Do I let my 18 year old son go to party

Nancy - posted on 10/29/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 18 year old son came in and said he was going to spend the night at a girls house Friday night of course I said no way. of course he said all my friends will be there and there will be people from different counties that he doesnt know my fear this is a huge field party and not sure how to handle this. I know at some point he will run in to this after high school and not sure if I should trust him to make the right choices now?

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If you have trained him to honour you, he will do as you ask while still under your roof. Not letting him go is wise. He has been raised with good Christian values I presume, and so even his asking is cheeky as he knows where you stand with things like sleeping over a girls house. He may be 18 but that doesnt make him a man yet. If he wants to disrespect your values system, and Gods might I add, he needs to take total and complete responsibility for his own life, move out, work full time. Responsibility and independance. Until then, he is to do as you say. (and even after that he should honour you but this is in regards to your current authority as his mother). this might sound old fashioned but its scriptural

Karen - posted on 10/29/2009

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I would say you have to trust him sometime let it be a trial run make him call you when he gets there and at set times during the night and especially when he leaves to come home. Since he is 18 you have to now if he can be trusted before he goes off tho colege cause there you dont know what going to happen if there is no trust. If you feel during the times he calls you during the party he needs to come home then tell him.. If he doesn't call you within say 15min of the set times he is suppose to call tell him you will come find him. Most kids or teens don't want their parents to come find them cause that may cause embarressment.So if he doesn't want that he will call at the times set.

Melissa - posted on 10/29/2009

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I am a young mother (27) and I would actually let him go. You know your son best, so you know if he is the responsible type. I have a younger brother who is 18, and he is very mature for his age, so I have let him have a couple parties at my house because I know that he will not let anyone get out of control. I will NOT buy them any beer and if they find a way to get beer, fine, but no one drinking leaves. And I was there part of the night (in my room) to make sure everything was ok. But you have to take into account how your son is as a person. If he is trustworthy or has he lied to you about parties or where he is going. If my paarrents told me no, then I told them that I was going elsewhere and went to the party anyways. And you don't want him to do that. If he has a cell phone, tell him that you will be calling to check up on him and if he doesn't answer then he should be punished acacordingly. But if you tell him no to parties now...he will rebel when he is on his own, and it might not be a good thing. Talk to your son, and set some ground rules. And see if the girls parents are goonna be there. They probably won't, but if they plan on drinking and he's going to be staying over, that shows responsibility. And yes I know he shouldn't be drinking at 18, but most kids find a way to drink. So, my suggestion is to talk to him and set some ground rules if you let him go. Good luck!!

Stacy - posted on 10/29/2009

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I would have to say NO to him as well. His time will come when he will have to make that decision but hopefully he will remember why you wouldn't let him go and maybe think twice about going against his mom.....just maybe. My son just turned 20 this past month and he has remembered some of mom's "why's" of not doing certain things and has chosen to follow that. Hope this helps! It worked for me! : ) S Gregg

Kristina - posted on 10/29/2009

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My opinion is that if he is still under your care (lives in your house and uses your resources) then you decide which activities he may attend. If later, after high school, if they are still dependent on you for some resources such as cell phone, car, insurance, financial assistance, then you have some say in the decisions. If he makes decisions that are not responsible, then limit available resources.

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