Discipline

Celeste - posted on 07/15/2009

Discipline is a tricky thing.

Some things I have learned though- choose your battles, be consistent, firm is not the same thing as mean, make the severity of the punishment fit the crime.

Choose your battles- evaluate if what you are disciplining for is really as bad as you think it is, or is it just annoying you. If it's just annoying and isn't dangerous, disrespectful or destructive sometimes you just have to let it go- take a minute to yourself and just breathe and try to relax. I also tend to super focus on one main issue at a time until It is resolved. Doesn't mean don't correct other stuff, just means pick one thing that is more focused until it's better.

Consistency is CRUCIAL! If you say you are going to do something DO IT! Just make sure that what you are saying is reasonable. Basically give them a warning that said behavior is a no-no and tell them what the consequence is if they continue or do it again, then stick with it! This might help you more when your son is older, but it's a good idea to get into the habit now. Most common one for me right now is letting my son know that if he doesn't get his chores done he won't be able to play outside, watch tv or use his computer till it's done.

It also took me forever to realize that I was not being "mean" by being firm, and that I didn't have to be. It's possible to take a stance and stick with it. Yelling accomplishes nothing whatsoever. I save yelling for times of danger, and so it still gets his attention. Things like STOP when he is about to do something that could hurt him, and he stops. It's ok to be stern and firm, screaming and yelling are not a part of that however (I've done it too, and it still happens, but I try not to...)

Make the punishment reasonable. Basically saying you're grounded till your 20 is not reasonable. You'd never be able to stick with it.

I was going somewhere else with this, but it's late and it jumped out of my head... I'll probably post someting later :D

Joniann - posted on 07/14/2009

I send my son to his room. Then I go to mine, pray and then if a spanking is warrented, I give him one.

Heidi - posted on 07/14/2009

Check out the program Growing Kids Gods Way--some of it is a bit old fashioned but I took the whole course and it really benefited me and my children--take what works for you and apply it!

Ann - posted on 07/13/2009

When my daughter was small, I always took a time out for myself. Put him in his playpen or whatever and go into a room by yourself. Take a few minutes and block everything out of your mind. I found that this always helped me. I have never been one to spank and it is a bad idea to spank out of anger and frustration. Just let yourself have a timeout. When his dad gets home, let him take care of him for a bit. All mothers need a little bit of peace and quiet. That is a tough age, it really is. I also think it is a good idea to explain why he cant do something. When they understand why they cant do something, it always helps. I would try timeout and make him sit there.

TinaMarie - posted on 07/13/2009

Heather, I am so grateful God has comforted you, as He will again. Those that do not believe, do not have of the peace that we have. Our last daughter's name is Hope! After a relative, and the hope God placed in my heart. We have 3 here with us and 3 in heaven waiting for a heavenly reunion, meanwhile I enjoy these. I will continue to hold you up in prayer! May God bless your waking hours with joy and you sleeping hours with rest. God bless you all, surely your family is hurting too. Love Because Of Jesus' ~

Dee Dee - posted on 07/12/2009

I was told that if you are talking or screaming while you are spanking then you are spanking out of anger. I sometimes count to 25 and then spank or just wait until I know I am spanking out of discipline not anger. Then afterwards I explain and reinforce what the rules are so there is no way they wonder why they got in trouble in the first place.

Heather - posted on 07/12/2009

Thank you. This is also my third miscarriage. It is only a little easier this time because I have my son. Without him, my world would be crashing down around me right now. All I have to do is look at him and I thank God for the blessing he bestowed upon me. I know God has a special purpose for each of the babies he took back to heaven. This gives me strength, courage, and determination to do the very best for my son. I love him with all my heart and couldn't imagine life without him.

TinaMarie - posted on 07/12/2009

Dear Heather, I have doubted my parenting on and off across the years and God has restored my confidence. You are doing just fine, I'm sure you will continue to seek sound advice, and following God will help a lot. Mean while our prayers are with you in your time of grief. We have been there 3 times and only God can heal your hearts, others will try but the best encouragement will always come from God and those He sends to you. Please notice ANNE's comments I have seen her here several times and she has sweet, sound and Godly advice. We will continue to hold you up in our prayers. Love Because of Jesus' ~ TinaMarie

Cindy - posted on 07/12/2009

I believe disciplining out of anger is sin. The bible says to be angry and sin not. I think if you discipline when you are angry your children will eventually start to resent you. Take a few moments and about your situation, ask God to give you wisdom. Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he wil not depart from it. Discipline is OK, your attitude when you disipline will leave the lasting impression on the children.

Anne - posted on 07/12/2009

Heather, I too am so sorry to hear about the lose of your baby. Take time to grieve the lose of this little one that you did not meet. Trust that he/she is in Gods hands. i will continue to keep you in my Prayers.

Tam - posted on 07/12/2009

((Heather)) So sorry to hear about no longer expecting. My prayers are with you.

Heather - posted on 07/11/2009

Well, I no longer am expecting another child, but I appreciate all the wisdom and suggestions passed along. Thank you all for your prayers and support. I have really taken a step back to see how my discipline is better with my child. I think I was being a bit hard on myself and I wasn't as bad as I thought I was. I guess everyone has some guilt when they discipline their children. You hate to upset your kids at all. They're so precious and special, but they do still need to be taught right from wrong. I do need to watch how quickly I get irritated, but I think overall I'm doing pretty good.

Cara - posted on 07/11/2009

Proverbs 13:24 Says: He that spareth his rod hateth his son, but he that loveth him chasteneth him in good season. Proverbs 19:18 says, Chasten your son while there is hope, And do not set your heart on his destruction. and Proverbs 29:17 says Correct your son, and he will give you rest; Yes, he will give delight to your soul.
It is important to discipline your children from an early age. In many cases it necessary to spank when they are young. They will not understand a long explanation but they can understand no much faster when it is associated with a little pain. The best way to avoid spanking in anger is to spank if he continues after you have told him no the first time. It will mean stopping what you are doing and giving him prompt attention. There are times when you will feel like all you do all day long is correct, but by the time he is as old as my children you will be glad you did. One swat is all that is needed at times, Yelling only causes problems for you and your child.
Let me say this, all moms have disciplined in anger and yelled at one time or another. Ask God for wisdom, the bible tells us He will freely gives us wisdom. I also suggest that you read Proverbs and some Parenting books, perhaps from Dennis Rainely or James Dobson. God Bless

Mair'ce - posted on 07/11/2009

I think that spanking is OK, sometimes the kid needs an ACTION to help stop them from their REACTION (kind of the opposite of the scientific formula) For every action there is an equal or opposite reaction. I think taking things away from your kid speaks loud and clear too. All kids are different, sometimes spanking does not work. I have 1 kid and 1 week spanking works and the next I spank for the same thing 2 or 3 times and then realize he does not care about correcting his behavior, so if I take something like a trip to the park away, then he reacts and behaves. Just love your kids and do your best, and there is not much more you can do, but lift them up to Jesus and Ask Him to help... and He will. God Bless you.

Heather - posted on 07/09/2009

Thank you. I will pray for you too. I know how hard it is..and I have another one on the way! I think it's getting better, but you have to work on it very hard.

Kathleen - posted on 07/07/2009

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH IM GOING THE SAME THING WITH MY 8 YR OLD .IF SHE DOES NOT GET HER WAY SHE FIGHTS WITH ME , I PRAY FOR HELP THAT SHE WILL FINALLY GROW UP BUT I STILL AM WAITING FOR MY PRAYERS TO BE HEARD .IM SCARED THAT SHE WILL OVER RULE ME TIME AFTER TIME .I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AS I HOPE SOMEONE WILL PARAY FOR ME

Michelle - posted on 07/04/2009

Quoting Rae:

Screaming does not work all you do is give yourself a headache and he starts ignoring you. A swat to get his attention and then a timeout with an explanation of why. At 19 mo 10 -15 min is good. and after explain why again. Part of discipline is preventative, so by explaining you are giving him the opportunity to learn.

I have always read and been told that you should only keep them in time out for 1 minute for every year old they are.  Ex. my 3 1/2 yr old daughter gets time out for 3 1/2 minutes. Children have a very short attention span and they will not remember why they are in time out if it's too long!

Rae - posted on 07/04/2009

Screaming does not work all you do is give yourself a headache and he starts ignoring you. A swat to get his attention and then a timeout with an explanation of why. At 19 mo 10 -15 min is good. and after explain why again. Part of discipline is preventative, so by explaining you are giving him the opportunity to learn.

Anne - posted on 07/03/2009

I know this may seem like a small almost dumb thing to do , but have you tried counting to ten. When our daughters were young I had Child Care in our home. Disciplining in love and not anger was necessary from a Christian World View and Legally. I would say Phill. 4:13 This gave me just enough time to cool down. For me this worked about 90% of the time. Hope this helps.

Heather - posted on 07/03/2009

By the way, he gets one swat on the rear when he does something naughty. I don't repeatedly swat. I think I yell at him more than spank. Not that it is any better. I hate doing either to him, but he just won't stop sometimes. I'm really looking for ways to control myself, not him. I need to adjust how I deal with him. My husband is very calm when he disciplines. I think it might be different if I wasn't home with him 24/7. What can I do to calm down before I discipline?

Heather - posted on 07/03/2009

My son is almost 19 months. I don't know what kinds of consequences/rewards would apply to him. He doesn't watch TV and he's too little to understand rewards. It is starting to get better now that we are able to communicate more with each other. He's starting to understand when I tell him to stay away from stuff. He's also starting to understand that it gets a rise out of me when he goes back to doing something naughty over and over again.

Renee - posted on 07/03/2009

Hi Heather, Watch out when you pray for patience, God will give you more and more oppportunities. But have you tried a level system of rewards and consequences? How old is your child/ren?

Heather - posted on 07/02/2009

By the way, I have prayed and prayed for patience.