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my kids acting ungreatful. How do I not be hurt from them?

Becky - posted on 06/18/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

Ok have 3 kids right now that are don't want to work and are angry that me and my husband are not giving them everything they want.. They want us to just be there for them when they want us and then just sit and not say a word otherwise. We have been cussed at and told we don't deserve respect. So how do I not be hurt over this and what do we do now?

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Shauna - posted on 07/15/2011

My kids suck sometimes too. Unfortunately your not the only one suffering from ungrateful kids. LOL! Kids are real SPECIAL!!!! Require them all to work. It was so hard for me, but the best thing that ever happened.

Angela - posted on 07/10/2011

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They behave like this because they probably have friends who seem to have "more". Those friends probably WORK for more - or maybe they have wealthier parents, or maybe they just have slack parents who have never said no to them in their lives.

Do what Carla said. They're old enough now to be the captains of their own ships!

Carla - posted on 06/19/2011

3,795

Okay, sweetheart, I'm going to be a little brutal here, but please understand this comes from raising 3 bio as well as countless other strays---

At 18, 19 and 20 their butts should be out working! When our children were in school, life was very tight. We provided the BASICS, but if they wanted extras, they knew they had to go out and earn it. The girls were babysitting or working at the local grocery store bagging groceries, our son worked at a pizza place nights and weekends. Once, however, they graduated, IF they wanted to live with us, it was fine with us, but we would not provide anything other than food and shelter. We never paid their car payments, insurance, going out money, etc. Now we DID buy them car parts for their birthdays/Christmas--one year our oldest daughter and son had an old Olds they shared, and we bought them a muffler system. Try to wrap that!

Now, fast forward to present day. One of our non-bio children's teen son started acting out, wouldn't do school work, back-talked, not appreciative, etc. So Ang told him all she had to supply for him was food, shelter and a set of clothes, and she cleaned house! His computer, Playstation, iPod, bed, DOOR to his room were taken away. He had one set of clothes, and it was up to him to keep them clean. Does this sound harsh? Well, after a little while of pouting (weeks!) Jacob decided he would treat his mother with respect.

It is our responsibility to TEACH our children not to cuss us, and to give them good work ethics and to be kind and considerate to ALL people, not just those that bend to their wishes.

One set of parents who were going through this took their ungrateful kids to the homeless shelter and showed them the children who would be thrilled to have a HOUSE to live in, much less all the frills that our kids so take for granted.

Being hurt by this is natural, but do NOT feel guilty by what they say. I think you and hubby need to sit down and decide what you are going to do about this. Is this the way you want to live the rest of your life, being run by your kids? Or do you do the hard job of parenting, tough love, if you will? Both of you pray, ask God HOW to carry this out, then call a family meeting. They are NOT going to be happy, take that to the bank, but ultimately they will respect you for caring enough for them to MAKE them change!

Finally, God bless you and hubby. Parenting isn't easy, but with God's help, you CAN get through this!