Christian Single Mom

Carla - posted on 01/28/2013

Yet again, Carla Allair? Nothing you can say or do will shake those who are truly God's. Your posts only strengthen my belief that you are lost and lonely, looking for a Savior. I pray He makes Himself real to you.

Catherine - posted on 01/28/2013

keep him in church the men in church will show him and don't hate on his dad always be there for him but let him know that you have feeling too and remember you are human and you make mistake too hope this help its what I did

Jodi - posted on 01/28/2013

what about your church? These role models don't have to be someone living with you or constantly with your son. Just being around them on a regular basis every week can make a difference. What about grandparents? Also the things that you are verbal about will stick with him too as he grows up. Speak and behave in ways that you want him to become and talk to him about why you personally behave the ways you do and about how you live your life in accordance with your beliefs. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for.

SHERRELL - posted on 01/22/2013

Just pray about it, don't let unforgiveness live in your heart knowone is worth it. God bless.

Pat - posted on 08/03/2012

you arent alone! im a single mom of 3 girls.. well, my 14 yr old just moved in with her dad, but i have the 5 and 3 year olds still. the little ones dad is totally out of the picture, no, its not easy by any means, but i am finding God is so faithful. I thankfully have my father still and he watches them while i work...so they have a father figure. is it the same? no,but its part of Gods plan. as for anyone you may choose to bring in their lives, do a thorough background search, not just megans law. i dont know about all the states, but in california, you can be convicted for molesting a child and if you meet certain rules, can be excluded from showing online. you may have to pay or go to the police station, but its a must. my ex is still out doing evil because the woman he was seeing didnt see him on megans law and figured he was ok. and i dont mean to be a damper..but i wouldnt want to see anyone else hurt.
stay close to God, it will be ok. there are a lot of us out there!

Angela - posted on 08/01/2012

I left my husband as he was not a good partner or a good father. Of my 4 children, 3 were boys. I was a single parent for many years, by the time I had another husband (20 years after I'd split from the first one), all my kids were grown up!

But when I left their father, my own mother reminded me that I was doing the right thing for my children and with 3 sons, this man wasn't the right role model for them.

My children had male influence in their lives nevertheless, I have a couple of brothers, my own father (now deceased) and various friends. My grown sons are now all well-rounded individuals.

The other point I want to make is about getting a new husband. Some of the posts I've read here on Christian Moms & also on Christian Mommies (not necessarily on this thread, but elsewhere) seem to infer that it's of priority importance to find a man to marry and take on the father role with your family. I think this is a bit scary for any men who may wish to simply be your "friend" or possibly even take it to the next level, establish a relationship and think about commitment. There's even something faintly desperate about it! Meeting a partner and playing the dating game is something of a minefield even when you DON'T already have children. In-between my marriages I had relationships with 2 or 3 men and LOADS of dates. And no matter how cool you play it, men will also react to your situation.

I had a lighthearted date with a nice guy and we both enjoyed ourselves, at some point in the evening when we were chatting he said "I really like you but I don't want a relationship with you because you have 4 children ...."

Another one that was chatting to me asked "Who do you live with?" and I said "With four children and a small grey cat ...." and he said "well that's a lot to take on, four children ....." I never even asked him to take my children on, we'd only just met! (Never mind, the cat probably wouldn't have liked him anyway, LOL!!)

Yet there are others who are looking to build a foundation and establish a serious relationship from the word go .... Men like this LIKE to date single mothers. Chances are she already has her own home independent of her parents (whether her home is owned or rented, it's a building she's made into a home) this makes life nice & easy ..... Twice on first dates I've been asked by the man if I would think about getting married again. And I'm like "What?!?!?!?" They never got the chance of a second date.

All of the above applies to Christian men as well as non-Christian men.

Move forward with your head held high. Don't look "desperate".

Alisha - posted on 07/30/2012

I've been a single mom for 6 years and a Christian for 3 years. My daughter is 6 and I am 25, her dad has substance abuse issues and we pretty much broke up before our daughter was born. We had been together for 3 years on and off. Being a single parent for me is normal, and it's quite amazing to me to be a mother and have help but I know that doing everything alone shouldn't be normal. I know who I am in Christ and raise my daughter so that she will know Him as well. I am a nanny and my daughter comes with me and I also homeschool her. I'm actually in a courtship right now and we will be starting pre-engagement counseling soon so hopefully I won't have to be a single mom for much longer! The best thing I can say as far as being a single mom and a Christian is to pray, get support from women at your church, get involved in Bible studies and accountability groups. Really, it is only through God's strength that we can do anything! If you want to talk more, I'd be happy to!

Elisha - posted on 07/30/2012

Hon, I'm a Christian single mom, too, of two precious little girls. If you need someone to talk to message me!

Sabrina - posted on 02/13/2010

Oh my Kara,
I was a single mom of 4 when my husband left us for his gf. I understand the fear but always remember God is Faithful. I agree with some of the other posts about talking to your church family about getting your son a mentor. Boys really do learn best from other men. Though I am remarried to a good christian man I remember very vividly the nights alone and my doubts of my own abilities. I have four boys now and they are a handful. You need to cling to your faith, pray with your son, and be the example that your husband wasn't.

Loving you in prayer
Sabrina

Lorellei - posted on 02/13/2010

Don't worry, God is w u....is not that difficult! ♥

Carla - posted on 02/13/2010

This is for Mandy Smith: I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you! You went through a horrible ordeal and chose the loving way to handle it. You are an inspiration to young women today, darling! God richly bless you!

Carla - posted on 02/13/2010

Julie is right, find a Godly man (check him thoroughly first), and hopefully you aren't in Julie's position where her support-line isn't good (sorry, Julie, I'll pray for you, sweetie). My daughter is going through this right now with her almost 15-year-old. His father walked out on him as he walked out on his mother, and his anger is almost tangible. A boy NEEDS to learn to be a man from a man--women just can't cut that one. We want to make them 'sensitive', but men need to learn the realities of what a man is, something women can't do. Talk to your pastor, maybe he can recommend someone for your son to spend time with. I don't know how he is, but maybe get him in scouts, Royal Rangers, boys club, karate, kick boxing, school sports. Male interraction is vital to a health development of a child, both male and female. Good luck, sweetie.

Julie - posted on 02/11/2010

I know it's not quite the same as I have a daughter, but I think girls need Godly male role models nearly as much as men do. It's hard as my ex husband is both extremely abusive and promiscuous and it can be hard to explain some things my daughter wants to know about especially when he, his only living immediately family member, his "wife", his "girlfriends", his boyfriends and his "friends" all teach her that violence, drug use and sleeping around is the way to go.

It's even harder when my own parents are violent, abusive people who neglect my daughter on their court ordered time (it doesn't matter how many times they "forget" to pick her up from school, in family court, grandparental "rights" come before a child's safety).

But I do have a good brother who is a strong christian man and he makes time for my daughter and shows her what a real man should be.

And at the end of the day, I believe that is what matters most - in this day and age when courts insist children be sent to shared custody with all sorts of bad influences, as long as your child has at least one close good man to show them how real men should be like, that is what matters.

Susan - posted on 01/24/2010

I pray that the Lord will restore your husband to you and your son. That He will make your husband the kind of man that He wants Him to be. And that you will find forgivness. May His peace be with you and may He mold you into His image.

T - posted on 01/23/2010

Hey Kara- I was a single mom until my son was almost five. I had a serious b/f who turned into my fiance when he was four. But for the first 2-3 years, I was on my own. I believe those times with my son made our relationship stronger. He is a little man of God. He believes in treating women with respect and he prays everyday. We are very close. I turned to God in a new way after fleeing my abusive ex with my 10 week old son. God showed me how to forgive that person, and how the most important thing in my life is my son, and I need to put being a mother first. I pray daily and even though I have the support now of my husband, who adopted my son, I still draw on the strength I had to find when I was single. God bless you and keep your head up. Your son is blessed to have you as his mother.

THOMI - posted on 01/21/2010

Kara, I'll pray for you as you go through your journey. I'm right there w/ you, just seperated 4 months ago due to abuse. God has been so faithful and calmed my every fear. I just want to encourage you to trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your path straight. (Proverbs 3:5)

Catherine - posted on 01/20/2010

depen on your church family i know in my church there are a lot of men that love to menter your son just keep him in church and tell him how much god loves him and you and that dad is lost right know but god is keeping a eye on him please dont talk bad about his dad where he can hear you

Mandy - posted on 01/20/2010

I was single for 3 years (i was rapped and chose to keep the baby) I turned 21 3 days before having my daughter and it is difficult being a single parent and being a christian. What helped me was finding support wherever i could. My parents are a ton of help, my daughter looked to my dad as a father figure till i got married a few months ago. I have a great friend that is male and would come over and play with her, take her to the park etc etc you may be supprised to see how supportive your friends will be and dont be afraid to just call and cry to them, real friends will listen. If your son is in school and has friends talk to his friends parents and see what the dads suggest or if they can help in any way. I know my church has a ton of stuff for children see what your church offers and take advantage of it.If you need anything feel free to email me.