing). My husband and I later divorced, but it was not until after over a year of praying and asking God what to do, and Him "freeing" me to move on. However, if God had said no, or wait, I would have stayed.

I would highly recommend reading a couple of books...

Porn Nation by Leahy
http://www.amazon.com/Porn-Nation-Conque...

I Surrender All by Tabb
http://www.amazon.com/Surrender-All-Rebu...

An Affair of the Mind by Hall
http://www.amazon.com/Affair-Mind-Laurie...

Lisa - posted on 06/19/2012

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I have been married to my husband for 20 years and he has at one point in time viewed porno during this time (more often while on deployments and TDY's) that being said it has lead him to develop relationships with other women online that he is watching on porno sites. 4 months ago he met a "whore" on adult friend finders while he was on Deployment in Alaska and developed a relationship with her. When they finally met it was for a "group" (that means all the troops he was there with too) snowmobile trip and then a couple weeks later went to dinner, a movie and back to the barracks he was staying with his troops in and slept with her. He claims that is the only time and that he was lonely and missing his family and felt like I didn't love him. I only caught him because he forgot to delete yahoo chats, videos, and his adult friend finder account before he came home. So in answer to your question YES LOOKING AT PORN AND GOING TO PORN SITES IS CHEATING AND WILL LEAD TO MORE IN THE LONG RUN!

[deleted account]

it's cheating. it's a sin. it's disrespectful to your spouse....heck, to the poor father's daughter who is performing in that video. if you are watching that stuff, then you are supporting that industry and all the other sins that go with it. all the degradation, the wasted lives.....let's just bring all the grit to the open. It's not just a picture on the screen, the glossy magazine, the video......there is all whole industry of lost people behind it. And if you are sitting there in the dark.....you are part of the problem. You're just helping Satan spread his filth. Now how is that going to bring glory to God, or honor your marriage? And why, why are we not even discussing that if this comes into a Christian home....the computer needs to exit the home? it's a door, make no mistake. and I think Satan's latest weapon against our families. And this is not about a wife not fulfulling her "wifely duties". Geez, that's dangerously close to justify getting hit because we didn't listen. please, it's not about their ego, it's not because we didn't praise them enough. it is all about their lust and lack of self control. We are not to blame for their sin. Now when I took my vows, I meant them....but this my friends, this is what they call a deal breaker. Satan is using this to get our men, if they cannot see that and "go and sin no more", I am outta here. even more so if with children there. If they did not get help....and I mean Now.....done and done.

Heather - posted on 04/16/2010

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If you are interested in a man's perspective, I asked my husband (who is a recovered porn addict), and he says yes, it is cheating. It is important to remember that it's not motivated by displeasure with you! And I truly believe that if God helped us get through and past it, I believe He can help you, too. =)

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Patricia - posted on 08/19/2012

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my hubby does it all the time and just screws his face up when he looks at me and then looks away and told me i was old fat and ugly like our dog a lab

Brandi Dawn - posted on 08/16/2012

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Yes, I feel if a man looks at another women with lust in his eyes, that is cheating and is unfair to his wife and kids.

Patricia - posted on 06/24/2012

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i can't believe so many women think that porn is ok it has all but destroyed my marriage i know he wants out because he does not want to tell me why and that i don't trust him and keep a close eye on what he does and he even says now that he could rent the house 2 doors down he says how would you feel if your soon to be ex husband did that i told him to do that if he wants to but he will never come back he just shut up then when i found out about it and how long it had been going on he did not want to fix things just went straight back to it. it took me another 3 years of fighting to save the marriage after that but i still know there is something going on he is just more sly about hiding it

Tiffanie - posted on 06/22/2012

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Porn doesn't bug me until his looking at it and gettign off to it more then we have sex.

Heather - posted on 06/20/2012

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@Hope- I beg you to go to the bottom of page 2 and read the post I made earlier.

My husband and I (but especially him) have worked so hard to overcome this issue, and we want to make that experience MEAN something... we want to help others to navigate and deal w/this in any small way that we can. My husband often speaks about how it's a "hidden addiction". There is so much more shame, guilt and embarrassment for a man struggling with this kind of addiction. There are no 12 step programs. You can't talk about it openly. It's tough to face it on your own. His self esteem was so low as a result of it. When he first told me and I said, "you are more than an addiction, I still love you, what can I do to help?", it was the first time he believed that he COULD do something about it and that he was WORTH anything. (By the way- I take no credit for this- I felt God moving in me, telling me to stick it out and not to give up on the relationship, but to come alongside my then boyfriend to deal with it together... I am so very thankful I was able to hear His voice!) I think as women (and humans), our first instinct is to be upset and insulted and hurt (and understandably so) and lash out with hate or spite; but to try to understand the experience from the man's side and to come alongside in an attitude of togetherness and encouragement, though tougher to do, goes so much further!

Patricia - posted on 06/20/2012

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i agree 100% percent and i am so sorry to hea what you are going through my hubby is the same with both

Heather - posted on 06/19/2012

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I know this is a rather old post, and maybe this comment is no longer relevant... but I have to address something that someone said:

"However, what I have learned is that if a man looks at porn, then he's not getting what he wants or needs from his wife."

This is the most potentially damaging and dangerous statement I've seen here... My husband struggled with an addiction to pornography for years. It began in his college years and even when we began dating, he was still actively addicted and engaged in frequent viewing. We worked through it together. Together, we destroyed DVD's he'd burned from computer sites, TOGETHER we made a plan for how he could resist the temptation (activities, other options, etc, plans for if he was at a computer and plans for if he wasn't) and what he would do if he did look at something (he decided this part- that he would tell me in a letter, and talk to our pastor if he couldn't get it under control). He told me more than once (and my husband is a super honest, introspective, great communicator, so I 100% believe him), that it never had anything to do w/being unsatisfied with our own intimacy, or my physical appearance, or how often we were or were not being intimate. It's a whole other kind of 'stimulation'... it's an addiction- like to nicotine or drugs or alcohol. My brother-in-law struggled with the same addiction. His wife issued ultimatums and kicked him out of the house until "he could figure it out". How does one recover from addiction with the threat of "I'll leave you" hanging over one's head? Needless to say... it didn't go as well for them. You have to find a way to come together- to reach a place of mutual understanding of the damage that it does to the relationship and to making a mutual plan (enlisting the help of a trusted pastor or counselor if needed) of attack. My husband hasn't viewed anything pornographic in almost 6 years now, but it wasn't easy. He would close his eyes and see images. The temptation to get on the computer was sometimes so strong he had to make himself leave the house (per the plan). But, with his hard work, for which I respect him immensely, and support and encouragement from me, we have made it.

I know this is long winded, but I hope that you and your husband are still working on this and can find a way to make it. One suggestion I'd make- read the book (both of you) Every Man's Battle. There's a section at the end of each chapter for wives. My husband and I found it very helpful, and he still uses several of the techniques that are mentioned in the book.

Blessings.

Lakota - posted on 06/19/2012

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Lisa, sorry to hear you went through that. I hope you two were able to work things out.

Patricia - posted on 06/15/2012

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yes i do i don't think that he is not getting everything from his wife in my case he was offered alot and very regularly and i am not a prude he goes to it and rejects me i honestly don't think he is interested in me anymore

Lakota - posted on 06/15/2012

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Wow, April, did you really say this? "However, what I have learned is that if a man looks at porn, then he's not getting what he wants or needs from his wife." April, if you really believe this, you have some issues.

Jennifer, that statement is not true. He has an addiction to porn and you can't help him with it. I think it is time you tell him to go get help, get rid of the computer, or you must leave. He's not headed down a dark road, he is there. It is already dragging you down.

J1974 - posted on 06/14/2012

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GET OuT..... I have the feeling that is where I will be headed in a few years unless he makes some attempt at getting help. It is being looked at by him as my issue.

Illi - posted on 09/03/2010

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IT IS CHEATING - DON'T LET HIM FOOL YOU . 6 years is way too long. set boundaries get help for you, so you can find out what to do. Don't let pastors tell you, "that every man lusts..." Read you own note again, all the answers are in there. Trust your gutt. :)

Jamie - posted on 09/03/2010

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I am sorry that you are going through this, and I will definately keep you in my prayers. My suggestions would be to set up some appropriate boundries. I read a statistic (I wish I could remembered the source) that 80% of all men will look at porn. A fair amount of women too. Anyway, when I found that out my fiance and I talked and set up boundries together, and thank God I have never had to deal with what you are going through. These are our boundries ( I am not saying you have to follow these... I am just sharing what we do) First, we, my husband and I, share a computer which we have a filter on which does not permit the viewing of porn. Second, we don't watch movies with nudity or sex. It never made sense to me that people get worked up about porn, but will sit and watch an elaborate sex scence in a movie. Screenit is a GREAT, free website that tells you if there is any nudity or sex in a particular movie. Third, we share an email account, and we both have all of eachother's passwords to everything. There are no secrets. Now I suppose if he really wanted to look at porn he could find a way, but these precautions I believe help and has kept it out of our marriage. I pray this helps.

April - posted on 06/28/2010

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In my opnnion, although my faith tells me it's wrong, I can not control the actions of my partner. However, I can pray for him. He doesn't have a "huge" issue with it. In fact maybe once every six months if he's "Bored" enough he may take a peek or two. I find nothing wrong with it, because it only helps us out in the bedroom kingdom.

However, if it were a daily or weekly issue, I would tell him that it makes me feel uncomfortable and that he should look into another hobby, or tell me what makes him so bored of me. (We've been together 11 years in August.)

In fact that is exactly what I did in the past. When he did look at porn constantly I asked him point blank. What makes me unattractive, or what makes looking at my body so boring? You'd be surprised what your man will have to say.

So I took some of his suggestions and got creative, mind you I don't do this all the time, and being pregnant right now, I often less want to have sex, but I make an effort because for men it's important, and in return I see him doing things for me that I find important.

You should read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, to get a better understanding of how we are so different when it comes to love.

I'm not condoning porn, because for me personally I find it demoralizing, and utterally sick. However, what I have learned is that if a man looks at porn, then he's not getting what he wants or needs from his wife.

The same way I need him to let me unwind about my day and simply talk to him, or I need a good back massage (especially now in pregnancy) he needs desire and passion in the bedroom.

Also what I have learned is that we often tend to slack on the "ego boosting" once we have "roped" them in. (I mean no disrespect here ladies). So as often as I can I always tell my man how incredibly sexy he is. I make sure to notice if he's losing weight. I really try and make a big deal on how attracted to him I am, even if it's small things like his goatee, or sense of humor, etc. Women should know we like being told how gorgeous we are, and what not, well men need it too! I think my man needs it more than I do, but hey, if it keeps him happy and having only eyes for my body, I will do it!

Jennifer - posted on 06/24/2010

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My husband and I are going through the same thing.It has been awhile since he has looked at porn.It is defiitly cheating if you are going by the bible. Its degrading and heartbreaking makes you feel like you are not doing your job. Much much more.I will tell you no matter what u do if your husband has this addiction he will still look.So dont blame yourself and think well maybe i let myself go or maybe im not having sex with him enough or maybe i need to try to learn new things to keep him interested. None of that will stop him.Men are very visual and the devil knows where to go first.Temptation!! No matter what it is.If he really wants to stop you need to be supportive and if that entails only praying then do it.He has to do things like not going on the computer when he is alone or when you are in bed. Or watching tv late.The devil is always whispering in ppls ear. Another helpful thing is called X3 watch and you actually download this to your computer and you become your husbands acountability partner. it sends emails on sites he has been to well the questionable sites. My husbands aunt and I are his acountability partners.I say that i make sure I check it everytime I get a report it has been clean for awhile. And if they were to shut it off and turn it back on you get emails about that too.We went through that in the beginning. It is hard like any addiction to stop it buut they have to want it.Find a church home if you dont already. I know a big change came when I stopped fighting.Instead of yelling I would just simply say that im not crying anymore and that I would pray for him but it wasnt me that he had to go before but God. I dont know if thats what helped him but he has stopped.Its a long road. A great book for him would be "when good men are tempted" byBill Perkins. You can read it to. I wish you the best try not to give up no matter how hard it gets believe I know. And the movie Fireproof is good. Many blessings unto you. And if you want to message me any time with any questions or to just talk when you are frustrated or sad you can at any time.I wish I had someone to help me.The ppl I talked to just said all men do it or your overreacting. Well talk to you soon hope it gets better real fast.

Bridgette - posted on 04/19/2010

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Before it becomes a physical act, it starts in the mind. Sin occurs in the heart first and then is carried out in action. The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye and the pride of life separate us from God and can destroy lives. Seek guidance for your pastor. Continue seeking God for guidance. Be honest with your husband about your feelings. Pray for him and be sure to keep your heart right. When you follow the leading of God, things change. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. Study the Word and renew your mind. The weapons of our warfare are not carnal but are mighty in the pulling down of strongholds. What your husband is dealing with has a spiritual root. Your husband can not be free of this by his own ability. It will take the power of God to free him from this bondage. That is exactly what this is. Find scriptures that speak to your situation. Cover your household in prayer. Above all, resist the enemy. Don't allow bitterness and resentment to grow in you. Humble yourself before God. This puts you in a place to restore your husband when he comes to realize that what he is doing is wrong. Don't judge him or put him down. Allow God's love to flow through you to your husband. Psalms 107:20 says, " He sent his Word to heal them and deliver them from their destruction." Jesus is the answer. Cast all your cares onto God. HE will help you. Put all your confidence and faith in God Remember, your husband has a path that God must take him on to develop and grow in God.

Julie - posted on 04/17/2010

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Yes, porn is a form of cheating. Its hard since you have tolerated it for so long. But like everyone else said you need to pray. If you can talk to him about it & pray together. He obviously needs help with this!

Jessica - posted on 04/16/2010

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I forgot to mention a good book and movie to watch even if it is Hollywood is Fire Proof with Kirk Cameron I have found it and the book helpful in my marriage. Pray for me as my husband and I are still dealing with this also and he has not gotten help yet after saying he would.

Amy - posted on 04/16/2010

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No woman wants to leave her husband but i would seriously consider taking a "break" unless he seeks couseling. I TOTALLY believe that viewing porn and even more so on a contant basis is cheating. It is an addiction and he needs help. You are n NO WAY responsible for his problem.I saw some responses saying to ask him what you can do to keep him looking your way. That is absolutely CRAZY. The bible tells us that to look at someone with lust is commiting adultry in your heart. I would confide in close people you trust. You dont deserve this! Divorce is very serious, you need to treat him as an addict and allow him to make this his problem by setting an ultimatum and sticking to it.

Crystal - posted on 04/16/2010

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looking at porn is wrong even if it intrest the both of you. God does not approve of this behavior.

Crystal - posted on 04/15/2010

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Jennifer,
Sad to say I too have gone through this same thing, and yes I would consider it a form of cheating or at least the intent too. I mean if he is looking then he must not be happy with what he has at home right? I felt really hurt and ashamed about it and I told him everytime that it hurt and he always swore that he would stop but he always did it again.
We are still married, and we are now happy and he doesnt do it anymore but it took alot of restraint to not get a devorice. I belive that if you really love someone then you'll give them what they want . I told my husband one day that if he kept watching theses movies then maybe I wasn't what he really wanted and maybe it was time for him to go get what he did want. I told him that I loved him so much that I couldn't bear theought his love for hbe the cause of his unhappiness so I decided that because of this love for him I had to set him free. Come to find out he really didn't want to go and he did love me. He loved me enough to stay, appoligize and change. it has been 2yrs since that day I offered to free him and we are so happy now. We are getting ready to celabrate our 10th wedding Anniversary May 20.

Sky - posted on 04/15/2010

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I TOTALLY think that constitutes as cheating. I am getting married on Saturday, and my fiance has told me that he looked at porn excessively for about a year before I ever even knew him, he got help with it from a mentor from church and hasn't looked at it since. I will pray for you, it's so much easier to preach and not be in your situation, but Jesus hates divorce, just know that with whatever course of action you take, God will know that you are doing your best to make your marriage what if should be.

Donna - posted on 04/15/2010

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Your husband looking at porn is cheating, and a sin against God as well. The American Family Association has a great filtering software, one that requires him to have an accountability partner. A weekly report is sent to this partner of what he viewed on-line over the past week. One can be sent to you too, if you have your own e-mail.

Your husband needs to be willing to admit he has a problem first and foremost, and it doesn't seem he is ready to do that. If he was, he would have followed through with his promise. It would be great if he had a friend he could trust and hold him accountable. Since he seems to be unwilling to admit the problem and deal with it, you may have to take the drastic step of removing yourself from the situation. Either ask him to leave until he is willing to get help or you move out until he is getting help. If you don't get tough it will only get worse and you could end up like another woman who posted about getting a STD. Pornography can lead to sexual relationships outside of marriage, which is a bigger problem, so you need to get tough now before it gets any worse.

Heather - posted on 04/15/2010

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My husband and I have struggled with this issue, as well. When we first started dating, he was addicted to pornography (I obviously didn't know, and he was in denial). As we moved closer to getting married, he finally told me, and we decided to attack it as a couple. All addictions thrive on secrecy- so start talking about it. Not fighting about it- talking about it. Talk about how it makes you feel, try to be non-accusatory (I know it feels like cheating, but my husband and I have talked frequently about how a porn addiction really doesn't have anything to do with the wife- they don't look b/c they are dissatisfied with you or their sex life) and offer to fight together. It's possible he doesn't see it as a problem, and if you begin to discuss how it makes you feel, your concerns for the future (what your kids might see, etc), he may begin to see it as a problem, too. Perhaps you could speak with your pastor, as a couple, or by yourself first. My husband and I read the book "Every Man's Battle" together. There are tidbits at the end of each chapter for wives and great ideas for how to support your husband as he fights against something that has such a grip on him. I'm happy to say that after all his hard work, my husband hasn't had a relapse in almost 4 years. It can be done, and it's hard work- but I think you'll find that coming alongside your husband and working on the issue as a team will get you much further and bring you so much closer as a couple!

Michelle - posted on 04/14/2010

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Porn is not just a picture. The bible clearly says what you feed through your eyes, ears and what you allow to come out of your mouth in abundance...will take over your soul. I'm paraphrasing but this is basically the point. The battle is in the mind. If someone is sitting around watching pornography all day which is a form of idolatry, a house of thoughts is being built that is taking away from honoring God.

Thinking about sex with anyone other than your mate is a sin. It doesn't matter what people in the world think. Now, if someone is not a Christian or they are carnal that is to be expected but not from believers who are supposed to follow Christ.

Ask yourself this question, would you watch porn with Jesus in the room?

Michelle - posted on 04/14/2010

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I agree with you. Anyone who says things like Good Luck doesn't realize that this is a sin and deliverance is needed, not luck. Luck is the draw of man and not of God.

The Word of God and much prayer is what will deliver.

I will share a story of my own. While I don't have a husband who watches porn (thank God), he did have a problem with anger and cursing when he got mad. Yes, he is a Christian but when he got angry, he would just snap and curse and yell. Nothing physical but still. Losing your cool and getting angry to the point of sin is a problem.

Anyway, long story short, he has changed tremendously. How? Much prayer on both of our behalfs but mainly on his. He is the one that needed to get right with God and that took him looking up scriptures on God's will about anger, meditating those scriptures and staying in God's Word.

Thank God my husband is delivered from anger and if he can be then so can anyone's husband. It doesn't matter if it is anger, porn, drugs etc. God is a deliverer.

Michelle - posted on 04/14/2010

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It's cheating. However, the problem is bigger than cheating. Your husband has a spiritual problem that only God can deliver from. It doesn't matter if he is watching porn sometime or all the time. It's wrong.

Also, remember. Spiritual adultery is a precursor to physical adultery. What he keeps feeding his spirit by way of his eyes and ears will lead to the actual act of adultery...sooner if not later.

Michelle - posted on 04/14/2010

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I dont think looking at porn is cheating, to an extent. If he does it all the time and doesnt follow through with his husbandly commitment to you...then yeah...its a form of cheating....to me. But I believe it is more of a problem...an addiction, if you will. If he says he will get help and doesnt...2 things are happening. He isnt admitting to his problem AND he is only saying he will get help to "shut you up"....in a sense.



I completely understand how your husband watching porn could make you feel insignificant as a wife. Talk to him about it or talk to your pastor or a counselor. Maybe you guys can can come to a solution or compromise. Good luck honey. I hope you find peace in this.

Alicia - posted on 04/13/2010

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I think that porn is a very difficult topic. Many people who are of the world would just tell you that "all guys look at that stuff." But it's not biblical and it's not right. I do understand that sometimes there's a much deeper problem. A lot of people who struggle with porn have been exposed to it since they were very young and were brought up to think that it is a normal thing to do. This does NOT excuse the behavior at all, but it could be more than him being dissatisfied or whatever. A friend of mine actually threatened to leave unless they went to a pastor for help. It took 2 years and she was involved with the whole process, but it helped and he doesn't participate with that lifestyle anymore. I would definitely pray about it and I would talk to him about it very seriously. I would also consider finding a grounded pastor to talk about it with first before talking to him about it. I would stay away from a regular psychologist if I were you though because they do not counsel off of biblical standards. That could hurt more than help anything. Maybe if you found a different pastor that isn't the one from your main church would be good. He might feel less embarrassed about the issue. I pray that you will find resolution for the issue and that your relationship with your husband will feel restored fully.

Toni - posted on 04/13/2010

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I don't like or condone porn but it is only a picture. You are the real thing. Physical stuff is a whole different subject. I personally wouldn't let it get me all excited over. It isn't worth your health like high blood pressure and stuff. I do not consider it cheating it isn't physical but that is only my opinion.

Diane - posted on 04/13/2010

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I would prefer to ask..........is he sinning?

Would he mind if Christ paid him a visit and sat next to the computer screen and watched? Would he feel uncomfortable then? If he does then what he is doing is biblically wrong. Would Christ think it wrong for him to visit strip clubs? Most guys dont touch there either....its the same thing whether they look at porn on the internet or live in some club.

Forgiveness yes it's important....but not if you are forgiving him ten times a day every time he gets on the computer. This is habitual sin. Like Randi said, porn is an addiction and serious. If he is serious about quitting then take Randis advice and block all sites.
I feel so bad you are going through this.....and will pray for your situation and your husband that get the help and support he needs....which we all know comes from Christ.

Randi - posted on 04/13/2010

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i believe it is a form of cheating. i also believe if he looks a woman in lust it's cheating.. but i also belive in forgiveness. i think i read somewhere that porn is one of the top reasons christian couples divorce.. my hubby struggled with this for a couple years. i guess for me God was telling me not to be part of that percentage that gave up.. but porn is an addiction. he may not be able to quit all on his own. there are a lot of different softwares you can buy to block those kind of sites and to where you can see everything that goes on. you might have to do something like that, show him you're serious! and dont tell him the password so he can't get into it.. this may be a little to extreme but if he said he would get help and not do anything about it, i might set up a cousneling session for the both of you and let it out there. sorry you have to go through this.. i know what kind of an emotional bondage it can put on your marriage.. i pray he will come to and realize it's a waste! good luck!

Christa - posted on 04/13/2010

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I would consider it cheating. He's getting his needs met by something/someone other then you. I haven't had to deal with that myself so I'm not sure how you should handle it. I would focus on how it makes you feel. Ask him if he's missing something from you or if you can do anything to help curb his urge to look. Definitely pray and maybe see if they have some conseling at your church. Even if he won't go maybe they could give you some suggestions on how to help him. It can be an addiction, try to look at it that way. I'll say a prayer for you and him, I hope you can work it out. :-)

Carla - posted on 04/13/2010

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Darlings, porn is one of the things men constantly battle. They are visual, where we are emotional. Is he a Christian? Paul tells men to love their wives as they love themselves. Would he want you looking at naked men for 6 hours? I think not! Paul also said we were to keep our appetites under control. He did it, he was celebate, so he expects men to follow his example; not to be celebate, per se, but to look only at their own wives and, especially in this world of air-brushed, perfect bodies, NOT to look at other women. Jesus said 'if your eyes offend you, pluck them out!' That means if you can't keep your eyes out of things that almost assuredly will cause you to sin, use drastic means to keep from doing that.

We, as Christians, have an obligation to each other, to have a good love life so that neither will be wanting to stray. Now, don't stone me! I know men want it all the time, but that is their responsibility to curb themselves. Take a cold shower, go read your Bible, men! I heard that men have a sexual thought every 26 seconds. Paul said renew your mind with the Word. So men have a heavier burden in that they MUST curb their thoughts, and especially their eyes. Pornography has NO place in a Christian couples' lives, for whatever reason--whether you justify it with 'we use it as an aid to spice up our life'. No, use a little imagination and spice it up yourselves!

We have been married almost 40 years, so we have gone through everything you guys have, plus a few you haven't been up against yet. It's rough. But, if you love God, love each other, you find what's important and cling to that.

Do you have a strong Christian man he can talk to? He needs to know he isn't alone, and he isn't some sort of pervert. He does, however, need to realize this is NOT healthy and will leave him empty and unfulfilled, and he needs to stop. Find some man you trust, and have them talk.

Good luck, darlings! God bless

[deleted account]

i agree with Jessica,

effort has to come from him, pray & encourage him, he'll get ére. have faith ~

Jessica - posted on 04/12/2010

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I have been married to my husband for 5 years come august and we have the same problem i consider it wrong but that's me.We have 2 small children and i do not quit because i love my family and i believe God brought us together for a reason. He has finally agreed to go for counseling after 2 years of fight over it But we will see if he really does as he has said he would in the past but never gone . So I wish you luck and lots of prayers as i know how it feels..

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