How do you handle friends that are bad influences on your child?

Lori - posted on 03/01/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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There is a couple that we are friends with through my husbands work. I didn't meet them until I was pregnant but my husband knew the guy for a few years before that. Before Ty was born I didn't mind spending time with them. After though the guy cursed a lot and the couple always seemed to argue so I stopped going around them because I didn't want my son to be influenced by their behavior. They recently had a child of their own and are wanting to spend a lot of time together again. My husband loves for our marriage to be an example for other couples to follow. The problem is that this couples life style hasn't changed at all. They just threw a child into the mix of their problems. How can I be a good example for their family but still protect my son from things that I don't want him to learn about?

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Michell - posted on 03/08/2010

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I agree with some of the moms on here. My husband has a friend like that, he tells my son to say nasty things and thinks its ok. I have had to confront him. (this is my child and I have to deal with him everyday, not you.) It wasnt pleasant but it got the message across. The friend is better now, or just doesnt come around. Maybe invite that family to church, so they can see that acting that way isnt nice.

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I would say pray for them, ask God to show them what they are doing or how they are. I always have some preaching cd around for women and marriage or how to be a better wife, sometimes we do not know we are the cause of these conflicts. One of my favorites is A wife's purpose by Cindy Schaap.I have learned that you should not give your opinion if they do not ask for it. But when they do be honest. Pray theat your husband would also know when to say know to an event of activity eith them. Limit the time.

Carla - posted on 03/03/2010

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Children have a funny way of ignoring every word you say until something 'slips' out, and that's the one they hold onto! Hearing swear words come out of your angel's lips is going to be heart-rending. God gave you those children to love and protect, and to bring to Christian adulthood.

If they want to spend time together, yes, you need to talk to them about their language and their fighting. But I am also concerned about the children--you can't stop their children from talking to your child when they're alone. I think I just talked myself into changing my position--you can't be around your child 24/7 to be able to shield him from the world. IF your child says something inappropriate tell them 'that word is not used by someone who loves Jesus'. Talk to the couple, ask them to 'tone it down' if they want to spend time together. But I have to ask, are they Christians? I had to lose a lot of my friends after I got serious with Jesus. I didn't want to hear the jokes, the livestyles, etc. of my once-close friends. Trying to influence people with 'good' is admirable, but it doesn't usually end up that way, and you are dragged down before you know it.

I know I got off-subject a little, but it all fits in together. When you start looking at your friends through the protective eyes of a parent, you will see things that might need to go.

Good luck, sweetheart

Rebekah - posted on 03/02/2010

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Don't bring your child around them, or their child. Even if your children don't pick up these habits from them, they will pick them up from their children. Or let them know that you don't want your children around those habits, if they are your friends then they will censor for your children. Try to make your children a good example for theirs. You can't put stumbling blocks out for your children, when you make these decisions, they are your priority. Children hang on to everything we say.

Shakirah - posted on 03/02/2010

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have you tried to talk to them? or if they start to curse or argue in front of your child just ask them could you not talk like that in front of the kids. you should be an example but you also have to protect your child. believe me i had to distance myself from some friends and some family because of things like that. i had to talk to my own mother and my mother in law about the way they talk. if they love you they will respect your wishes. if you do go to talk to them don't be judgemental or harsh. they might feel offended and that is not what you want to do. always pray and ask GOD how to procede.

Amy - posted on 03/02/2010

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I think it's best to remember that we all struggle with something. I think you might be surprised at how close you could become to these people if you could "get over" their problems. Try to approach the situation with empathy and grace and see where it takes you.



If you find they are really just full of negative energy, you can always pull back and spend less time with them. There's no requirement to be BFFs with everyone under the sun... but we are supposed to encourage one another.



Good luck!

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