Julie - posted on 02/18/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )
Let me start with my situation. I'm a single mum because my exhusband was a violent, crossdressing, serial cheat having multiple long term affairs with women and casual sex with men and women both. I have a wonderful christian man now who I intend to marry.
I'm starting to get really frustrated by constantly being asked (basically told) why am I not living with this man/not having sex with this man.
I do understand that most non-christians think not living together and not having sex before marriage is silly. I've even had some so called "friends" come right out and call me stupid for not having sex before marriage and not living together before we get married.
I don't constantly criticize their decisions I'm morally opposed to (particularly having sex guys/girls they hardly know, moving in together after hardly knowing someone).
The final straw tonight was a friend who I've known 15 years now (half my life), when I was talking about my boyfriend, instead of asking "so when's the wedding", it was "so when are you guys moving in together". It wasn't just the one comment, it was everything after that. After 15 years, this guy still refuses to accept my beliefs - and worse still, he made it pretty clear that he thinks I'd compromise my values to be with a man, that I'd just toss in what I believe for the first guy who comes along.
This guy has known me a lot longer than most people, and it hurts that he'd think I was that shallow - and that my boyfriend must just be some loser, first guy that came along.
My boyfriend is as good as they come - he has all the things the world values - good career, money, house, car, and very handsome. He also has all the things that a christian should value too - lives by the bible, kind, caring, loyal, has the right values. And on top of that, he has all the bonus things I love in a guy - like being a genuine genius.
He's as good as they come - and I honestly don't know how I was so lucky to meet him, and how he hasn't been snapped up by some other woman already.
I can handle the comments (basically criticisms) from strangers and acquaintances about why we don't live together and not having sex, but I am really starting to get annoyed by "friends" who do it.
If it was just disagreeing with my values, I could half understand - but it's getting personal the constant implications that I only believe my values in theory and would ditch them when it comes time to live by them (or not live by them).
It's not easy either - having been married before, I miss marital intimacy, and because my boyfriend and I choose not to live together before we get married and he can't move because of work, and I can't afford to get my own place nearer him, choosing not to live together, means we don't get to see each other often during the school/university term.
I think what's worse though, isn't just the comments from non christian friends- some of my so called "christian" friends have also been trying to push us to living together (and some even trying to push us to have sex). They supposedly know it's wrong, so why constantly put me in the position where I have to defend my choice to do the moral thing?
I know when we get married, it will all be irrelevant, but right now, when I miss him so much and don't get to see him much (although we do talk nearly every day, usually for hours) purely because of our choice to do the right thing, it's hard dealing with people constantly attacking our choice.
It's a struggle not to snap at some people with the not nice comments being made.