Husband LOVES his video games!!

Courtney - posted on 03/24/2010

Wow this sounds WAY too muc like my situtation! I've talked to my mom about this, and really she says all I can do is to just be an example to him. He skips out on going to church because he's tired, just for me to reutrn home and find him on the XBox... When I nag him about it, it seems like he plays longer just to spite me. So, I say go on and do things with your children and have your own life. If things don't get better tell him you would like to do Christian couple's counseling. If he refuses, then go to counseling by yourself and learn how to help yourself and him better the situation. Thankfully over time my husband got better, but he stills has his days every once in a while. Good luck!

Brittney - posted on 03/23/2010

I know how you feel. My husband is always on World of Warcraft. I can never get him off without sounding like I am nagging him. I have to literally drag my husband to church with me. We just had our first child and I told him before we had children that I was going to raise them in church and that he needed to be a part of that. When he does go to church with me, he brings a book (not the bible) or he grabs his cell phone out and plays games. Then he has the nerve to blame his ADHD that hasnt been a problem in years. I found that the only way I can actually have a relationship with my husband while at home is to get on the game and play with him. I do not like it at all but it gives us time together. He did finally agree to go to church with me and pay attention but he always managed to make an excuse have way through the sermon. So I do know how you feel with the games, my husband is on from the time he gets home til the time he goes to bed everyday of the week. I will pray for you.

Dea - posted on 03/20/2010

I know exactly what you mean. My husband is a gamer too, but I understand that its his way of relaxing and unwinding after a hard week at work. But its when he started the online games that really drove me up the wall. I tried talking to him about it (well, it turned out to be nagging). In the end, I just prayed about it and gave it to God, because I was not handling the situation very well. In a nutshell, he just stopped playing the online game. In fact, he doesn't play any video games as often as he used to, he'd rather relax with me. So all I can tell you, is pray about it and let God work in him. He knows what you desire, is to see your man be an example, a spiritual role model and leader for your family.

Jennifer - posted on 03/15/2010

Playing a video game for three days straight is never healthy. I used to have the same problem with mine with other things and it does eventually start taking a toll on a marriage. It is healthy for your husband to set aside time every day for just himself but once he has had an hour to unwind he should be rejoining the family.

Here's what I did and hope it can help at least some- 1. Don't blame the video games... When you say you despise the games it's because you are putting the blame on them and not your husband's poor choices. 2. Encourage him to play the games but respectfully ask for a time limit in order to spend time with you. 3. Above all, give it to God and totally trust Him to take care of it. Don't push anything on him, just encourage him and then pray, a lot.

It took a really long time for me to see the work that God was doing in my own husband but after a while I saw a deep transformation happening from within and I am now my husband's "cave" where all he wants to do is unwind with me. I didn't even ask for that! I just asked for balance but trusting God, I got a lot more.

In short, be respectful, be loving and supportive and pray, pray pray all the while knowing that God will take care of it. If it doesn't improve and it starts to hurt your marriage, please seek a marriage counselor.

Veronica - posted on 03/13/2010

Girl he sounds like my son who just got married. He knows the store number by heart

Anyway. Take your forus off of him. let him see you reading the word going to sunday school church and still taking care of him have your pastor pray over a bottle of oil and pray over your house than watch God move.

Alicia - posted on 03/07/2010

STOP TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR HUSBAND AND CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS!! I read a few times, "He's not the spiritual leader I hoped he'd be." He's probably a spiritual leader in his own way, just not in your way. Just because it's not an obvious, active leadership doesn't mean that he isn't one. I'm a stay-at home mom. My husband plays WoW, Magic, and DnD, plus he has an XBox, ps2, gamecube, and a Wii. He has a really laid back attitude about life in general so he's my rock and keeps me from getting too stressed. His laid back attitude is an attribute I love about him (he rarely gets mad, doesn't stay mad, and nothing can shake him), but it also means that I'm making the day-to-day decisions and running the majority of things. However, the house can be falling around our ears and he'll just look at me and say, "Trust God." His faith is unshakable. He reads his Bible every morning and is in constant prayer. But he's a quiet guy, his faith and leadership is not obvious, he merely leads by example. For the longest time, I didn't think he prayed because he didn't fold his hands, bow his head or hit his knees like I do. Then he told me the times he stops what he's doing and just stares off to nothing for a minute, and then nods his head, he's praying in his own way. He'll talk me through a hard day with words of wisdom and faith. His relationship with God, like everybody else's, is a private matter and is different from yours because he's different from you. Every person demonstrates their faith in a different manner. So just because he's not preaching the sermons on Sunday morning, doesn't mean that God is not a constant presence in his life. It just might be more subtle than what you're expecting/wanting.

Also, Niccole has a point that if you knew he was a gamer before you got married, you should've accepted it instead of expecting him to change once a ring was on his finger. The nagging doesn't make either one of you happy. We have times that we spend together. We have been married for almost 9 years. The first year of our marriage was the hardest because I kept trying to change him instead of focusing on all the things that he does for me. Once I dropped my expectations, our marriage has grown leaps and bounds.

So look more carefully and you may be surprised at just how much he does lead the family.

Rachel - posted on 03/07/2010

Hmmm this topic sounds familiar to me. Ive been married for almost 3 years now and in the beginning of our marriage I had a real resentment issue with his gaming. I hated that he would spend time on it and not with me. Well, he did spend time with me, he just would also spend a good amount of time with the games too which i did not respect. I intitially did not know he liked gaming as much as he does when we were just dating. I had my fare share of grumpy, resentful, upset feelings but as time went on and after some arguments and discussions I came to terms with the fact that maybe I was being a bit overreactive. It started bothering me less and less because i came to understand that he only plays for a couple hours a day and it helps him to have something to do and to detress from after work, although the type of games he plays would make me more stressed out, lol, if you know what i mean. I dont want to be a controlling wife because no man wants someone manipulating him. I know that i have always been really good about not nagging and controlling him and i have improved even more over the last year of our marriage in how to be understanding and appreciative of him. I try to be the positive, hard working, loving, responsible, caring wife that I should be to him. I pray that I will always have that in return, and I believe i do.

Kristina - posted on 02/26/2010

My husband is the same way! We are only 21 and yes we made our mistakes and we have a 2 yr old daughter. He works hard and has supported us every since i can remember. but thats all he wants to do when he gets home is play his games. I dont agree with it because i will go to bed by 10 most nights and he is still up at 2 playing his games. i do everything. I take care of our daughter, i cook, clean, EVERYTHING! it is very frusterating. But the only thing i know to do is pray.

Karissa - posted on 02/25/2010

I know what you mean, partly. My boyfriend isn't a Christian, which on it's own is driving me crazy. But I never push anything. I hope that he sees Christ through my actions and the way I treat people and how I respond in hard situations. There are things that my boyfriend does that I can't stand and could potentially cause problems, but after watching my parents marriage I've learned to be patient. My mom would be so pushy and make sarcastic remarks and all it did was make things worse. I've noticed that when I don't get mad or constantly say something about it he usually changes. Some things take longer than others. Video games are nothing compared to what he could be doing. Just let him know what your goals for him are and I'm sure he'll come around. He might end up sinking lower but everyone must come up for air and when he does he'll see the light.

Michelle - posted on 02/24/2010

I would say try not to change him in his personal interests. If you are wanting him to spend more time with the Lord, then maybe you could start a couples' devotional together in the mornings or in the evenings after your kids are in bed. Present it to him as you wanting his help to give him that extra boost of feeling needed that men need to feel from their families - a boost to his self-confidence. That way you can get closer as a couple, both get closer to God, and take both your focus off the video game issue a little. Keep praying about it, but focus your energies on where you want to be as a woman in God rather than where you want him to be as a man in God. Another thing we have agreed to do at home is to limit our electronics time to an hour or two per day - for all members of the household. This includes TV, computer, video games, etc.

Jennifer - posted on 02/23/2010

Brian is a HUGE video gamer, he comes home, showers, plays until Emma needs his attention, fixes whatever he needs to make her happy, back to the game. He has three subscriptions to three different gaming magazines and if he doesn't stop by gamestop at least once a week it's an off week for him. haha!! When he's not gaming he is watching ESPN or flipping through movie channels. I came into this relationship 100% knowing his addiction to games and I know the job he is doing right now he really hates so I've decided to be pro video games instead of anti video games. I've encouraged him to go back to school or take up game testing as a job (maybe he'll get it out of his system if it is his job) which in the long run will more family time me :D I doesn't bother me as much as it seems to bother you but negativity won't get you anywhere and if it does it won't last long. Stay positive, give him some game time, and find a way to enjoy some family time together even if that means you playing video games with him! They do make girly / family friendly video games!

Heather - posted on 02/22/2010

My husband is also a gamer. It is an expensive hobby that we can't really afford. I also play some. But usually only when my son is sleeping depending on the game I play.
My husband is working on cutting back his hours. He gets three days off from work every week and will sometimes play all day and night. He does not know when to stop. He gets so mad at the games sometimes too and ends up throwing the controlller or baning it on the coffee table. Couldn't tell you how many we have had to replace. That has gotten a lot better though in the past year. And then he swears a lot while he is playing. Pretty much only plays violent games. and does it all while our three year old son watches. and all our son wants to do is play too. He also tends to yell at our son more because he gets in the way. The poor kid is only trying to get his attention. It has been a real struggle for me. And I have thought of leaving because of it. But things are starting to look up. He is doing more with us. Like going swimming every sat. And mainly only playing at night. So we are working out the kinks with the game play time. I do not mind that he plays I just want him to limit his time and know when he is getting mad and stop playing for a bit. And maybe find some games that are better for him to be able to play with our son. Probably would have to spend more money though and buy a wii for that.
Sometimes it takes awhile but they eventually start seeing what you are talking about with them playing so much and ignoring everyone around them.

Nicole - posted on 02/15/2010

I too am a gamer... It bothers my husband when he's watching a game and I want to play my games LOL! But I do keep it under controle with my family time and relationship with God time, my husband like's to play, but not like I do. I do the whole stay up all night thing, have it beat by morning when everyone is asleep LOL! But!!! I do make sure during the day to be with my family and talk to God.

Lindsay - posted on 02/15/2010

Oh I know it's so hard to see them spending all of that precious time on a stupid game when all you want is their attention!! My husband loves his games. For the most part he's pretty good about making sure he spends time with the family first, but I still get that twinge when he plays. I just have to remember that he's been at work all day and he needs to unwind and relax just as much as I do. Also, I would highly recommend the book Motivating Your Man God's Way by Dr. Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs.

Niccole - posted on 02/14/2010

Did you marry him knowing he was a gamer? I am engaged to my man and I chose to get into the relationship knowing what he was. I tried to change his ways, and for the most part, he has, but if I let him (I'm a nagger), he'd play all day. A man won't change unless he really wants to. You can't force it onto him, you have to talk to him. Tell him it hurts your feelings and pray that it gets processed into his brain that he needs to spend more time with you; have a relationship with you, not his xbox, wii..etc. If one day my man chooses to play video games instead of spending time with his family, I'll go in there and turn it off myself. However, he knows my boundaries and doesn't test them much. I dislike gaming consoles as much as you do, but it's really up to him to change, not you. Just explain your feelings to him and be persistent about it. Good luck,

Kristina - posted on 02/13/2010

I am glad that I am not the only one with a husband that loves video games. For me, it is online games. My husband is a stay at home dad. Most of the time he gets what needs to be done done. I just think that we have different ideas of what that is. Also we are baby Christians. So as far as him being the spiritual head of the house...forget it. I guess I don't have any real advice, I just want you to know that you are not alone.

Stacey - posted on 02/12/2010

This is also a crazy topic for me as well! My husband likes the video games. It's his thing and my thing is books. However, when he does it when the kids are awake and doesn't have time with me then it is frustrating. But if he is doing it while they are napping and while I'm busy with other stuff...I don't mind. These are the terms we came upon after we've gotten into many arguments and the PS2 got busted into pieces. Not good...I know. But the only way we would bring another gaming system into the house is if he could show control over the time he spends on it keep others in mind. We also have a Wii that we use for family time to play together. I think you should compromise on it. Like maybe a few days a week he can play as long as everything else is taken care of or everyone else and then the other days are time for you and him together and then while he is playing, make that be time for you.

Carla - posted on 02/11/2010

Here's a triple to the girls! As long as we ultimately take the reins because WE feel they are not doing the job, it's getting done, so why should they? That being said, when there are children in the house, gaming should be a together thing. My daughter and son-in-law got the Wii thing and get games the whole family can play. Their children are 4 and 2, and they have fun games for all to play. Gaming is great, but, from what I've seen, most of the games out there are totally unsuitable for a Christian to have in his house, much less play. You can't control what he DOES, but you CAN control what he brings into the house! Ick is ick. IF he is bringing violence and gore into the house, he is inviting sin in. Walk carefully, darling, my prayers are with you.

Melissa - posted on 02/10/2010

I second what Janet said! I had tried to get my husband to be the spiritual leader that I had hoped for, when I realized that I was the one blocking his way.

Janet - posted on 02/10/2010

I know what you mean. My husband knows the Bible well and is a hard worker and loves his video games. I tried for years to get him to be the Man of the House and the Spiritual Leader but it was to no avail. Why? Because I was doing it for him. As long as I stepped forward he did not have to. Finally, I stepped down and forced him into the decision making. He still plays his video games which I do not have a problem with and he is also a great spiritual leader in the house now. Is it you standing in the way of his leadership? Only you can answer that. I hope this helps,

Carolee - posted on 02/09/2010

Do you have a date night or a time that the 2 of you share?