Is it just me....

Krys - posted on 07/13/2010 ( 76 moms have responded )

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I see moms complain about having to take care of the children all the time and the house work and when their men come home they do nothing...well i dont know mayb i was raised a lil different but i always have done all the house wrk and tennded to the kid ... andi just found it natural..i counted it a blessing if he helped out. Now that my son is ten he has a few chores but mainly i do the cooking/cleaning etc...is it wrong of me to feel that these things are primarily my job as a MoM?

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Alison - posted on 07/14/2010

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I think it depends on a number of things. Some children are more demanding than others, some dads are more demanding than others, some moms have more stamina... and the truth is, men and women's roles are changing. My husband expects me to work outside of the home, in which case, I expect him to help out around the home.

What works in one household may not work in another. If you feel good about your role that is great - seriously. But it doesn't mean that another mom needs to feel the same.

Michelle - posted on 07/16/2010

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Eve was created to be a "helpmate" not a slave. "Housework" whether inside or outside of the home is a joint responsibility.

Judy - posted on 12/01/2012

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I do most of the work around the home and feel that my children are to help me. That's my job to organize the household to run smoothly including what the children do. My husband is the sole provider, his job is outside the home and the "manly" chores along with our 3 boys. my 4 girls are included in the housekeeping duties. I try not to complain to my husband when I have a bad day. I do expect him to understand when I need to unload after a bad day and not take it as a sign that I don't want to be home anymore. Just as he needs a breather from his job's frustration so do I.

Carla - posted on 11/17/2012

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Hi, Desiree--this is where the SERVANT part of being a Christian comes in. And this is why I have been preaching to anyone who will hear, that men have abdicated their roles God gave them. It is MEN'S responsibility to make sure his wife and children are #1 spiritually healthy, #2 emotionally healthy and #3, physically healthy. If you go through the epistles and read what BOTH Paul and Peter wrote about the home, it would be evident that husbands/fathers have a much heavier role in the workings of the home than we have been told. Of course, this is also our fault, because the Bible has always been there for us to read. We have gotten lazy and just take whatever our pastor/dad/mother/grama tells us is true. Peter even tells men that if they do not live with their wife according to knowledge, their prayers will be hindered. What is the knowledge of wives? That your wife is TIRED, or SICK, or OVERWHELMED and NEEDS help! Men are supposed to be constantly increasing their knowledge and wisdom in Christ, then teaching their family. After church, there should be conversation--'What did you think of the sermon? Does it follow the Bible?' If the pastor gave Scripture, check it out! Paul said the churches 'searched the Scriptures daily' to see if what they were being taught was true. Dad should be checking in with the kids daily--'How's school? Any problems?' 'What are your friends up to? Are THEY having any problems?' If Dad was as involved in the everyday workings of the home, I can guarantee you, there would be fewer kids in crisis. 'Hey, honey, how's it going?' THEN LISTEN to what she has to SAY!



If we take what these men gave us, through the leading of the Holy Spirit, then go back and read the Gospels' accounts of Jesus, who preached servanthood constantly, we would begin to understand WHY our marriages are such a mess! MEN, WAKE UP! YOU are the reason your home and marriage are a mess! Why are you looking to your wife to be the spiritual leader? Because you are lazy! STOP IT! You are gambling your household's eternal soul because you don't either like what's in the Bible, or you are too stubborn to really listen.



Marriage is a partnership. A family is a partnership. It's time for us to quit playing games and start really listening to the Holy Spirit and making some changes.



God bless, sweethearts.

Britt - posted on 11/09/2012

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I THINK.... america ... and women .. have come a long way since liike the 1950s... personally ... my husband calls me a feminist lol ... i guess i also feel that way .. because i dont want my kids to say woman get in that kitchen .. woman when is dinner going to be ready ... woman .. get my beer ..... i feel like some men treat woman as a tool .... or as yess.... back in the old days ... that you dont have a say .... and we as woman cn work .. clean ... we make kids.. we do so much ... why be stopped because a man wants someone to cook for them and clean for them ... yes very feminist over here .... i just want all our kids to realize that ... piching in at the house... both sexes ... working.. is normal ... i feel that because someone is at work .. and someone is at home.. its because your family cant afford to have both people working .. not because your mom isnt wearing the pant in the house ... we all have our own beleifs ... and we alll expect one thing or another from our husbands and our familys ... but thats why its great to see how things work ....

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Judy - posted on 12/01/2012

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Just now reading the past post..... If it make you feel better Tracy, I hold a college degree and worked outside the home, then homeschooled my 3 kids until my divorce when I went back into my "career" and continued my education. When I got remarried, my husband and I decided that the children needed me at home so I became a stay at home mom again. currently only one of our 7 children are homeschooled but we are considering pulling the elementary kids out. "Greater love hath no man then this to lay down his life for another" I willing and loving gave up money, esteem, and the extras to meet my children's needs. Not all mothers are called to do that but I was.

Carla - posted on 11/19/2012

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Calm down, Tracy, I was assuming admin deleted her post because it wasn't respectful, judging by what you had written. And I went back to check if she had posted earlier, but couldn't find anything from her, period.



Sometimes people have to wave their education in your face to make themselves feel better. Sometimes it's guilt. We are supposed to be Sisters in Christ, and encourage and uphold each other. Having worked most of my life, I embraced the rare times I was able to stay at home and bake cookies and be there when the kids came home from school. IMHO, there is no higher calling than to raise Godly children and make a home of peace. Under NO circumstances could my house have been called that when I was working and trying to manage homework, housework, family, friends, church, etc.



Stay at home moms are chefs, chauffeurs, tutors, janitorial service, seamstress, mechanical engineer, masseuse, diplomat--not educated? Not a chance!



So, those of you who have chosen careers, if that is what you feel God has called you to do, God bless you. Those who choose to be at home with their children, God bless you. I count myself indeed fortunate that, because of disabilities, I am now able to have my grandbabies and give them what my children missed--me ;)



God bless, all

Tracy - posted on 11/19/2012

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I was respectful! She said we were NOT educated because we were stay at home moms! She continued to attack and attack! I simply said her comment was insulting and said that I would pray for her. How exactly did I attack her????

Carla - posted on 11/19/2012

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It must have been deleted, Tracy.



As with most 'hot' topics, we are very passionate about our views, but let's remember that we are a Christian community! Each of us has to follow our conscience, keeping in remembrance what the Bible tells us. Respect, not thumps!

Tracy - posted on 11/18/2012

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It is very odd it says I have a response from Stephanie and when I click on it! I am not able to read it! ummmmmmmmmm!

Tracy - posted on 11/18/2012

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Wow Stephanie, How insulting are you! Just because you went to college and choose to work! You do NOT have to put down those who have chose to be Stay At Home Moms! I am so sorry that you do NOT feel that Stay at Home Moms are important or that raising healthy happy children is the most difficult and important job in the world and the HARDEST! I have been doing it for 15 years! I have a 15 year old daughter and a 8 year old son! I also choose to read the bible and apply it in my life! I will pray for you!

Angela - posted on 11/17/2012

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Amen to that, Carla!



But I still say I'm right about men who put out the garbage and walk the dog!!

Desiree - posted on 11/16/2012

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no its not wrong, I cook clean and take care of the house and all my boys grown and wee ones...I think where alot of moms are coming from is when your burning out or burnt out and you ask for help the men make you feel like you havent done anything..or as an example when your entire house is sick..itsyour job to take care of them..but who helps you when youve been up all night sick as a dog with a pounding head ache an upset stomache no sleep and running a fever? cause in my house even with all the sympotoms above I still cant get 2 seconds of help to take the boys outside to play so I can try to get an advil into me and an hrs sleep before its time to start planning for the day...or something...Just saying...

Carla - posted on 11/15/2012

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I Gir-animal my husband's clothes (put matching shirt and pants on same hanger), otherwise who knows what he would look like! I also worry when either of us has to go out of town. He will eat a gallon of ice cream (out of the pail), or eat peanut butter sandwiches.



We go with our strengths. Now that he's retired, he wants something to do. I shudder inwardly. He CAN do laundry, but not the way I like it. He washes dishes, but I have to go behind him secretly and clean the stove, counters, floors, etc. But I can't pour cement, hang drywall, wire the house or side the house. When we have the grandkids, he is in the floor with them playing while I make breakfast/lunch. He's basically the babysitter, I am the fuel for them ;)



Each of us has to pray about how our homes are going to be run. If you are expecting him to be 50% of the homekeeper, I think this needs to be made clear BEFORE you say 'I do'. As Christians, we are to be servants to each other. Again, these things should be part of the pre-marital counseling, or better yet, classes for teenagers before they even think of marriage. I think to demand a certain level of participation, from either husband or wife, is asking for a lot of conflict.



God bless, all

Angela - posted on 11/15/2012

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Nothing wrong with your chosen role, Tracy. Because, as you say in your post, both of you are happy with this! You're lucky to be content in what you're doing, both of you!



A relative of mine & his wife were married a lot of years and devoted to one another - they didn't have kids and both worked full time. I was quite shocked when he had to go away for a few days (connected to his job) and said he just wouldn't know what to do! This was after about 30 years of marriage - although she worked just as many hours as he did, she'd babied him to some extent, even choosing which clothes he'd wear each day! He didn't have to worry about cooking or anything because he was to be getting meals at the hotel his employers had placed him in, but she had to put each day's clothing & underwear in its own, individual sealed bag inside his suitcase, marked "Monday", "Tuesday" etc ..... Heaven only knows how he'd have coped if he'd had to wash & iron his stuff as well as choosing each day's outfit.



I firmly believe that men should never abdicate from housework. I don't even blame men for this - I blame women for allowing it to become a routine that men never cook, vacuum floors, dust, do laundry etc ... My husband does all of these and more. He also does most of the shopping and cooks most of our meals. Women who are unable to wire a plug, change a tap washer or deal with minor maintenance in the home or the car make me roll my eyes as well.



It's absolutely fine to stick to your own preferred duties (both of you) - but to have no knowledge, experience or inkling of how to go about the tasks your spouse usually looks after is shocking! What makes me laugh most is when wives say "he puts the garbage out" - one of the simplest, fastest tasks there is within the whole arena of housework (he could do it during the football match's commercial break on TV) - and she thinks she has a diamond because he puts out the garbage, LOL!! The other one is "He always walks the dog ..." the vast majority of times a family actually OWNS a dog, is because it was the idea of the man in the house! Give him a chocolate medal girls, he walks a dog - HIS dog! (but his wife cleans up after the darned creature!)

Tracy - posted on 11/14/2012

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I am a stay at home mom! My husband works so It is my job to clean the house cook dinner and take care of the kids! When my husband is off he does stuff with the kids! Takes our son to baseball practice, etc Our kids are older 15 and 8! So he enjoys being with them and doing fun stuff with them when he is off! It also gives me a break! But my husband has never cleaned or cooked and it doesn't bother me at all! Because we both have our own roles in the family! I also feel very lucky to be a stay at home Mom!

Angela - posted on 11/13/2012

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Anyone, male or female, who lives in a house, has a responsibility to look after that house. Anyone who eats food has a responsibility to know how to cook and prepare food.

Anyone who handles money has a responsibility to budget that money and spend it wisely.

Anyone who is a parent has a responsibility to be a good parent and do their best for their child.



It's as simple as that! Many couples have a dynamic where the husband goes out to work and earns money and the wife remains at home caring for the family and the house. Other couples may BOTH go out to work, place their children in daycare or with minders or work within school hours and then share the housework and parenting tasks when they're off duty. In some couples the husband may be the one who is the stay-at-home parent whilst the wife goes out to work.



As a family, you do whatever is right for YOU. And if you're fortunate to be able to do what suits you as a family and as a couple, that's great! Some people are not so fortunate and it's not for the rest of us to point the finger and say that they shouldn't complain about their lot in life. Nor do we have the right to judge others for their chosen family dynamics if their ways differ from our own.



I honestly don't see the point of this thread. It has a note of being "smug". So you're perfectly content to be a housewife and look after your kids and your home etc ... and take such pride in it that you don't need your husband to give a hand with the domestic tasks? Well, bully for you! Many people who genuinely enjoy the homemaker role rightly expect their menfolk to help out and are entitled to feel some level of anger if they refuse to. Married life is about being an ADULT and not expecting a similar deal to when you were living with your parents. A man's wife ISN'T his mother!

Klp_crh - posted on 11/12/2012

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I agree with you... I feel that the wife should WANT to do these things and take care of her husband.. Before my daughter was born the whole house was cleaned his laundry was folded and put away and dinner was ready before he came home. but i know that i got extremely overwelmed and fell into a depression where all i wanted to do was sit and hold my baby all day long and couldnt make myself find the energy to get up and do anything.. (which would have been fine if my husband wasnt so used to me picking up after him and waiting on him hand and foot.) I still maintained things like having dinner ready and the dishes done but i could be a full time mom and clean up after him and clean the house and do the laundry and cook dinner ect. so i do feel that it is strictly dependant on the family. I dont however think that a stay at home mom/wife should just sit around doing absolutly nothing all day and expect the husband to go to work and come home and do everything around the house too. just my 2cents. :)

Jessica - posted on 11/11/2012

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I have just become a single Mom, I feel that I have failed at two relationships when in fact the two men that I was with failed me. I was the bread winner in both, I took care of the house in both, and I fed both of them.... Both of these men couldn't take care of themselves, I on the other hand am very indipendent, this is why I have a career and they can barely hold a job. I now have a 4 yr old little girl to raise on my own because her Dad found some woman to babysit him. I see this in my brothers as well, they need their women to babysit them rather than walk hand in hand in life. What is wrong with having a man taking care of some chores around the house? It's good for them, it's good for the relationship. As far as venting on line, I personally have made some wonderful relationships on line which without them I would not have made it when I was left alone by the man I loved and trusted....

Kay - posted on 11/09/2012

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Im always torn with this, a part of me feels accomplished if i can do it all while the rest of me (filled with resentment) wants to drop to sleep for 2 days. I have an amazing "mother in law' who i find myself trying to immulate and its exhausting. Everyones different but i appreciate a little help, it keeps me in a better mood.



p.s. i definitely bwasnt raised to service a whole household. my grandmother was very strong but i unfortunately didnt have a male influence in my life and didnt quiet know how i should be as a married person or a mom.

Carla - posted on 11/04/2012

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I agree with you, Jessica. I HAD to work, I didn't have a choice. It took both of us to keep a roof (and it wasn't pretty for many, many years) over our heads, food in their stomachs and clothes on their back. We lived a winter (in Michigan) without a furnace (heated with the kitchen stove), lived months without electricity. I had to sell my wedding rings and everything that wasn't nailed down to provide for the children. I did it gladly, however, my heart still yearned to be home with them. I would leave them at the babysitters with them both crying at the window crying 'Don't go, Mama!' It absolutely tore my heart out. I urge every woman that possibly can to make the sacrifice to stay home for their children's sake.



As Christians, we are called to be a servant, whether man or woman. Jesus was a servant. He left His glorious home in Heaven to come to Earth, to be ridiculed, beaten and killed for us. I don't think many of us will have to go through what He did, but why did He do all this? For love. He loved us more than He loved Himself. This is our example.



I know I will receive some scathing replies to this, and all I can say is--each person has to make their own decisions. I'm glad you listened, Jessica, and made the right choice. You will never be sorry. Careers come and go, but our children and their futures, are our responsibility.



God bless, hon

Jessica - posted on 11/04/2012

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No!!. I had grow up in a old fashioned home, with my grandma being the stay at home mom. and never wanted that.. but as soon as i had my first child it all just came to me naturally like this is how its sappost to be.. and be happy/proud to be able to stay home with your family and actually enjoy it. so many women complain but i believe that it because (some people will hate me for saying this but..) has to do with now a days having to much choice.. before the women stayed home.. men worked. now women don't want to stay home.but that's whats taking away from the family.. these children these days aren't like before.

Selena - posted on 11/03/2012

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I somewhat feel the same way. My job is inside the house and his job is out. He does all the grass cutting, yard work, house power washing and so on. That does NOT mean though I am going to "clean" up behind him. He is a grown ma, I have a 7 year old son that knows he better clean up behind himself . I do sometimes ask for help inside with homework, bath, dinner ect and he may not want to help but he does. I do know with what he does for 10 hours a day is physically exhausting and what I do can be mentally exhausting so we both need to be understanding of each others needs. That's all it's really about, we'll in my opinion.

Aubree Del - posted on 11/01/2012

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Well, in my opinion yes it is. It's 2012 and women have a much more independent role. It's not about being a housewife and tending to kids. It's about working hard, making money, and being self-sufficient. I am in no way saying you are a submissive housewife, but I think that there are more choices for women these days.

Andrea - posted on 11/01/2012

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My husband works darn hard so i can stay at home and take care of the house and the baby, land i am so grateful for it. There are so many mom who have to do everything all by them selfs ( work and take care of the kids) and I know its hard for them. I respect that my man is tierd and just wants to relax when he gets home. Yes sometimes im exausted, but I am sp greatful for it.

Elaine - posted on 11/01/2012

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I am the same way and always have been. My situation, being married to a farmer, (he died 12 years ago) was that it worked well for me to do everything at hom and raise the kids and he tended the farm. He never made me do farm work like a lit of the neighbor women did, nor did I make him help me. I am good at running a home as I am really organized and a clean neat person. If you're husband is providing so you can be home then it sounds like a balance to me. If you won't help you if you ask him to, then it would be different.



If it's not broke don't fix it! I would gently suggest not to judge the mom's who are overwhelmed and frustrated. They just have different needs than us! :-)

Stephanie - posted on 10/31/2012

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Yep... Why don't we just call it what it really is... We are parenting our husbands... I don't know about anyone else that has read these posts but didn't they do away with slavery? Now don't freak out everyone... All I mean is no one has the right to expect another person to do anything... We are free to choose for ourselves and to be happy. If being a cleaner, a cook, a sex slave, a servant makes you happy than so be it... But why do you think it is ok to judge those of us that don't enjoy or have a "natural" desire to do them... My husband knew who he was marrying and I haven't tricked him. Our marriage works fine... Some people just have the need to sit on their moral high horse I guess. This comment is a comment on all the other comments not this particular one. Someone made an innocent comment in a moment of desperation (which we have all felt, including you may Sayers and moral superiorites) and frustration. And wouldn't you know it suddenly she's the devil. Come on over to the dark side girl... It's all good

User - posted on 10/31/2012

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That's great if it works for you and your happy. I suffered from depression and post partum depression so I was very drained and exhausted having to work full time and take care of my two sons and do everything for them before and after working all day. I would have loved to have been the mom who was happy and had lots of energy to do everything. If you feel that way then there is nothing I see as wrong with that. You and your whole family benefits. My only concern is when your children-sons are older and have there own relationships. If there wives work full time and don't have the energy to do it all I hope your boy will know to help out and that it isn't just a mother's job and duty. Your son helps out with chores and I don't know you or him so you may not have that concern at all. I hope that my sons will help out when they have children of there own and possibly they will as they do alot of chores around the house-helping with laundry and helping in the kitchen (things that will be good for them to know when they move out on there own whether they are married with children or just on their own).

Amanda - posted on 10/30/2012

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The way i see a relationship with two parents is an equal responsibility. I think mothers should take more of a role when it comes to the children because usually the man is working and what not. But if the man were on his own he would have laundry and dishes and garbage and all the other housework to do on his own... so yes they should help because now you have double the work of dishes and laundry! why should the women have less free time??? if everyone makes an effort then everyone gets free time... good way to keep your sanity

Vanessa Jacky - posted on 10/30/2012

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It sounds to me like your very pleased with the way you run your home and family. Cheers to you, you the may be the only one! ;-)



(But, I do feel certain that we want our boys to grow to know how to make the owner dinner and clean up after themselves, after all their future wife, if there is one, might not be too keen on taking care of all the domestics.)

Kathy - posted on 10/30/2012

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I have to say I do think it's wrong that men think that it's the women's responsibility to do all the housework.



I work out of the home part time. My husband puts in a lot more hours but on the weekends when he is home he is responsible for some chores as well. Also my daughter is 5 and is responsible for making her bed everyday before school and making sure there is nothing on the floor when she leaves for school. She has a sense of responsibility and feels more helpful when she can help.

Tristan - posted on 10/30/2012

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I say bless you that you are happy with that. I like being a stay at home mom, that what I have chosen. I am a control freak and like to have jobs done the way that I want them to be done. Having said all of that..... I don't think that it's fair that he has an eight hour day, and mine is 24 hours, 7 days a week. I like it when I get my little breaks from the monotony.

Carla - posted on 10/30/2012

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Good thought, Debi. My son knew how to cook, do laundry and clean (last two, not so much, but he was able to keep himself alive ;)) He didn't marry until he was 32, so if he hadn't had at least the basic skills, he would have starved to death and died of embarrassment ;) Our oldest daughter was Susie Homemaker, and flowed into the wife role effortlessly, our youngest, not so much. It took her a lot of years to figure out the cooking-thing, and trying to get her house organized has taken her a long time, but she's getting it.



Teaching our children is a lifetime job. The lessons don't stop at 18, we just handle it differently.



God bless, all

Debi - posted on 10/29/2012

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That's great if you enjoy doing it all but please don't forget to teach your children how to do their laundry and load the dishwasher. There's nothing more aggravating than when an adult is clueless around the house. It sends the message that some things are "beneath" them and others are supposed to cater to them and pick up their slack. Your children will have a hard time making and keeping friends if that's the way they will act. I too do most of the housework and 99% of the cooking but I enjoy doing things my way. My husband has 2 jobs and I would not dream of asking him to do anything around the house. He does pitch in when he can and it's always appreciated. My grown children know how to cook, clean, and take care of babies and pets. If anyone else has a problem with the way you run your house, then they need to mind their own business.

Ashley - posted on 09/11/2012

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I don't think it's wrong necessarily. It just depends on what works for you and what you feel comfortable with. My marriage functions on a 50/50 split where we both do our fair share of chores, childcare, etc. and I like that. I inevitably end up doing a little bit more than him, of course, but I don't mind that either. I know he works hard, and I honestly just care more about things being neat that he does (You should have seen his Bachelor pad--DISGUSTING! LOL).



I think it's natural to experience frustration with your daily routine, but you have to figure out what works for you. If you feel like doing most of the housework is your primary job and you're happy with it, more power to you. No one should judge you for that. It's your life!

Amanda - posted on 09/08/2012

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I agree with the traditional roles....but I do feel "parenting" should be shared. I wouldn't stand for a husband who came home & did nothing. But I don't have that problem since my hubby is pretty good if I ask for help.

Gerri - posted on 09/08/2012

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As a Christian, we shouldn't judge anyone! Offer words of encouragement and let it be. We are all different. God created each of us uniquely, so it is important for all of us to accept this and try to find our own way in life. God bless everyone who reaches out and asks for help versus struggling with their problems in the dark, on their own. And if they're complaining 'too much' as a Christian it is detrimental to understand that God will deal with that person accordingly according to His will. Perhaps you should advise them to pray about it or pray for them!

Contessa - posted on 04/30/2012

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Again every situation is different for every household. That being said, I am currently 31 wks pregnant and have been doing all the housework (and maintained a job) since the beginning of our 3.5 yr relationship.

I was raised by my grandparents and my grandmother did all the housework more or less. That being said her husband was not a complete slob and rinsed the dishes off after himself. Picked his clothes up off the ground and placed them in the hamper. Little things to me that showed he apperciated enough to not make the work harder for her.

Versus my boyfriend is a complete slob. Won't even wipe up spilt sugar and will leave it to the ants to clean and if not them, then me. Hence we agrue and I complain, though its not that I don't care for cleaning, I just don't care of being taken advantage of. I don't see how I am suppose to raise my son to be respectful and clean up after himself if his father won't.

Jessica - posted on 04/25/2012

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Desiree,



I agree about teaching the kids to do chores to be self sufficient. My daughter is only 5 and already wants to know how to do what I do. My son will be next but he's only a baby so he has time.

Jessica - posted on 04/25/2012

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I am a moderate thinker about domestic duties and kid raising. I do most of the cooking, cleaning and I am at home with my kids.



For me I have no problem doing it all as long as my husband shows appreciation and helps when I need a moment or me time.



From time to time I complain about things if I am overwhelmed and her the statement "I'm tired" then I feel totally inclined to say how much I have done.



I think men should be willing to assist in at least the small ways and be active in the children's lives when they are able.



In my household my husband works full-time and helps with the housework only on his weekend off. Mainly he assists with watching the kids when I need some time or am making dinner and he takes out the garbages and takes care of our rabbit's cage.



Traditionally women do all to do with the house but now it's starting to become a more shared responsibility. I don't share as much because I am home. But if I was back working then it's only fair that both parents help.

Stephanie - posted on 04/24/2012

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I agree with Alison, it really depends on the household. I take care of most of the work and find myself stressed at the end of the day. It's something I grew up seeing, but I don't think I can really handle it all myself. Especially with a busy toddler, he deserves one on one with daddy.

Angela - posted on 04/03/2012

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Women who ARE housewives and women who have CHOSEN to be housewives aren't always one and the same.



I was a housewife for a lot of years once. I would NEVER have chosen to be. I was just unlucky in that I was unable to get work. I hated it. I dread retirement for the same reason.

Hannah - posted on 04/02/2012

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I wasn't referring to woman with jobs, Angela. You are right and like I said, woman with jobs should have help. I am referring to the woman who have chosen to be houswives.

They should be joyful in their choices, like Krys.

Angela - posted on 04/02/2012

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Well Hannah - of course there's nothing wrong with being HAPPY to take on a role of domestic duties in the home, I never said there was. But if you're not happy - why should you? And more to the point, if you've worked looking after your home for years and then find outside employment, what gives any husband or partner the right to expect you to still fulfil the previous role? It's got to be done - no arguments about that but what's wrong with SHARING the duties? Is HIS job worth more than yours? Many men may tell you that their wives earn more anyway but whether she does or not, the housework is to be shared. And even if the wife is at home full-time, I still believe the husband should give a hand. Otherwise he's finishing his work at 5pm (or whatever time) and hers just continues till bedtime!



My job is hard work - I'll admit that it's not terribly well-paid - but it's worthy and worthwhile work. My husband works hard as well. We both do a little housework and employ a lady to clean for us on Fridays. She spends just 3 hours in our home and whisks right through very thoroughly. She is well worth the money and not at all expensive. It's money well-spent. By paying her we are helping her financially to attend to her own family's material needs.



Heaven forbid that I should become a "housewife" (as we call it in the UK!).



I'd recommend every hard-pressed housewife hires a cleaner. And also that every housewife who genuinely enjoys her role might like to try a little PAID cleaning for someone else's household in order to have some independent money. It's nice to be able to buy a gift for your husband without the thought that he paid for it himself anyway!

Hannah - posted on 04/01/2012

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Your husband has a job; providing for the family. You have a different job but it is not any less important; taking care of the things he provides. Why should he come home after working all day long and have to help you cook and clean and take care of the kids when you are home all day long! That's how I see it. I don't think you are wrong. I feel the same way. I love what I do. I read something in a book once, Created To Be A Help Meet, it said to think of yourself as your husbands secretary. If you were working as a secretary for someone you would help them in everything, and would always look for new ways to help them and make their jobs easier... it's the same with your husband. I always think of my wifely duties as my secretary duties. I am helping my husband by making a haven for him when he comes home. It makes him want to come home to me all the more! So you are in the right frame of mind to be happy about your lot in life.The woman that complain about doing those things for their husbands are ungrateful. Sorry, I know it's blunt, but it is true.

(These woman I am referring to are the ones that are home all day and don't have jobs. For those of you who have jobs, you are perfectly in the right for wanting some help and yes, your husbands should pitch-in.)

My husband is usually willing to help me on his own accord (I don't ask) but when he would rather sit in his chair and watch TV, I am glad to bring him his dinner and pick up his boots because I stop to think about what he went through that day (manual labor) to give me a comfortable life and it makes me grateful and oh so willing to do it for him!

Never doubt yourself for being joyful about your job.

One of the ladies on here commented that Eve was created to be a helpmate, not a slave... but if helping your husband means cleaning, cooking, laundry and kids, then isn't that what we are called to do? For the woman who have husbands that want them to work outside the home, then working would be helping their husbands and that is what they are called to do, too.

Angela - posted on 01/27/2012

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Really good to see so many women have partners who help out with housework and do their fair share.



Can't abide the philosophy that it's "women's work".



Look at single parents! Single dads MUST get on with these tasks. Single mothers should not view these regular homemaking chores as an excuse for not seeking/doing paid work.



Really hate the gender-role stereotyping that's still in evidence today amongst a lot of communities.

Suzie - posted on 01/27/2012

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like Many moms on here i think you are not wrong but it also is wrong for me. We both work fulltime jobs and we are partners at home i cook he dose the dishes we both do laundery and we both share in the rest of the house hold chores I do tend to take on more of the caring for the babies as im a nursing mom as well. We also shared all the chores before we had kids we are a team in the sumer months i do more inside and he keeps the outside up. this being said sometimes we both get overwhelmed and then we both need to take a step back.

Teresa - posted on 11/03/2011

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I am 41 and it is not natural to me to be the only one taking care of the kid or the household. My hhusband has as much responsibilty as I do. He helps make the mess he helps clean it up or raise it. My husband helps with everything and he enjoys it. He loves helping my son do his homework, give him abth, and read him stories. He loves to cook every now and then and he knows to was his clothes., but my husband is a mature, responsible adult that knows he has to help around the house, and if he can wear the clothes then he can wash them. If something ever happened to me I know my husband could carry on with those tings.

Jeannette - posted on 10/27/2011

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For us it worked and works like this: when I was not working, I was primary housekeeper, cook, chauffer, and so on. When I started working, he started pitching in. However, when I started doing the exact same job he does, he is a 50/50 partner. We do the chores we like mostly though. I prefer cleaning house and cooking, while he prefers yardwork and chauffering.

Sarah - posted on 10/04/2011

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It is incredibly discouraging when it seems like an endless list of complaints. You are not wrong to feel as though it is your duty. I do try to run the house without complaint. We have four on the go children and several other children in the house as I watch children for a living. I do expect my kids to pitch in and help, otherwise running and maintaining our household would be an epic failure. what works for some does not work for others... but there is no need to complain~ as it gets nothing accomplished!

Angela - posted on 09/30/2011

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I work full-time and the household tasks are down to both of us, not just me. In fact my husband does MORE housework than I do (he usually cooks every meal) but because he works "ordinary" office hours, Monday to Friday and I work "unsocial" hours including weekends, late evenings and overnights, it's far easier for him to be the one to do the housework - he's in the house more than I am! And I have meals at work when I'm on duty.

Furthermore, my job is as a Support Worker for disabled people. I do enough laundry, shopping, cleaning and cooking in the workplace so wouldn't really want more of the same at home! I do help though because it's my home as well. We also have a lady comes in and does some cleaning once a week. My children are all adults and don't live with us either.

In the case where one person stays at home and the other goes to work it's a bit different. The problem with housework is that it's NEVER complete. It can be very wearing and frequently un-stimulating. So a good while after the other person comes home from work, the person who is the stay-at-home partner in the marriage still has tasks to do. Should the partner with the outside job just sit back and let them get on with it? After all their job has finished for the day - they've done their duties!!

I think that the one with the outside job really SHOULD help around the home. And so should children. Does any stay-at-home spouse think the tasks of cooking, cleaning and caring need to be guarded so jealously in order to preserve their own self-esteem? (meaning does your role seem less important when other people can carry out these tasks effectively?). It's surprising how fast a hungry person can learn to cook when there's no-one else around to do it for them.

I also disliked stereotyped male and female roles around the home but to be fair each couple can work out what they feel most comfortable with doing in their home and if they're both happy with that, good luck to them! A boyfriend I had a few years ago that wanted to marry me was upset when I told him I'd like a new toolbox for my birthday. He had his own home but didn't possess any tools himself! I saw the light after a few more episodes like this and ditched him!

My friend has never forgotten her father’s comments to her mother when she asked their son to help with some household task. “Why are you bothering the boy with this when he has 3 sisters?” As one of the 3 sisters she was rightly angry that their father felt their brother should be exempt from helping around the home!

Finally, please notice that I've been careful to use phrases like "the one who works outside the home" and "the one who stays at home" rather than gender-classify these roles. In some households it's the wife that goes to work and the husband is the one who stays at home. I've known a few couples who do it this way. If the wife has a higher-earning job than the husband or the husband loses his job and it's easier for the wife to find employment (especially in the current economic climate) then it's quite normal and natural for the wife to be the working partner. Families can't live on fresh air!

Some women who are “housewives” (as we call it in the UK) find the role to be pure drudgery, others treat it as a career and do very well at it. Many more of us are in-between these 2 extremes. I would say that the housewife who treats her “job” as a career is the exception, rather than the rule and therefore, it’s hardly surprising that many women complain about lack of help from their partners & children!

Natoya - posted on 09/27/2011

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it's not easy raising a 2yr with adhd or a newborn with acid reflux that you got to keep an eye on 24/7 and do homely duties and when you finally lay down your fiance ask you to get him some chips and you get up without complaining and when you ask him to help out it's a big deal.

Shauna - posted on 07/15/2011

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Actually I find it refreshing.
I had a mom that was a very good homemaker and I turned out to be just like her. So I totally get you. I still do it. It is great when your man will jump in and help to ease your load, but girl I just go to work and I don't wait for anyone to help me. LOL! Old School Woman.

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