Is it wrong to force my son to go to all our church activities?

Amanda - posted on 03/23/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

30

9

0

My 13 yr old son just recently started arguing with his father and I about having to miss out on other things to attend Church activities. We only go on Wed nights and Sunday mornings. If the Church has special events then often we go to them as well. I think he is just going through a faze and that he will get over it and making him go on Wed and Sun it no big deal. My Husband on the other hand does not want to force him and push him away. I have know idea which to do. If anyone has any adivce I would graetly appreciate it.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Deborah - posted on 03/30/2011

1

26

0

I was a single mom when my daughter was 13 and until she left to live with her father, it was a rule in our home that she attend mass with me every sunday and that she pick 1 activity at the church that she would attend regularly...you need to find out why he doesn't want to go..really listen and respect that he was open with you. Try to come to a compromise and as parents, think back to when you were his age and think about how you felt, or would have felt if you were in his place.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

14 Comments

View replies by

Alisha - posted on 04/29/2011

735

10

39

I would not be forceful but not let him drop out of everything completely. Maybe he needs a godly man to tell him how important Christ is. My mom let my brother stop going to church etc and now he rejects God completely. You and your husband will have to come at this united and in agreement.

Pat - posted on 04/08/2011

282

0

17

I agree, he is under your roof and your rules til he moves out. I understand the not wanting to push him away, because I am going through that with my daughter. She doesnt believe in God or that if He is real, it isnt the God of the bible because if He loved her, how could she have been molested and be going through so much. telling her there is a reason for everything doesnt help. However....we are responsible for training up our children and will be accountable. sunday church is not an option, my daughter has to go when she is with me, and on Wednsdays..she has the choice of a youth group or church with me. It isnt easy because she usually picks the youth group which is at a different church and it involves a bit of travel, but i know she is hearing the word and it wont return void, and she enjoys it...i dont force wednesdays since i dont always go myself, but sunday is mandatory. Keep praying, pray through the house, let him see Jesus in your life....I will be praying..i know it is hard, but God is faithful

Lisa - posted on 03/30/2011

3

19

0

When i was a kid my mom did the same with me and my 2 brothers. bible study on Wed. and church on Sun. Now im a mother and my daughter is only 2 yrs old she still tells me mom i want to go to church which is odd for her age to say. What i'm saying allow him to choose but still have some part of church in his life because it will keep him grounded as well as you and your husband.Church on Sunday and fun activities the church is hosting is a start.Allow him to be a kid don't suck the fun out because he will always go to his father for everything instead of you and you will feel like he's not loving you as much. He does but to him dad is more reasonable than you so bend a little but not to much. Much love from me to you

Rhonda - posted on 03/30/2011

3

10

0

Keep that young man in church. Do you give him a choice in whether he goes to school or not? Church is no different. He is not old enough to know what is best for him. That is why God gave children Parents!!! And yes he is a teen, which means he is still a child albeit an older one.
Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depatr from it. Proverbs 22:6

Carla - posted on 03/27/2011

4,281

83

592

Yes, Debra, we were instructed in Deuteronomy to 'talk with them as you walk along the way, when you rise up and when you lay down', literally talk to them continually about what we believe, why we believe, and why it is so important to stay plugged in. Unfortunately, when my kids were little I wasn't as plugged in myself, but when my son had moved home (many times!) we talked constantly. If we don't tell them what we believe, how will they know? We can't expect 'church' to do all the teaching!

Debra - posted on 03/26/2011

4

11

0

Does your Church have special Youth classes on Wed. nights? If so, have your son invite a friend to come with him. If it is just one special event to go to, I would think it might be ok for just one time - but wouldn't make it a habit - Have a talk with him about what he thinks, and give him your reason this is important to you for him to go - I had my kids go all the time - Sun A.M. P.M., Wed. nights, and Youth nights when they had them - and Revival nights and Youth Camps. It is important to talk about it with them at home too, and communicate what you really believe. Show this in your actions too. I may have been blessed, but my kids didn't argue once about going - they knew we were going - and they were active in school. They are now on their own. It is important for them to feel they have a part in the Church too - and if they don't have a Youth Group, maybe you should speak to your Pastor about it.

Amanda - posted on 03/24/2011

30

9

0

He is missing out on "hanging out with his friends who can't go to church" (his words not mine) So we offered to take the kids with us to church, 2 now go with us most Sundays and Weds. Other than that we make sure he gets to all sporting events and most other activities within reason!
Thank you ladies for your advice, it is greatly appreciated!

Desiree - posted on 03/24/2011

910

17

12

Be very careful you can turn your child against religion completely. He is 13 it could be a faze, and he is just showing his personality, but be careful about forcing him all the time.

Theresa - posted on 03/23/2011

1,310

22

231

You said he says he misses out on other things to attend church. What other things is he missing out on? There's not much else going on Sun mornings or Wed mights. If special church events are making him miss out on other things then maybe you could decide those things on a case by case basis, but Sun and Wed shouldn't be negotiable IMO. It's the old "As long as you live in my house...." mentality. I think teen years are very critical to have a church connection. It plants the seed.

Carla - posted on 03/23/2011

4,281

83

592

Amanda, my husband is not the biological father of my two oldest children, but when we married, he took on the responsibility. I understand your husband's reluctance to 'be the heavy', but in the end, your son will be glad for it.

God bless, sweetie

Amanda - posted on 03/23/2011

30

9

0

Thank you Carla!
My husband and I dont fight or aruge back with him we just tell sorry he feels that way but he does have to go just like school.
My Husband is not he real dad, and so he is often trying to let Jose see that he understands his points and feels for him. He is a good boy I just wanted to make sure that we were doing the right by my son. Again, Thank you so much!

Carla - posted on 03/23/2011

4,281

83

592

Baby, when our kids were UNDER our roof, they attended church. When they had friends stay the night, they attended church. When we took in 'strays', they attended church. We force them to go to school--why? Because it is for their benefit. We force them to eat--why? Because they will get sick without food. So why isn't their spiritual well-being just, if not more, important? Two out of three of our biological children are serving the Lord, and two of our 'strays' just gave their heart to the Lord this last year.

I didn't get ornery or yell, it was just stated matter-of-factly, that we WILL be in church.

When we get to Judgment Day, God isn't going to ask us what college they attended, or what veggies they ate, He's gonna want to know how we urged, encouraged and fed our children in the ways of the Lord.

Now, I can't have said this without mentioning the obvious: we can take them to church and hope they learn something, but the best way to show them Jesus is by the way WE act at home. Make sure you and Hubby are showing him the Love of Jesus, actively in your home. The #1 complaint I hear from kids is that their folks act one way at church and another at home. Make sure your home is a Godly oasis from the stress of the world. If he is shown the beautiful side of a relationship with Jesus, He, of course, will want that for himself.

God bless, honey

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms