How do you get through when you are told your daughter's father is molesting her and the authorities believe you are lying because you are divorced?

Crystal - posted on 07/15/2009

I am very shocked at what the authorities are doing. I am from Colorado and have personal experince of childhood sexual abuse and they dont play around with it. If you need to go to the cops and ask for a well child check up for your children, they cant refuse to do that. Then call a family attorney that deals with child visitation, maybe you can retain them but ask if you can withhold visitation on the grounds that your children continue to report abuse to you and see what they say. This is a very serious thing that cant be ignored. I am proud of you for asking for help and praying on it. Find every legal resource you can to help your children, therapist, victims advocay programs. If this hopefully goes to court it will be shown that you have done all that you can to help the process of healing and protecting your children. I will put in my prayer group. Let me know if there is anything else I can do.

Kimberly - posted on 07/15/2009

Amber, Just the fact that you are dealing with this as a divorced mother I don't know how to help you with advice on what to do other than to say that like these others who have responded, Prayer seems to be the best way.
But on the hand of giving you some encouragement, let me say this, I was sexually abused by my biological father from the time of 3 years old and up...He even tried inappropriate behavior after I had married and had my children...I had already been out of his house for several years when he had tried the last time...Because of your children coming to you and being able to tell you is the best sign that they will over come..I never told anyone because of the emotional control my dad had over me and I will say that was the hardest to get over. He used my love for him as his daughter to keep me controlled. Before I became a Christian I was so lost I done what I thought I had to do to protect myself by getting out and married. Then it was like a ton of bricks hit me when I realized he would even cross those boundaries. That is when my world feel apart and I feel on my face before God, and was completely changed. There was some good advice in a post that I read from one of your other responders, but possibly the hardest advice to consider. Pray for their dad, that he might see the harm he is doing in his own children. Then thank God for what he is doing in the situation that you can see evidence of yet. Keep you girls talking. Encourage them to tell you each and every time it happens and document it, or better yet have the girls write it in their own words what happened. That will not only help them to heal emotionally in the long run but will also give documentation in their words when and if you ever get to court with it. Now back to the encouragement! I finally got to the point of forgiving my dad, we talked about it in detail, and come to find out he was also sexually abused as a child, and I am not saying that to give him and excuse, I say that because after studying about this type of abuse i realized it was usually sickness caused by that vicious cycle in dis-functional families. But like I said I forgave him, we talked, and we cried and it didn't happen over night, but when we found out a few years later that he had cancer, I was the one who took him to treatment, took care of him when he was sick, and just before he passed 2 years ago in Nov. God allowed me to see that love that he had for me in his eyes as a daughter. I had never seen that all my life. But I always new that my daddy loved me, and those last days I could see it in his eyes. I was even able to give him pedicures (washing of feet) because I knew that was one of the things he loved most. I thank God everyday, for that. I am a stronger person because of the abuse and I can truely say, I don't have any regrets, about how my life from birth has turned out, and that is my proof that God turns all things into Good! I embrace the trials I go through now because I know God is working and something good is about to happen!

Illi - posted on 07/15/2009

I found a very helpful website, www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com.,they also have a children's counselor on staff. she prepares court reports for these cases. Try it out...
Love, and God's Blessings - our precious children are worth protecting. God did mean for us to be tried and made strong but not to be harmed in this way.
From a Mom who knows... :) , Heidi

Heather - posted on 06/27/2009

I don't know why they told you, you can't hire a lawyer. I use to work for CPS and let me tell you no matter who it is, police, CPS, district attorney's office, none of them have the right to tell you that you cannot have an attorney. As the law clearly states you have a right to an attorney. I know that you said that the children were interviewed by a forensic interviewer. I am not sure how it was conducted, but when I worked for CPS I had several sexual abuse cases that I had to deal with. Protocol states that when the child is being interviewed you cannot be present in the room ,but you do have the right to know what was disclosed during the interview, in fact they should have pulled you back after the interview to tell you. Also, if either of the girls disclosed anything, we have always been told that with children that age you go on their word, because they are rarely lying. There does not have to be physical evidence., because as someone stated earlier there rarely is any. I know I had several cases where there was not any physical evidence but the child had way too much knowledge, and they were able to tell things and details, that children that age do not usually have knowledge of. I would seriously consult a lawyer. Even if things remain unchanged at least your girls will always no that you kept fighting for them. Continue to pray for God's guidance, and his strength. He will give it to you. Just remember everything is in Gods time. Best of luck.

LeeAnn - posted on 06/24/2009

I wish that I had some astounding words of wisdom for you, but I don't. My heart goes out to you and your little girls. I cannot imagine being in your shoes....If I were in your position I would keep doing what I am doing. Pray, seek help in every avenue, and try to comfort and console my children. Don't give up, and just know that I will be praying for you and your little girls. God Bless, and Good Luck!

Nicole - posted on 06/24/2009

Always remember that we have a Forgiving Elohim. All things are possible in HIM. Keep prayerful and may His face shine upon you, your child, and the father.

Angela - posted on 06/24/2009

Amber, I can relate to the frustration and desperation. I was sexually abused by my biological father when I was a teenager. On that note I would continue to contact the DA and ask for help. The DA is who would represent your daughter if it went to court. It sounds like the issue is how long ago the abuse happened. I don't believe there is a statute of limitation on sexual assault. I have been going through a similar situation with my 12 year old daughter. Her father has custody of her and been physically and emotionally abusive to her. I have gone through Indian Child Welfare, but to no avail. We are currently preparing to go to court in July again for custody modification due to her reports to me of abuse.

Here is what I have learned through my daughter's situation: Bad things happen to good people sometimes. As mothers, we want to prevent any harm to our children. We are not always able to prevent harm done by sick people. Once we discover that harm has occurred, we have a responsibility to act on behalf of our children by reporting the offense to the authorities. You have done that. Beyond that, your responsibility is now to ensuring your child's recovery process begins. She needs to know that you love her and are there to talk to if she ever wants to talk. You have her in therapy, which is the next right step.

Here is the next very difficult step: Pray for him. Pray for her father. Pray for her abuser. Pray for God to restore him to health and right thinking. Ask God to heal him of the sexual perversion he is SUFFERING from. Ask God to reveal Himself to her father.

That has truly been the most difficult AND rewarding prayer I have ever done... to pray for my child's abusive father and for my biological father. Sins against a child are always more difficult for us to process, because the children are so innocent and vulnerable.

I would also recommend that you pray that God would turn this situation around and use this tragedy for HIS glory! Pray that your daughter would be able to heal from this and also to use her experience to bring praise to God and healing to others. It has been 19 years since my abuse stopped... here is the GREAT NEWS... God has allowed me to help hundreds of other women who were suffering from childhood sexual trauma. At this point in my life, I am grateful for my experiences because of how God has used me.

That is what I have been praying for for my daughter. Hang in there and feel free to contact me if you need to vent.

Love,
Angela

Karen - posted on 06/24/2009

Take her to counseling. Find a counselor that specializes in PTSD and Child abuse. Mostly let your daughter know you believe her and you are doing everything you can to help. Teach her it is not her fault and appropriate touching and how to say no when she feels uncomfortable. She may need to confide in someone other than yourself for the authorities to believe them. Pray for the truth to come to light.

Amber - posted on 06/23/2009

After talking with my pastor yesterday I found that though I believe and love God and try to live a good christian life my faith is lacking. I have great fears and don't know how to hand them over to him completely and fear no more. But I am still praying and trying to let go and let God.

Amber - posted on 06/23/2009

Delaney is now 8 but claimed it happened when she was 3. Emma is 4.

I can't get recorders in his house. I can't push otherwise the system thinks I'm forcing the kids to talk. Thanks for your support.

Christa - posted on 06/23/2009

That is awful!! I will pray for you. I'm not sure how old your girls are but by some recording devices and have them hide them in their rooms (or where ever it's taken place) Then you will have the proof you need to make the police believe you. Good Luck!!

Talia - posted on 06/23/2009

Amber ~~~ Isaiah 29:15 says...Destruction is certain for those who try to hide their plans from the LORD, who try to keep him in the dark concerning what they do! "The LORD can't see us," you say to yourselves. "He doesn't know what is going on!"...



You also know the Word of God says...trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Baby, there is nothing in this world that happends that the Lord does not see or allow...yes it hurts that your babies have to endure this pain, however, it will make them stronger because they have a mother who is a Christian mother, who will pray and labor before the thron for them. Pray, pray, pray some more and keep praying, EVERYTHING THAT IS DONE IN THE DARK WILL COME TO LIGHT!! E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!!! It looks like you are losing, but you are not. If you have a true relationship with Jesus Christ, all is well. I am here for you, and will be praying for you and your girls. Be encouraged, seek the Lord and ask Him what avenue He wants you to take, all will be well! If I don't know anything else, I know the Lord or his children DO NOT LOSE!!! Trust me on that comment!! Be encouraged!!!

Amber - posted on 06/19/2009

They have had forensic interviews and doctor's visits but no physical proof is found. My oldest has seen a sexual abuse specialist for therapy and now we are all seeing just a local therapist. They said I can't hire an attorney since it for the cops and CPS and the district attorney's office. I'm even contacting Dr. Phil and Oprah for help. I'm afraid since CPS has dropped 2 cases now that they won't award supervised visits. CPS has been out to his house and I've been to the head of CPS to complain. We have to wait for him to get caught or physical evidence for proof. So my babies have to be hurt again before anybody believes them. But I won't give up. I just feel like I've done everything and my babies won't be protected.

Anita - posted on 06/19/2009

Just don't give up, someone will listen and take this seriously. Have your daughters seen a doctor? I don't know what kind of counseling they're in, but they should probably talk with a psycho therapist. They'll not only be able to help your daughters understand that they've done nothing wrong, they can also teach them what to do and how to deal with it when it happens, calling for help, saying no, etc. They will also be a very important part of the legal aspects you're facing. They, along with a medical doctor, can provide proof of the molesting and help get it stopped. Physical proof is almost always none exsistent, however, the word of a child should always to be taken seriously, especially in these types of cases. I would also contact your lawyer and go to court and ask for supervised visits, or at the least, a social worker to check the home and look into things. I'd contact anyone and everyone you can to help build a circle of support for you and your girls. Whatever you do, don't give up! Your daughter's are way to important to let this slide. Keep seeking help, everywhere!