mom's of kids w/ADHA. I need advise

Sarah - posted on 10/04/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Hi all! at the request of a dear friend I'm dropping in to say hi and ask your advise...

My daughter has ALWAYS been an outspoken, determined, outgoing person. People always comment on how she'll be a politician or a lawyer. So obviously these traits can be a positive BUT they can be and are some times a negative. When she was younger and couldnt sit still or stay quiet it was attributed to her age. As she got older in elem school when teachers always sent notes home because she wouldnt stop talking in class and didnt finish work it was attributed to being social and outgoing. But now that she is in 6th grade and all these behaviors are still present despite punishments, discapline, rewards systems and guidance I am starting to wonder more and more about ADHA.

Now I'm considering having her tested and I'm worried. Am I jumping to conclusions? Grasping for straws? Will she grow out of this? People tell me "she's a smart girl, she cant have ADHA"....but that sounds like a bunch of bull. What does intelagence have anything to do with it?! The pamphlets I read all point to her, the articles I read online point to her. Help!!

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Rebecca - posted on 10/13/2010

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This would describe my oldest son, who is now 9.
God made us all unique individuals, and he and your daughter are exactly that. They are bored with "school", because they learn differently than others. There are many different ways people learn, and the school systems seems to think we all learn the same. I homeschool him, and am glad that I am able to teach him in a way that he understands. If he were in school he would be labeled, maybe be in trouble, and probably be in a "special" class. I find all of that very sad.
I believe children with these tendencies need to be guided in the right direction, not be medically supressed into being someone they are not :(
I am glad my son is so outgoing. He says he wants to be a pastor when he grows up, and even if he does'nt I know if he relys on God he will be a great leader. Guide your daughter into using her bold personality for God's good.
I do believe also that some hyperactivity can be followed back to an improper diet, filled with sodas, artificial colorings, high sugar, etc. Artificial sweetners and MSG (monosodium glutamate) are excitotoxins, that are everywhere in American foods, check out Dr. Russell Blaylock. Also, if you can, have her take a good quality fish/krill oil, which helps with concentration and proper brain functioning, that may help (most people are deficient in healthy fats). I have noticed a big change in my sons hyperactivity since we have changed his/our diet and taking the krill oil.

Deborah - posted on 10/13/2010

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Dearest Sarah,



I have a son who is now 25. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in elementary school. He had and IQ of 135 in eigth grade. He is very smart. I also have a daughter that will be 12 in a couple of months. Here is what I have learned along the way. They put my son on medication (Ritalin) and it wasn't worth it so he was taken off the medicine. It just put him in a state of dumbing him down so that he was not as active including his mind set so the room could be quite enough for the teacher, yet the schools never considered that each child is different and learns differently. He was bored!! He was able to process the information faster than the other children and was looked at as a problem because he was active in class. It was a constant fight with the school not to try and dumb my son down to fit in with everyone else. He made it through school & I had him in college when he was 16. They have pre-college programs that are FREE. He is now doing well & constantly going. Sometime he doesn't know how to slow down yet he is amazing.



My daughter is beginning to go thru the same thing. Here we go again... the schools once again want to slow her down (dumb her down) so that she fits in with the rest of the class. DON"T DO IT! Find advanced classes or other activities to keep them focused or intrigued to keep them moving.



Medication is sometimes the answer, however, I find the school systems are quick to label a child with ADHD or ADD so they do not have to work with ALL children. They either fit into there program or else!



I would have her tested, yet not just for ADHD, yet also for the gifted children program. Include an IQ testing and others. The school is required to do this for FREE if you request it.

Shannon - posted on 10/05/2010

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Here are a few sites that I have looked at. familydoctor.org, www.wrightslaw.com, www.russellbarkley.org/adhd-facts.htm, naturalwellbeing.com/add-re, and I don't know if you have tried any natropathic medicines but here are a few sites you could look at and see if anything interests you oh and 1 thing that has come up time and again is what ever you are doing you timers to get you child yo move from one things to another when time is up for some reason it works

Sandy - posted on 10/05/2010

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Get her tested and get her help!!!! It WILL affect her education!!! My son is intelligent and has ADHD. It took a year to get the school to test for learning disabilities. According to their testing, he was average in all things, but his grades kept going down. After reading the reports from the school, we saw some behaviors that looked like ADD. We then had our doctor test for it and he came back with "Moderate to Severe ADHD", meaning this would effect his education greatly. We were very surprised at the ADHD because he wasn't one that "bounced off the walls", he just was silly and didn't always make good decisions. He is now on medication (a low dose that helps him concentrate and take direction). Life is much better for us at home. We are also in the process of getting an IEP/504 drawn up for him (he also has Dysgraphia, a disorder of written expression). If you have concerns, ADVOCATE FOR YOUR CHILD! There is nothing wrong with testing.

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Carla - posted on 10/13/2010

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@Deborah--amen, amen! Our experiences seem to have been the same. Schools want robots that will sit quietly and comply. I, too, found the Ritalin appalling so didn't put our son on it. He is now 42, and slowing down ;) His 'antsiness' took him through his years of finding the right job for him and finding a wife. He is still able to work in the shop 6-7 days a week and be a good influence in his girls' lives. And, in the cases I have been personally involved in, the children ARE very smart--that has nothing to do with ADHD.

@Sarah, I know you are frantically busy, and this seems to be just another thing piled on you. Is hubby as busy? Can he take her out and run her? Is there a child in her school that you could arrange play dates a couple times a week to play with?

As we have talked before, raising children is a harrowing experience! Every child is different, so different things work on different kids. Ask the Lord, honey, what on earth do You want me to do with her?

Am praying for you, honey!

Sarah - posted on 10/12/2010

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oh if only she WOULD entertain herslef! my husband and i have told her several times "go outside!" we tell her she has to be out for at least 30 mins and she acts like its a death sentence! i remember my mother telling us not to come in or we'd be stuck in so we'd drink from hoses or pee behind bushes so we wouldnt be trapped inside all day! LOL it doesnt help that the only neighbor kid moved away but she has a bike, she has a jump rope she has sidewalk chalk or balls to kick and bounce but its never enough to entertain her. and she complains shes too tired after school to do anything but veg

Carla - posted on 10/08/2010

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Good honey. A wise woman gets counsel from many. There are so many tags out there, hyper-active, add, adhd, whatever, that it is almost impossible to know which is what. I DO know, however, that our God knows. When we were kids there were no computers, no video games (can you imagine that?), and we PLAYED outside for hours a day. By the time we came in, we were tired! We didn't buzz around the walls and drive our parents nuts (well, maybe just a little ;)) Make sure she has some good hard play to get some of the ants out of her pants.

God bless, honey!

Sarah - posted on 10/06/2010

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Ha ha, Carla, love it!

I spoke with one of the church leaders this evening. Someone who has counseled with our family, including my daughter, she is also someone who has taught my daughter in kids church. she kept telling me that she didnt think it was so much ADD as it is hyper active. I dont know the difference between ADD and ADHD or if there is a completly other "syndrom" for just hyper active children. but she said its a good idea to speak to the dr about it because she can see my concerns...that was helpful

Carla - posted on 10/06/2010

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Yes, darling, I know she's 11. But, my son and I were talking about this very topic this afternoon, and he is struggling with his 9-y/o daughter. Does she know what a clean room looks like? Yes. Does she know what needs to be done? Yes. But until they hit about 20 (and sometimes older ;)) you need to tell them, over and over, and over, and over----! My son said he got frustrated and said 'for heavens' sake, if you'd quit messin' around, you'd have been done by now!' He then grinned, it was the same words that had come out of my mouth to him when he was a kid! (This is very disconcerting to him. His mother's voice coming out of his mouth. He never thought he'd see the day).

Being a parent is about 20 years of saying 'do this, don't do that'. But I have supreme confidence in you, darling, that you will be persistent and get her whipped into shape!

I am praying for you all, that God will give you wisdom and guidance. God bless, darling!

Shannon - posted on 10/05/2010

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no problem, I have an 11 almost 12 year old boy that has ADHD and well as ODD and my 4th boys has ODD and to get them in the right direction some day is not so easy and they love to argue i could have a court room right in my house lol only the case would never end. I am always researching for more info and i will share as I find out more. I called a doctor the other day for advice and what he said made real sence for the way my one son acts and so I'm going to try his sugggestion which is try taking out different foods and find out what he could be allergic to. He said that the allergy is not only a reaction to the skin but it could be in the brain somewhere that makes them act the way they do so I think it's worth a stot

Sarah - posted on 10/05/2010

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Shannon, I used a timer when she was younger, around 4-5 and it did work well for me. I may try this again, thanks for the info

Shannon - posted on 10/05/2010

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They Say that experimenting with foods taking things out of their diet and seeing if there is any changes. Sarah I have found few site i'll see about adding the links to here let me get the sites and i'll add them soon

Sarah - posted on 10/05/2010

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thanks every one for the input. Carla, keep in mind this is an 11yr old...to me that means she should be able to determine what "clean your room" means. But I do still tell her "clean this corner, organize this shelf..." to give her specific direction. its just getting to the point where its affecting her father and I on a daily basis. I expect a lil bit of scatter brain from an adolesant but when she is repeatedly told something will cause her life to be miserable I would think she'd avoid that...

I dont know, I am wary of medications because I dont want her to be a "zombie" but if there are alternatives that could help us make all our lives easier than I'd like to know about it.

Shannon - posted on 10/05/2010

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Hi Sarah, I have an 11 year old son and they say he has ADHD and from what is sounds like and i'm by no means a doctor but it seems you are looking at ADHD from the sounds of it and I know I have been doing a lot of research on ADHD and ODD which is could also be. They say you can lesson the way they behave by altering the food they are and see if some food they eat effect them which is what i'm about to try now if you would like I have a group on facebook that I created with all kinds of likes on it for ADHD I have not added anythin here yet as I am still new to this circle of moms but if you like there are sites to try and advice on those sites.

Carla - posted on 10/05/2010

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A lot of what you are sharing is a little girl. The non-stop talking, interrupting, etc. They just have sooo much to share! When she interrupts stop her, tell her she has to wait to speak until Mommy (or whoever) is done talking, then it's their turn. I have to do that with my grandbabies constantly! When they were little, you entertained them; now when you want them to entertain themselves, it's difficult! It's a whole bunch easier to have Mom do it! Give her ideas on what to do. If she whines, tell her 'go play for 15 minutes'. Give her small blocks of time, so she doesn't feel like it's 'forever'. Remember kids image of time is different than ours. When I tell the children to do something, I usually don't give them more than two things to do at a time. Yes, they get side-tracked, but so do I ;) So, Susie, go pick up your dirty clothes and put them in the hamper. After she has finished that, now, go make your bed and take your trash out. Next pick up your toys. It may take you a little more time, but you are giving her do-able tasks, not the daunting task of 'clean your room'. Yikes! Mom, have you SEEN my room? lol When she comes home from school, Susie, put your shoes in the closet, and put your backpack on the counter so we can go through your work.

Brilliant children are, for the most part, scatter-brained. It is your job to bring that marvelous little brain into focus. I know it's frustrating! But you can do it! Don't pick up her stuff, when you see it out of place say 'Susie, where does your backpack go? Put it there, please.' If she has homework to do, pick a place away from distractions, and check on her often. If she's spacing, reel her back in.

Sometimes they are air-heads all their lives (me and my son, my niece). We call it the Stiles gene, because it seems like our whole family is ditzy! You just work with it the best you can ;)

God bless, darling, maybe the Stiles gene made it's way down to you ;)

Sarah - posted on 10/04/2010

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she acts the same way...but its confusing because i dont know if its age or something more. she never stops talking, she talks out of turn, she interupts ppl, she cant entertain herself, she wont stay on task, if she's told to do something it takes several reminders to her to finish because she gets distracted or "forgets". she is a brilliant child WHEN she puts her mind to it. but we constantly have to be on her to focus...i've given her bins, shelves, containers, everything i can think of to help her stay organized and yet she can never find anything. again, idk if thats age or something more.

Carla - posted on 10/04/2010

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Sarah, how does she act at home? My son and now grandson are/were ADHD. My son was prescribed Ritaliln (all they had in those days), but the side effects were worse than I felt his symptoms were. My grandson has been on Strattera since he was about 7. He would quite literally climb the walls. My pseudo-daughter has tried taking him off several times, but now, being in high school, it has gotten worse. He has had rotten childhood (absent, on-again, off-again father), and I feel his behavior is partly because of his feelings of abandonment. We curtailed sugar, red food coloring (especially catchup!). Tea w/out sugar is also a counter-hyperness drink. Stevia is a good sugar alternate.

That being said, it sounds like you have a 'social butterfly'. I had 2. Both are highly intelligent, so they didn't have to really study, so they were free to flit around.

I would read everything I could lay my hands on before I put any child of mine on any type of 'calming' medication. Poor Jacob tells me he is like a zombie, doesn't have any energy and feels out of it. His mother is a nurse, so I know she is watching him as carefully as she can, but in his case, he NEEDS it. I hope sometime in the future they will come up with another med that will replace the Strattera. But you, sweetie, have an advantage over her, and that is that you have the Great Physician in your corner. Have a little talk with Jesus. Ask Him what to do with your little one. You know my past, know the meds I was on, and it made me nuts and a zombie, at the same time. I have been med-free for over a year, and although sometimes the pain is hard to bear, I can at least think and reason again.

Pray and listen for the answer. I know God has a plan here.

God bless, honey

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