How to stop your child from crying at school?

Rachael - posted on 12/04/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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I have a 5 year lod that started school this year, the first couple of weeks he did fine then he started crying. Sometimes he crys when I drop him off and the teacher has to get him out of the car. He crys in class when he gets answers wrong. What can I do to stop all the tears?

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Carla - posted on 12/04/2009

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Take him for a ride alone and ask him if there's something bothering him. He may feel pressure to perform. School is scary when you have had the safety of home, and now thrown in with a bunch of kids, some smarter, some not so. Most kids love being in the environment of new kids to play with, so I would think something is bothering him there. Have you talked with the teacher? What is her take on this? Listen carefully to what the teacher has to say about your child. Is there negativity? He will pick up on that. There's a lot of things to consider, start trying to eliminate one by one until you figure it out. Boys don't want to learn in school usually, they want to play. Girls pick up on the learning thing earlier. Use your motherly intuition, you will figure it out. Good luck, sweetie.

Carla - posted on 09/18/2013

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Hi, Chicha. Have you talked to her to see what's going on? Her reaction seems kind of severe for the reprimand.

Talking to them, and maybe even relating something from your past helps them see they aren't the only ones going through problems at school. I WILL say that we have, since my last post, taken Grant and Faith out of charter school and my daughter is home schooling them. The bullying, even at a charter school was terrible. I am troubled that kindergarteners are sticking forks in their classmate's ears, as an example.

Schools are getting worse. Have a frank talk with her and find out what the problems are, then do some praying for wisdom in this situation.

God bless, hon

Dana - posted on 12/04/2009

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First ask him why he crys and than I am sure you will be able to give him a good reason why he doesn't need to cry. Also sometimes you can work out a regular routine that will keep him engaged and maybe walking him from the car up to the class room might help you may have to allow a little extra time but it will be worth it. My kids and I had a routine about being dropped at school a hug, blowing kisses, and prayers and a wave from me from the car when they were old enough to get out of the car on their own. I would stop before exiting and they would wait and we would wave and blow kisses to each other. He will adjust and also let him know when you got answers wrong and how you dealt with it and thats it not a big deal. Maybe let him ask you a question and get the answer wrong and let him know how excited you are to let him teach you and that that is what his teacher is doing for him. Its nothing to get upset about. I pray all works out

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Carla - posted on 09/19/2013

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I'm glad you're getting a chance to address this so quickly, Chicha. I would suggest making a list of things you want to ask--that really helps me focus on the matters at hand and not get side-tracked. Look around the classroom, see what they are teaching them--looking especially at pictures they've drawn. Kids seem to put their feelings in crayon, if you know what I mean.

I also know kids will dramatize things when Mom leaves them, hoping it will get the desired results. I also know how gut-wrenching it is for the mother.

Being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done. You have to have the patience of Job, the wisdom of Solomon, the love of Jesus, and the determination of Paul. It is also the most rewarding, loving thing you will EVER do.

Hang in, babe, pray for wisdom and discernment of the situation. God bless.

Chicha Marie - posted on 09/18/2013

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Hi, Carla. I have asked her about what's been going on at school but she just says she doesn't want to go. A friend of mine said the same thing you did, pretty much. There must be something going on at school that is making her not want to go. There is an open house tomorrow so hopefully I will get a minute or two with her teacher to find out if there is possibly another child that she isn't getting along with or if there is anything that is scaring her. The weird thing is, after I picked her up from school, she was all smiles and said that she had a great day. One of the teachers that witnessed her breakdown even approached me and said that it only took her a couple of minutes to calm down and join in with her classmates. I think my being there throughout her episode just made it worse. So her teacher advised me that when kids act that way, it's always better for the parent to just say goodbye and leave. It will be very hard to leave her when I know she's unhappy but I'm going to have to put on my big girl underwear and walk away. lol. Thanks so much for the advise. I'll keep that in mind and constantly ask her and discuss with her what's been going on at school.

Chicha Marie - posted on 09/18/2013

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I have just about the same issue with my daughter. Yesterday and the day before, she was fine when I dropped her off. I gave her a kiss and told her I'll be back after school to pick her up. This morning at breakfast, she kissed a boy sitting next to her and one of the teachers told her that it wasn't okay. After that, she didn't want me to leave and when we got to her classroom, threw a major fit. I'm talking crying her eyes out, throwing herself on the floor, screaming kind of fit. I didn't know what to do. One of the other teachers came in and told me to just leave her and she'll be fine once I leave. I'm at home now waiting to pick her up but I just don't know how it's going to be tomorrow. I figured that she gets a little bit scared when the teachers tell her she did something wrong but every morning when I wake her up to get ready for school, she'll say something like, "I already went to school. I don't want to go to school." I really don't know what to do.

Carla - posted on 03/18/2013

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Poor little thing. My grandson and his sister both go through this some days. Grant is in 1st and Faith in kindergarten. Grant STILL has days when he misses Mommy a lot, so the school allows him to call her and then he usually feels better. Faith gets 'stomach aches', which we are quite baffled by. Either her mother or I will go pick her up from school, and in a few minutes she is fine, but will all of the sudden say again 'my stomach hurts'. Is this for attention? We don't know. My daughter has taken her to more Drs than we can count, and they can't find anything. She breaks out in hives for no apparent reason. She's had allergy testing with negative results.

Children are a puzzle. It sounds like you are doing all you can in a less-than-ideal situation. I will pray for your little one, you pray for my grandchildren. Together I know God will work all this out.

God bless, honey

Ann - posted on 03/18/2013

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Hi there Carla,

Thank you very much for the reply, I do spend time with her and take her to the store, and make sure she has fun and I do tell her I love her more than live itself. I also make sure she spend time with her friends at home and make them feel free in my home to come and go and play in the house.
I visited my mom on the weekend and she asked to stay over. I did let her sleep there and have time with my mom. She does not speak to anyone about what is bothering her.
I did ask her dad to come over in the weeks to spend time with her, but he spent more time with me instead, so I stopped it altogether. The situation turned bad and I did not want to have her confussed al over again.

So that does not work. Now my ex is moving to Potsch, so she will not see her dad, but the weekends she is to go there.
Then I am afraid the crying will increes or get wors.
I also ask her to pray and do pray with her, I tell her that Jesus is in her hart and will help the healing and take away the hurt she feels now.

I did ask her what would she prefere, mom and dad fighting a lot or both of us being happy and appart and no fighting, she said no fighting, so I explained to her that if we get back together the fighting will still carry on, whereas now we are not fighting at all.

A

Carla - posted on 03/18/2013

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Oh, Ann, I understand, and can relate. My little ones used to stand by the window and cry as I left for work.

If she is wetting her pants, I don't think she's playing a game. You have to understand that there have been a WHOLE lot of change that has happened in her life very quickly: you and her dad broke up, you had to move into an apartment, she doesn't see Daddy every day, you have to put her in daycare for 11 hours--this is a LOT for a little one to process. If possible, can Dad come over during the week or take her somewhere, so she sees him more often? Are you spending as much time as possible with her, letting her know you still love her and it will get better?

Adults grieve over a break-up, and they understand it. Children don't. If you have family nearby, can they come visit and show her a united family?

Finally, pray. Pray with her and pray in private. Show your little one God is the only way to get through life's problems. My heart breaks for this little one as I read this. I pray the Holy Spirit wrap His arms around you both and bring peace.

God bless, honey

Ann - posted on 03/18/2013

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I have a 5 year old girl, her father and i broke up in November 2012.
We moved out the house and into a flat. Now she was put in Gr 1 she cried every day when i dropped her off and the school told us she is too young, she needs to go to Gr R and we moved her now, but still the crying is carrying on.
I have spoken to the teacher and the aftercare personell, to try find out why she is still cryin, but they all tell me she cries for missing mommy. Well I sit at work every day and have to drop her off at school at 6am and then her father picks her up at 5pm in the afternoon and then drop her off at home at 6pm. She sees him every other weekend and then still some times cry so much that, I have to go an pick her up and let her sleep at home.
The crying has become so that at school she started to wet her pants, I asked the teacher to take note of this, and she assured me that it does not happen in class, but Friday past the teacher had to wash her pants out after athletics class. my child told me that when she is in class and she asks to go to the loo, the teacher says no. I confrunter her with it and she informed me that it is not true, who do I believe, the teacher or my child of 5.

What am I suppose to do with this crying, as it is taking it's toll on me as well now.
I have asked the teacher to get me in contact with the schools tearapist. I have also made an appointment with one near my house, but I'm affraid my child will be shy towards the one near the house. I have to do all I can for my child, and hope that this is the correct thing to do for my child. I am still in contact with her father and as it is, it is working on him too that our child is crying so much.
Please can you let me know what to do about the crying, I have asked her why she cries and all she says is " I miss Mommy the whole day" and when her father drops her off and she cries I ask her now what then she says " I miss my daddy" , but then she just came from him.
It is as she is playing us now, and I don't know how to handle this.

Please can some-one assist me.

Thanks

Ann

Candy - posted on 09/11/2010

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I got both my girls gaurding angel necklaces. I fill them with kiss and hugs. That way they know God and Mom is with them. My friend got her son a circle that spells out love that he wears. I agree with the Mom who said go to school. You need to try to figure out why he thinks he should get every answer right. Talk with him. take him for ice cream or bake cupcakes for after school and talk.Good Luck. Pray and I will pray for you.

Jill - posted on 09/10/2010

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I forgot.... have your son get on his knees when you pray this and ask your son to pray with you ... God is so faithful.... He loves when little children pray

Jill - posted on 09/10/2010

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Pray that God will ease his pain and help him to get some answers correctly...pray that God will be with him in class to soothe him in his time of need....

i pray every night for God;s protection over my children while they are in school and i thank God for bringing them home safely each day....when i pray

Heather - posted on 09/10/2010

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What worked for my son was to give him a little treat before going to school. Then he goes in and gets to show it to all his little friend. Be it a new pencil or something small like that, it still gives them great joy in finding something to make them smile for the day. Another thing that hels is his teacher uses colors to show the students behavior for the day, you could use something like that and tell him if he goes so many days without crying at school he will get to do something special with mommy that he gets to choose. Hope everything turns out for the best!!

Rachael - posted on 12/06/2009

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Thanks to everyone for helping me out. I will try all of your suggestions that I haven't tried yet. I will let everyone know how it goes. I will be attending kindergarten tomorrow. Thanks! Please pray for us.

Amy - posted on 12/04/2009

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Thank God my son did not do that or I would be in tears my self. He did not cry once when he went to kindergarden. We did put him in Day care too which I think helped alot so he was used to teachers and other kids. Now he did not like school in kindergarden or first grade. I found out he would tell me kids were picking on him bullies. So I would go throw the stuff in the morning of I am sick and do not want to go to school. Now he likes his new teacher this year in second grade. He gets extra help with his reading from a reading teacher and his own teacher. I only recall one time he was picked on and the school handled it. I volunteer at the school when I can. I am visually impaired legally blind so sometimes I can not get there as much as I would like too. In kindergarden he loved when Mom gave and read to the class or helped out at a party. I loved it to and still love when I can get there. Find out what is bothering him see if he is bullied or if he has troble in a subject and maybe find out what to do to help him. I send the teachers emails when I feel something is wrong and we work together and we can figure things out. Hope things get better. That has to be hard on you each day. Can maybe your husband take him if you taking him is a problem depending when your husband goes to work. Just an idea. Maybe it is a sepration thing of not wanting to leave Mom. Hope this helps. God bless you and the family. That is hard.

Sharina - posted on 12/04/2009

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Go to school with him and be the room mom (teacher's helper) this will give you some insight to what is going on there. He may need to repeat kindergarten if he is on the immature side. It wouldn't hurt. This year can be used to get him used to school. Next year he should be adjusted enough to really learn everything. Some kids just need that extra help.

Tashi - posted on 12/04/2009

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Give him something to look forward to when he doesn't cry. Make sure to acknowlegde his not crying in many situations . I use to almost have a party around the toilet when my daughter would use the bathroom by herself. My other children and I would all clap and sing and let her know it was party time everytime she went to the bathroom until she seemed to be comfortable enough to do so without us. You can do something like that. Maybe hug him tight and tell him we will go to the park, have a special treat or do something special together on the weekend if you go in like a big boy. Theres many ways to get him stop crying, you may have to be real creative. But make sure you pray first. I also use to hold hands with all my children before I let them out the car and pray this always made all of our days better.

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