my daughter was molested by my husband(her stepfather)

Pat - posted on 10/23/2010 ( 44 moms have responded )

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Oh, i need the prayers and wisdom of Godly women. My daughter told me thursday night my husband had molested her 3 yrs ago. (she woke up and his had was down there). as far as she remembers, it was one time. there was other inappropriate stuff like back rubs with skin contact..but she asked him to stop cuz it made her uncomfortable, and he did. I packed his stuff and told him he needed to leave while i think. i know in my head the right and best thing to do is divorce him (we have a 3 yr old and 20 mnth old together) to protect everyone even though it is not ongoing. He is begging forgivness, wants to keep the family together... i cant imagine life without him and i feel sick that i care more about my loss and the babies not having a daddy than standing by my daughter. I will do whats right by her, but need prayer and support to get the courage to ask husband to stay gone. he thinks that through lots of prayer we can work this all out.... i have a friend who is mandated to report him if i dont, so i dont think i have choice. AM I JUST SICK FOR EVEN WANTING HIM AROUND??? i am trying to be mad that he betrayed me and her and all im crying over is a future without him....please i need godly angry righteousness prayed my way...thanks ladies...

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Angela - posted on 08/10/2012

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For everyone that is posting to this thread without reading other posts ..... This happened a couple of years ago! Pat has moved on and this man is out of their lives. He only got a short jail sentence and through various legal loopholes he is NOT on Megan's List.

Pat has protected her children. She did get the godly righteous anger she prayed for. She is moving onwards and upwards. Many times it's hard and there are problems and issues to overcome. She knows she did the right thing. None of this was Pat's fault nor was it her daughter's fault. This man smashed their family life to smithereens by his abusive behaviour towards his stepchild.

Every molester and abuser that hurts a child and destroys a family should take a long, hard look at what they have done and be on their knees for forgiveness to the Lord. They should also recognise and admit to all the pain and suffering of every individual they have affected and isolate themselves so they can't do this to anyone else.

Threenorns - posted on 08/08/2012

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your reaction is *absolutely normal*. it's not that you "want him around" or that you're "crying over a future without him" or even that you're worried about your kids not having a father. what it is is that you desperately want none of this to have happened. but it did - and it wasn't you, or your daughter: HE ruined the family. HE broke the family when he broke the most sacred trust that can be given to a man. i know it's lady gaga, but it doesn't make it less true: "trust is like a mirror: you can fix it, but you'll always see the cracks in your reflection". nothing will ever be the same and your priority is to god first (HE broke the wedding vows he took before the altar), your children second (HE broke the trust placed in him as a father), and him last. he's a grown man - he has resources to help him fix himself. your children NEED your guidance and your example and trust me: the last thing your teenaged daughter needs to learn is that if a man is "inappropriate", it doesn't mean much in the grand scheme because guess who'll be knocking on your door, crying, at 2am in about 10yrs?

Pat - posted on 08/03/2012

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i am THAT woman. yep. pretty twisted. but regardless of my emotions and confusion, i did the right thing. when someone is emotionally abused for years,and so many other things you have no idea i went through, when all of a sudden you find your husband is a pervert, your daughter has been scarred in ways that only God knows, when you will have two babies growing up without their fathers, when your whole world is changed permanently... yea, it leaves you a bit confused and scared. it took me months before i understood that what he did. it will be 2 years in october that my daughter told me what he did. it took a few weeks, but he was reported, did jail time...my divorce is pending. i did what i needed to. i am for the most part doing ok, but there are areas in my life that just wont be the same. wont date, dont trust anyone. no babysitters except family, dont trust anyone. i can see now how anyone who doesnt know what i have been through and through since the original post might think im twisted, but emotions dont just turn off with a switch, it takes a while. dont be so quick to judge, even if you or someone you know went through the same thing, you just dont know me. maybe read through the rest of the posts and you will see i did the right things... and angela, thank you for having my back..

Angela - posted on 08/03/2012

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This was nearly 2 years ago Jennifer. Pat is NOT twisted. Her husband is now in jail and is no longer part of her life. She does her best by her 3 daughters. She turned to this community in need and sorrow after this dreadful thing had happened to her daughter, to her family. Her heart was in turmoil and she wanted to protect her children - ALL of them - but at the time she was also mourning the death of her marriage and was honest enough to admit it.

Pat is a good woman, valued by the others at Christian Moms & Christian Mommies.

She's not twisted or disgusting.

Moderators, please close this thread. Thank you.

Tracy - posted on 11/17/2010

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Honey, like Betty, I've been there. My father and several of my mom's boyfriends were pedofiles. Forgiveness is important, but forgetting will not work. You have to protect your children. It has to be reported.

I do have a suggestion for a book, it's about getting past the abuse and other things. It's called Intimate Issues; 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex by Dillow & Pintus. While you may not be ready for it now, I do want you to keep this book in mind, because it helped me decades later and even after I was married.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

44 Comments

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Carla - posted on 08/10/2012

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Pat, sweetie, time to close this one out. Click the options tab above your name, then click close thread.

Remember how proud we are of you!

Tracie - posted on 08/09/2012

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Can't help you with the "godly angry righteousness' (whatever that is) but I can help you use your intellect and reason to make the right choice for yourself and your daughter.

The first thing you did right was believe your daughter. The second thing you did right was ask the molester to leave. Now you have a chance to do a third thing right, call the police and have him put in jail where he belongs. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your marriage is over. He killed it. He is a sick pedophile and cannot have access to children ever again. No one ever molests only once.

I know you don't want to hear this, but I'd bet my last dollar he is molesting your other children, too. They're just too young to tell you about it yet. Do not let him back in your house - ever.

None of this is your fault. You loved and trusted him and he betrayed you. That's HIS fault, no one else's. Simply divorcing him will give him the opportunity to marry again and have free access to more children. Please don't give him that opportunity. He needs to go to jail for what he did and have a record as a molester so that any other woman he meets in his life has fair warning about who he is and how he gets his jollies.

I am so very sorry he did this to you and your precious little girl. You didn't deserve this. You have shown your daughter that she is your priority. That's great! See this through to the end for her sake, and the sakes of all the children this man has yet to meet. You are in a position to help them all.

Best of luck to you.

Delta - posted on 08/08/2012

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Stay strong, you dont need someone like that in your life or your children's life. I am a survivor of abuse and my mother didnt protect stand by me or my sister. You can do it.

Julie - posted on 08/08/2012

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You are not sick for wanting him around, you love the man you THOUGHT he was. Now you know he is NOT that MAN. God give you strength to stay strong in protecting your child, and blessings to you in the future for making that tough choice and right stand.
It is up to the women like you to help stop the men like him from doing this sort of thing, and continuing to get away with it. He is sorry he got caught! That is what you must remind yourself.

Louisa - posted on 08/08/2012

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Kick him out and don't look back!!!! Seen this happen to my cousin - it destroyed her life, she was molested by her father AND her brother and her mother turned a blind eye!!

Trish - posted on 08/07/2012

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I respect that you were honest and that in the end through all of your selfish emotions you did what was right. Thank God. You are amazing. You're daughter, though she went through something no child should ever have to endure is very lucky to have you as her mother.

Jennifer - posted on 08/07/2012

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I understand that you love him but he is sick and you need to put your daughter over him it's hard but you must be strong and leave him its better to not have him around your kids even his because he is a threat and remember hes not the same guy you thought he was he is sick and shouldnt be exposed to your babies please put your children over him never put a man over your babies they need you more than he needs you! He is hurting your daughter and she can only look to you for help please don't turn your back on her... be strong.

Carla - posted on 08/04/2012

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Thank you also, Angela! Pat has been to hell and back, Jennifer, and as Pat said, until you have been in this situation, you have NO idea what it's like! In addition to going through this with Pat, I held my sister-in-law for years as she cried, screamed, ranted, but stayed with my brother. A child was produced from this relationship (although we don't TRULY know WHICH of my brothers is the father, since her step-father (brother) and uncle (younger brother) both abused her)--but think of looking at your first grandchild and seeing your husband on top of your daughter.



Pat, as the author of this thread, you can close it yourself. At the top of the thread, by your name, click options. You have come sooooo far from that frightened, wounded woman, and I am sooooo proud of you!

Jennifer - posted on 08/03/2012

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Wow can't even imagine any mother ever thinking as twisted as this woman, wow it's disgusting

CORRINE - posted on 12/20/2010

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Please be strong, I have been through the same thing. My daughter was just six when her father professed christian) committed incest on her but I didn't know until many years later when she was 10. A teenage daughter from previous marriage told me of his sexual abuse towards her not long after he would have abused younger daughter, I went to police but was just her word against him. We did separate but the feelings of betrayal, being rejected, anger, not wanting to accept it to be true etc. causes so much turmoil in your life. Especially being a christian because you wonder how it could have all happened. Of cause my husband denigned the accusations but after really trusting God through lots of prayer and support from other christians I managed to escape from my husbands manipulation. I moved the family far away from him and my younger daughter then 4 years later found enough courage to tell me. Immediately I went to the police and he ended up being jailed for just 6 years. My daughter has to live with it for the rest of her life. Even when you think your daughter is fine please keep up the counsilling especially when they are teenagers. It has caused my daughter a lot of grief in her life. Don't ever say to God why cause it wasn't God it is man's sin that does this and God has given each one a free will. God never forces Himself on anyone. It has been a long road which we are still having to deal with. DO NOT TAKE YOUR HUSBAND BACK AS MUCH AS IT HURTS BECAUSE HE WILL DO IT AGAIN. I have read of christian men having a problem with molesting children and they have said no matter what they do to get right they never can. Will certainly be uplifting you in prayer. One verse I held on to throughout the years is Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all thine (your) heart; and lean not unto thine (your) own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he will direct thy paths. No you aren't sick for wanting him around. Your whole world has been turned upside down. Please let me know how you are going and if you ever want to talk. It all helps and especially when others understand what you are going through.

Carla - posted on 12/03/2010

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Thanks, darling, for the update. You have been heavy on my heart, so am continuing praying for strength and healing. Don't forget what we talked about, honey. Be strong and of good courage. God is with you!

Dawn - posted on 12/02/2010

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You've done the right thing...as hard as it is...and as numb as you feel...you did the right thing...just keep praying and lean on your church family if at all possible...if not, let me know and I can find a good church in your area that will support you in this.

God bless you.

Pat - posted on 12/02/2010

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OK, did it, the police came out and took a report. child protective services will b here within 5 business days. jail will depend on dist attrny police man said that if we express that we dont want him in jail that he might be able to do probation and counseling and register...will leave that worry for another day. the hardest part is done(for now) Thanks ladies so so much for your support. Please keep us in prayer this journey is just starting. My Lord can heal us and i sure need His guidance and strength!

Carla - posted on 12/02/2010

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Pat, haven't heard from you, please let us know how you are doing. Still praying. God bless

Dawn - posted on 12/02/2010

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I want to tell you...you are making the right moves now, from your last post...first it needs to be reported to the police, then they will contact social services...usually, if he is out of the house, they wont take your kids...that is the first thing they would do is remove him from the home.

I know it is hard, but you can't make her have to live with him again. No matter how you feel about it. This is not about you...it is about her. You can't make her suffer like that...if you do, you will loose her when she is grown. I can almost promise you that. You, as the mother, have to protect her and if you fail, she will have a hard time forgiving you. If you stand up to this challenge in your life, you will get through it...if you allow your emotions to guide you, you will make bad mistakes and fail. And failure will cost you more than you will want to pay.

My children have a step-father, if he ever laid a hand on them in an inappropriate manner, he would be gone, no questions asked...no chance for redemption from me or my kids...forgiveness yes, but not redeemed to our home and his status as husband and father figure in their lives. My kids come first...it is my job to protect them. You may not have been able to stop it from happening, but you have the ball in your court to keep him away from your kids and save other children from the same fate. I pray God guide you through this and keep your daughter, she has a battle to overcome in this life...that unless you have been through it, you can't really understand it.

Gail - posted on 11/19/2010

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You definitely need a support system to help you through this. I can't imagine what you are going through. I'd speak to a professional Christian counselor on your own, without your husband first.
It might be wise to cut off all communication from your husband for awhile just to get your head clear.

I know your husband is begging forgiveness but what you must understand is that pedophiles are also chronic and master liars. They often pray on single or divorced moms so they can get to their children. At this point you can't trust anything he says, or anything you feel.

Remember you are precious and beautiful in God's eyes. Use this time to draw closer to Him. You don't need the attention of a man to feel special or loved. You can be complete in God's love alone.

Carla - posted on 11/19/2010

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Yes, Pat, social services does not mess around in that situation. He needs help, this might force him to do it.

God bless

Pat - posted on 11/18/2010

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unfortunately(well actually i guess its better), he did admit it and she was around 9, so no, nothing to do with diapers or anything innocent. he has called himself a pedophile and i found out the other day he has stuff going on with him when he was little.. i will report him, not out of humiliation but to protect anyone from this in the future, and moreso, so i dont lose my little ones when this all comes out sooner or later(she feels need to tell her older half sister) and they will defintely want him jailed. ive heard from pastors and counselors that if we get the wrong social worker, they might take the little ones if they find out about this and it wasnt reported...take kids now, ask questions later....

AnnaMarie - posted on 11/18/2010

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I agree that you should protect your children. They are too young to do it themselves and God gave the responsibility to raise them to you. I chose to leave my husband because of his sexual sins. I wanted to protect the kids.

But it has not been easy. I have been single for 15 years. I would often cry out to God and ask why. I found that the times I got depressed the most was when I was ovulating because that is when our hormones make us want a man. That knowledge helped me get through the tough times because I knew it would only last for a couple of days.

Satan has stolen your husband. Pray that God will restore to you a man 7 times better than what you have lost. It works. After 15 years of being single God has restored to me a man 100 times greater than what I lost. Wait on God no matter how hard it gets and you will be so glad you did.

Jennifer - posted on 11/17/2010

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Did he admit it? You are sure that he intentionally did it? How old was she? Is she okay? If it was just once, I have to wonder if it was intentional. Maybe he massaged her back to be nice. I massage my son all the time- in an appropriate way. They say it's good for them. What was the reason for him having his hand there? Was it done in his sleep, did he do it on purpose, or was he checking her diaper. I'm sorry for all the questions- it's hard to give advice without knowing the situation full out. I will pray for you and I ask God to send His love, wisdom, and strength your way and for him to heal your beautiful child that He created and loves. I'm sure God loves you husband too. And, I will not tell you what to do- only to know the full story on both sides and talking to a Pastor and praying and fasting if needed before making a huge decision. That's creepy, sad, and emotional. I was molested by a boy my age when I was in elementary school- it's embarrassing and I'm sure very hard for her to tell you. Let her know you understand her and gently listen- don't say too much for it's a sensitive subject. Make sure she isn't forced to do anything she's not comfortable with- counseling, talking, sleep overs, etc. Also, it's not wrong of you to still love him or not to stay mad. "Love covers over a multitude of sins." And, I believe God wants your family to work this out quietly and respectfully- keeping your daughter and husband in a respected circle. - Not putting it out for the public to humiliate them. Let him live out of the house as long as needed for your daughter and you- and you don't have to stop loving him or seeing him. God loves us still no matter what we do and we are to be like him. So, still love him- just make sure your daughter is taken care of and safe. I'm praying with strength and love. Amen.

Abigail - posted on 11/16/2010

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I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. My daughter was molested by my sister's husband last year (she was 6), and he is now in jail. My sister is going through the "I love him and want him with me/I hate him for what he did and am so mad at him," and has two little ones herself who are now without a father because he is in jail. Something definitely needs to be done, and counseling is a definite. After a year since the incident my sister is finally getting herself into counseling to deal with all her feelings.

I really hope he does turn himself in, but if he doesn't it needs to be done. For your sake, for your daughter's sake, and for the rest of your family. I will keep you in my prayers and pray that God shows you the right door to walk through in all of this.

Kelly - posted on 11/16/2010

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I ache as I read these post. God is so good to use and I know He will help you through. You need to think with your head and leave your heart out of it when it comes to your husband. My best friend went through so much with her father at a young age. Keep him away from your daughter!!
You are only human and that doesn't make you a bad person. Remember, you were created in God's image. You will find someone who will love you for who you are. One thing at a time and the first should be your daughter!! You can do it and if you can't LET GO AND LET GOD!!
You will be in my prayers as will your daughter

Pat - posted on 11/07/2010

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thanks ladies please continue in prayer for us...ive been asking God to confirm if im doing this the right way..the christian counselor we had scheduled today cancelled on us. so although i know we need to report and move forward, im thinking either not this week or a different person...guess God is gonna have to show me that too! Please keep us in prayer. my husband will most likely turn himself in this week. Ive asked him to take this burden of me and my daughter. so if you can pray for courage for him and wisdom and healing for me and my girls..very much appreciated

Alisha - posted on 11/06/2010

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I also wouldn't allow him alone with the children, but I'm not sure what to do about when they and you are sleeping. This is so sad!

Alisha - posted on 11/06/2010

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I will pray for you and your family. That is an extremely difficult situation and no I dont' think you're sick for wanting him around. You must be greiving so much so allow yourself to greive over the destruction of you family. I think you can all heal from this with Christ at the center of your lives.

Pamela - posted on 10/30/2010

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Is there anyone in your church you can talk to and get support from (who won't gossip)? I agree with the other ladies here: protect your kids at all costs - keep him away from the kids and legally, you do need to report him. He's not incurable - but only God can set him free. I would not allow him around the kids. This is the consequence of his sin - and a very serious sin this is. There is of course forgiveness - Paul called himself the foremost of all sinners and even he found grace. So your husband can find and experience that grace and forgiveness but this is a road he'll be taking without you and your children.



Jesus himself said that anyone who turns a child from him, better a rock be hung around their neck and cast into the sea...This kind of sin can really have spiritual consequences for kids. Your daughter needs your attention, love, acceptance and assurance that you don't blame her. I'm praying that God will give you an abundant amount of his wisdom and grace as you walk through this with your daughter. Is there a youth pastor she could talk to? Someone she is comfortable with and trusts - though keep in mind that her trust has been severely compromised. I'm praying for her - that God will heal the rift, the fracturing that has occurred within her. I pray that he will teach her how to forgive this man who was an authority over her and undoubtedly someone she loved and trusted.



I also pray that you as well will be able to walk the path of forgiveness for the deep betrayal that has been dealt to you. And most of all, I pray that God pours out his comfort and peace over your family, protecting you all from the wiles of the enemy. May God's love bring his healing to all of you.



I'm so sorry this has happened to your family. I hold you in my prayers.

Betty - posted on 10/27/2010

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Pat,
I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your family. I was sexually abused as a child. I will tell you that once this happens to a child their innocence has been distroyed. I don't agree with the others though I wouldn't push to hard for therapy. Find some she is comfortable talking to. If she doesn't want to talk go easy. She will when she is ready. It sounds like to me that you need someone to talk with. Where is your support system? You will be able to help her once you have your own feeling under control.
I agree with the others. DO NOT allow him anywhere near you or your children. REPORT the abuse now. I'm not sure how the laws work where you are, but you could be in danger of loosing your own children if he tries something with someone elses child and gets reported and you knew about him and didn't report it. Hold onto yourself and your children. He is a pedophile. Pedophile's aren't cured. They just move on to other children even if he never touches your daughter again, He will go after someone elses. He will cry and promise to never do it again, but he will. My step-father cry promised too. It didn't stop him. Protect your daughter and all the others that he will come in contact with.
I pray that you will do the right thing. I will pray for you and your daughters healing. I will also pray that God will send you the support system you need.

Carla - posted on 10/26/2010

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Yes, Pat, you do need counselling. This is the most horrific event you will ever have to endure.

Father, I pray in the Name of Jesus, that right now, wherever Pat is, whatever she is doing, that You would touch her! Calm that spirit that is grabbing at straws--give her clarity of mind and peace of heart to realize that SHE can't fix this, HE can't fix this. Only God is going to be able to heal her daughter and her. Satan, I rebuke you! Take your hands off this daughter of God! Take your confusion and delusion and go back to the pits of hell! Holy Spirit, wrap her tight! Let wisdom cover her like a blanket, and peace dwell in her heart.

Pat, you are driving yourself nuts! Darling, this is black and white, evil and good. Your poor daughter is crying out to you for security and protection. DO NOT let her down! You are standing on a precipice that, if you step off, will not only kill you, but your children as well. Talk to your pastor today! Have him get you in touch with some Godly women that can hold you up and hold you accountable. We can't do that here, due to distance. We can pray for you, comfort you, encourage you, advise you, but you NEED people close to hold you up in this time of crisis.

God bless, darling, be strong

Cheryl - posted on 10/25/2010

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Press charges get him out of there, get counciling for your familyN he divorced byou the moment he laid a hand on her. He's done, he's out of there, forgive him but don't ever take him back.

Pat - posted on 10/25/2010

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i am sick in the head. my daughter had a meltdown last night, afraid i'd let him back home.. i messaged him to say its over. here i am today living in my fantasy world that daughter will forgive him, and my toddlers will have their daddy back and all is a happy ending. i was so angry last night and then today, back to the fantasy stuff...he even wants me to come outside when daughter is asleep so he can see me. i at first said wednesday when shes at church, then said not a good idea...she doesnt want to see a counselor, but i told her she has to soon, if not this week then next, or at the very least a pastor for now, but i know im not objective enough to do much good for now... is my not accepting all this normal?? i get mad at him for all this, then back to my happy ending..i need counsel too.

Ashley - posted on 10/25/2010

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How old is ur daughter? The main thing that he needs to do is go counseling to find out why he did what he did. Yes, u need to report it for the simple fact to protect your daughter. I understand that you love ur husband, but ur children's welfare need to come first. If my husband even touchs one of my children in any inapproprate way he would be out the door in a flash. My children look to me for safety and support.

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as youth pastors the most important thing is that your daughter knows that what has happened to her isn't her fault. She is going to need your reassurance and she will need to feel protected and know that you love her. I'll be praying for you and for the road ahead for you and your family. That God would give you the wisdom you need and that He would place those people in your path that will guide you and give you Godly council.

Carla - posted on 10/25/2010

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Pat, you've been on my heart and mind, and I am praying for you. This topic is VERY close to my heart. It doesn't matter what you look like, how old you are--IF you do the right thing, God will honor you, and bring you a CHRISTIAN husband. Make sure this time. Don't settle. You are a child of God, He will be your husband until the right one comes along. He will be your shelter and your provider. You are looking for someone to complete you, someone that fills in the gaps. Only someone who's center is Jesus is going to be able to do that. Remember that, please!

God bless, honey

Carla - posted on 10/24/2010

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I understand your feelings, Pat. I KNOW how hard this is.

Father, hold Pat tight! Give her Holy Spirit wisdom in dealing with this, both for her sake and her daughter's. Give her courage when she wants to give in. Give her faith to know her child will be healed. Give her hope that if You are in control of her life, it will get better. Send her strong supporters and comforters. In Jesus' Name, amen.

God bless and keep you, honey

Pat - posted on 10/24/2010

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thank u ladies. ive been trying to rationalize it by ''oh its a long time ago, nothing else happened, it wasnt that serious(ok if he had his hand down any other womans pants inthe least bit i'd be furious)...he has repented, begging forgiveness, we can fix this if god leads us..he wouldnt do it to his own children, this is his stepdaughter....u name it... i know i need to end it, i cant expect my daughter to live in a home with him and worry if it might happen again, or i cant watch him like a hawk with our babies. what kind of 'family life' is that? my head knows to keep him out, my heart isnt getting the message quite yet....thanks so much for your prayers..PLEASE keep them coming, i need strength to just end it... if any of my friends told me this story id go off in a second that they need to divorce and press charges, so why on earth am i even hesitating..am i that sick in the head and desperate to keep a man in my life? i am very overweight, 41 and been divorced already. and am the most selfish woman ive ever known. my daughter had been hurt and im thinking of myself...God help me... thanks for letting me vent ladies.

Carla - posted on 10/24/2010

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Unfortunately, Sarah, most pedophiles are incurable. There is something so heinous about this spirit that unless he TRULY wants deliverance, and you find a person well-equipped with the Holy Spirit, fasting and prayer, he will remain this way. I was devastated with my brother. I had raised him like a mother (our mother was there, but I raised the 4 other children 50% of the time). He was angry with his wife, his family--he had done nothing wrong! My brothers were all very handsome, and felt wherever they decided to get sex, it was their right. My brother is now living in another state, and has withdrawn himself from us. The fact that he is probably out there doing it again to some little girl fills me with horror.

This is a situation that is going to take a great deal of time to recover from. My ex sil calls me every now and then, and remember, it's been over 25 years since her grandchild/step-child was born, she is still grieving. Her feelings are so mixed every time she looks at him that she is physically ill.

I pray for all the women that have had this happen. I pray God comfort and show them they are not to blame.

God bless, my angels, I pray God's protection over you all.

Sarah - posted on 10/23/2010

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i've never been in this type of situation but i remember a difficult time in my marriage. my husband and i had a horrible fight and he did some very aggresive things in front of my children that i considered threatening. i even ended up calling the cops. i cried and cried for days because i didnt want to endanger my children but i couldnt fathom loosing my husband and love...the difference here is the situation was correctable, we attended counseling as a family and all is well. as a mother its your position to advocate for your children when no one else is, these women have shared stories with you that show you these types of illnesses are not curable. and although i'm sure you can not imagine imprisoning your husband i would suggest going to the police dept to talk to someone. maybe they can better assist you in the process...i dont know how the legal system works in these types of scenarios but i'd imagine there will be an advocate there that can get help for your daughter and yourself and do something about your husbands behavior. i'll be praying

Carla - posted on 10/23/2010

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Sweetheart, I am gonna talk to you very frankly. If you ask the other ladies on here, I NEVER advocate divorce--however, in this instance, I PUSH for it. I have watched my brother, who got his step-daughter pregnant at 14, then another step-daughter 20 years later, my pseudo-daughter's father trying to have sex with anything under 12, a step-uncle who does the same thing, even to his grandbabies, a board member at our church, and there is ONE thing they all have in common--they DON'T STOP! They leave in their wake wounds that go clear to the bone, that 25 years later are still open and oozing.

I understand you are losing a husband, so you feel, but this type of man is not anyone's husband, he is just out for himself. Your Godly anger is what is going to carry you through this; you just can't let go! They will cry crocodile tears and beg you to let them stay. My further advice is to call the police on him. These guys are almost NEVER prosecuted, so they will go on to the next and the next and the next little girl. And further, if, after you know what he has done, if he does it to another little girl, it will be on your conscience!

My heart aches for you, honey, but now that you know what is happening, I strongly suggest you get your daughter into Christian counselling and wipe the dust of his existence off your shoes and walk on.

Father, I bring Pat and her daughter to you. They have been violated in the worst possible way. I pray first for the daughter, that You wrap her in the Comforter, and bring someone into her life that can help her understand what has happened, and to realize she did nothing wrong, it is not her fault. I pray You make her realize that all men are not like this, but impress on her the seriousness of praying for a Godly mate and not settling. She is not dirty, she is not a second-class citizen, she has been the victim of sick sin. I pray for Pat, that You make her realize what her responsibility in this is; she turns him in to the police and let the law deal with him. I pray You wipe him out of her mind and REMOVE the guilt she is feeling. Let her concentrate on the healing of her child and herself. I pray, lastly, for this husband, who has violated his wife's trust, his innocent step-daughter's love and lightly sweeps his sin under the carpet, saying 'let me stay, I'm sorry.' Talk to him, and make him TRULY sorry; however, Pat is to guard her family against any further contact with him. We pray for his salvation, but at a distance, never again up close. In Jesus' Name, amen

Pat, darling, I have never been so bold in any advice I have given. My sin in knowing these men is that I didn't turn them in. I am just realizing what a disservice we do to the community in not doing everything we can to lock them away from society.

God bless, honey, I am praying for you. If you wish to message me, I am here.

Betty - posted on 10/23/2010

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I have been in the place of your daughter and while I feel forgiving is needed who's to say it won't happen again . He has a sickness that needs serious help , you would be doing an injustice by not separating your family from him. My mother chose to ignore it and myself and 3 sisters have all had theropy for it. I have forgiven both of my parents but don't know how anyone could keep there children in this type of danger.

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