miscarriage

Shelley - posted on 05/27/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I had a miscarriage at the end of last year i was 10 weeks i haven't really told anyone but as the would be due date approaches 6th june i find myself counting down to the date and lots of silly thoughts in my head i've prayed about it alone and with my husband. He just wants me to stop talking and thinking about it or for us to have another baby. That just doesn't feel right to me. Has anyone else had one? Is this normal or share your story?

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I lost a baby to miscarriage in 2002, before we got pregnant with my first son. I was only 8 weeks along in my pregnancy, but I still think about her at times. Of course, I don't know if she was actually a girl, but that's what I felt in my heart. There's a song that helped me to grieve, called "Glory Baby" by Watermark. The husband and wife team had several miscarriages, and wrote the song to their unborn children. I cried through it many, many times, and it brought me some healing. I also spent a lot of time meditating on Isaiah 40:10, which says, "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart." It helped me to remember that Jesus is there, holding me in His arms and close to His heart.

My husband also didn't really know what to do with my grieving. It wasn't as real to him, since he hadn't met our baby, and hadn't had much time to even get used to the idea of her. I'll be praying that God will give your husband wisdom in how to help you, and that He will give you comfort in your pain.

Yolanda - posted on 05/30/2010

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I had a miscarriage when I was 8 weeks pregnant. We didn't even tell our families yet that we were expecting so when I was rushed to the ER for the D&C our families grieved w/ us. It was a very painful time and even though it was not a planned pregnancy it was difficult. My husband was great and allowed me to cry openly and even though he didn't know what to say just by simply holding me was what I needed. It took me 3 years to get pregnant w/ our first child (even thought in my heart I know my 1st is in heaven). As time has gone by I have been able to forget all the little details that use to make me cry. God is merciful and He hears your cry and sees every tear. Lean on him and let your husband know that he can't fix the situation but he can hold you and pray for God's will for the two of you. I'll be praying for you too.

Melissa - posted on 05/28/2010

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Yes! I had a miscarriage last year also and felt the same way. It was so hard and didnt want to talk to anyone about it mostly because they kept saying it was for the best that there was probably something wrong with the baby and god took care of it. While I think that is true I was empty! I kept feeling like the docs where wrong and I WAS pregnant I kept track of how far along I was, in my head I was getting bigger and even feeling the baby move. I would cry every time I showered and in bed at night it really did a # on me. I did get pregnant again without trying a few months later and Those bad feeling went away! I was able to move on and while I still wonder what that baby would be like and look like and think about it often I know god wont give me something I cant handle so He thought I needed to go through that for one reason or another you know? Your in my prayers and I hope you and your husband can find what may work for you to be able to move on.

Carla - posted on 05/27/2010

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You lost a child. No one can fully understand that unless they've been through it. Men want to try to 'fix things', so his answer is to stop thinking and get down to business to have another. It will take time for you to grieve, sweetie. Take the time you need, try to explain your feelings to your husband. He's just trying to help, and doesn't know how.



We are all here for you, darling, if you need to talk, we are here. Together we'll get through this life. God bless.

Vanessa - posted on 06/02/2010

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I have had a still birth and have lost a child at 4 month old. the thoughts of your child never go away. to this day I honor both of their birthdays. Maybe not with a party but I may do something small like get some ice cream or go to the park. No one other than a nother mother can understand the pain of losing a child, in the womb or live. Dont think that you will ever ignore the previous existance either. But ther is nothing wrong in the way you feel. Just pray for strength and peace so that the loss does not consume you

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Kristina - posted on 06/17/2010

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I am blessed to have never been through a miscarriage of my own. I can never fully understand the grief that all of you feel. I was there when my sister gave birth to my nephew at 23.5 weeks. He only lived for 45 minutes. It was heartbreaking. I was in the delivery room. I held my nephew. I prepared him for the morgue and took him there myself. It was my birthday. It was devastating. I cannot even begin imagine the heartbreak of losing your child. I am very blessed to have for beautiful children and a loving husband. I had to grieve and I still do. So please take the time to grieve. Mourn the loved one you lost. The child was real. When you are ready...go for it. Prayer is always a good idea. May God Bless each and everyone of you.

Tammy - posted on 06/15/2010

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I had two miscarriages many years ago . The first one was my first pregnancy I was a miserable time . I did take comfort in knowing that the baby was with Jesus . But it is a pain I have to this day . If I think about it or hear about someone else going through it . You cant just sweep it under the rug or deny it ever happened . It is different for men that it is for the mother . Men sometimes tend to not talk about painful things because they feel helpless . Just because you had one miscarriage doesnt mean you will have another one . My first pregnancy ended in misscarriage . My second pregnancy I have my daughter Rachel she is 28 years old . I had another miscarriage with my third pregnancy . After that I had three more babies my two boys and another girl . All of my children are healthy . I was afraid to get pregnant again but God Blessed me with the 4 children that I have . My husband was deeply affected by the miscarriages you need to grieve . For what you lost and what might have been . Many years my doctor asked me if I had ever had a miscarriage and I burst into tears . I told her the truth and as I type this I am crying . Pray about having another baby God will give you the answer . Children are truly a Blessing from Heaven !!

Michelle - posted on 06/14/2010

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I had a miscarriage about 4 years ago. It was my third pregnacy(would have been child #3). I guess i really hadn't thought about it for quite sometime. Until my fifth pregnancy (4th child). It will never go away it will aways be there especially when you have more children. it does get easier with time. we just needto trust that GOD knows what he is doing. I know that i prayed and asked why me. he knew what he was doing. i think it helped me to appreciate the things in my life more. i do have 4 beautiful chidren. i hope the best for you

Jennifer - posted on 06/10/2010

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I've been there. I have lost two babies. It is all normal. Men don't always understand (or know how to deal with the emotions themselves) so they just kinda shut down. Take the time you need. Pray and know that there is a reason for everything. It doesn't always make sense, but I know for me, I've been able to help women when they've had miscarriages, because I've been through it, and I think that's all part of the plan. Plus, I think I honestly love the kids I have more because of the ones that aren't with me.

Nicki - posted on 06/06/2010

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Those babies lost to us are still our babies and though it's hard trying to celebrate the small moments that we had them is very much worth it. I have 5 running around the house causing a ruckus every day, but I will always remember the three that didn't make it here. I learned that it better helps me understand and help my friends when they are struggling with their similar losses. While I don't know why things happened the way they did, I will be thankful for how it did happen, because it has made me the person I am today. Dwelling in the loss only makes it harder, accepting that we were blessed even for a short while lets us feel the love forever. You will never be without that angel, honor your babe's memory but never forget that today is a gift and the future is full of possibility. Who knows what tomorrow holds!
LuvNHugz - SupportNPrayerz - God holds us safely in the palms of his hands, Lean on Him, that's what He's there for

Laura - posted on 06/06/2010

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I have lost 2 pregnancies back to back. They were both very hard. I lost the first one at 9 weeks and the second one at 12 weeks. The day I found out about the first one my husband was not with me which I think made it harder for him to understand. The second time he was there when I found out the news and he knew and understood a lot better how heartbroken I was. I still cry about it when I think about it to this day but it does get better.

My first pregnancy resulted in my beautiful 3.5 year old daughter. Then the miscarriages and I just recently had my gorgeous 2.5 week old daughter. I will have to admit I am cherishing the little things a lot more this time that I took for granted with my older daughter after having gone through the miscarriages. I was paranoid about losing my daughter or something being wrong the entire pregnancy even though all evidence pointed to a "normal" pregnancy. I finally have a healthy baby girl in my arms and am enjoying every moment. Hang in there...this too shall pass.

Carrie - posted on 06/05/2010

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I've been there too. I lost my first pregnancy at 14 weeks. And like you, my husband seemed to move on much more quickly than I did. We talked about it, though, and what he said made sense. For 14 weeks, my job was to take care of the baby inside me. But for that same time, the baby wasn't inside him - so his job was to take care of me. When he found out the baby had passed, he was terrified - but his terror only lasted until I was safely out of surgery. His job was to take care of me, and now I was safe. But what about my job? My job was to take care of the baby, and what did I have? Empty arms and a husband who didn't quite (and, as wonderful as he is, will never quite) understand.

The one thing that helped me, other than praying of course, was to write down all my crazy thoughts in a journal. Everything from the aching of my empty arms as my due date came and went (I literally felt pain in my arms), to the sudden angry urge I felt to hit the gas when I saw a very-pregnant homeless woman in the crosswalk ahead of me (why would God let this drugged-out woman have a full pregnancy when I didn't? I wondered), to how I felt sorry for a coworker of mine who had completely forgotten just weeks after I'd lost the baby and actually asked me if my husband and I had ever thought of having kids (I could tell that as soon as the question was out of her mouth, she realized how insane it was to have asked it). All these thoughts seemed to STICK in my head, and writing them down was the only way to get them out. And slowly, I started to run out of things to write...

You may also consider sharing it with your friends and family. You'd be surprised by how many people have gone through it, and you never knew. There were days when I felt like a mall santa, with a line of women waiting to sit in my lap and tell me about their own miscarriages. Coworkers, friends, even family members - they'd all been there. And they survived it. And they were now happy. And so, one day, would I...

Felicia - posted on 06/04/2010

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I have never been in your situation, but I think that you should allow yourself to grieve. Grieving is normal and healthy. If you are depressed get counseling. Those who have never been in your shoes can't possibly imagine what you are going through right now. Do what is best for you. Be in prayer and know that God is with you. He sees your tears and the hurt in your heart. Take time in your prayer time to cry out to him. I will keep all of you in my prayers.

Shelley - posted on 06/02/2010

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Thanks everyone.
At least i know this is kind of normal. I'm sorry to those who too have lost a child

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