Husband is not a Christian

Linda - posted on 09/18/2010 ( 57 moms have responded )

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We have been married for 4 years now. We have 3 girls. He however is not a believer. He sees no need for God in his life right now. I'm struggling with how to incorporate Christian beliefs and morals into our home when he sees no need for them. The girls and I attend Church, pray before meals, and read Bible stories together. It is getting harder as the girls grow older because they can now question why daddy doesn't go to church or pray with us. I used to be the "nagging wife" but have become more of a quiet presence and lead by example.

Has anybody else been through this or going through this now?

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Carla - posted on 09/19/2010

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Yes, darling, for 20 years. While the other wives at church called their husbands heathens and screamed at them, I lived my life quietly before him. I went to the store and bought his beer (I was almost stoned for this one at church). We ultimately left that church and some of the people that left when we did wanted to start a Bible study, which we held at my house cuz it was centrally located. We held it on a night my husband wasn't home (he worked nights). One night though he didn't go to work, and I asked him if he wanted me to cancel the meeting. He said no. I asked him if he wanted us to have it out on the deck so we didn't disturb him. He said no. So, we started the study, and he was sitting in the dining room, close enough to hear, but not actually in the room. After our meeting he asked if he could ask a question. We said yes. He said, 'can you change the day you meet so I can be here, too?' Wow! We about fell in the floor! He became a Christian! Just like that.

Keep living your life, be sweet and loving, and he won't be able to resist. God bless, honey

Stacia - posted on 09/24/2010

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Kudos to you for becoming the quiet presence and leading by example to your husband.
Know you are doing right in the eyes of Jesus Christ our Lord.
After 18 yrs( we 18 yr old and a 7 yr old) I still am the one who takes our children to church, prays with them and reads the Bible with them.
I know the longing you have in your heart.

The question "why doesn't Daddy go to church" is a real heart breaker for every mom in our situation.
I have told my children from the beginning that it is Daddy's choice to go to church or not to go to church. Jesus give us a choice to fallow him, love him. Jesus will not make us love him and he will not make Daddy love him either.

Both of my children and myself ask close friends at church to keep lifting up my husband that my husbands heart will soften to the Lord and seeds with be planted, watered and begin to grow.

What I can tell you is that I have been a child that parents did not go to church and did not want anything to with God, Jesus or anything about them.
I prayed for 15 yrs that my parents would turn to God. They finally did. Now after 21 yrs of being married I still find myself praying that my husband will humble his heart to Jesus and ask Jesus to be his Saviour.
Do not give up. I cling to fallowing, as a reminder, prayer.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Pray for guidance on how to bring the beliefs of Jesus Christ in to your home,

You are in my prayers.

Julia - posted on 01/16/2012

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this is my exact situation with my husband! I pray for God to change his heart, and I try to incorperate God into something we are talking about sometimes too. I want my children to grow up and know Christ. I pray with my two year old, and I get him to pray for other people with me. I know that God has a purpose for me to lead by example to my husband. I also know that God knows my husbands heart better than I do, so the best thing I can do for him is to pray for him and to love him no matter what. I know it can be hard to be with someone who doesn't understand the greatest part of your life, but if you keep loving him and being an example to him, then one day it will heopfully sink in that God loves him too.

Bridgette - posted on 01/07/2012

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My husband also isn't a believer. It makes things very hard when you're parenting. We have 2 kids, our son is 4 1/2 and daughter is almost 2. My children go to church w/me (sometimes my husband does too) and we pray together and I do absolutely everything I can to teach them to live for God. I incorporate the Lord into mostly every conversation that we have.
It's getting much harder as my son gets older. He started asking questions a few months back about why daddy does/says certain things and we don't. I chose to be truthful, while still being respectful of my husband (which God calls me to do, whether he is a believer or not) I told my son that adults make their own choices, and sometimes we don't make the best ones. Not everyone follows Jesus, and told him that Daddy doesn't follow Jesus. We can't make Daddy follow Jesus, but we can, and need to, pray for him every day that he will. My son has become quite a little prayer warrior :) He tells me all the time that we need to pray for Daddy, that he will choose to follow Jesus.
It's a very hard thing to do. Parenting is hard anyway, and doing it in a situation like this makes it more challenging. God will use this situation to bring glory to Him. He has a plan, and we aren't called to understand, just to trust. I am anxious about the future a lot, and have to spend a lot of time in prayer about it...I know that only God will help me to get through whatever is to come. My children will grow older and see more and more of what goes on that they don't see right now. They're going to be full of questions. I'm not looking forward to that. Praying that he will be saved before that day comes.
Also praying for you, and your family.

Tanya - posted on 09/24/2010

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I have been teaching and working with youth and children for 20 yrs. I have seen several children and teenagers lead a parent to Christ. In some of these homes one parent was a Christian and in others neither parent was a Christian. Always be honest with your children and continue to lead by example. Nagging will not help but prayer will work wonders and always ask him to join you guys at church. You may want to read the book The power of a praying wifeby Stormie Omartain. I will be praying for you.

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Anya - posted on 03/24/2014

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As i was Sitting down on my couch yesterday I was struggling through a hard situation with my husband , not a Christian. And The Lord reveled to look in google I'm Christian and my husband is not , this page came and I'm so thankful for all the comments of wisdom . I'm inly 25 I've been Married for 3 years and have much to learn . I was a nagging wife , immature ,but The Lord has been so good to me I started reading the mind is a battlefield by Joyce Meyer . The lot opened my eyes to so many things I was doing wrong in marriage . I will not loose faith , I will keeps praying for my husband and learn to be a submissive and loving wife no matter what. Thanks to you all

Marie - posted on 09/04/2013

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My husband's name is Michael. I do know that is a powerful name to God and I will keep my faith, prayers and hope for him and our family as we are going through Very Troubled Times right now with our marriage, family and at times, faith. Thank you and I pray God keep you always.

Marie

Carla - posted on 09/04/2013

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He hears, Marie--it's just that there are so many variables involved when humans are in the equation. Daniel was an amazing man of God. He went through many, many trials and persecutions, but he never wavered and never gave in. The angel said to Daniel in Chapter 10--'Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty one days: but lo, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me; -----but there is none that holdeth with me in these things but Michael, your prince.'

Our prayers are powerful. But ONE thing they can't do is MAKE someone do something against their will. So God will speak to, show love to, plead with humans to try to get them to see what a loving God He is, but He will NOT MAKE them come to Him. Making someone do something isn't having them do it out of sheer love, it's coersion. Our husbands, children, brothers/sisters, friends, they all have the same chance to come to Jesus as we do. It all depends on their heart. If we show our loved ones the love of Jesus, it will soften their hearts to listen to the Lord's voice. We pray Michael and the warring angels fight the demons trying to hold our loved one, then we stand in our faith. It's never easy, if it were, everyone will follow Jesus. BUT, it is definitely worth it. So hold on, honey, show your husband Jesus' love, every day, and believe in your God.

Marie - posted on 09/04/2013

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My husband says "oh. I have signs from him". That's not faith. I wish I could help with actual advice but I'm in a similar position. I hope God hears us as I have not been very good with prayer lately. God bless.

Cherrese - posted on 01/16/2012

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I belive God is setting you and your husband up for a major testimony.You going through this so God can Show you How powerful He is and How God can change anybody.Your faith is being tested for an increase.Stay prayerful and patient.Dont give up!! God is up to something....have you read this book The Power Of A Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian Very great and helpful book. Be encourage

Carla - posted on 01/08/2012

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@SAC--I like your answer to a non-believer. I mulled that sentence over a lot yesterday. And the answer I came up with is, that unless there is a Master Plan, there is absolutely NO reason for humans to have been put on Earth! If we are here to just live out our 70 years of life, get the most toys, climb to the top of the ladder, no matter who we step on, only to die and step into nothingness---, well, there is no logic to this!

To me, it takes more faith to believe that random goo attracted DNA and from this all creatures evolved, than to believe that a Wondrous, Merciful Being has a plan for mankind and wants us to be better than when we first started out. But, of course, I'm not 'educated', so I probably am not right ;)

God bless, all, this thread has taken some interesting turns.

SAC - posted on 01/06/2012

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@ Mindee Just something to chew on so to speak. When I am confronted with others who do not believe or boarder on believing in God, I give them something to think about: Without God...What reason do we have for being?



Use it if you care to...I usually end a conversation with someone who is negative and ready for a "fight" discussion in this manner and leave it at that. Usually, they will come back to me at another time letting me know where that simple statement has taken them. Many have come to an understanding of their own about who God is...it is a beginning and opens doors. Be Blessed



Oh, I will soon be selling T-shirts with that saying on them. : )

SAC - posted on 01/06/2012

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It has been some time since you originally wrote this post and I hope you are doing well these days.



I have personally walked that particular walk with my own husband for many years...some will eventually respond and others will blindly continue to walk in their own direction. You can only be in control of you and your walk. We live by example, but we are human and will err.



From experience, it is difficult raising children in this type of environment and has left me wondering if staying were the right choice. That being said, we cannot undo past decisions and have to understand that each decision we make along life's journey is what ultimately brings us to where we are at the present moment. Children will learn from you and your walk, but ultimately, no matter what we want for them, they will take their own walk through life and their relationship with God. We have no control over their interpretation (or not) of God and who He is to them...we can only try to let them know who He is to us...then, turn them over to him completely when the time comes.



I like your honesty about "nagging" as it shows a maturity about your role as a wife. We have all honestly had those times when we have "nagged" about something. Quietness is something I understand quite well too. Be careful that the quietness doesn't turn into a complacent place...I have found myself guilty of this...accepting some things in my life because of choosing to share it with a non-believer. Sadly, I reached a point where I could no longer live in that manner and chose to collect myself and walk away...almost 36 years of relationship with almost 30 years of marriage, three children & 6 Grandchildren. I thought living by example would eventually call him around, but for me...it is not the case. Who knows? Perhaps God will use my leaving to speak to him. For you, life will be completely different as it is something between you, your choices, your husband's choices and God. Perhaps you will be the one who is instrumental in helping God reach him, perhaps it will be someone you introduce him to...we just never know where God's whisper will come from that is actually heard by another.



Stay strong in your walk and pay attention to what God speaks to you...you will find your way with Him and do the best you can for all in your little family as long as you listen and heed His calling. We never know what tomorrow will bring, but we can always be certain there will be Blessings and sorrows alike as the years unfold before us.

Mindee - posted on 01/06/2012

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I am going through the same thing. We have been married almost 5 years and have 2 daughters, (3 and 1). He told me 2 years ago that he was border line atheist. He's become obsessed with science and thinks it proves the bible and church to be untrue.
When he first came to me about this I told him that we'd work through it, but we had to each respect each other's beliefs. It took me a while to gain the courage to be as open about my religion as I used to be, but realized that my daughters need me to teach them the gospel and I can't do that if we try to hide who we are from my husband. I had to put my foot down, many times, and tell him that when we married he made certain promises to me, including a marriage founded on gospel principles. Since HE chose to leave the church, he only has a say in how he lives. He isn't allowed to teach the girls his ideas on atheism/religion unless they ask him point blank. I've made it clear that this is still a Christian household and that our children will be raised in the church, and that if he wants to be a part of our lives then he'd better find a way to respect that and be supportive.
It's certainly not easy. In fact, some days it's down right hard. But I just try to keep my head up and do what I know the Lord expects of me, as He is who I will answer to someday.
Best of luck. ♥

Carla - posted on 01/02/2012

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Good grief! I just posted a response, hit post, and the entire page vanished! Let's try this again---



Jenny, God wanted our spouses saved as much as we did/do. He loves our men much, much more than we ever could imagine. In the Book of Daniel he talks about 'at the time appointed'--I found this to mean that no matter what happened around my husband, when God let out a whistle, my husband came running! (The book 'The Shack' goes into detail on how God deals with this situation beautifully). We just have to have faith that God has NOT forgotten our husbands, and 'at the time appointed', they will be ready, heart-wise, for a relationship with the God of the Universe. It is our responsibility to show the difference between a real relationship and religion. Our job is to make Jesus as attractive as possible, so who in their right mind WOULDN'T want to be a Christian.



God bless, sweetheart

Jenny - posted on 01/01/2012

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I wouldn't say I nag often I just say things here and there... I'm not pushing him to be something he isn't I know deep down he will find peace :) Thanks!

Angela - posted on 12/30/2011

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Openly praying for him, witnessing your faith in an obvious way talking about the wonderful things God has done for you in your life is overkill and he will never convert in that environment.

Far more effective is to get on with your life, don't hide the fact you go to your church and benefit from it but don't talk about it all the time.

My friend is married to a Christian man who is a Boy Scout Leader at their Church. She is a good wife and mother but she has hardened her heart against becoming a Christian because her husband but mainly his Christian friends at Church confidently predict she will become a Christian very soon. This is because other men in the Church where they go had wives that were unbelievers and all of these ladies converted in a matter of months.

The smug way all these Christians declare she will soon be a follower of the Lord has annoyed her to the extent that, on principle, she refuses to "give in" to the pressure. She does attend Church with her husband and kids. But I'm pretty sure that if she ever did become a Christian, she would NEVER give these annoying people the satisfaction of knowing it!

Another friend of mine also refuses to be converted for exactly the same reason.

All the preaching in the world, however sincerely meant, can be extremely counter-productive. So mind how you go!

Carla - posted on 12/28/2011

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@Jenny--don't nag. That will turn your husband off quicker than anything! God will bring him, you cannot. I went through this with my husband and went for many, many years with just the children and I. When God's timing was right, he just said 'okay, I'm back', no fanfare, no lightning in the sky.

Pray for him, fast for him, be loving and show him that loving Jesus changes your life for the absolute better. God will take care of the rest.

God bless, sweetheart

Jenny - posted on 12/27/2011

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Hello Linda, I'm also going through this with my husband. We have been married for almost 6 years and have a 5 year old son. When my husband and I first meet we didn't really bring it up and after marriage we still really didn't speak of it... I decided I wanted to go back to church after not been for a couple of years. I have found one and love attending and so does my 5 year old and dad does join but for the wrong reasons. Don't get me wrong his support is great but I want him to be there for him not us.... I nag him often about it but never seem to get anywhere!!! If anyone knows how to get a non believer to believe please any help is wonderful.

Carla - posted on 12/26/2011

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@Crystal, honey, this is a common scenario among 'Christian' families. I think we have taught our children that because we believe there is a God, or even a Jesus, that we are Christian. But the word Christian means follower of Christ. We are given the 'Play Book', if you will, the Bible, and are expected to read and live by it. The Bible, over and over, tells to have a love relation, not just a knowledge, with Jesus. Hear O Israel, the Lord our God is One God, and you will love the Lord God with all your heart, all your mind and all your spirit. THIS is what a Christian is. If Jesus isn't the most important Member of your family, you are not Christian. I know this sounds harsh, but it's Truth. So, even though Hubby says he's Christian, if he isn't leading his wife and daughter to the Lord, if he isn't constantly watching for your physical and spiritual needs, Peter said mens' prayers would be hindered if he wasn't following this prescribed lifestyle.

So pray for him, that he will truly find Jesus and WANT, above all else, to have that vital, vibrant relationship with Him that will bring your family through the hard times. Take your daughter to church, start digging into the Bible (New Testament) to keep you and your daughter alive and thriving until Hubby sees what you guys have. It's not religion, it's relationship--huge difference.

God bless, sweetheart, there are a lot of women out there going through what you are. Those of us who stood firm while their husbands kind of flitted around, God sees and is pleased. He WILL bring husbands around soon. It took mine 6 years after I totally committed my life to Jesus (instead of sitting on the fence) before he re-dedicated his life back to the Lord. But I just kept on, living my life as best I could in front of him. He SAW the change in me, and wanted it, too. We have to make Jesus so attractive that no one in their right mind WOULDN'T want Him!

Crystal - posted on 12/25/2011

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My husband is a Christian but I can't get him to join my 3 yr old and myself for church. He says he is happy I'm taking her and all but has no interest in going. This is frustrating because I've been a christian for a long time but have a recent rejuvenation for Christ and we are in such different places! Neither of us grew up in a church every Sunday family but I want my child to and she enjoys it right now, so I want to keep her interested! My daughter will beg to go to church or say "mommy daddy we forgot to pray before eating!" so for me this is even more push to lead a strong Christian life but he just thinks it's cute. Christmas eve when I was running late to go to service and almost didn't go, my daughter wanted to, so I ran around crazy to go! His response was well "she's 3, she doesn't have to make the plans, u can tell her no." I feel this is 1 subject I should never say no too! How to get through this... Don't know, just praying and hoping leading by example will pay off!

Sarah - posted on 11/03/2011

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Yes, I am in this situation. My children are 4, 3, 1, and 5 weeks. They too have asked the question "Why doesn't Daddy like Jesus?". My answer was that Daddy doesn't know Jesus, and that's why it's really important for us to pray that he will want Jesus to be his special friend. In the meantime, I do what you're doing. And most importantly, you have to let his relationship with God (or lack thereof) be between him and God. If you try to manage it, or control it, or influence it, by word or deed, it will likely backfire. I've so been where you are, and in fact am still there. It's even worse now because his parents (both devout Christians) live with us, and I have to contend with that dynamic every. Single. Sunday. Be faithful, and pray without ceasing. God is bigger than all of it.

Chitra Meilani - posted on 10/30/2011

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Dear Linda....., let me tell you my short story about me and my unsaved husband....

I've lived with my unsaved husband for almost 35 years this year. My husband is a moslem. When we got married I was unsaved one.Two yars later after married, I heard about Jesus and HE saved me. In my early years of knowing Him, I was learn many things about Him from the Bible and got more and more understand how to live with Him and with him. One day, someone (I couldn't remember who was he or she) gave me a little tractat title "To Save the Unsaved Husband". I learn how to live with the unsaved husband from that. It taught me how to do my part as a wive according to the Bible. It's a long story off course...but I want you to know that if we want to live with him to win him in Him one day, than God will help us to do that because God wants to win his heart too... He loves him so much like He loves us too.... I know its not easy but I trust Him, trust that God will do the utmost. It is not enough only pray for him years and years....the most important thing is to put ourself as a good Christian wive under him, just like the Bible ask us to do. My husband is the head of the family eventhough he didn't know Jesus yet. God help me always, He never leave me alone, He always protected me. I promise God to obey Him being a good wive like He wants me to do and ask God's help to do my part. My husband and I live in harmony, not because I'm kind..but because Lord Jesus live between us. I still pray for my husband that one day he will trust and ask Jesus to come to his heart to save him.. I know God will do it somehow...I know...for sure. We have two sons and they both Christian, my husband ask me to baptist them (on our 12 years of marriage). I love my husband with all my heart. I know for sure that God will always help me to love him and to be loved by him as long as I obey God... I have no doubt about this.. My husband loves me so much, I mean it....., so much... We're so much in love even in our 35th marriage... Like Rebekah Survance said: Keep loving even when he doesn't. Keep giving nice words even when he doesn't. Keep seeking God, even though he doesn't. I did this for years and years and God help me to love him more and more....... (sorry....my english is not so good.... I'm Indonesian..). I will give you my email address: chitra_badudu@yahoo.com. Don't be hesitate to contact me.. CHITRA

Rosa - posted on 03/10/2011

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My husband is a non-believer he doesnt seem to want to attend church either. We are going on 5yrs together and I have visited his missionary church on sundays, but cant get him to ever visit a sabbath church on saturdays. After asking for yrs, he told me that he experience a bad at adventist church and dont feel comfortable atttending the chuch. It still hurt cuz i attend his to show I support him. Now, I have to say count your blessing it could be a lot worst, he could be causing arguement about why you go to church or even telling your kids its a waste of time. Tell you children that God is a forgiving God, he doesnt force anyone to believe or attend church and God is still waiting on their father. And while they attend church and pray the blessing falls on their dad as well. Just pray and as u say lead by example he will see you and know the true God, just stand u ground the Lord will hold you hand.

Emily - posted on 03/10/2011

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I'm unequally yoked as well. I've been with my husband for 16 years, and we have 2 boys, ages 9 and 7. Both of my boys are saved, but my husband is not. He lives with us, of course, but it is as though we are living totally different lives. (He is very negative about God, and refuses to hear anything mentioned about Him.) My sons used to ask about their father all the time, and I didn't really know what to say. I didn't want them to see their father as a "bad person", but I didn't want them to join him in his chosen lifestyle either. The only answer I happened upon, was to explain to my sons that Daddy doesn't know God yet, but if they continue to follow God, Daddy would get to "see God" through them. This helped them to look at their father with respect, and love, and encouraged them to live their lives close to God, so that they could witness to their Daddy (without words).

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2011

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I am in the same situation right now. All you can really do is keep doing what you are doing.....maybe eventually he will see your example and want the relationship with God that you have. I also agree w/Lesli, I have that same book and it does wonders for me as a Christian wife. I hope everything is going better for you....may God bless you. ♥

Lesli - posted on 01/25/2011

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My ex was getting like that before he left me and it was hard. We never had kids so it was not as bad as your situation. I have been told repeatedly to read a book called "Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. I have heard it really helps.

Carla - posted on 01/25/2011

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Remember that when we become Christians, we leave our old ways, turn around (repent means ask forgiveness, then stop doing things according to the worldly ways) and live a Godly life. If we were nagging and nasty, we are to be sweet and kind, even if it kills us ;) Anyone can SAY they are a Christian, but if we truly are Christ's, WE don't have to SAY anything--our lives will show that. Dig into the Bible and read everything in there you can about Godly wives. Proverbs 31 is my favorite, because this lady was busy! She was so busy, she didn't have TIME to nag or complain. She was taking care of business, buying property, making clothes to sell, teaching the children how to be Godly and being a good citizen, so her husband was proud of her. I wear a wrist band that says 'one month to live' 'live life without regret'. It reminds me to leave a legacy of kindness, that, when I am gone, my words and actions will live on.

@Elmar--I am praying for you, honey. Living a Godly life with a man who doesn't is difficult, but not impossible. You DO have to stay closer to the Lord, but that's NOT a bad thing!

God bless, all

Julie - posted on 01/24/2011

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Pray for you husand. All you can do is "lead by example". 1 corinthians 7:12-16 explains that if you are married to an unbeliever than you should not divorce them. They are holy because of their wife and so are the children. Now, if they should divorce you than that would be ok but you may not divorce them. I believe that you should continue to show how wonderful God is to you by showing his peace and love in all circumstances. Not that this is easy always but if you continue doing what you are already doing than you will do great. We can never win someone to the gospel by force (...nagging, harassing,berating...etc) but rather by intentionally..(remembering to kindly invite them to church occasionally...find things in church they may enjoy and sharing it briefly..share your joys and testimony with them occassionally..don't overwhelm them just share with them things that they may relate to and help them in their journey...etc) showing them how wonderful and mighty that God is....(kindness, understanding, support, patience, love, encouragment...etc) Your prayers and faith can help them find their way. You are doing great keep up the good work no matter how discouraging it seems at times. :) Just keep in mind that we are all on a journey and each of us are at a different place in our journey of faith... As christians it is important to find intention ways to help others on their journey.. Good Luck and God Bless

Jennifer - posted on 01/16/2011

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I am not saying being unequally yoked breaks up all marriages. It broke up mine so I am just merely speaking from experience. I do think however there is another "driver" of the issue that needs to be taken into consideration and looked at. And yes, it does make things harder.

Sarah - posted on 01/15/2011

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With all due respect to Jennifer, being "unequally yoked" doesn't break up all marriages. My parents have been together over 30 years. But it does make things harder. Or at least it appears that way.

Jennifer - posted on 01/05/2011

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I went through that with my ex husband...hence the word, ex....a major part of our marital issues stemed from him not being a believer. Funny thing, he went to church throughout his childhood but I think in the end because he was "forced" to go that as an adult he rebelled. I would recommend getting some counseling of some sort because it will end up driving you further apart if you don't get to the root of why he doesn't believe. Did he go to church growing up? What is his family background in that sense? Good luck.

Sarah - posted on 01/04/2011

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The Bible talks about the wife being a testimony to the unsaved husband...prayer works! When my husband and I were first married I realized that my husband wasn't saved. It was a very difficult situation. I began to pray, and be the submissive wife that the Bible talks about (it was hard lol). After a couple of months he got saved. God is still working miracles.

Carla - posted on 12/21/2010

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@Tash--see what happens when WE get out of the way and let God do what He does best?

Sarah - posted on 12/18/2010

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Well I can't speak from a wife perspective on this very much but I can speak from a child perspective. My mother brought me up in the church. My father is still not a believer.
You are doing the right thing! Keep praying before meals, going to church, and reading the Word together. My mother never did those things at home. I'm not really sure why. And as an adult I've found it very hard to start doing them, even though I know I need to and it would make me a stronger believer!
As far as the husband part goes, mine struggled for a while and you are right, nagging never works. I prayed for him and kept inviting him to come with me to service, except when I knew it would just cause hostility. Now he sometimes has to drag me to our Tuesday night Bible study and we both go faithfully to church on Sunday.
Keep the faith my dear! And stay strong for your little women! What's that verse about raising kids the right way and when they are old they won't depart from it? ;)

Tash - posted on 12/17/2010

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Linda,



I'm glad u posted this here!



Its been very encouraging to see other mothers going thru(have seen someone thru) the same....my hubby ain't a Christian & we've been married for 4 yrs. At 1st I was forcing him, not talking to him & even giving him an ultimatum(To Church or we're done!!) It didn't quite work & our relationship deteriorated. I decided to change & Prayed alot instead, went to Church with my son & never 'nagged' him, I almost ignored the whole thing! To my surprise, he started asking questions about Church: what did u learn? How was it, etc. Fast fwd now, he volunteers at our Church & I've missed 2 last Sundays coz of being poorly, he's gone to Church on his own!! He's not received Christ yet but I know its a matter of time.......am willing to wait for as long as it takes!!



Great Patience & belief, leave it to God.xx

Dawn - posted on 12/02/2010

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There are a lot of encouraging posts on here...but I would like to add just one thing...when your children ask about their dad, don't sugar coat it a whole lot. Because that will only teach them to sugar coat their own salvation as well. When you are not honest with them, they will realize it must not be that important...and when they go to make their own decisions as young adults, I think that is how we loose so many to the world. Especially when one parent is not saved.
Keep a mild and gentle spirit...that is Biblical. Just be a Christian example before him and your kids. Your kids will know the difference.

Carol - posted on 12/01/2010

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Prayer! and keep being who you are. I have been married for 19 years. My husband gave his life to Christ about 13 years ago. That doesn't mean that he has changed. Unfortunately I have had to leave my church to be the Christian woman that God has called me to be. It has been hard but I can do all things through Christ. So can you. Just keep going, He is listening, even when you think he isn't. He wants what you have that calm assurance that everything will be okay. Knowing that you are in God's hands, your children will follow. My son who takes after his dad in almost ever aspect, is the drummer for the youth praise band at our old church. My daughter went on two mission trips and sang in the youth praise band. Our Pastor said on several occasions "You are the parent get that child in the youth room for youth group no excuses. It is up to us to make sure that our children make a connection this really helps. They will then have friends that they will keep for life. I just reconnected with my best friend from youth and it is so wonderful to have her back in my life. Good Luck and I'll be praying for your family.
Carol

Carla - posted on 11/28/2010

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@Terri-lee--I was going to rate your post as funny, but I didn't want you to think I thought the whole thing was funny, but sometimes I wanted so bad to cast the demons out of my husband like Paul said 'lay hands suddenly' on him, or beat him to death with the Bible! That would have been soooo satisfying ;)

Being the only Christian in a family is a challenge, but God ALWAYS comes through. Be the Proverbs 31 wife, and light the house with the Joy of the Lord.

God bless, all!

[deleted account]

i have not personally been thru this. I got saved before I got married and married a Christian man. But in saying that, i know women who are in your situation, or have been. and the word is very clear on how to handle it. Your doing the right thing by not nagging and being an example. No bible bashing, no telling him off, no nagging. thats a great start! then, being a Godly woman in your home. that doesnt mean laying hands on him and casting the devils out or pleading the blood of Jesus over the house while he watches on in horror! lolll. its being a PROVERBS 31:10 - 31 woman. Read that, youll find some new challenges to work on with the Lord. Showing your husband the love of God in its fullness will not only freak him out in a good way, but eventually lead him to Christ. So being kind, having patience with the kids and with him, being joyful even in difficult situations, being supportive of your husband and encouraging him in his work and his manhood, (those are the two most important parts of his life that need praising). if you truly are walking in the love of God towards him, it WILL one day change his heart. that is a promise from God.

as far as your kids are concerned... be open and honest with them. when you hubby isnt around, talk to them about the workings of salvation. explain about the unbelievers eyes being blind to the truth, that everybody has to make a decision to follow or not to follow God for themselves. God doesnt make robots who HAVE to love Him, he makes people, with free will to choose. But the right choice is LIFE. GOD. FAITH. get scriptures together to help explain to your children your husbands current state. and do not slander him or make him out to be a bad person, just say what the word says, and teach them how to pray for the lost, your husband included. I know a woman who prayed with her children, for the husband to be saved, for 18 YEARS! after 18 yrs of no interest in the things of God, not ever going to church with them at all, and being a bad father figure to the kids by having loose morals in many important biblical areas, he finally gave his heart to Christ, and even repented to his wife and kids for some things. Today he is strong in the Lord, at church faithfully every week. a completely different person! Be encouraged that God PROMISES salvation for those you pray for.

get a good book on praying for your husband. "power of a praying wife" by stormie o martian will be great for you! there is even a chapter on praying for an unsaved husband.

keep on loving him. keep on teaching your children Christian values and morals. He may see no need for them, but when you make it apparent why its important, im sure he will agree. but rather than saying (for example, if this is one thing your keen on)"our girls may not date till they are 18 because of our beliefs" say "i want us to protect our girls from young teen guys with there hormones raging, we dont want pregnant teens, and we dont want emotionally messed up kids, we gotta train them to be women before they go out looking for a man, so your support to say no dating till 18 would be appreciated...what are your thoughts on this?" involve him in setting rules, morals and values in the home. but dont make it a bible rule thing. make it a "we care for our kids so heres what i think would work best". another example may be the way your family speaks and dresses. you could say "id love it if there was no swearing in the house because when the kids get out of school and go out into the workforce, if there vocabulary includes alot of swearing, an employer isnt going to be interested. They gotta learn manners and right speaking at home or theyll never learn it and it could contribute towards there failure in there careers. plus they are girls. you as a man must know that nobody likes a foul mouthed woman. its so butch!" this is all true stuff, but its not "the bible says this and that and blah blah blah religion religion religion."... he might not care about God yet...but he sure cares about his children. so make it about your family, not about God. Your faith will be shown in actions, not protests, debates and arguments. never compromise the word for the sake of a moments peace, but never compromise your marriage for heated words of bible bashing whinge-fests. lol

Carla - posted on 11/23/2010

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@Oluyemisi--as long as we have hope, we will survive. Your example of Christian love will win your husband. Stand strong and watch!

God bless, honey

Oluyemisi - posted on 11/23/2010

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it is really a challenging situation but God never fails as He has brought us dis far for a reason...
The situation in my home is similar as my husband does not share any of my Xtian beliefs, He gets upset like it is going out of fashion and hold onto tins that are not necessary but I've choose to live by example even when it is very triring but God will be my strenght till the end cos I know he is my help in times of trouble.
It is well...

Truth - posted on 09/29/2010

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Keep praying, sweetie. Keep up that silent witness. When your children question, ANSWER THEM!!! even in the presence of daddy. He may not see a need for God, but maybe you can ask him, out of respect for you as his wife, to agree to at least bow his head when you pray at meals, or once in a while attend church for the sake of your girls. He may not see a need for God, but if you can communicate the need you feel for your girls to know God and your concerns about their questions about daddy....... and propose it to him that it is for the girls.... maybe he will.......... BUT PRAY PRAY PRAY before, during and continuously as you attempt this or any other method. God will be faithful.

I have a girlfriend that prayed faithfully - AND our church prayed faithfully with her, for OVER 15 years, that he would come to Christ. He was just like your husband - saw no need for God. It took 20 years, and I watched that friend and heard the cry of her heart for her husband to know Jesus. God answered her prayers and her husband is now on fire for Christ.

Sweetie, pray for him, and never give up. Have your church and your kids pray for him when you put them to bed at night - he will hear and God will soften his heart. OUR LORD REIGNS!!!! He is faithful.

Andrea - posted on 09/28/2010

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I have almost exactly the same situation. My children are very small still, but my husband is the same way as yours. I really wish that we could raise our children in a home where both parents are Christians. I think the marital and parental bond would be much better. But I have to accept that hes just not interested right now. I don't nag because I saw my Mom do that, and it pushed me away from church as a teenager. I do talk to him about it when it comes up and just try to lead by example as you said and pray that he will see Jesus through me and want what I've got. I believe it will happen someday. I know that when my kids are older, they will begin to try and skip church "because daddy does"....but my plan is to let them know that as long as they live under my roof, they will attend church. Alot of kids start trying to get out of going when they become pre teens and I think thats the worse time that can happen. I know my husband will back me up and when that time comes he will have to explain to them why he dosen't go, and that may encourage him to. Its hard when you are a Chrisitan married to someone who is not. But I am thankful that my husband never tries to disagree with me on that aspect. He dosen't come against me about what I believe, he leaves the "religious" part completely up to me.

Judith - posted on 09/28/2010

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Carla has said it all and I know God will help you have your own testimony.
Keep praying, keep believing and keep loving.

Dawn - posted on 09/24/2010

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I go through the same exact thing. I think it is best if you don't try to force it on him - just be a good example of a Christian wife and mother. My daughters are 10 and 7, and they understand that their Dad is not saved. We pray for him every night when they go to bed. I just recently ordered a book written by a couple who used to be unequally yoked too. The husband was an atheist, but through her example, he is not only saved now, but has become a pastor of a church! There is hope - He can do all things! Keep the faith, and keep praying!

Debra - posted on 09/23/2010

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I have been married to my husband almost 7 years and he doesnt believe. I made it a rule after he agreed that I could raise our children to be christians if I wanted that he had to attend if our children were performing. He ussually comes to the classroom with me since I teach Sunday school anyway. He has started to help in the class sometimes. I just pray and ask others to pray. I hope one day he gets it. But for now he believes what science tells him.

Trisha - posted on 09/23/2010

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I am in a similar situation. My husband is not a believer, though he is seeking. I pray every day for the Lord to open his eyes and see the truth. Honestly some days are a lot harder to pray that than others! :) He does attend church with us and seems to have interest. I just try and pray for patience for myself to keep my mouth shut, unless he asks me a question, and lead by example because the times I have spoken my opinions it pushed him away from God and not closer. I want him to accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior yesterday and he just isn't ready yet. Just remember that God is in control and he has a plan...I know it is hard, but that is what faith is all about.

Tammy - posted on 09/22/2010

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Don't get discouraged, be honest with your children about why daddy doesn't go to church as well as why you do. Pray for your husband, every part of his body, his eyes that he can see the need for God in his life, his heart that it can open to the love a God and so forth, It is God's will that all should come to repentance and that may happen an year from now, 10 yrs, 20 or never that doesn't change your committment as a wife or a christian, we all have our crosses to bare, and those of us who chose to marry someone unequally yoked, chose that cross to bare, but God is faithful and just don't be or get discouraged continue in your faith lovingly.

Wendy - posted on 09/21/2010

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Hi Linda, I feel your pain! I have been married now for 13 years and my husband and I have 4 children boys ages 9 and 7 and then twin girls age 2. My husband also is not a believer and has no interest in becoming. It is very challenging. My oldest has even questioned it and asks if daddy will go to heaven when he dies. I can not lie to him about this, so I end up telling him that it is between daddy and God and that when the time comes, God will know his heart. We know what the bible tells us about who receives eternal life and all we can do is pray that someday God will change his heart and he will have the desire to know and follow Him. I hate that we do not go to church as a family, I struggle to get there with 4 kids by myself every week. My husband will come with me on Christmas, Easter and mothers day, but only because I ask him to. I also try very hard to show my children the importance of prayer. We pray together before dinner and my husband will join hands and participate, but that is about the extent of it. I so much desire to be able to have a family bible study or family devotion time , but it is just not his thing. It is hard to be the spiritual leader of the house hold and not have your husband on the same page. do not lose hope, as I still have hope for my husband. pray for his salvation and remember that God does things in His time. We do not know what the future holds, but God knows all and he still performs miracles every day. I just pray that one day the miracle is my husbands salvation.

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