Help! I just want to be a nice mommy.

Amber - posted on 11/18/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I am having the hardest time with me 6 and 3 year olds right now. i feel like all I ever do is get on to them. I am trying to go to school for nursing and my husband works weird hours. I can't keep up with the cleaning and give them all the attention they want. The stress level in the house is way higher than I want it to be. I just want things to be pleasant. But the more work I have to do for school or church the more work they make for me fighting and making more messes. When I am studying, I feel like I am stopping every five minutes to resolve some problem they are having. Then I hear about moms who love to read novels or watch soaps and I can't even imagine how they do it. I wind up yelling to them from the laptop. Then I feel awful at the end of the day for being so mean. How do some of you control the kids behavior while completing your tasks without turning in to monster mommy?

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Shelly - posted on 12/10/2009

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Amber,

You need to talk to some of the moms at church and ask for help...It's time to put your pride as a mommie in your pocket and ask for help...As much as we would love to be we are not super woman. We can not be everything for everyone we are not God!!! Even if it's only two or three days a week so you can get your homework done or just sit back and relax in the tub...ASK FOR HELP

Krista - posted on 12/10/2009

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One of the hardest, yet most rewarding jobs God ever gave a woman is being a mother. There really isn't an easy answer here except that maybe you need to figure out a time management schedule for work, church, household chores, wife, and mommy. When you are studying I would find something that your children absolutely love to do that would keep them entertained, quietly and let them know that mommy needs this time to get her work done. When it comes to keeping the house clean, allow your 6 year old to pitch in and help....this gives them a great sense of responsibility and children love to know they are helping out. Then at least one night or week or even once a month, you and your husband need to go on a date, no work, no kids, just time to spend together. This down time you have will rejuvenate you and give you a whole new sense of energy to tackle the things you have to do.

Nicolene - posted on 12/09/2009

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Hey Amber,

YES, i can just imagine??? I'd say, involve them. Set a routine and be strict about it. You know i don't know why today's kids are not taught to clean and be a part of the household????

I grew up that way, and it is the way in my house!!! Even my hubby will help, he knows that being a mom and all that goes with it>> is a BIG job vs responsibility's!!

So start today, the younger they are the better. Like the six year old can help with some dishes and in his/her bedroom and to help keep the little one busy, with you watching from the corner of your eye of course. And the little one can pick up his/her toys after playing with them. Just think if that is implemented how much less for you and your back to deal with>>>lol...

Kids love responsibility's, you'll be surprised how much you give your child and teach them if you just make them part of everything you do around the house!!!

It worked for me and i believe for many others. So why not for you.

And you are a GREAT MOMMY!!!!!!!

REGARDS & BLESSINGS!!!


NICOLENE

Alison - posted on 12/04/2009

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If your children are 6 and 3, they probably do not need all of the intervention. I read a great book "Breaking the Good Mom Myth". And she argues that sibling conflict mostly serves as an attention getter. At this age, they do have the skills they need to communicate and negotiate. There may be a lot of noise in the beginning, but once they see that you are not coming to the rescue, there will be less and less conflict and they will find more strategies to resolve conflict on their own.

Also, make the effort to have them participate in household maintenance, cleaning up after themselves, helping with the dishes after supper. This will help their self-esteem, give them something constructive to do and give you more time to study.

Kristen - posted on 12/02/2009

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Such good responses! All I can say is amen:) There are some helpful "practical" ideas on www.thingstolearnathome.com I hope it helps!

Carolyn - posted on 11/30/2009

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Make your children first. You are to involved in too many different things. You have to learn to manage your time better. Your children act up because they feel left out! You must go to the Lord in prayer and ask for His help! Ask for His guidance to put it all together where nothing is being neglected. Let the Lord help you. Cry out to Him sincerely and you will hear your answers cleary. Read I Peter 5:7 for 30 days, and you will get some revelation. Remember when the disciples asked Jeus to increase their faith. He didnt. That is within our realm of thought to do for ourselves. Increase your faith through worshipping the Lord, reading His word, obeying His voice, and fellowshipping with strong christian examples. That's how you increase your faith. Amen

Lindsi - posted on 11/24/2009

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I have a 1 year old and am also a student in school, after the first time that I popped my daughter's hand for touching the laptop when I was typing up something for school I made an executive decision...I do my homework when she is asleep, nap times and bedtime. You can prolong school, you can not prolong their childhood. You just have to prioritize things so that you are able to give each part of your life the attention that it deserves. The first priority should always be God, if you are giving Him the time He deserves then He will make the rest of your time count for a lot more I assure you!

Carla - posted on 11/21/2009

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A real household is NOT like what you see on TV. I spent my children's teenage years feeling like the worst mother in the world. My sister and daughter-in-law just finished and one in the process of nursing school, and it is rough! Do you assign chores to them so they can feel like they are contributing? They can make beds (not very well, but it's the thought that counts), clean rooms, pick up toys, set table, etc. Can you change your study time to work during 3-year-old's nap and after they go to bed? They don't understand what's going on. Talk with the 6-year-old and let her know you are doing this so you can have a better life. The time goes quickly, Amber, and they will be gone. Mine are 42, 40 and 36, and it seems like just yesterday they were wrapped around my legs wanting my attention, and I always worked one, if not two jobs. It's rough. Ask the Holy Spirit to direct you. Sometimes we think we are doing what's right, only to find out that is not what was intended for your life. If we include God in all our decisions, we will be sure we are making the right one. God bless you, honey.

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I'll say my girl is only 19m old but I can relate with you in a way. I don't feel at all experienced in the area, but the thing that helped me is to stop what I'm doing, take 5 minutes to play with her and usually she plays nicely for about a half hour before needing me again. the 5 min is worth it :)

Rabecca - posted on 11/19/2009

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Truth is we all fell that way sometimes I just think my son must really think I scream all the time and I dont want him to look back on his childhood and think yeah my mom yelled alot and then I usually get really upset becuse I love my family and want to be everything to everyone but we cant and the more I try the more I'm stressed and the more I yell.

What I have been doing for the last year or so is just to say thank you God for letting me get dinner on time or get my work done today or only having to yell once today its funny and takes time to just start thanking him for all I have done and every little thing I got done I I really just feel like I have done more and that my day was more productive and I take notice more of all the blessings I do have .

Also I just pray more I pray for patience and wisdom for my dealing with my family everytime I feel like I am losing my cool I just ask God to grant my patience and kindness that he would display to my it helps draw me back to what I want to be as a mother you know there are days when I have to say a quick prayer or two and there are days when its all day long LOL but I feel more centered in my path more focused on the good and God all day it helps at first it really seems like all the time just this constant thing and after awile its a need to do thing because it helps so much

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