How to tell your son about death

Angela - posted on 03/29/2010

It sounds like you have a great number of people who have some great ideas. When my son was three (he is now 9) his best friend was murdered. Won't go into details but it was tragic. We talked about heaven and the basics about the body no longer existing but the part that makes us, our sole is in heaven. Every few months he would bring up topic of heaven. Each new development stage, he processed the death again with his new understanding of heaven and death. Just expect that it will come up at times that you least expect it. Allow him to talk and answer questions with honesty. IF they ask a hard question is usually means they are ready for the answer. If you haven't already done so, I recommend the book "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn. He also has a version just for children. Great book. Hope this helps.

Carmen - posted on 03/29/2010

Telling a child about death i a very hard thing. I have a 8 and 10year old and we have had a number of losses in there little lives. But very recent we lost my Aunt an grandfather too cancer one month apart. The kids and i are still griving it has only been a month. I turned to god to explain the power he has and where there family members are and they will some day be with them. One big thing that helped my 5yr nephew was they are angels watching over us we can't see them but they are always with us. And when it rains it's them cry for us. I hope you can figure out a way to tell your childern about there Auntie. i also have put there pictures on the wall and watch memorial videos with them good luck. remember keep the faith

Heather - posted on 03/29/2010

Sounds like you have explained it all pretty well. My mother passed away when my now fifteen year old was three.She was with us through the whole process as we had to travel to my mom in hospital in another city. We explained that nanny was in Heaven with God, and that she no longer had any pain or sickness.
She was very young, but accepted the fact that nanny was in Heaven. But she expressed that she wanted to talk to her, and I would often find her at her bedroom window, shouting into the sky little stories to her nan. I could see her desperation to share things with my mom, so I came up with the plan that she could draw little pictures and we put them into a helium balloon, and she would set them free, as we said a little prayer for God to make sure nanny would get her note. And she felt confident that they would reach nanny in Heaven.
It may seem kind of silly, but, somehow this simple act helped such a young little girl grieve, and to feel somehow that she still had a connection to her grandma, and I think that it also helped her to trust in God.

Carla - posted on 03/29/2010

Sounds like you did okay, sweetie, kids are wonderfully adept at taking what we tell them as fact. Auntie Sarah is in Heaven with God, Heaven is 'up there' in the sky, and we will see Auntie Sarah again when we get to Heaven.



I don't know if Sarah was ill; I tell my grandson (because he sees the pix of my father) that Great Papa is in Heaven, he was really sick, and how he is running and laughing with Jesus. He seems to accept this without question.

Christy - posted on 03/28/2010

Thank you guys for helping. You have not only given me other ideas on how to either get the point acrossed or just leave it alone until he is old enough to understand, but you have also given me the confidence to do that same with my second son. Thanks for your help!!

Marcia - posted on 03/26/2010

I think what you have explained to your son is wonderful. He is a little to young to completely understand the whole concept. The way I explained Heaven to my children when they asked where it was at that age was to kind of side step the "where". For example; I would say that Heaven is a beautiful place prepared God for those who have died. My kids seemed okay with that answer, even though it is not really the answer to the question they asked. When they got a little older and asked again, I explained that know one really knows the exact location, it can't be pinpointed on a map like your city. The best advise I can give is pray for your answers and try not to over explain things. The simple answers are usually the best and if a child wants to know more they will ask.

Louree - posted on 03/26/2010

Jesus is with us all the time and because He is God he can be everywhere at the same time. Even in our minds. But since right now His body is in heaven, His spirit(the part of Him that we cannot see) is here on earth with us. Explaining death to a three year old is difficult, for it isn't totally real yet. In our family, my youngest was 7 years old when our son, 21. He knew his brother was no longer around us, but I think it still took years to totally accept and understand the reality of death.