Christian support for daughter leaving abusive marriage

Proud - posted on 01/22/2012

It could be really positive though.



I was in a similar situation and did pretty much the same thing and I ended up happily married to a man 20 years older and we have a beautiful baby girl.

Carla - posted on 01/15/2012

Psychiatrists have feelings and emotions, same as us. He probably thinks by giving her attention and love, she will be all right, and maybe she will. I came out of a 6-year emotionally abusive marriage and immediately went on a manhunt. I married at 15, divorced at 21, with a 6 and 4 y/o. I made $250 a month (1972). I needed someone to help me, cuz I was drowning. Even though I was very backslidden, God brought a man to my very doorstep. We got saved/re-dedicated back to the Lord a couple years later, but spent the next 30 years flip-flopping. We didn't get it together until we were 50! But God was with us, honey, all through the horror and pain we put each other through, and we are working on year 40 now.



Life is hard. Give your sweetheart your love and support. I wouldn't want to be out in the world trying to find a man in these perilous times! Pray hard for her, AND for you. Go take your vacation and ask the Holy Spirit to protect and speak while you are gone. If you need me, you can message me. God bless

Sharron - posted on 01/15/2012

Thank you Carla: I have written our senior pastor at my Pentecostal church of several thousand people and he has responded by saying he would phone me. I am having trouble sleeping and letting go and letting God deal with all the pain, trauma and horror my daughter has lived through and is still going through as the home this abusive is living in and not paying the mortgage leaving it all up to my daughter to pay, has to be sold. My daughter has a good lawyer and it is all costing a pile of money of course and it is going to take time to get it all settled. I'm not good on patience.



My daughter has support from her psychiatrist, a social worker and a sexual assault counselor and the Salvation Army female pastor and her friend she is now dating who is a psychiatrist (you'd think he would know that it is insane to think you can have a healthy relationship with someone who has just come out of an abusive marriage on every level and been recently suicidal) but maybe they don't teach that in med school. ????!!!! But he is bringing a lot of joy to my daughter's life. I am constantly praying for my daughter's protection as she is raw, bleeding and extremely vulnerable emotionally. She is constantly comparing this new love of her life to her abuser. Of course he listens to you darling, he's a psychiatrist, he's paid to listen. She says how wonderful it is to not be sworn at and forced to buy stuff she doesn't want, to be allowed to drive the vehicle with this man when her abuser nearly killed her in the car and assaulted her repeatedly in the car.



I have just finished a book called "Why does he do that?" about controlling, angry men. He fits the classic abuser profile to a tee. I need to start focusing on the present precious moment and stay in my own yard minding my own business. My husband and I are leaving soon for a 2 week trip to Florida and I want to leave all this stress behind.



Thanks for your posts. Love and Gratitude Sharron

Carla - posted on 01/15/2012

We're here for you, Sharron. It's hard being a Mama, but God knew what He was doing, in giving us the emotional makeup He did. We will pray and bang the gates of Heaven, like the little widow lady did in Jesus' parable. Her judge said 'I don't fear God or man, but if I don't give this little woman justice, she's going to bug me forever!' (Allaire version) Our children have minds of their own, but I remember when I was backslidden--the Lord would come to me often and whisper 'Are you ready yet?' He kept this up until I said 'YES!' I am so thankful that we have a God that truly cares for us!!!!!



God bless, sweetheart, don't lose faith. He's working.

Sharron - posted on 01/14/2012

Thank you so much Carla and Michelle: I have just had a visit with a sexual abuse counselor at the hospital and she was so totally against the church and has a lot of hostility about the scriptures and how they are interpreted when it comes to battered wives in Christian marriages. I am so thankful my daughter hasn't rejected the church after her pastor told her, after her detailed description of her horrendous abuse at the hands of her husband who is a worship leader, a youth leader and has now joined the choir and bible study groups, that she should go back to the marriage and try harder. My anger is beyond words at this man.



Fortunately God led me to a female Salvation Army minister who miracle of miracles is a sexual abuse survivor herself and my daughter has made a great connection with her. So now her new love of her life is attending church for the first time with her and she is getting him involved in bible studies and prayer meetings. He has no church background to my knowledge. His profession of psychiatry is steeped in secular humanism. I have to put this whole situation in God's hands. As you've said it's her life not mine. I must detach and let go and let her learn from the natural consequences of her own choices. I can't tell her what to do no matter how much I want to, no matter how badly I don't want her to suffer again in another unhealthy relationship. I have spent my lifetime up until recently in one-sided codependent relationships. I have spent 20 years in recovery from codependency and yet I somehow expect my daughter to know better. Go figure???? Thanks again. God bless. Love Sharron

Michelle - posted on 01/14/2012

I wouldn't discuss the new boyfriend with her she will see for herself if it is not the right relationship however I would encourage her to seek counseling about the abuse she was receiving from the ex husband. She truly needs to work through that before she can find a true lasting relationship. This man she is dating now may be wonderful but in the end there is always going to be an ounce of fear until she deals with her last relationship completely so again encourage her to seek counseling for the abuse and wish her all the love and prosperity that you want her to have. Be a shoulder to cry on if this new relationship doesn't work but be supportive loving and all will turn out as it is meant to be.

Carla - posted on 01/14/2012

Sharon, we think that when our children grow up that our worries are over---wrong! Their wounds are something that we can't kiss away or put a band-aid on. I share your heartbreak.



We cannot change their minds, and we can't live their lives for them. We pray for them and give them to God. If you gave her the best of Jesus you could when she was younger, she will remember that, somewhere along the line.



I have 3 grown children. I have cried oceans, begged--but the bottom line is that they are now adults, and they will make their own mistakes. However, I want you to look back on your own life and how you learned your lessons. For me, the best lessons I learned were because of terribly painful circumstances. People would warn me, but I knew better, so I had to learn the hard way. These lessons have stuck with me because they WERE so painful. It's hard to watch your children self-destruct, but this is where faith comes in. 'Teach your children in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart.' This is what I put my trust in.



I have not seen my oldest daughter or two grandchildren since 2000 (they live 17 miles away). I HAD to let it go, or I would have died of grief. I cried to the Lord, and He took that intense pain away so I could bear it. I urge you to climb up in our Abba Father's lap and pour it out to Him. It still hurts, but I can get through UNTIL God brings her home.



God bless, sweetheart, with God, you WILL get through this.